I want to give up breast feeding already

[ExcitingTimes2021]

My little girl was only born 2/8/21 so only a few days old and I always said I would try breast feeding. Now only 5 days old and I just want to give up and switch to formulas instead.

I feel I just either have her on my breast or screaming for my breast and nothing else. I feel awful for my partner as he is getting no cuddles or baby time as she is always screaming. My nipples hurt, Iv watched endless videos but can’t get a good latch. Nipples just look like lipsticks at end of every feed and baby wants back on 10/20 mins later. I just spend all my time crying and this is not what I thought being a parent would be like. Two of my friends have recently had babies and their formula fed little ones just seams so much less screamy and theirs daddies can actually enjoy being daddies. Please help!

I have a video consultation with and infancy feeding person at 10am and a routine hospital appointment Saturday morning but can’t see them helping to be honest now.

@ExcitingTimes2021, to bf or not is entirely up to you. Neither DS or I particularly enjoyed it. I stopped after 8 days (and DS had lost of massive amount of weight) and we were both much happier. There are many ways to nurture a child. How you feed them as an infant is only one of them. Be kind to yourself. DS is nearly 13, of all his friends, classmates, sports team etc, there’s never been anyway of telling who was bf and who was not.

I hope you reach a decision you are happy with. Parenting is tough! Don’t make it tougher than it needs to be.

God I remember the agony of breastfeeding and poor latch in the early days, feel for you.
I had flat nipples (not flat anymore) and she had such a little mouth she couldn't understand where the boob was so she would be on all the time. She lost weight in the first couple of weeks, jaundice and we were in/out of hospital but as she got better she learnt how to manage my boobs and started gaining really well. Latch is key but I found even with a good latch it still hurt until the internal nipple bonds were broken and my nipples had lengthened a bit! I think it stopped hurting

Breastfeeding loads is normal in the early days, I used to do 15 feeds in the first month, then down to 10/12 from 2-5 months, then 8/10 5-8 months , 8 8-9 months and now she's 11 months I've got her down to 5!

I will say, formula isn't necessarily the cure she may be fussy regardless! We have two other babies in the family same age and they were incredibly fussy on formula and still don't sleep through the night. However, you're right - breastfeeding can be very lonely and isolating at times and formula can allow baby to have that cuddly time with others.

Ultimately, it's your choice anyway - either way your baby will thrive under your care if they're fed/loved/played with 💕

You’re not wrong, it is really hard for lots of women and it’s normal to need loads of support in the beginning, either from trained people or experienced other mothers.

I fed my baby for 24 hours using hand expressed milk and colostrum. This gave my nipples a break to heal and time to get support in place. While bottles and teats should be sterilised, with hand expressing you can use a clean bowl (washed with hot water and washing up liquid and rinsed). A large mixing bowl or wide jug works well as you don’t have to aim well. My baby was able to lap that milk off a (well cleaned) tea spoon put to their lips. The amounts were tiny, just a few teaspoons at a time.

Also - as PPs say don't worry about your partner. He has many years of baby and it isn't always like this!!!!

Depending on where you live , face to face breastfeeding groups are beginning to start up again.
I'm in Hampshire 🇬🇧 and have been going weekly to a face to face group since my little one was 4 weeks old

Face to face is a lot more helpful with getting the latch as they can watch and help you adjust position , they can also double check for things like tongue tie which can effect the latch

It's also nice to chat with the other mums who are having similar issues.

I fully recommend lansinoh nipple cream , silver nipple cups and the mam soothing patches

It is hard especially with all the post baby hormones and sleepless nights and cluster feeding , but it does get better

My little one is nearly 8 weeks and we are doing ok with breast
I wasn't able to breastfeed my first beyond a week or two he lost too much weight so we started combi feeding but I didn't get the support I have had this time.

Has your baby been checked for tongue tie? That can cause the poor latch and make it difficult to correct just by positioning.

Try some lanisol cream

I found it so important in the first couple of months to use nipple cream after every single feed, it's relentless in the beginning but it does get easier. Can you feel your milk coming down whilst feeding?

I also found the rugby hold position very good. Your baby is only days old, their stomach is tiny so they'll want to feed little and often.

