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Original poster

Taking nephew back to his mum an hour early - WIBU?

80 replies

fifteenmillionmerits · 17/07/2021 02:00

DSIS and me had agreed I'd come and take her DC out for the day last weekend. Nephew (DN) is 6 and a half, sweet little boy eager to please, but always bouncing off the walls with energy and can sometimes be very demanding; if he wants something when his parents are busy or unable to provide it, he often starts whinging and sulking. They manage well enough at home, going out is occasionally difficult as DN has a short attention span and runs off/or grabs things from shelves as the mood takes him.

However, me and him get on quite well, and as DSIS wanted to get some work done from home she suggested I take him out (her DP had already gone out to his monthly walking group early that morning). DN had been well behaved recently, so I took him to the local beach, got chips later on and bought him a small chocolate bar on the way back.

On journey home I'd promised my DP I'd get in some bread and milk, but this was derailed by DN - when he found a pair of my old binoculars in my coat pocket and tried to look through the car window at everything going past. At first he found it hilarious and I warned him to stop it in case he started feeling unwell. He ignored me and was sick all down his front less than 2 minutes later. After pulling into the motorway services to clean him up, I told him that we weren't going to stop at shop because he'd been sick. He then spent the next half-hour whining and kicking the back of my seat violently.

I was annoyed because we'd had such a good day out up until the vomiting incident but I'd told him to stop fiddling with the binoculars and he hadn't listened, lesson learned there then...When I knocked on DSIS's door, she was surprised to see us back an hour earlier than intended and asked why but once I explained she just looked weary and took him inside.

WIBU to take back DN early for misbehaving?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Rioja81 · 17/07/2021 07:42

He doesn't sound bat behaved tbh, apart from the seat kicking. He just sounds 6. I'm very surprised that binoculars would make him sick, but reading a book in the car wouldn't ?

Applesarenice · 17/07/2021 07:43

He was covered in sick of course you had to take him home. You did a nice thing taking him out. And don’t beat yourself up for leaving binoculars around - hardly something you could have predicted!

BillyIsMyBunny · 17/07/2021 07:46

Was he reading his book before he looked through the binoculars? Reading and looking at a fixed, static point in the car is more likely to cause nausea as it causes your brain to think you’re sitting still whilst your body can feel movement. I’ve never known anyone encourage a child probs to car sickness read a book before!

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Cloudninenine · 17/07/2021 07:47

It’s fine. You did her a favour and you could hardly take a vomit covered child round the shops etc. If she needs childcare when she works she has to pay for it. You did a nice thing and it’s not your fault it ended a bit early.

PivotPivotPivottt · 17/07/2021 07:51

You done the right thing taking him home. You were good enough to take him out in the first place.

I've read a million threads on here where the OP asks if they are being unreasonable to be upset because none of their relatives ever offer to babysit even for occasions such as hospital appointment etc. Everytime they are torn to shreds and told they are entitled to expect anyone to look after their children.

Hopefully your sister was grateful that you took him out for the day and she was just annoyed that he hadn't done what you told him and not annoyed with you.

NakedAttraction · 17/07/2021 07:51

I would have text from the services to say we were on our way back because he’d been sick in the car. That would have given her chance to wrap up her work.

Squashpocket · 17/07/2021 07:52

Tbh I probably would have taken him to the nearest supermarket, given him a quick wash in the toilets and bought him a new t-shirt (they're about £3). But I have young children of my own and I'm used to kids bodily fluids.

I also think you need to adjust your expectations of 6-year old boys behaviour. He doesn't sound badly behaved, just normal. He probably felt awful about being sick and disappointed at missing out on the shop trip. Poor lad.

