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Original poster

Is this an acceptable thing for OH to do?

83 replies

wookneecorn · 09/08/2021 18:58

DSD is 11 and young for her age. She gave her password away and was 'hacked'. Here is a link to that thread for the details www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4314789-DSD-hacked-on-moviestarplanet

Friends of mine have children who were 'hacked' the same way and didn't have the reciepts anymore. When they used contact us they couldn't get their accounts back, the staff were difficult, for example sending scripted responses. So I decided not to bother.

I told DSD to perhaps find another game, but MovieStarPlanet is really important to her and she was admant that nothing else interests her as much.

She'd lost all her in-game currency from the previous round of VIP (the game's membership) she'd had, as well as all her items that she'd bought etc, just all the perks on her account from having previously been VIP belong to the 'hacker' now and she's had to start over on a new account with nothing.

DSD was pestering us for VIP on a new account, promising that she wouldn't give her password out again. Which we believed, we thought she would have learned her lesson after losing something so important to her. Yesterday partner and I decided to get her a years VIP on a new account. It cost £65 and we payed half each. I payed my half into OH's bank account (and as it's relevant, we're not married) and he entered his details. A reciept was sent to his email which I don't have access to.

DSD has been 'hacked' today by giving her password away again. She was honest with us this time. She said she had contacted a friend she had on her old account who she'd been talking to for several months, and that the friend had offered to give DSD account a 'makeover'. The 'friend' changed DSD's password and has taken over the account.

She trusted someone she considered to be a friend. Even though I had spoken to her previously about not trusting 'friends' on the internet, I can see why she did. Now that she has had such an experience with a 'friend' online, I wanted to forgive her and get her access back to the account.

However, OH doesn't want to give DSD access. He thinks that by not giving DSD access, she is more likely to learn her lesson, and not expect us to pay for VIP on new accounts in future.

OP posts:
LidlMiddleLover · 09/08/2021 20:32

No she hasn’t been hacked as she gave them her password Life lesson for her as she was tricked but no, I would not rush out to give it her back she needs to learn as its the second time

toocold54 · 09/08/2021 20:36

I am with OH too and I agree she needs to be protected from herself.

I would give her say a week or 2 ban and then she can go on it for an hour in the evenings whilst you are watching who she’s talking to.
I don’t know about this game in particular but I know ones similar where they can chat to other people and that’s how they get hacked.

toocold54 · 09/08/2021 20:37

I’d also talk to her about giving personal details like passwords and name and address etc out to ‘friends’ online.

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11 year olds Families General parenting
Original poster
wookneecorn · 09/08/2021 20:42

Yes she does have additional needs. She has had talks on online safety before. She knows what's right and what's wrong and has chosen to go against it.

I didn't want to violate DSD's privacy. As a child, my mother would do this. But you were right to wonder if other things have been going on too. As her safety is priority, OH has reset the password and DSD has been watching OH as he goes through her account. The, thief, should we call them, has used up all of DSD's in-game currency. We've lost value of the £65, not so important. So far, OH has found that DSD has been internet dating on the game, engaging in conversations with people that have suggestive names, and adding them onto snapchat Sad They got past the chat filter by writing random letters or sending individual messages containing sections of the word

If we had not looked, we wouldn't have known. And I thought I knew best Blush We will look through her other online accounts.

OP posts:
Apeirogon · 09/08/2021 20:46

Oh OP Sad

This is hard for you but thank god you found out before things got worse.

toocold54 · 09/08/2021 20:47

Luckily she did get hacked else you wouldn’t know!

Remember these are usually adults who know exactly what the parents will say to their children and find a way around it to make it seem like they’re not breaking the rules or going against what you say.

Because your account is linked to it most of them are just in it for financial gain but obviously there are some who are there to talk to children for other reasons.

With my DD I just have all of her passwords and tell her I check them often and I’ll do spot checks. I’m not very good at keeping tabs on her to be honest but if she thinks I’ll randomly check every now and then, then she is less likely to be doing something she shouldn’t be.

Rogue1001 · 09/08/2021 20:51

She's got Snapchat?????

toocold54 · 09/08/2021 20:51

I also completely understand about the privacy thing as well as my mum gave me no privacy either but when it’s strangers online I think it’s always better to be safe than sorry as once they’re exposed to certain things there’s no going back!

