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Original poster

Leaving 8 week old with DM for a wedding

90 replies

buckingmad · 08/08/2021 10:15

First time mum so bear with! One of my oldest friends is getting married when baby will be 8 weeks and it is a no baby wedding. Wedding is about 20 mins from my DM’s. I am exclusively breastfeeding but can pump (tried it once when nipple was too sore to feed from due to poor latch - now sorted!) but have not used any bottles yet as early days and not had any need.

Do you think by 8 weeks I can leave her with mum and a few bottles? Wedding is at 2 so I guess we would be out from 1 for a few hours (I don’t see us staying late and I won’t drink etc). I’ve read about nipple confusion and wasn’t planning on introducing bottles until I went back to work next year.

I guess I would have to take myself off to express during the wedding as I’ll likely leak?

Feel really quite overwhelmed by it but completely understand her no children wishes, I’m just not sure she understands it’s not a case of plonk baby with mum and it’ll be fine.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Figgygal · 10/08/2021 07:35

How long are you planning to go for?
Nipping back to feed a couple times is over an hour out of the day sounds like a faff to me
I’d prob go for ceremony and some Pre meal hellos if there were other people I knew then home again

I don’t see any pressure anywhere on this thread saying she shouldn’t go just people saying what they’d do

AbsolutelyPatsy · 10/08/2021 07:36

at 8 weeks you will be happy to go out,
they may relent and let you take the lo

KihoBebiluPute · 10/08/2021 07:42

Normally child-free weddings make exceptions for Babes in Arms (ie little ones that are too small to be crawling around or bashing toys about). If you use a sling an do a feed in the car just before the ceremony you could be reasonably sure the baby will then sleep through at least the ceremony and some of the immediate aftermath milling about chatting etc. I would be suggesting to the friend that you would follow this plan and would leave when the baby wakes/starts any kind of fussing and that should give you a decent amount of time at the wedding.

I would very much not attempt to leave an ebf 8 week old as much as a 20 min drive away. If the above isn't acceptable then the second possibility would be for MIL to come to the ceremony location and push the pram around outside while you are inside, so that you are no more than 2 mins away. If that isn't acceptable then I wouldn't go.

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0-3 months old Babies & sleep Breast & bottle feeding Families

KihoBebiluPute · 10/08/2021 07:44

(Sorry misremembered and wrote MIL above when I meant DM)

CrotchetyQuaver · 10/08/2021 08:01

Honestly - I wouldn't go. I wouldn't want to leave my baby behind. I think exceptions should be made for tiny babies. I had to go to a wedding with DD1 at about 7 weeks old and I had ended up having a EMCS as well. I couldn't have coped with leaving her behind.

Ohdeariedear · 10/08/2021 08:05

I went to the evening reception of a friends wedding when my first was 10 weeks. It was important for me to go, but we only stayed for a couple of hours.

If I was in your shoes, I’d go for the ceremony, then go home, feed baby and come back for an hour or two of the reception if all was well.

pashmina696 · 10/08/2021 08:16

Anyone reasonable would make an exception for such a small baby. You would still be producing milk so despite pumping enough prior you would have to leave proceedings to pump when you usually feed, it just is so much easier to have the baby with you..

Aria2015 · 10/08/2021 08:41

Could you go for just the actual wedding bit? Re the bottle, I don't think it's too early. In fact if you think you'd like to pump and your baby to take the bottle now and again I recommend introducing a bottle I n the first couple of months, I left it too late with my second and she's 10 months and a staunch bottle refuser, so I never get a break!

THATmamaofMANY · 10/08/2021 08:45

We have a wedding coming up and baby will be 7 weeks. He is bottle fed. I was feeling torn over whether to go or not but my childcare has fallen through which i actually feel a bit releaved over.

NameChange30 · 10/08/2021 11:36

[quote User5827372728]@NameChange30

Aside from the feeding issue, baby needs to form a secure attachment with a primary carer, at 8 weeks they are tiny and I would worry about baby getting distressed without me there. Obviously you'd do it if you had to. But I wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy a wedding if I'd left a baby that age.

That statement is very dramatic and quite damaging to same women; who for medical reasons are apart from their babies for more than 1 hour at a time.
From someone who works with kids in care and lots of training in attachment, issues don’t arise because mum went to a wedding for a few hours at 8 weeks old. No wonder many mums have PND and PNA which such ridic statements being thrown around.

Baby will be absolutely fine and you will have a blast. I would go for it.[/quote]
Nothing dramatic about saying how I would feel. I didn't say anything about creating attachment issues by leaving the baby I just said that I would worry about baby getting distressed and I wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy a wedding. But in an earlier post I also said that everyone's different; that still stands.

I've had PND myself and don't need a lecture on it thank you.

RevolvingPivot · 10/08/2021 11:40

I think only you can say how it would make you feel.

Could you just go to the wedding and not the reception?

My DM got married 2 days after I had dd. God that was awful obviously she came with me but I ended up taking her to the hotel room as people kept pick her up and the toddler was all over the place and the family was drinking. That was 9 years ago though but I still think about it. Totally different situation to you

Original poster

buckingmad · 10/08/2021 11:58

Thanks everyone. Baby is currently 2 weeks but I just want to be able to give my friend as much notice as possible if I think reception is a no go. I definitely want to at least make the ceremony.

