I want to give up breast feeding already

[ExcitingTimes2021]

My little girl was only born 2/8/21 so only a few days old and I always said I would try breast feeding. Now only 5 days old and I just want to give up and switch to formulas instead.

I feel I just either have her on my breast or screaming for my breast and nothing else. I feel awful for my partner as he is getting no cuddles or baby time as she is always screaming. My nipples hurt, Iv watched endless videos but can’t get a good latch. Nipples just look like lipsticks at end of every feed and baby wants back on 10/20 mins later. I just spend all my time crying and this is not what I thought being a parent would be like. Two of my friends have recently had babies and their formula fed little ones just seams so much less screamy and theirs daddies can actually enjoy being daddies. Please help!

I have a video consultation with and infancy feeding person at 10am and a routine hospital appointment Saturday morning but can’t see them helping to be honest now.

My baby was born in april so I can remember those early days so vividly. It's so tough, but it gets easier very soon.

If your nipples are like lipstick then the latch is definitely wrong. Hopefully you're appointment this morning had helped.

Once you get the hang of it, breastfeeding is much easier than bottle. I have a 6 year old too. Her father had plenty of opportunities to bond. Could her father wear her in a sling? That's a good way to bond. Google for your local sling library who can advise you on how to use a sling, and lend you one to try.

Im still breastfeeding at my 2.4 DS. I found the first 3-5 weeks the worst, it is the hardest thing ever but the best thing ive done. I just took one day at a time and always told myself never give up on a bad day. 1 day has turned into 2 years (😱). Have you tried medela nipple shields or seen if any breastfeeding support groups are up and running at childrens centres? I always gound it easier talking to Mums who are going through the same.

It isn't advised to pump before 6 weeks but I did, I just didnt over do it as you could risk mastitis.

I could've written this when dd1 was a few days old. I switched to formula & never looked back. I was so much happier & so was she.
Dd2 was formula fed from day 1. We all have a fantastic bond & have a happy & healthy life. This was years ago but I could really identify with how you're feeling today.
Only you know the right decision for you, do whatever feels right.

Congratulations on your baby @ExcitingTimes2021. If your nipples are lipstick shaped post feed it's likely the latch isn't deep enough. Are you holding the back of your baby's head while she's feeding? It's drummed into us that babies heads need support at all times, and of course they do, but their heads need to be free to move back during feeding to get a deep latch. (I used to be a HV and I saw this a lot as a cause of a too shallow latch). Sorry if you already know this and because I'm sure you're doing a fab job

@User5827372728

Personally, I would set myself a time frame and say if it’s not better by then I will stop. Maybe for you this could be Monday after your 2 appointments and then a couple of days to see if it’s better?

I agree with this.

You have the appointments set up so see if you can keep going until then.

When you have your appointments, ask specifically what you can do for an improvement, and how long it will take. Then set another (short) deadline and look for improvement by then.

If there's improvement then you can decide whether to carry on.

If there's no improvement cut your losses.

The early days/weeks of breastfeeding are very hard and no one seems to tell you that. For me, it was worth carrying on and got a lot easier. It's up to you really, if you don't want to do it then stop.

@ExcitingTimes2021 have you tried nipple shields, my friend swore by them and used them for all three in the early stages?

If you want to stop then it’s okay to stop, but please don’t make this decision based on what you think is best for your DP. In the nicest way, his needs are at the bottom of the pile at the moment. Choose based on what is going to work best for you and your baby, you are the ones who will feel the biggest impact of this decision.

From personal experience, I found the first couple of weeks BFing tough but am so happy that I persevered because it was so easy after that. It’s good that you have some support in place, maybe give that a chance before you make any final decisions.

I tried to breastfeed all three of mine. It was a disaster.

I spent those early weeks in tears and stressed. I was in agony and dreaded every feed. I tried everything and bought anything I thought would help - pumps, shields, pads, nipple cream, books I asked for help from the experts. I watched YouTube tutorials. Nothing worked.

Each time I gave up I was heartbroken. I felt like such a failure.

With my third I was absolutely determined as I knew he’d be my last, but I just couldn’t get the hang of it! If I’d bottle fed them from the start I think I’d have enjoyed those first few weeks much more.

How's it going? Happy to be your virtual support network, 😊

The early days are very hard and it will take a little longer to get the hang of it. 4 days of being a parent isn’t very long - there aren’t many complex skills that can be mastered in that timeframe. If you can stick with it then it will get better, and then it should feel easy (or at least this was my experience!) If tongue tie hasn’t been checked for, then do insist on that.

Once I’d mastered it, I loved the simplicity of being able to feed whenever and comfort of knowing that I has sustenance for the baby with me at all times.

Don’t beat yourself up, if you want to formula feed, do it! Don’t need to justify yourself to everyone.

