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Original poster

Talk me out of being broody for dc3

85 replies

Octopuscrazy · 04/08/2021 11:54

I thought I was done. Totally and completely done. I can think of all the reasons NOT to have a third. Financial (we can afford it but will need bigger car, bigger house), energy (I already feel tired from the 2 I have), the teenage years won't be fun...

Up until a month ago, I was definitely not having more. 100%. Two is plenty. Two is enough. They're 5 and 2.5 now. They get on well and I have a girl and a boy. We are comfortable and happy. The younger one has just started sleeping through (but still not consistently).

So why? Why is my heart saying have another?!

Please talk me out of it. My head says no, but my heart says yes.

I need help.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Himawarigirl · 04/08/2021 12:50

Good luck. When the possibility entered mine and my DH’s mind it never went away, and I never for a minute before that imagined I would want three. Took us a long time to work up the nerve to actually go for it so we have 4 years between 2 and 3, but that works. I currently feel worn to shreds, so I’m not in the best place to make a solid pitch for having three kids but I wouldn’t change it. And I was the same as you, had a boy and a girl with similar age gaps and they got on super well. As they get older they start to squabble a lot though and it is lovely to have that leavened by the delight they both take in their younger brother.

Chunkymenrock · 04/08/2021 12:53

No way. The planet doesn't need more people. The future for our children is bleak environmentally. Why would you want to make your life much harder too? Quit while you're ahead. Keep things simple. Save money.

IrishGirl2020 · 04/08/2021 13:26

Agree two is plenty. It’s hormones - and especially powerful when your own children are still quite young.
Maybe read something on climate change whenever you feel broody e.g. ‘Our final warning - 6 degrees of climate emergency’. It might help make you feel like you’re making a positive decision to reduce consumption overall rather than a negative decision to not have another child

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mistermagpie · 04/08/2021 13:52

I can't. I have three (aged 1, 4 and 6) and having the third is one of the best decisions I have ever made!

BUT - you're here for the downsides and there are some. It's expensive, my third is only little but things like holidays and day trips are going to be really costly once she's older. Also after school activities and things - I have a few classes that my older two go to and adding a third set of these it's going to really start costing some serious money.

Childcare - paid childcare is really expensive as we all know, but even babysitting - it's a lot to ask a friend or family member to take three children on. We tend to split ours up so PILs babysit the baby and BIL has the older two or whatever, but it's a faff.

Car/house - everyone goes on about the car thing and I wouldn't have not had a baby because of it, but you will need a bigger car. We still have the older two sharing a bedroom but we can't carry that on forever so will have to move house at some point.

It's relentless. You are getting to the point now where it's starts to get easier, throw a baby into that and you're back to square one. My third was born when my middle was 2.5 and it's just felt like high chairs, nappies and prams for a very very long time. I get very little time to myself at all and neither does DH. You really need to be a team and support each other because you are outnumbered and the kids know it.

The main one though - I worry that my eldest doesn't get enough attention. He is the quietest and has always been a 'good' child so it's easy to ignore him while you are fire fighting with the other two. He adores his siblings and doesn't remember not having any, but his behaviour has become a bit more challenging lately and I think he really needs more one on one attention. I feel very guilty about this and we do what we can, but it's incredibly hard to actually get time alone with each child. If I asked him he would say that his siblings make his life better, but he hasn't got anything to compare it to I suppose.

So, I wouldn't change a thing, but it's not something to enter into on a whim that's for sure. If you think it's just broodiness that will go away, then just wait and it will pass hopefully!

Babydust13 · 04/08/2021 13:54

I know we're meant to be talking you out of it but my vote is go for it 👍🏻

Comedycook · 04/08/2021 13:56

If you want to, do it and do it whilst your other two are still young so they can grow up together.

HumunaHey · 04/08/2021 14:08

My DS2 is newborn. I am so happy he is here. He is very much loved and was planned but I am soooo looking forward to the days where I will get a full nights sleep again and there is not the relentless cycle of the newborn phase. For the love of god, don't put yourself back to square one. Enjoy the two you have woth fun days out and building memories. Relish the fact they will have so much more of your attention and you can enjoy their personalities so much more than if uour time was split between 3.

Enjoy that you don't have to be pregnant again and go through childbirth. Just enjoy the wonderful place you are in now!

simbobs · 04/08/2021 14:10

I have never regretted stopping at two. The logistics of transport and accommodation with 3 DC would have been a nightmare for us, as pre pandemic we travelled a lot as a family. Also consider that you have 2 healthy DC. What if you weren't so lucky 3rd time? Having a good friend in this position makes me extra sure that I made the right decision.

simbobs · 04/08/2021 14:14

On the other hand if you do decide to go ahead, as others have said it is a good idea to make it sooner rather than later. DH has 2 siblings, one of whom is 14 years younger, and hardly knows him as he had already left home when this one was born.

SarahDarah · 04/08/2021 23:33

@Octopuscrazy Just have the 3rd child. You'll actually be doing this country a huge favour as fertility rates are at critically low levels. We need MORE babies born, not fewer: www.bbc.com/news/health-53409521

Overpopulation is a myth and a lie that is being continually perpetuated to avoid tackling the real issue which is the horribly unequal distribution of global resources which overwhelmingly favours the rich and powerful, who are of course driving this "overpopulation" narrative. E.g. one of the most prestigious global scientific journals mentioned this a few years ago: www.nature.com/articles/528322a
Go to "Myth 5: The human population is growing exponentially (and we're doomed)"

People need to read the truth.

