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Taking nephew back to his mum an hour early - WIBU?

80 replies

fifteenmillionmerits · 17/07/2021 02:00

DSIS and me had agreed I'd come and take her DC out for the day last weekend. Nephew (DN) is 6 and a half, sweet little boy eager to please, but always bouncing off the walls with energy and can sometimes be very demanding; if he wants something when his parents are busy or unable to provide it, he often starts whinging and sulking. They manage well enough at home, going out is occasionally difficult as DN has a short attention span and runs off/or grabs things from shelves as the mood takes him.

However, me and him get on quite well, and as DSIS wanted to get some work done from home she suggested I take him out (her DP had already gone out to his monthly walking group early that morning). DN had been well behaved recently, so I took him to the local beach, got chips later on and bought him a small chocolate bar on the way back.

On journey home I'd promised my DP I'd get in some bread and milk, but this was derailed by DN - when he found a pair of my old binoculars in my coat pocket and tried to look through the car window at everything going past. At first he found it hilarious and I warned him to stop it in case he started feeling unwell. He ignored me and was sick all down his front less than 2 minutes later. After pulling into the motorway services to clean him up, I told him that we weren't going to stop at shop because he'd been sick. He then spent the next half-hour whining and kicking the back of my seat violently.

I was annoyed because we'd had such a good day out up until the vomiting incident but I'd told him to stop fiddling with the binoculars and he hadn't listened, lesson learned there then...When I knocked on DSIS's door, she was surprised to see us back an hour earlier than intended and asked why but once I explained she just looked weary and took him inside.

WIBU to take back DN early for misbehaving?

OP posts:
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Anordinarymum · 17/07/2021 02:04

Was she working?

fifteenmillionmerits · 17/07/2021 02:06

Anordinarymum - Yes, she works from home. She finds it hard to get things done with DN around sometimes though as he gets bored and tends to pester her for attention.

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 17/07/2021 02:07

In that case you were not being fair I am afraid to say.

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5zeds · 17/07/2021 02:12

So your “help” involved taking her child out till he threw up because of binoculars?Confused
If binoculars do that then why didn’t you stop him? If they don’t he was ill and had to go home.

fifteenmillionmerits · 17/07/2021 02:14

Didn't know what else to do with DN, I'm afraid. Didn't take a change of clothes for him cos he isn't usually being sick going out and I wasn't keen on taking a vomit covered 6 year old in the shops who tends to try and grab items from shelves or attempt to wander off. And I wasn't going to be leave him in the car on his own while I went inside.

OP posts:
5zeds · 17/07/2021 02:17

Could you not have got him changed and then taken him to the shops or just sat with him till dsis finished work?

Losttheequipment · 17/07/2021 02:19

You’re not a paid childminder, you did your best and took him home when you’d had enough. Of course that’s fine! If she needed a guaranteed child-free period she should have got formal childcare.

fifteenmillionmerits · 17/07/2021 02:20

5zeds - Leaving those binoculars in my coat pocket was poor decision on my part but forgot they were there. I'd put coat on the back seat next to DN but didn't figure he'd start looking through the pockets as he'd taken a book with him to read. I couldn't stop the car because we were on a busy motorway and the nearest services were 3 miles ahead. He's usually well behaved and I thought if I told him firmly he'd put them down.

OP posts:
fifteenmillionmerits · 17/07/2021 02:22

Usually well behaved in a CAR, I mean. He's never done anything like that before that I know of.

OP posts:
5zeds · 17/07/2021 02:26

I’ve never known a child have binocular related vomiting but I suppose it’s possible. Why couldn’t you change him and watch him till his mum finished?

PinniGig · 17/07/2021 02:33

Did you bell her on the way home to say you were dropping him off sooner? She might have just been caught on the hop and appreciative of a heads up that you were bringing him home early - covered in spew.

fifteenmillionmerits · 17/07/2021 02:42

5zeds - didn't bring a change of clothes for him because he isn't usually sick going out and never has been in a car. He was looking through the binoculars when I was driving, and I think the disorientation brought on nausea. PinniGig - I tried to call her, but the phone was engaged.

OP posts:
Astella22 · 17/07/2021 02:45

I’m not sure what else you could of done since he had vomited on himself.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 17/07/2021 02:45

He took a book to read in the car, but 2 minutes of looking through the binoculars made him sick? Hmm
If you agreed to keep an eye on him for your sister you probably should have stayed with him until she finished her work. Obviously I don't know what happened after she took him inside, maybe you did stay

Ginandplatonic · 17/07/2021 03:08

Of course it’s fine. You did your sister a favour looking after him, then took him home when he vomited on himself and you didn’t have a change of clothes. The “bad” behaviour (not really that bad!) and reason for vomiting are irrelevant.

Can’t believe people are saying you should have kept a vomit covered child out longer or taken him around the shops.

Farwest · 17/07/2021 03:19

To not take him home to change would have been cruel. He was covered in sick.

You are not formal childcare and she should be thankful for the time you put

In.

Nameswaptime · 17/07/2021 03:22

Once a child is covered in sick the day trip is over. Your sister was probably annoyed with DS, not with you.

DinoHat · 17/07/2021 03:27

@Nameswaptime

Once a child is covered in sick the day trip is over. Your sister was probably annoyed with DS, not with you.
Agreed.

Sounds fine to me.

BritInUS1 · 17/07/2021 07:01

I would have taken him back to get him changed, but stayed to look after him until S was finished for the day

Terminallysleepdeprived · 17/07/2021 07:06

Personally I think it's fine to have taken him home and left him, I would have. You are not a childminder, you were doing her a favour. She shouldn't have been off with you and should perhaps learn how to manage her child's behaviour so she can work from home or arrange proper childcare for him.

Hardbackwriter · 17/07/2021 07:07

If you didn't have a change of clothes you didn't have much choice but to take him home. It would have been nice to have then offered to watch him at hers until she'd had that time to finish her work but you'd already done her a big favour so I don't think you need to feel bad that you didn't.

tenredthings · 17/07/2021 07:11

It seems all went well until the chocolate bar. Some children react badly to sugar, they get a sugar rush and their behavior gets out of hand.

jacksmamx · 17/07/2021 07:13

If my child had thrown up while in someone else's care I'd want them to come home anyway! 🤷🏻‍♀️

Uramaki · 17/07/2021 07:13

The vomiting was reason enough to take him home. The weary look was probably just becuase she was like "oh no it never seems to go to plan" not personal to you.

I think your expectations of a 6 year old behaviour are a little high personally.

mindutopia · 17/07/2021 07:32

I think you did the right thing. If someone took my dc out for the day and they vomited all over themselves, I’d be upset with them if they just left them covered in vomit and didn’t bring them home (never mind the bad behaviour - I’d also be very displeased to hear about that).

You might have offered to hang around for an hour at home if this is a proper childcare arrangement and not just a ‘day out’. But realistically, he’s 6, not 2. It’s perfectly possible to work with a 6 year old in the other room. You slap some tv on and get on with things. Many of us have been doing it for a year and a bit now.

That said, if I had pressing work things to do, Dh wouldn’t have gone out for a days long walking group. He’d be with his child parenting to support me.