If you feel you’d be much happier, dad would get quality feeding time and it would be more manageable - formula feed! Xx

Simular story. I have a 3 month old and had a difficult start. My nipples were lipstick shaped too and baby constantly on and off. Had to top up with formula. Finally diagnosed with tongue tie several weeks in and instantly got better when this was sorted. No more lipstick shape and baby can stay on for a whole feed.

Its normal for baby to want to cluster feed in the beginning too though.

If you do stop, don't see it as "giving up" see it as stopping! But do be aware of all the washing, sterilising, making up bottles, planning to go out etc too - you're not seeing that side in your friends FF babies.

Thanks everyone. Those who do a combination feed of breast and forumula, how do you go about it? X

It is totally fine if you want to switch to formula, your baby will be fine. Fed is best. I have a friend whose two beautiful, healthy, smart children were completely formula fed and they are both doing great.

If you want to keep trying, the motherlove nipple butter was a lifesaver for me. I applied it after every feed even though, like yours, my baby wanted to nurse every 20 mins. It doesn't need to be washed off between feeds. I also liked the cool gel nipple pads by lansinoh, the lactation Consultant told me you don't have to rinse nipples after those either. For a while I would only offer her one boob to give them each a longer break. So it would be:
Nurse, right boob 10 mins
Break 20 mins
Nurse, left boob 10 mins
Break 20 mins

That gave them a longer recovery period.
At one point my left boob just got too raw, so I would only pump on that side and fed her on the right boob (froze the pumped milk). It healed up in about a day.

Pretty quickly she started to sleep longer between feeds and she got better at latching so it was less painful. I would say it took about 2 weeks for us to get into a pretty good routine and for her to have a really great latch.

Whatever you choose will be the right choice!

Just to repeat again, in case it gets lost in here, do try nipple shields before stopping entirely. They really did save row breastfeeding journeys for me when I was at breaking point.

Wanted to placemark as a first time mum to be who wants to breastfeed but has realised how difficult it can be. Some of the advice on here is great to know. Good luck to you, Op. it’s very early days.

Sorry another question. How do you know when baby just isn’t getting enough breast milk? She has an appointment tomorrow for heel prick and weight and all that and I’m dreading it. She is jaundice due a long traumatic birth so that’s a worry too.
Iv been watching loads of videos about how to get a good latch and have been trying so hard at each feed but still coming out with lipstick nipples which is just frustrating. I feel like I’m doing everything right but worth no results regarding the nipple department. I’m trying to get the position right but she just smashes her face into the breast and before I know it she has sucked the nipple into her mouth and has started.
The consultation was very positive but I kind of knew all the information I was given as I had been watching so many videos about latching. She has been more settled today but only three wet nappies so far since midnight, but done the small wet poops.
Also no one at any point during pregnancy, birth or recovery mentions all these things that can go off while trying to breast feed, like thrush, mastitis, blocked ducts. Feel like you are just booted out of hospital and expected to know what to do! X

@ExcitingTimes2021 because they will have plenty of wet and dirty nappies and will be gaining sufficient weight

Also they do lose weight earlybon. O had to have an extra weigh in with mine as he didn't put weight on fast enough but then he soon got to 90th percentile in weight

My husband didn’t feed either of our children until they were over six months and eating solids. He found other ways to bond. Bathing them, talking them out for walks in the pram, singing and rocking them.
If you want to stop feeding then please do it because it’s the right choice for you and baby and not out of guilt for feelings of other adults.

Nappies and weight gain. You measure input and output.

I also do formula top ups and I express milk too to give my boobs a rest. I know we all mean well here but a lot of it is trial and error and what works for some won't for all. So my baby will feed for 20 mins on right boob, sleep for 30, then feed for 3 minutes on the left etc. Random! There is no scheduling it.

Every time you top up with formula you could pump your own milk so you keep your options open and don't lose your (not established) supply.

This website is my go to for every issue I have had since starting this challenging journey six weeks ago.

kellymom.com/bf/got-milk/supply-worries/enough-milk/

Also have you tried nipple shields. They sell them on Amazon, if you have prime they give instant relief for sore nippkes

@ExcitingTimes2021 breastfeeding is kind of discussed as the most natural thing and Ibthink as a result you envisage it to be easy for both you and baby. That is sooo cute that she just smashes your face into your nipple though. 🥰 Not cute for your nipples I realise. Second time around my nipples were chapped and scabby, keep applying lanolin after every feed they soon toughen up ( about 3 weeks for me). It honestly does get better, if you can get through the hard bit. And by three months I had my baby in a nice routine of feeds every four hours in the day.

In the same vein, if it really is not for you and you don't want to plough through then don't. I think the thing with expressing right now is that it doesn't help you establish your supply, at the moment your baby and body are working well together to establish the right supply for your baby. Plus expressing and b feeding together is quite exhausting.

Oh and the dad's job in the early days of b feeding is to provide you with beverages, cakes and dinner whilst you sit on your arse and b feed. I don't think there's particularly a correlation between b fed babies and crying. They do need feeding more often though because b milk is so easily digestible.