I want to give up breast feeding already

[ExcitingTimes2021]

My little girl was only born 2/8/21 so only a few days old and I always said I would try breast feeding. Now only 5 days old and I just want to give up and switch to formulas instead.

I feel I just either have her on my breast or screaming for my breast and nothing else. I feel awful for my partner as he is getting no cuddles or baby time as she is always screaming. My nipples hurt, Iv watched endless videos but can’t get a good latch. Nipples just look like lipsticks at end of every feed and baby wants back on 10/20 mins later. I just spend all my time crying and this is not what I thought being a parent would be like. Two of my friends have recently had babies and their formula fed little ones just seams so much less screamy and theirs daddies can actually enjoy being daddies. Please help!

I have a video consultation with and infancy feeding person at 10am and a routine hospital appointment Saturday morning but can’t see them helping to be honest now.

It is really hard at first but if you can manage to keep going it generally gets a while lot easier after the first three weeks. I think there should be much more information for mums explaining that the first couple of weeks bf babies will basically feed all the time and it can be uncomfortable or painful. A lot of people think if it doesn't work for them straight away they are not cut out for it.

It is so hard at the beginning!!! Please please contact the la Leche league helpline TODAY and also get the number for a breastfeeding support group or person near you from your midwife. They can help you so much!

This is exactly what things were like with my first. I would wait until you e had the appointments and get some advice. Give it some more time. As others have said you can try formula for some feeds to give yourself a break if you are still struggling in a week or two, but try to persevere. I know how frustrating it is.

As others have said, breastfeeding will get easier with the right support but formula is there if you need it, baby is building up your supply and working on their latch. In terms of feeling like you’re wishing it away, post natal hormones are a horrible beast in my experience, and day 5 is the worst of it. You need to be really kind to yourself, how you will feel about being a parent in the long run is not how you feel today. Get as much support as you can, and don’t worry about your husband, his job at the moment is to support you and baby and his fun daddy times will come! Xxx

You are definitely at the hardest point in my experience. Breastfeeding isn't easy.

What helped me was having the means to formula feed in the house even if I didn't use them. Somehow knowing that I could make up a bottle if I needed to gave me the peace of mind to be able to take it one feed at a time.

I did use a manual pump and gave some formula now and then but I did manage to carry on longer than I expected to. My husband did all the settling and we found that he was better at it because he didn't smell of milk.

If you do choose to carry on- know that it DOES get easier. Soon, it won't hurt at all.

I just want to tell you, with utmost kindness and respect to STOP FEELING GUILTY. you have not ruined your partners life, you are experiencing the biggest adjustment you will ever have in your life. Take advice but ultimately you must do what YOU think is right. Whatever that is, it's not wrong. There us not just one way to parent

It's really bloody difficult and painful isn't it!

I mix fed for 6 weeks and eventually my daughter lost interest in formula and breastfeeding clicked. I also used dummies for the first few weeks which you're not supposed to do but it gave me a break and allowed my husband to have a cuddle.

Give yourself time and whatever you do, don't feel bad. You've just brought a human being into the world and you're recovering.

Could you get support from the breastfeeding team at your hospital? Breastfeeding is natural, but it doesn't come naturally, both you and baby are learning a completely new skill.

I hated breastfeeding more than I liked it for the 3 weeks I did it, then I mixed fed until 4 months which was better but I still wasn’t happy.
Get checked for tongue tie, my baby had it fixed at 7 weeks (should of been sooner if I’d known) and it helped but felt like the damage was done by that point.
try expressing if you want but if I’m honest I hated that more when I tried it, it was miserable being hooked up to a pump when baby was sleeping and I should of been resting myself.
Whatever you do, do what’s best for you and don’t let guilt affect you like I did.
Next baby I’m setting a 6 week limit and if it still sucks I’m stopping then

Sounds like a tongue tie assessment with a place like milk matters (it's an online assessment and you take video of baby doing various things that they then evaluate) may be helpful.

Breastfeeding is crazy hard for the first 6-8 weeks during all the crazy cluster feeding. But then it starts to get way easier than formula feeding and bottles (which are faffy more than difficult).

It helped me with number two to know that it would get better. So I adjusted my expectations.

This isn't to say you should breastfeed. That doesn't matter. Fed is totally best. Newborns are hard with or without breastfeeding. If you want to use formula, use formula. Maybe get some pre-made so partner can feed a bit.

I highly recommend a haaka style pump if you want to try expressing. Easy to sterilise and use and not a huge investment like a traditional pump.

Having the option of someone else feeding, even if just once a day can be very freeing.

A newborn is exhausting enough without all this upset for you. I tried and failed twice. For dc 2 is did use a manual breast pump for 6 weeks but it was nowhere near enough and I had to top up with formula. Then I felt like I was constantly tied to the pump so gave up that too. Send your partner out for bottles, formula and a steriliser. Relax and don't feel any guilt, it will be fine.

[quote ExcitingTimes2021]@lucymagoo what pump do you reccommend? I don’t know why I feel like this. For 2 years being a parent was all I wanted. Now I’m just wishing it away x[/quote]
I have the Elvie, which is expensive but so easy to use. It fits in your bra so you can get on and do things at the same time.

