Leaving 8 week old with DM for a wedding

[buckingmad]

First time mum so bear with! One of my oldest friends is getting married when baby will be 8 weeks and it is a no baby wedding. Wedding is about 20 mins from my DM’s. I am exclusively breastfeeding but can pump (tried it once when nipple was too sore to feed from due to poor latch - now sorted!) but have not used any bottles yet as early days and not had any need.

Do you think by 8 weeks I can leave her with mum and a few bottles? Wedding is at 2 so I guess we would be out from 1 for a few hours (I don’t see us staying late and I won’t drink etc). I’ve read about nipple confusion and wasn’t planning on introducing bottles until I went back to work next year.

I guess I would have to take myself off to express during the wedding as I’ll likely leak?

Feel really quite overwhelmed by it but completely understand her no children wishes, I’m just not sure she understands it’s not a case of plonk baby with mum and it’ll be fine.

I wouldn’t go. People can have child free weddings but that means they have to happily accept people with children, even more so breastfed babies, won’t be able to attend. Even childfree weddings usually accept small babies who will probably sleep and don’t need a meal.

It’s not fair on your baby unless she’s really used to being cared for by your mum. They barely know they’ve been born at 8 weeks.

I wouldn’t do it.

You are in the 4th trimester. I would decline the invite.

I'd go for the ceremony, the important but is to see her get married. Your mum could even wait in the car if you didn't want to leave the baby, the service won't be long.

I left my baby for a night at eight weeks but she was taking a bottle easily. How old is baby now?

I wouldn't go either. I wouldnt have wanted to be away from DS that long when he was that age, I wouldn't be able to enjoy the wedding. Too stressful, too much to sort out.

I went to a wedding when my mixed fed twins were 8 weeks. Make sure the baby will accept a bottle first, not all breastfed babies accept bottles. As you are only 20 mins away could you pop home halfway through the day and do a feed?

Usually wedding invitations that day no kids have the exception of “babes in arms”. Could you just ask to bring your baby?

It will be fine for a while and you can always come back if not. Feed before you go then maybe baby could go in the pram and sleep in there or be walked to sleep. After a good nap baby might only need one feed before you come back. Nipple
Confusion is no problem if you are only using the odd bottle but do collect your milk over a few days not doing lots of pumping the day or two before or your wedding cleavage will be on the up!

If your baby won’t take a bottle a bit of cup feeding can be substituted even if it’s a faff.

If she's a good friend, she would understand if you politely decline.
It's totally her decision who to invite, but then she must appreciate that not everyone is in a position to leave their child at home.
If you plan to breastfeed exclusively, your breasts will be getting full and uncomfortable unless you also plan to take a pump with you.

If it's only 20 mins away, assuming everything is ok with baby health-wise, she'd be fine to be left for 3 hours or so without a feed. Therefore I'd feed her before I left, go for the ceremony, pop home / to your mum's between the ceremony and wedding (or could your mum come to you / meet halfway for an in-the-car feed?) and then you've got 2-3 hours for the meal before making an early exit. You could always leave bottles as a back up for in between.
I left DS with DH at a similar age for an evening out (7pm until midnight). He refused the bottle but all was ok.

I would go. As long as your mum knows she can call you any time, you can be home in 25 mins and you trust that she would call rather than leaving baby to cry for a long time. It will be a nice opportunity for you to catch-up with old friends.

Does you mum drive? She could even wait with baby in the car while the ceremony is on, you feed after ceremony, then she takes baby home with her. So even less bottles to be thought about.

At 8 weeks, DS1 fed on waking, and fed to sleep. He rarely went over an hour without feeding (day or night). If you have a more placid baby, you can give it a go.

Are you sure the no children thing applies to babies as young as yours?
Dont forget you will need to pump during the day as well, or your boobs will explode.

@MonkeysWedding

Usually wedding invitations that day no kids have the exception of “babes in arms”. Could you just ask to bring your baby?

