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Original poster

Talk me out of being broody for dc3

85 replies

Octopuscrazy · 04/08/2021 11:54

I thought I was done. Totally and completely done. I can think of all the reasons NOT to have a third. Financial (we can afford it but will need bigger car, bigger house), energy (I already feel tired from the 2 I have), the teenage years won't be fun...

Up until a month ago, I was definitely not having more. 100%. Two is plenty. Two is enough. They're 5 and 2.5 now. They get on well and I have a girl and a boy. We are comfortable and happy. The younger one has just started sleeping through (but still not consistently).

So why? Why is my heart saying have another?!

Please talk me out of it. My head says no, but my heart says yes.

I need help.

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Tocktock · 05/08/2021 12:31

I have 3. All wanted, all much loved. Grown up now. Its a huge leap from two to three. Although I wouldn't be without youngest, if I had my time again I'd have stopped at two.
Also they are so very expensive when they are older! If you want to support things like uni/driving lessons/house deposit, the difference is massive.
It never occurred to me when they were little. Also, if you're working, childcare.
And the possibility of twins.
My argument is, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Also if you've had two easy ones, don't assume third will be same. Mine wasn't, although is wonderful now.

Foreverbaffled · 05/08/2021 13:50

I have two and feel very done. My desire not to have three is also driven by anxiety. I feel honestly like I'd be pushing my luck. After two healthy pregnancies, easy births and no miscarriages I feel incredibly lucky. I just don't want to upset the balance... I'm late 30s now so time isn't on my side either. Try not to listen to the hormones unless you rationally definitely want to do all this again.

Original poster

Octopuscrazy · 05/08/2021 16:08

Wow alot of mixed replies on here. Sorry I can't respond to everyone individually.
Hope it gets better for you soon sleeping.
All the things being said are totally true and good points for not having a third. And believe me I have thought about most of them. But sometimes the heart wants what it wants. I am going to try to give it a couple of months and see how I feel. My DH is the same. I told him- heart yes, head no and he was like "YES! Those are the exact words I'm looking for."
I'm just conscious that I'm not getting younger (34 this year) and I don't want a too big age gap.

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pocoyoyoyo · 05/08/2021 16:28

I have a DS 2.5 and DD 10months, i was sooo broody after giving birth to both of them, after DS we started ttc when he was 6 months, after DD i was really broody for 6 months and still am now but my head is talking me out of it. I don't think I would say it's my heart that's broody, i think it's hormonal and the urge to procreate as the benefits can't really be explained, i was stressed out about what to decide but recently got the contraceptive implant put in and I'm glad, if I had 3 I would want them close together but I'm totally shattered with 2 as it is, my DM and MIL look after them so I can work but no one else ever offers to mind them so we rarely get a date night, or do anything just as a couple

RampantIvy · 05/08/2021 17:57

Wow alot of mixed replies on here

You will never get just one point of view with your circumstances.

Those who have 3+ children will say go for it. Those who think feeling broody is an utterly alien feeling will think "why make life difficult for yourself?"

omgthepain · 05/08/2021 20:23

@Octopuscrazy

I have 2 and have often wondered about a third but it's the financial side that is making our decision

My friend has 3, she had 2 and then met a nee partner who wanted to be a dad so had a third and she said one thing to bear in mind is, especially with holidays etc is that they are often based on 2 adults and 2 children and the same for family tickets to places.

That being said their little girl makes their family complete and her big brothers adore her

coodawoodashooda · 05/08/2021 20:27

@Babydust13

I know we're meant to be talking you out of it but my vote is go for it 👍🏻

Me too!

Treezan82 · 05/08/2021 20:29

My friends decided to go for a 3rd and had twins! One of whom has quite severe health problems. Of course they wouldn't change a thing but it has been such a massive transformation for them going from 2 to 4 and having their little girl's medication and hospital appointments to deal with.

I have 2 and I can't say I won't get broody again in a few years but my head (and DH) def says we're done.

ohfook · 05/08/2021 20:37

A few months ago I was you. I'm now pregnant with my third and I feel like the scales have fallen from my eyes. Me a few months ago was just in this fog of broodiness now I'm just shitting myself about finances/time/car/attention for the existing kids/childcare etc etc.

Babydust13 · 06/08/2021 04:45

@Createdjustforthis

My mum said you regret the baby you didn’t have, not the one you did.

Utter emotive bollocks obviously but it was all the justification I needed for my third. She’s feral, the house is a disaster and I haven’t slept in a decade. I’d not change a thing.

Love this 🥰

Jent13c · 06/08/2021 05:31

I'm in your exact position though pretty sure my DH is less on board. We have 2 DS and they are so easy and we know we got super lucky with them, scared to rock the boat but so so broody. Tried to think of reasons we should have a third for DH (hes very much a pro/cons list type of guy) and there are literally no pros but it just doesn't shake the feeling we aren't done yet.

FourTeaFallOut · 06/08/2021 05:45

I love, love having three. And my teens are lovely. Another vote for go for it!

HotelRoomforOne · 06/08/2021 05:49

I love my third so much but the workload associated with having him cost me my relationship of 18 years.
I have been a single parent to three children since my youngest was one.
Ages are now 8, 5 and 2.
Do not underestimate the strain even a wonderful easy third child can out on your relationship, and entire life. I am completely and utterly spent, and will likely take another decade to regain myself. I am also now without a partner

Crikeycroc · 06/08/2021 05:55

I think sometimes women who are desperate for a third despite logically not wanting another baby are really grieving never being pregnant again. Probably an unpopular opinion!