Not all babies will switch between bottle and breast but we introduced it on day 1 and have been fine luckily

Establishing breastfeeding can be really hard. If you’re committed to it and really want to do it, and can afford it, I would suggest paying for a private lactation consultant who can come out and give you 1:1 hands on support. People baulk at the cost but they can be worth absolutely every penny to get you through this. NHS support is generally shockingly insufficient. Equally you don’t have to breastfeed if you don’t want to. Have a think about your reasons for wanting to stop and how you’d feel if you do and that should help you decide whether you need to actively seek more breastfeeding support or if you want to explore formula.

Remember if doesn’t have to be either/or! Combi feeding is entirely acceptable, although you do need to prioritise getting your supply established in the beginning.

I would also say that MAM nipple shield absolutely saved my breastfeeding journey both times, so try those before stopping altogether.

Just to add, the waiting lists for tongue tie division on the NHS can be 6+ weeks, by which point most people have given up. Private is an option if you can afford it and much faster. My lactation consultant was also trained to assess and cut tongue ties. We had DS2 sorted on Day 7. Again, worth every penny.

It's definitely alright to swap to formula now if you want to.

To give you some hope. I am six weeks in and it has been awful. I have only just managed to get a lactation consultant to help me after loads of zoom appts with the breastfeeding support team. Even after all these weeks of pain and bad latch baby can still learn good latch position now I have finally learned what to do! It is now as of Wed pain free and so glad I persisted with professional help.

Don't feel bad for wanting to swap, EBF is not for everyone.

I've had this with all ours. I felt like a failure with our 1st 2 and people would comment on how they found is so easy which made me quite depressed about it, so unhelpful.
1st I persisted because the midwives pushed me to but it was the wrong thing for both of us. My milk just did not come in and she was starving, once on formula she thrived. With the 2nd 5 days in the midwife said to me to swap to formula. He lost more than 10% of his body weight which was over a pound as he was very big at birth. Again my milk didn't come in so he was starving. 3rd I was prepped with formula and bottles at home, did try to feed myself but soon had to give in. 4/5 were twins so I had ready made bottle in my hospital bag, I did give breast 1st and combination fed the 1st 6wk. Current baby will be here next week and I've packed the ready made bottles in my hospitslbag again but will still try to give breast 1st.

I struggled to begin with then DS had to be admitted back to hospital with jaundice so I topped up with formula. Been combi-feeding since he was 3 days old and it makes life so much easier. The hospital encouraged me to express too so I initially bought the tommee tippee manual pump but then bought a £20 electric one advertised on Bounty or one of those baby sites and it's done me (and baby) well

Emily Oster’s book, Cribsheet, is really good on this topic. Breastfeeding has some positive effects for the baby (and more for the mum) but in general, the effects are much overstated in media and popular understanding. If it doesn’t work for you, don’t let yourself get down about it- your baby will be perfectly ok!

I think you also need to get your head round the idea that a breast fed baby will feed whenever they want for however long they want. You need to let DH know that his job at this point is to help you to BF baby. Plonk yourself on the sofa, with little one snuggled up. Keep your bra off, boobs out at the ready. If LO wants to feed every 10 mins for 5 mins at a time that’s fine. DH’s job is to bring you cups of tea, water, chocolate, the phone, etc.

Breast feeding is natures way of getting mum to slow down and take it easy, and to bond baby and mum. Dad can bond over snuggles when baby is calm, sleepy and fed.

Take the pressure off yourself and just be with your baby. If needed go to bed with her and just feed or rest.

The latch is really important so good luck with your consultation.

Up to you. I'd give it another week or so but I wouldn't struggle on for months.

With both DC I found breastfeeding really painful at first and wanted to give up. DD2 is now 8 weeks and it doesn't hurt at all. I think it stopped hurting after about 2 weeks. I used to express the odd feed so I could get a break at night and she was fine with a bottle.

It will get easier but it's also fine to stop if you need to.

Don’t be afraid to stick your little finger into baby’s mouth and unlatch them if it’s not right. Even if you have to do it multiple times at the beginning of each feed. You’re aiming for baby to latch on with their mouth wide open like a baby bird - you can hold your breast like a sandwich and try to shove as much as possible in when baby latches on. You want all the areola or almost all the areola in their mouth. Try lots of different feeding positions too. Spreading a few drops of breastmilk onto your nipples after feeding will help them heal. And I found lanolin totally essential too. If you have a sling then that can be a lovely way for dad to get some cuddles. Immediately after a feed, dad can bundle baby up into the sling and go for a short walk - 20minutes maybe. You get 20 minutes respite and it’s quite likely that baby will stop crying and enjoy the rocking motion and cuddles. If not - you still get 20minutes break.

For me breastfeeding got much less painful as soon as my milk came in (3days pp) then again 3 weeks in when the 10seconds of pain with letdown stopped. From then on it was brilliant and easy and I loved how convenient it was. If you want to hang on and keep feeding, it’s likely to get lots easier in a fairly short timeframe. If it doesn’t or if you decide it’s all too much, and you switch to mix feeding or all formula, your baby will be absolutely fine.

It can be a struggle to begin with and you are left just feeling like a milk bar - but if you can get over this hiccup you will find it is enjoyable for both of you. And it is just a hiccup - you will come out the other side.

But if you decide it is not for you, do not worry. Baby has had the vital first colostrum so that is good.