My friends' didn't. I asked if I could bring my tiny exclusively bf baby and they said no. Luckily my parents lived very close by so I came home between the ceremony and the reception to feed her. Even if baby will take a bottle you will get uncomfortable quite quick with needing to feed.

8 weeks is not a bad age to try a bottle though, if you have bf well established now, I first gave mine a bottle of expressed milk around 12 weeks. You could try a bottle a day before the wedding and see.

I also wouldn't go.

Unless the reception is at a hotel and you can have your mum and baby in a hotel room

I totally understand why people want child free weddings to mean child free, including tiny babies who might cry through the ceremony. My wedding was completely child free, but I think that means you have to accept that some people may not be able to attend or only attend for a short time. For an 8 week old EBF baby I would just go to the ceremony, or certainly warn the bride that you may not be able to stay for the meal. She has to be understanding, you have a tiny baby who has to come first.

Your baby will be totally fine with your mum, but I would wait and see how you feel - I would have really struggled to leave my baby at 8 weeks. Things are still very raw and emotional at that time.

That said, many parents would be fine with it, and it’s absolutely fine if you are! It certainly won’t do your baby any harm to be in the care of a loving granny for a few hours.

So if you feel ok about it, go for it. But yes, you’ll definitely need to pump at the wedding to protect your supply and prevent mastitis.

Nope no way. I've breastfed two babies and wouldn't want to leave them with anyone at 8 weeks old, other than with DH for an hour or two, and I wouldn't go far either.

Everyone (mum and baby) is different of course, and it would be much more doable if baby is exclusively bottle fed - or is mix fed and is reliably taking a bottle, but even then, I'd be worrying about my breasts getting full and uncomfortable and leaking.

Aside from the feeding issue, baby needs to form a secure attachment with a primary carer, at 8 weeks they are tiny and I would worry about baby getting distressed without me there. Obviously you'd do it if you had to. But I wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy a wedding if I'd left a baby that age.

I think the suggestion to attend the ceremony only is a good one. If there is somewhere nearby that you mum could go with the baby that would be ideal.

Obviously people can do what they want for their weddings but I personally am not a fan of child-free ones, so while I'd be disappointed to miss my friend's wedding, I wouldn't feel a shred of guilt about it.

Sorry I don't know if any of that is helpful Good luck deciding what to do.

It is fine. Can you pop back before reception to feed.

I think it’s fine, in these circumstances, as long as you want to go. It’s handy to try and get baby to take the odd bottle and you’ll literally only be 20 mins down the road if you need to go back for any reason. Obviously if you don’t want to leave baby, that’s different. But if you’re comfortable with going, I think it’s absolutely fine.

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer here, it's all dependent on your comfort levels. Have you tried DD with a bottle yet? Do you know if she's willing/able to feed? It might alleviate some of your anxiety if you knew either way.

I've got a 8w DS and I'm bringing him to a childfree wedding soon (with the permission of the bride and groom) for breastfeeding reasons, but I'll be leaving 8y DD with family. Is it possible to ask the hosts whether they can make an exception due to age?

We had a wedding when LO was 10 weeks so she stayed with the in laws. She took a bottle absolutely fine.
It might be worth someone else attempting to bottle feed without you being there.

Ignore everyone telling you not to go. If it's one of your oldest friends and you're happy to go don't feel guilty for that.

The fact you're only 20 mins away means even IF you or baby were really distressed you're close enough to get back pretty quickly.

@NameChange30

Aside from the feeding issue, baby needs to form a secure attachment with a primary carer, at 8 weeks they are tiny and I would worry about baby getting distressed without me there. Obviously you'd do it if you had to. But I wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy a wedding if I'd left a baby that age.

That statement is very dramatic and quite damaging to same women; who for medical reasons are apart from their babies for more than 1 hour at a time.
From someone who works with kids in care and lots of training in attachment, issues don’t arise because mum went to a wedding for a few hours at 8 weeks old. No wonder many mums have PND and PNA which such ridic statements being thrown around.

Baby will be absolutely fine and you will have a blast. I would go for it.

Often, “no children” doesn’t mean newborns.

If it did, I’d leave after the ceremony.