Wedding is at a barn thing so no option of setting mum up in a room sadly.

I do want to introduce bottles (of breast milk) anyway as I will be going back to work at 9 months but am waiting for a few more weeks to make sure breastfeeding is going well.

Invite is definitely no children at all.

OP posts:

Babydust13 · 10/08/2021 12:46

I left my son with my mum overnight when he was 9 weeks old to go to a wedding but he was used to bottles.

Maybe you should practice with bottles first to check that baby is ok drinking from them

User5827372728 · 10/08/2021 13:09

@NameChange30

Aside from the feeding issue, baby needs to form a secure attachment with a primary carer,

Why write this then?

Maybe PND is linked to this, that many mums are told they can’t leave their baby so get anxious when the do thus depressed. I would be depressed at the thought of never having a moment to be me and away from my babies.

Megan2018 · 10/08/2021 13:10

@buckingmad

Thanks everyone. Baby is currently 2 weeks but I just want to be able to give my friend as much notice as possible if I think reception is a no go. I definitely want to at least make the ceremony.

Wedding is at a barn thing so no option of setting mum up in a room sadly.

I do want to introduce bottles (of breast milk) anyway as I will be going back to work at 9 months but am waiting for a few more weeks to make sure breastfeeding is going well.

Invite is definitely no children at all.

You won’t need bottles by 9 months, you’ll be able to move to cup if needed. So don’t worry if you don’t manage bottles now. I never managed a bottle with DD or to express a drop and she’s still BF now at almost 2! It’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself to leave your baby just for a social event, so I wouldn’t give it too much headspace.

Moonbabysmum · 10/08/2021 13:38

I know a lot of people who waited until 6 weeks until introducing a bottle, but the baby refused to take it, and never took bottles.

Bottle refusal is really, really common, and from hearing other mums chat, it seems a lot more common than nipple confusion.

I introduced a bottle at an hour old, as I wanted to mix feed. Baby STILL refused bottle, cup feeding, syringe feeding. It was boobs or nothing (and believe me I tried every milk, bottle and test combination) 🙄

I think it's doable if you want to do it, and it's only a short hop back. But you will need to practice with bottles first before you know if it's viable.

User5827372728 · 10/08/2021 14:55

@Moonbabysmum

I agree, I’ve heard of often of bottle refusal yet never met anyone who wanted to BF but gave a bottle then baby got nipple confusion.

I personally think nipple confusion is used to scare mums so they don’t combo feed, then by the time they try and introduce the bottle the baby refuses. My second baby was like this, took a month before he accepted the bottle. The only one that worked for us was a MAM one

ineedaholidaynow · 10/08/2021 15:05

How much notice does she to give for the reception?

Moonbabysmum · 10/08/2021 15:05

I agree

I think a lot of women have a lot of fear put in them by health professionals that if they give any bottles/formula at all then breastfeeding is doomed.

It better follows the 'breast is best' mantra if the risk of nipple confusion is seen as more of an issue than bottle refusal. And for some mums it is, but not all.

I think it would be better to be honest and say, some babies will develop a preference, especially if they get a choice/variety early on. If it's important to you that baby does not refuse the breast, wait a few weeks. If it's important to you that baby accepts a bottle don't wait.

Glad you found one that worked in the end. After trying daily for many weeks, and in as many different ways as we could, we gave up.

Lottapianos · 10/08/2021 15:16

'Anyone reasonable would make an exception for such a small baby'

No children means no children. Your baby is not invited. Please don't put yourself under undue pressure, and do feel free to decline if that's your preference, but do not put your friend in an awkward position by asking to bring baby.

Dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby · 10/08/2021 15:23

Even child-free weddings usually allow 'babes in arms' which an 8 week old is. At 8 weeks you will likely not want to be separated.

Antsinyourpanta · 10/08/2021 15:24

A friend of mine had a child free wedding (planned 2 years in advance) one of her bf couldnt come because they had a newborn of a few weeks.

MissingCoffeeandWine · 10/08/2021 15:35

OP I’ve left a baby that young to attend events. I EBF and expressed a few days before hand to build up a fridge stash.

I find these threads though to read. A few hours break will not “break” an attachment between Mum and baby. It’s perfectly ok if you feel it’s too soon to go, but it’s also ok if you WANT to go. For me, my friendships are massively important to me and I wouldn’t miss a wedding (even if I only made bits of it). Yes I’m a mum but I’m also me. It’s not shameful to want to celebrate with friends.

Sometimes decisions to spend time away from baby are made for you. For example, I’ve a newborn (10 weeks) and this week my toddler has needed hospital care. We worked it out. I expressed, DH brought baby to me for some feeds, and in truth, he did feed a bit less for 24 hours BUT he was with a parent that loves him and wasn’t starving and sometimes these things must be done.

You’ve a few weeks to work out what you are comfortable with, but if you wanted to go, it would be possible. By 8 weeks a baby feeds for food and for comfort, their very highly unlikely to suddenly reject you, because of a few hours of a bottle. It’s far more likely that they won’t know how to drink from one.

VoyageInTheDark · 10/08/2021 15:42

I have a 9 week old and I'd love to go to a wedding for a few hours. Clearly I'm a bad parent for wanting time off 😂

User5827372728 · 10/08/2021 15:43

@VoyageInTheDark

Yes and your baby will have attachment issues for life!

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