Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Leaving 8 week old with DM for a wedding

90 replies

buckingmad · 08/08/2021 10:15

First time mum so bear with! One of my oldest friends is getting married when baby will be 8 weeks and it is a no baby wedding. Wedding is about 20 mins from my DM’s. I am exclusively breastfeeding but can pump (tried it once when nipple was too sore to feed from due to poor latch - now sorted!) but have not used any bottles yet as early days and not had any need.

Do you think by 8 weeks I can leave her with mum and a few bottles? Wedding is at 2 so I guess we would be out from 1 for a few hours (I don’t see us staying late and I won’t drink etc). I’ve read about nipple confusion and wasn’t planning on introducing bottles until I went back to work next year.

I guess I would have to take myself off to express during the wedding as I’ll likely leak?

Feel really quite overwhelmed by it but completely understand her no children wishes, I’m just not sure she understands it’s not a case of plonk baby with mum and it’ll be fine.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Apeirogon · 10/08/2021 06:34

If you try this, you may have to use formula rather than breast milk in the bottles, as I think you may struggle to build up enough of a supply of breast milk in advance to last. (That was my own experience anyway!)

Alternatively, as it's only 20 mins away, could your mum bring the baby for a feed a couple of times and you pop out of the wedding? I did this with my DD at a no-kids wedding when she was 13 weeks and EBF.

Catawaul · 10/08/2021 06:37

I wouldn't go either. Too stressful on all sides. If you want to see the ceremony and you're really not allowed to take your baby in, you could travel there with your mum and she could take baby for a walk during the ceremony.

lannistunut · 10/08/2021 06:38

@Wolframhart

You are in the 4th trimester. I would decline the invite.

Me too.

Sorry, but it is just unfortunate timing.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old Babies & sleep Breast & bottle feeding Families

LittleLottieChaos · 10/08/2021 06:41

I went to a wedding when my son was 9 weeks. The worst bit was I hadn’t taken a pump so my boobs were like painful seeping rocks when I left. Ouch. Lesson learned.

Though we had a lot further to travel, (so I’d definitely nip back to do a feed if I were you) wouldn’t have missed my best mates wedding for the world… baby was absolutely fine with my parents.

Whogotdakeystomabeamer · 10/08/2021 06:41

No way could I have done this, but if you feel able to then it's your call.

Miliao · 10/08/2021 06:45

Please don’t listen to those people saying you shouldn’t go because ‘they couldn’t’. Emotional blackmail has no place here as a new mother. You won’t be a bad mum either way, there are some ridiculous statements. Practically if you can introduce a bottle it will be easier (also easier on you later on as your partner can do a feed to give you a rest), but if you don’t want to then 20mins away is completely doable to pop back and give a feed. I hope you have a lovely time whatever you decide to do. Your baby will be completely fine.

Myfirstbornisacollie · 10/08/2021 06:46

The variable here is your baby! You may have an easy going baby who will accept a bottle and I’d say go for it. Just the faff of deciding whether you express or FF for your mum to give. And then pumping at the wedding venue, otherwise your boobs will explode!

My babies were not easy going and in this situation I’d have discussed with my friend that I wouldn’t miss her getting married but that spending more than a couple of hours away from baby would not be possible. I would plan to bring my mum and baby along to give a feed just before ceremony while they went for a pram walk and then returned home afterwards.

At 6 months on everything became much easier for me but not the early days.

Diglett567 · 10/08/2021 06:54

As long as you can get your LO to take a bottle (and pump while you are there) then I'm sure baby would be absolutly fine with your mum.
I would think more about how you feel about. I don't think there is any way I would of left my 8 week old to go to a wedding as I'd be stressing out too much. I would probably of asked if they could make an exception as baby is so young. If however you feel relaxed enough about it to go, then I'd say go for it and have a wonderful time.

Velvian · 10/08/2021 06:55

I think it will be difficult to pump enough. Also I always got mastitis if I messed about with feeds.

Twizbe · 10/08/2021 06:57

It's all about what you feel comfortable doing.

I was invited to a no kid wedding abroad when my DD was 5 months old. I had to decline as she was breastfed and didn't take a bottle.

At 8 weeks I'd have had to decline as well. Both mine had horrific witching hours from 7-9pm and I could do nothing but feed them at that time. I couldn't have left them with anyone else.

In your situation though, as the wedding is only 20 mins from your mums, I'd go to the ceremony.

Is there someone near where you mum could sit comfortably with the baby? Is it in a hotel or have somewhere on site? Worst comes to worst she could sit in the car.

Feed baby before the ceremony and come back after to feed. Stay for a few post ceremony pics and drinks and then leave before the reception starts.

It's hard and I tied myself in knots trying to find a way to attend my friends wedding. I was really worried she'd be angry with me or upset.

