Leaving 8 week old with DM for a wedding

[buckingmad]

First time mum so bear with! One of my oldest friends is getting married when baby will be 8 weeks and it is a no baby wedding. Wedding is about 20 mins from my DM’s. I am exclusively breastfeeding but can pump (tried it once when nipple was too sore to feed from due to poor latch - now sorted!) but have not used any bottles yet as early days and not had any need.

Do you think by 8 weeks I can leave her with mum and a few bottles? Wedding is at 2 so I guess we would be out from 1 for a few hours (I don’t see us staying late and I won’t drink etc). I’ve read about nipple confusion and wasn’t planning on introducing bottles until I went back to work next year.

I guess I would have to take myself off to express during the wedding as I’ll likely leak?

Feel really quite overwhelmed by it but completely understand her no children wishes, I’m just not sure she understands it’s not a case of plonk baby with mum and it’ll be fine.

This sounds impractical to me, your boobs will be rock hard, leaking and you might get mastitis. Pumping in the toilets is shit and you may not be able to let down in a strange place without your baby. Your baby may not take a bottle, and if she does might not be willing to take a whole feed. You probably won't be able to express enough milk at that stage, I personally was NEVER able to increase my supply by pumping, so everytime I pumped I just ran out of milk later that day. An 8 week old drinking from a cup is not going to happen and you risk her choking. Sorry to be negative but I listened to all this stuff about pumping and I really tried it and it didn't work at all, it does seem to work for a small minority of people but I think it's unhelpful to pretend anyone can do it.

I would go and nip back to feed after the ceremony then leave after the speeches

I'd go for it but I'd say you'll have to let couple know it may change depending on baby's needs. I'd say you could at least do ceremony, party might be harder unless you have a very easy, settled baby - evenings with under 12 week olds are tough, even with an baby that's quite chilled out!

Is nipple confusion even a real thing? I know loads of mums that successfully mix fed or pumped whilst also feeding from the breast, especially from my time in the US where maternity leave is typically 12 weeks and I’ve never heard of a baby getting nipple confusion. I have, however, known many babies that weren’t introduced to a bottle early and later refused point blank to take one. If you want your baby to take a bottle then I wouldn’t wait to introduce one. However, for nursery they will be fine. Mine didn’t have milk in the day at 9 months- she ate food, drank water from a sippy cup and only had a bottle first thing and before bed only. But a bottle does give you more freedom so if it were me I’d start on it ASAP. As for the wedding I left mine at 11 weeks with my parents to go to a wedding and had a great time. Baby is now 4 so I can be confident I didn’t cause any emotional issues by leaving her! If you want to go then go, and don’t feel guilty. If you’re not ready yet then that’s also fine.

Not what you asked, but just in case bottles don't work out, don't stress about it or think she has to take one.

By 9 months she should be well established on solids so can have milk in a sippy cup / not at all in the day. One of the best things about breastfeeding is that baby controls how much they take. By 9 months they are pros at it ans they can get all they need from 2 bigger feeds each day. Food and water will be all they need in the day.

I wouldn’t go.

Do you want to go?

I exclusively breastfed my baby and if you wanted to go I’d 100% go. Try to slowly introduce a bottle every now and agai to get baby used to it, my little boy preferred MAM bottles. If it’s only a few hours I would definitely go - but only if you truly wanted to, if you don’t want to go, you have the perfect excuse!

I would be going to just the ceremony. None of my breastfed babies ever took a bottle and I hated them getting upset because they were hungry.

I think this could be tricky. I had a no child wedding but made an exception for two breastfeeding babies who were a few weeks old. They either slept or fed the whole time.

I think you’ll need to make sure baby is happy with bottles and expressed milk or formula
Asap! Mine was an awkward sod and refused bottles by anyway who wasn’t me! I think best case scenario is to go to the ceremony and the mingling afterwards only - I can’t imagine finding somewhere to pump during a wedding and faffing with fridges etc! I think you’d need to come home after 3-4 hours tops but in the meantime if baby is with your mum with a bottle and not far away then baby will be ok! Your breasts may become grapefruits though.

Having said all of that we went to an evening do when my baby was not much older. He refused to feed the whole time and was fairly grumpy but didn’t come to any harm.

Hotel room at the venue with your mum there is another option if you’re keen to stay the duration and don’t mind the cost!

My DH sat in the car with my 10 week old during the service and I fed her after that then did the drinks and meal, and made an earlyish exit she was mixed and FF as well.

@Frazzled2207

It’s in a barn

I had my 8 week old granddaughter overnight plus her 3 year old brother. Aged me and dh 10000 years but the kids were absolutely fine. Neither of us showered and we forgot to have breakfast (US not the kids) I'd never ever offer to have one that young again I just couldn't sleep.

I think those suggesting that people should accept small babies at their weddings or they are being unreasonable are being unfair. You don’t know why someone doesn’t want children at their wedding and small babies could be a cause of pain that they don’t want on their wedding day. Or they might just not want to risk a baby crying during the ceremony which is also totally reasonable. Of course you can then be annoyed at people who are unable to attend, but it’s unfair to say that little babies should just be allowed.

OP, I think it all comes down to wether you want to go, don’t feel guilty for wanting a break and some time away, but equally leave the day flexible for you and baby. Like others have said, evenings are often tricky times for babies! If breastfeeding is generally going well I wouldn’t worry about introducing a bottle to try, I gave my son a bottle with a little expressed milk in from 2 weeks old because I really wanted him to be able to take a bottle. We used medela at first and then moved to mam. Xxx

*can’t then be annoyed