I would just get her to play it in the same room as you if possible and make it obvious that you are walking past and looking every now and then but don’t stare at it constantly. Which may be a good compromise?
If she loves it that much just the threat of anything inappropriate you’ll be banned forever might actually stick!

Gingernaut · 09/08/2021 20:53

Does she have any kind of special needs?

How is she so gullible?

Potatoy · 09/08/2021 20:53

She is 11. How on earth has she been able to get Snapchat?! Why hasn't her parent been looking at her Internet usage.

ElvisPresleyHadABaby · 09/08/2021 20:55

Hopefully this is the wake up call you need RE her internet use. I would take her offline for the foreseeable, no good can come of it.

Zarene · 09/08/2021 21:01

Good god. 'If we had not looked, we wouldn't have known' - yes, that's precisely why you need to look.

She's 11 fgs - if you are not preventing her from 'dating' online, you are seriously neglecting her.

user16395699 · 09/08/2021 21:05

She is not capable of keeping herself safe online, therefore she should not be online.

You wouldn't give an 11 year old child the 'privacy' to invite random strangers off the street into her bedroom, so you don't leave her to talk to random people online.

As a pp said, it is neglect to leave her exposed to this much risk.

user16395699 · 09/08/2021 21:06

Giving her password away isn't 'hacking' - she is just giving away access to her account. Calling it 'hacking' essentially takes the responsibility off her shoulders, when actually that responsibility belongs to her.

It is entirely her fault and one of many reasons she should not be online.

Regularsizedrudy · 09/08/2021 21:11

Why they fuck have you allowed an 11 year old who is young for their age unlimited access the the internet?!

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 09/08/2021 21:18

@Potatoy

She is 11. How on earth has she been able to get Snapchat?! Why hasn't her parent been looking at her Internet usage.
My friends DD has Snapchat and is 7
Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 09/08/2021 21:19

And no I don't agree with it. I am just happy to know I'm not the only one who thinks it's bizarre.

EL8888 · 09/08/2021 21:20

He’s right. She sounds like a liability and can’t be trusted unfortunately. Ultimately she needs to learn

nimbuscloud · 09/08/2021 21:38

If we had not looked, we wouldn't have known. And I thought I knew best. We will look through her other online accounts.

Check if she has sent or received photos.

Flowers500 · 09/08/2021 21:40

Jesus Christ that poor child clearly needs some SERIOUS parenting and supervision before she’s sexually abused. So she’s snap chatting random men from the internet?!?

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 09/08/2021 21:58

Snapchat is particularly risky as you can set it to auto delete content. So you might not be able to be sure exactly what she's exchanged. It's 13+ anyway. I would tell her Snapchat is now out of bounds full stop, and any other messaging she does will be checked by you regularly and has to be available to you whenever you ask to look. She will need some heavy duty supervision and control on her internet use.

knittingaddict · 09/08/2021 22:03

My grandson is 7 and I can't even imagine a child of that age having snapchat or any access to the internet. There;'s really no need at that age.

OaxacaChihuahua · 09/08/2021 22:04

She’s clearly too young / immature to handle this. It’s not about forgiveness, it’s about protecting her from herself. She could get in real trouble being this trusting.

You need to restrict her access and really help her understand internet safety. Once she’s proved herself capable of being safe online you can think about giving her back access.

SingingInTheShithouse · 09/08/2021 22:28

If we had not looked, we wouldn't have known. And I thought I knew best We will look through her other online accounts.

OP it's hard balancing putting things right from your own childhood, not carrying that forward to your own DCs & actually parenting our kids effectively.

You've had a shock because you trusted your DD, I understand that when I have one with ASD too, they are so honest... until they are not & then it comes as a big shock & they are very vulnerable too.

Try not to be so hard on yourself, this is a big lesson for you all & worth the £65 to see what she's really up to so you can keep her safe from now on

Good luck

RiaOverTheRainbow · 09/08/2021 23:10

11 year olds get privacy in their diaries, not in their conversations with anonymous strangers. That's doubly true for 11 year olds with sen that make them vulnerable.