When I told her though she was fine and totally understood. She's a good friend

BakedBeeeen · 10/08/2021 06:58

I would definitely aim to go for the ceremony at least. Get some nipple pads and aim to pump or head back to baby between ceremony and reception. For both my DC the general advice I received was try a bottle as early as poss after breastfeeding is established. Around 5 weeks is when I gave mine a bottle to try. Breastfeeding was not affected. And keep doing it at least a few times a week minimum because otherwise they may become bottle refusers! (I have friends who tried a bottle with their breastfed babies when they were tiny, the babies took the bottle, but then refused after a gap of several months when their mothers actually needed them to take a bottle!) good luck!
PS I would aim to try a bottle whether you go to wedding or not, before it’s too late.

moose62 · 10/08/2021 07:02

My sister had a no children wedding but made an exception for me as my DD was 9 weeks and anyone who could have looked after her was at the wedding. It was a huge mistake as I missed most of the wedding as my DD was either crying or cluster feeding. Luckily the hotel gave me a spare room but it was pointless being there and I really wished I had someone I trusted that I could have left her with even for a couple of hours. She was being bottle fed for health reasons (mine) but even so I was left in my own as no one else wanted to miss the wedding.

AngelDelightUk · 10/08/2021 07:07

I’d go. Your mum can always meet you between the ceremony and reception for you to give baby a feed and it’s not like you’re going to be out partying until 2am. But if you do get tempted to do that your mum can always nip over with the baby for another feed!!

Those who are saying that the baby shouldn’t be away from mum for that long, it’s crazy. My DD, who’s now 16 months, has been co-parented since she was about 3 weeks old. Her Dad is my Gay Best Friend and it was always planned to be this way. She is the most well adjusted toddler I’ve met, because of lockdown it did stop for a bit but she’s happy to go to him and happy to stay with me. If anything she prefers going with him because he spoils her more than I do. But anyway, a few hours at a wedding will not affect your baby. Let Grandma take the strain for a few hours

Megan2018 · 10/08/2021 07:10

Absolutely not.
I EBF and could only leave DD at that age for 1hr. It would have caused us both unnecessary distress.
It’s just a wedding, I wouldn’t leave my newborn for something so unimportant.

Footballschmootball · 10/08/2021 07:13

I’d ask if I could take baby . If not, I’d politely decline. At 8 weeks I couldn’t have left mine - also they fed CONSTANTLY so even at that age they would’ve been screaming for me after 5 minutes.

SuperSange · 10/08/2021 07:13

8 weeks? Not a chance. Read up on the 4th trimester. No wedding is worth that.

Fizbosshoes · 10/08/2021 07:18

I left DD (breast fed) with my DM when she was 6 weeks when I went to a concert (I had booked the concert before I knew I was pregnant) I was away for about 6 or 7 hours.
When I got back my boobs felt like they would explode but DD was fine. (In fact I was quite disappointed she was asleep because I was desperate to feed her!)

User090 · 10/08/2021 07:18

Getting a breastfed baby to take a bottle isn’t as easy as just putting it in their mouth and them sucking. Often they will reject it point blank unless they are used to it. Even at 8 weeks. If it’s something you want to do then make sure you offer 1 fed through a bottle every day starting now. Also a good idea if you’re returning to work and want the transition to be easy.

Fizbosshoes · 10/08/2021 07:18

I did leave some expressed milk for her

RavenclawsRoar · 10/08/2021 07:19

Definitely start with bottles asap! I ebf both my dc and neither would accept bottles.

ittakes2 · 10/08/2021 07:21

I would get a hotel room for your mum and baby at the venue. 20mins is not far but it would be stressful for you. A room would allow you to make sure you can breatfeed and alleviate the bottle stress

Justgettingbye · 10/08/2021 07:26

You sound quite positive and if you have the logistics to do it and everyone is on board I'd go for it as well.

I think some perspective is needed it's only an hour or two. Throwing around 4th trimester and secure attachments is a bit over the top. Would probably be nice for you to have some time off

Billandben444 · 10/08/2021 07:27

As your mum is only 20mins away could you attend the ceremony and then play it by ear? Go back to feed at some stage and return to reception and then, if baby (or you!) become distressed, knock it on the head and go back to mum's. Tell BF you'll definitely be there for the ceremony (even if mum sits outside with baby) as that's the important bit.

drpet49 · 10/08/2021 07:30

I wouldn’t go. Why out pressure on yourself like that for someones wedding? You won’t ever fully relax if you do go. Forget it and spend time with your newborn.

CustardyCreams · 10/08/2021 07:33

My babies both refused the bottle at that age, I tried loads but eventually gave up as it was awful pouring pumped milk down the sink. Forget nipple confusion! They knew they wanted mummy, and screamed if someone gave them a bottle. If you are able to practise and get baby used to pumped milk then go to the wedding for a few hours.

Flip

1 2 3 4