Your husband will bond so don't worry, but whatever you decide don't feel guilty, there's pros and cons to both breastfeeding and bottle feeding, it's just finding out what works best for you and your baby

Appointment this morning so will give you all an update later. Just wanted to say Thankyou so much to all over you reaching out to me! You are all so kind!! X

Good luck @ExcitingTimes2021 remember to ask them to check tongue tie just in case, both of mine had it. It didn't affect latch though really, I think it was they just needed to learn to latch regardless of the tongue tie

Yes definitely agree to check tongue tie, my first had it and breastfeeding was quite difficult the whole time, second had hers cut at 3 weeks and she didn't even cry, and it made a huge difference, still feeding her now at 10 months

Hope the appointment was supportive. You are doing really well. A top I used to do was to gather the mipple in between my 2nd and 3rd fingers, and kind of make it into a teat shaped target if that makes sense so it would reach the soft pallete more easily if that makes sense!

@SweepTheHalls that actually sounds very helpful. Will try that.

The appointment with midwives went well. They said her poops and wees all lot ok as she had a big clear out while nappy free on the scales 😂😂😂. She has lost 5.6% of her body weight so only weighs 5lb 9oz now but they said that’s well within the acceptable range for a small baby. They said her jaundice looks ok and the best thing we can do is keep feeding feeding feeding. They checked my latch and said they think she might be just a little too small to get her mouth wide enough yet but the latch looks like it’s getting there. No tongue tie. Think I’m being very hard on myself and hormones are not helping.

They have recommended expressing but I’m very reluctant to invest in one yet. They also said the odd ounce or two of formula won’t do any harm so to not worry to much but to feed regularly to ensure I have a supply until I’m sure what I want to do. Hopefully take each day one by one and see x

[quote ExcitingTimes2021]@SweepTheHalls that actually sounds very helpful. Will try that.

The appointment with midwives went well. They said her poops and wees all lot ok as she had a big clear out while nappy free on the scales 😂😂😂. She has lost 5.6% of her body weight so only weighs 5lb 9oz now but they said that’s well within the acceptable range for a small baby. They said her jaundice looks ok and the best thing we can do is keep feeding feeding feeding. They checked my latch and said they think she might be just a little too small to get her mouth wide enough yet but the latch looks like it’s getting there. No tongue tie. Think I’m being very hard on myself and hormones are not helping.

They have recommended expressing but I’m very reluctant to invest in one yet. They also said the odd ounce or two of formula won’t do any harm so to not worry to much but to feed regularly to ensure I have a supply until I’m sure what I want to do. Hopefully take each day one by one and see x[/quote]
This sounds really potsitive.
I got my pumps from EBay. I spent £10 I think x

If you don’t want to bf you don’t have to . I used formula from day one. Made life easy and it gives babies a perfect start in life. You can also share giving bottles with friends and family so you won’t be sleep deprived.

@ExcitingTimes2021 that weight sounds very good. Both mine lost more than that and both were feeding like demons. They both putbon weight very quickly. You sound like you're smashing it! A very positive appt.

A haaka is like a tenner new.

Well done! That sounds really good, you're doing so well. Take it day by day

Well done! It takes support to learn to feed and you've got support here 😘

Also came here to suggest a Hakaa. One of the easiest ways to express and really cheap to buy.

Also, yes, well done! The early days are hard but it definitely sounds like you’re on the right path.

Hang in there. Good advice from midwife. I agree that it's important to not be afraid of formula. It can be a tool to help establish breastfeeding as well as a form of feeding in itself.

Look after yourself! Really important to put yourself first so that you are there for your baby.

Could anyone explain how the hakaa works? I had a look at the website but it doesn’t really explain but has a video of a woman happily expressing and then a clip of milk in a container with a plastic flower x

I hope this helps.

Disclaimer: I have Medela and never tried Haakaa

I'm not 100% certain but I think you put the Hakka on the breast that you're not feeding from and it gathers up the milk that drips out (it can be quite a surprising amount).

My little boy was 5lb 4oz when he was born. I had to use nipple shields to get him to latch on so don't know if they might be worth a try.

I got loads of support and advice from the UK Breastfeeding Support Facebook group so would recommend doing that.

Good luck sounds like you're doing a great job with your baby. Breastfeeding is so hard at the beginning but once it's established it should be plain sailing.