Is this an acceptable thing for OH to do?

[wookneecorn]

DSD is 11 and young for her age. She gave her password away and was 'hacked'. Here is a link to that thread for the details www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4314789-DSD-hacked-on-moviestarplanet

Friends of mine have children who were 'hacked' the same way and didn't have the reciepts anymore. When they used contact us they couldn't get their accounts back, the staff were difficult, for example sending scripted responses. So I decided not to bother.

I told DSD to perhaps find another game, but MovieStarPlanet is really important to her and she was admant that nothing else interests her as much.

She'd lost all her in-game currency from the previous round of VIP (the game's membership) she'd had, as well as all her items that she'd bought etc, just all the perks on her account from having previously been VIP belong to the 'hacker' now and she's had to start over on a new account with nothing.

DSD was pestering us for VIP on a new account, promising that she wouldn't give her password out again. Which we believed, we thought she would have learned her lesson after losing something so important to her. Yesterday partner and I decided to get her a years VIP on a new account. It cost £65 and we payed half each. I payed my half into OH's bank account (and as it's relevant, we're not married) and he entered his details. A reciept was sent to his email which I don't have access to.

DSD has been 'hacked' today by giving her password away again. She was honest with us this time. She said she had contacted a friend she had on her old account who she'd been talking to for several months, and that the friend had offered to give DSD account a 'makeover'. The 'friend' changed DSD's password and has taken over the account.

She trusted someone she considered to be a friend. Even though I had spoken to her previously about not trusting 'friends' on the internet, I can see why she did. Now that she has had such an experience with a 'friend' online, I wanted to forgive her and get her access back to the account.

However, OH doesn't want to give DSD access. He thinks that by not giving DSD access, she is more likely to learn her lesson, and not expect us to pay for VIP on new accounts in future.

I hope that this post is a joke. Snapchat is the worst app for a vulnerable person to have- the messages disappear for starters so she could be sent anything and you'd be none the wiser.

Your OH is right - revisit online games and social media when she's older or sit with her when she plays so you can see what she's typing.

@wookneecorn

Yes she does have additional needs. She has had talks on online safety before. She knows what's right and what's wrong and has chosen to go against it.

I didn't want to violate DSD's privacy. As a child, my mother would do this. But you were right to wonder if other things have been going on too. As her safety is priority, OH has reset the password and DSD has been watching OH as he goes through her account. The, thief, should we call them, has used up all of DSD's in-game currency. We've lost value of the £65, not so important. So far, OH has found that DSD has been internet dating on the game, engaging in conversations with people that have suggestive names, and adding them onto snapchat They got past the chat filter by writing random letters or sending individual messages containing sections of the word

If we had not looked, we wouldn't have known. And I thought I knew best We will look through her other online accounts.

With the greatest of respect it might be better to treat her fairly rather than equally to peers. Her additional needs may mean unsupervised internet access should not be allowed ever. People with some learning disabilities just have bigger and bigfer the losses and eventually it won’t be £65 she’s lost but her fifth scam in a week because she didn’t listen to the bank when they told her it was a scam the first time. Your DH and the child’s Mum need a long term plan here.

If Movie Star Planet is a kids' game (and if it's not, why does your 11 year old have unlocked down access to it) I assume the site itself has safeguarding rules? You should report any suggestive posts to the moderator.

Looking who she is talking to is not invading her privacy. At 11, this should be restricted to people she knows in real life.

Adults get manipulated online everyday, I don't think you can blame an 11 year old who fell into the same trap. I would use it as a useful learning exercise, there must be websites dedicated to teaching children about the dangers.
Could you perhaps set up a 2 factor authentication on the website login so that when she's uses it you have to approve it on your phone too? This would also alert you of someone else trying to use her account.

Have you and your boyfriend not been monitoring the child’s internet usage in the first place?! Yikes.

Like fuck would I pay an eleven year old £65 AGAIN to give the account to someone else. The clue is in the sentence. She is eleven. She has no ability to moderate her behaviour, she believes all she is told, I wouldn’t want her online full stop let alone back on that game.

@wookneecorn

Yes she does have additional needs. She has had talks on online safety before. She knows what's right and what's wrong and has chosen to go against it.

I didn't want to violate DSD's privacy. As a child, my mother would do this. But you were right to wonder if other things have been going on too. As her safety is priority, OH has reset the password and DSD has been watching OH as he goes through her account. The, thief, should we call them, has used up all of DSD's in-game currency. We've lost value of the £65, not so important. So far, OH has found that DSD has been internet dating on the game, engaging in conversations with people that have suggestive names, and adding them onto snapchat They got past the chat filter by writing random letters or sending individual messages containing sections of the word

If we had not looked, we wouldn't have known. And I thought I knew best We will look through her other online accounts.

I honestly think it’s crazy that so many parents won’t keep an eye on their children online because of ‘privacy’ concerns. We’re living in another era now! It’s not about reading a diary or listening outside a door. It’s potentially life saving that you keep some sort of moderation over your children’s social media. I honestly think it’s neglectful not to.

She's not responsible enough to be trusted with an online account. Is she going to pay back the £65 from pocket money/ jobs around the house? Why were you paying half anyway?