RampantIvy · 04/08/2021 23:36

Don't do it. The reasons for not doing it would be enough for me, especially the tiredness and the horror of teenage stress.

What does your OH say?

MollyBloomYes · 04/08/2021 23:50

I'd be no use to you I'm still desperate for a third and I don't even have a partner! My exh fucked off when I was 8 months pregnant with our second yet somehow the slog of single parenting still hasn't put me off and dc2 is 5 now! I'm 35 though and do feel like it's probably not going to happen-I'd have to meet someone, be with them long enough before having a baby etc etc. And yet the longing continues!

So I might just hang around this thread for a bit to try and get some reasons to make peace with the decision that's out of my hands! I've even considered sperm donation for goodness sake but I really don't want to do it on my own again (I'd be bankrupt within about three months for a start!)

Maybe I need a dog. The cat is insufficiently adoring although charmingly stupid

Willwebebuyingnumber11 · 04/08/2021 23:54

I can’t. My third child brings so much joy to our family. He is an absolute delight, so loving and happy all the time. His laugh is so infectious and we all adore his cheekiness. I can’t imagine our family without him.

Willwebebuyingnumber11 · 04/08/2021 23:56

@simbobs you absolutely can travel with 3 children (finances permitting) so this shouldn’t of put you off. We have 3 and pre pandemic, travelled all over the world. Granted, DC3 hasn’t been abroad as often as the other 2 as he was only 7 months when lockdown started but he’s still had 3.

DramaAlpaca · 04/08/2021 23:57

Sorry, but I can't talk you out of it. My need to have a third was so all encompassing that I just had to persuade DH go for it. It's been so worth it, and since he arrived I haven't had a minute's broodiness. It was meant to be. Oh, and the teenage years were just fine.

FizzingWhizzbee123 · 04/08/2021 23:59

Your life is about to get easier! You’re reaching that point where you can go for days out (using the family ticket which is aimed at families of 4, not 5!) without worrying about nappies, naps etc. Your youngest will soon be able to able to walk further and you can ditch the buggy. You’ll be able to leave the house with maybe a small bag for keys, purse, phone and perhaps some drinks and snacks rather than taking half the house out with you! Your youngest will soon be able to sit nicely for longer periods which will open up new activities to you as a family.

We had just got to this point with DS1 (just turned 3 at the time), t it was sooooooo liberating. Then DS2 turned up and suddenly I’m slave to the nap again, struggling around with a massive change bag and clunky buggy, weaning mess, sleepless nights (god I miss sleep!) and all I can keep thinking is about DS2 reaching 2.5/3yrs old and finding that freedom again.

I know the baby days aren’t forever, but it sounds like you’ve just reached a brilliant point to go out and have fun with your two kids (before it’s uncool to be seen with you!). Chuck a baby in on top and suddenly logistics become a lot harder. Plus you only have two hands 😆

I’m currently feeling very done at two, and cannot wait to reach the stage your at. Mother Nature seems to play broody tricks when your youngest child reaches 2yrs old (I was also done at one child until he turned 2…..), so beware the hormones!

Immaback · 05/08/2021 00:00

Op I could have written this!
Ages 2.5 and almost 5, younger one just started sleeping but still inconsistent. I was so totally done until about a week ago and now I just don’t know ! Can think of all the reasons to stick with the two but still...,

PieceOfString · 05/08/2021 00:01

At the ages of your DC you're just coming out of the real slog and heading to the the sunlit uplands... The very thought I'd you plunging back into babies and sleepless nights makes my hair curl.
But that's my hair I was so done at 2... I think when you're done you're done... If your lucky life supplies your personal preference if not you have to come to terms with it anyhow... Sounds like you have few reasons not to.

FizzingWhizzbee123 · 05/08/2021 00:02

Also you might have twins! Are you prepared to jump from 2 to 4??!

BlueSurfer · 05/08/2021 00:03

Everything is much easier with the first two.

PieceOfString · 05/08/2021 00:05

I was very relieved to come out of 2 births without much in the way of birth injuries. If you're the same, do you want to risk another roll of the dice?

powershowerforanhour · 05/08/2021 00:17

Which of your friends has the child, or preferably children plural, with the most difficult and "challenging" behaviour you know? Ring them up and arrange a family day out together, somewhere busy with loads of distractions and a tat shop with massive tantrum potential.

Newmum29 · 05/08/2021 00:22

I can’t convince you. I’m a third and by all accounts the best

OddshoesOddsocks · 05/08/2021 00:32

Well…. I have 3- 10, 6 and 1, all girls…

It’s relentless, 2 is definitely plenty and daily I question my life choices particularly when I’m trying to get everyone out the door.
I dread the teenage years, the hormones are raging in dd1 and it’s just going to be one after the other for the next 10/15/20 years (by which time I’ll be menopausal to boot!)

That said, dd3 is the best one (not that I have favourites…) and as soon as the inkling for number 3 reared it’s head I knew it wasn’t going to go. There will DEFINITELY be no trying for a boy though, 2 is plenty, 3 is more than enough!!

Guineapigbridge · 05/08/2021 00:32

My third kid is now five. My advice is that it's doable as long as you have help with housework, your dh is hands-on and if you have a mini van.
If you can't satisfy all three preconditions, do not Pass Go.

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