FourTeaFallOut · 06/08/2021 06:02

There's no real logic to having any baby, is there? Or, even if there is, then the neatly laid out logical pros on a list are a bit clinical and thin compared to the deep and overwhelming desire to raise a child.

I can't imagine why anyone would think that wanting a child despite a lack of objective advantages in doing so would have anything to do with just wanting to be pregnant again?

Musication · 06/08/2021 06:32

Don't do it! Mine are 6 and 8 now and I used to hanker over a third. We went to a family party yesterday and a number of relatives have babies and toddlers. I was able to kick back and relax while my kids played, ate and went to the toilet themselves. In the meantime the toddlers were eating mud, having tantrums etc and their parents had to follow them around the whole time. It was exhausting to watch (I did help a bit!) and I was so glad mine were a bit older.
Give it a couple of years and I suspect you won't want another anyway as yours will be very civilised!
Also the planet doesn't need another consumer if you need that argument !

Foreverbaffled · 06/08/2021 06:58

@Crikeycroc

I think sometimes women who are desperate for a third despite logically not wanting another baby are really grieving never being pregnant again. Probably an unpopular opinion!

I agree actually and came to this conclusion too recently. I realised I have to have "the last one" at some point and face that grief so better now after having had two than further down the line.

Needapoodle · 06/08/2021 07:09

What will a third baby give you that the two you already have don't?

TerritorialPissings · 06/08/2021 07:15

@Crikeycroc

I think sometimes women who are desperate for a third despite logically not wanting another baby are really grieving never being pregnant again. Probably an unpopular opinion!

I completely agree with you. I adored being pregnant, but we stopped at 2 because I knew a huge part of me craved that excitement and build up.

We have a 6 and 7 year old and just from the perspective of trying to fit a baby in around their after school clubs alone, I’m most definitely done 😂

Sparklehead · 06/08/2021 07:35

I have 3 (DD12, DD9, DS7). Of course, I love all 3 of them but I have found it hard.
Cons: it’s more difficult to give each of them the 1:1 that they want/need.
Most of my friends stopped at 2 children, and so it’s harder to do childcare swaps.
The dynamics of 3 mean that often one feels left out (who feels like this can change from day to day).
It’s noticeably more expensive.
If you want them to have their own room, you’ll need a 4 bed house. And if you want a spare bedroom, you’ll need a 5 bed.
My mental health has felt more fragile since having my 3rd. I’m always worrying about one or more of them.

Cons: They are a little tribe, and can have a wonderful time as a 3. Family life is very full and busy, which I love. Ultimately, i wouldn’t change my family, but if I was you, I would think long and hard about going for a 3rd before deciding. It’s really normal to feel broody. Even after my third, when I knew I didn’t want anymore, I still got serious pangs of broodiness. Good luck with whatever decision you make.

Insert1x20p · 06/08/2021 07:55

I’m one of the people that had two, and wanted three on and off until youngest was 4. Two of my besties had another baby at that time and that made me think ‘maybe one more’. Then those babies turned into toddlers and that sealed the deal- no number three for me!! I forgot how much work they are. My two are close together ( consecutive school years) and tbh another one didn’t really make sense on a lot of levels. Purely practically, having an 11,9 and 4 year olds would be a logistical nightmare- the four year old would be practically welded to the car seat as I drive the other two around.

IrishGirl2020 · 06/08/2021 08:20

@TerritorialPissings

Totally agree. I stopped at 2 aswell as I realised a lot of what I was craving was the build up and excitement of being pregnant and having another baby. As someone else said, what does a third give you that two don’t?
Also a couple of friends of mine who have older children gave in to the broodiness and ended up with 4 and 5 children. The oldest children did really resent the new babies as it just meant less parental time/resources for them (one competed in a sport at national level and had to give it up as no-one to drive her to the events etc). The other oldest child would regularly ask the parents ‘Why did you do this to me?’ 😂
Really put me off having more children though having said that, I think 3 is probably manageable for most people. Just means life is a lot more busy overall. Some people really thrive on the business - I don’t but it’s a very personal thing

SleepingStandingUp · 06/08/2021 08:33

@Crikeycroc

I think sometimes women who are desperate for a third despite logically not wanting another baby are really grieving never being pregnant again. Probably an unpopular opinion!

Absolutely. I loved being pregnant. I loved my massive twin bump. I can barely remember the pain of sitting on anything vaguely firm because one was so low 🤣.

FourTeaFallOut · 06/08/2021 08:43

I'll have to stand corrected. Pregnancy was just a means to an end for me. Yes, there were stretches of nice bits and, on the whole, it's exciting but it was always debilitating in the first trimester and plain cumbersome in the third. It's hard to imagine that for some women it's the highlight. But there you go.

MsMiaWallace · 06/08/2021 08:55

I would say though that I really suffered with anxiety when pregnant with number 3 as I felt I'd maybe 'pushed my luck'.
I was so scared something would go wrong & upset the balance we already had.

To add it wasn't harder going from 2 to 3.
The hardest transition was deffo 0-1 (obviously) then 1-2 kids.

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