Starcar · 17/07/2021 07:55

Agree need to take him home when been sick. I think the binoculars were a novelty and I understand why he didn’t want to immediately give them up, although an adult was telling him too. Being sick is no fun for him and Going into a shop for a kid is somehow a special little treat and mine are gutted if a promised shop trip doesn’t take place so I suspect that the big tantrum was a bundle of different emotions like not feeling great and sitting in sick, being embarrassed, disappointed at not going to the shop etc. I’d probably have commiserated with him for being sick, then say we don’t want to go in shop like that, we’ll go home and get clean teeshirt on then walk to the local shop and back, hopefully avoiding the ball of emotion and unpleasantness in the car.

ichundich · 17/07/2021 07:59

@tenredthings

It seems all went well until the chocolate bar. Some children react badly to sugar, they get a sugar rush and their behavior gets out of hand.

Nice bit of victim blaming. I don't think you should feel guilty OP; you made a big effort to have a nice day with your nephew. The not listening about the binoculars thing is typical for a young child. It's the kicking in the car that would have done it for me personally.

ObviousNameChage · 17/07/2021 08:01

YANBU.

You took him out for they day, had fun. He got sick. That's reason enough to take him home.

Your DSis looked weary for various possible reasons, worry it wasn't a one off and now her kid is sick, she didn't quite get to finish work, disappointment that a nice day turned sour and so on.

It's not a formal arrangement, you're not providing childcare, you're just spending time with your nephew as and when it suits.

I do think your expectations are slightly high and rigid for a 6 yo but that's not really relevant to the story.

Wjevtvha · 17/07/2021 08:03

I don’t think you had much choice with a sick covered child and would it really have been worth it to change him amd take him back out, you were doing her a favour

Constellationstation · 17/07/2021 08:04

I would expect my 6 year old to be brought home if he was sick. It sounds to me like you did the best you could in the circumstances. I’m not surprised sister sounded weary when you showed up, but wouldn’t have thought it was aimed at you.

Ohdoleavemealone · 17/07/2021 08:16

IT's fine to end the day when they throw up everywhere.
I am sure it was in convenient for your Dsis but you were doing her a favour whilst her DH, who actually has a responsibility to their child, swans off having a jolly leaving his wife to work and watch the child.

RubyGoat · 17/07/2021 08:17

Your DSIS likely wasn't weary at you, just the situation. If you have a child like this, high energy, into everything, not exactly naughty but just relentless, it feels like it never ends. You can't tell them off for being inquisitive, energetic & running around, because kids do that. But it's so, so tiring. Your nephew sounds a lot like my DD. She's like the Duracell bunny. Bloody exhausting. My family have literally refused to look after her as they can't cope. Her behaviour is fine, not naughty (except that she struggles to concentrate in school sometimes), she's just exhausting. Can't sit still.

TheNameTheWebsiteForgot · 17/07/2021 08:17

You are not a paid childminder. Your sister suggested the day trip in the first place - you were doing her a favour.

You can take him back at any time for any reason.

If she wanted an exact ti e she should have paid for childcare.

That said, it did sound like she was pissed off with him and not you!

wizzywig · 17/07/2021 08:21

Maybe you don't have kids of your own? Try a calm boring sedate day out with no sugary food.

youngandbroken · 17/07/2021 08:24

You were not being unreasonable to take him home after he was sick but honestly his behaviour doesn't sound that bad. He's a 6 year old, everything you have mentioned apart from the seat kicking sounds quite typical for such a small child. And the binoculars probably aren't what made him sick as such, more a mix of greasy chips, chocolate and car sickness in general if he was reading as well (that's not a judgement plenty of children have chips, chocolate and car rides and aren't sick too). He might have also been overheated?

LittleBearPad · 17/07/2021 08:25

I don’t know why you needed to go in a shop to get bread and milk. You could have stopped for those at a petrol station. No need to take him in.

If your DSis needed to work you could have taken him home and cleaned him up rather than just take him home. It might have been kinder than dropping off a vomity child early to someone working

Anyusernameleft · 17/07/2021 08:25

If he was covered in vomit, I'd have brought him home....but now knowing how hard it can be for you sister & especially if she gets few breaks, I'd offer to take him again. Tell him off for the kicking & tantrums & it is not to be repeated or...& think of a sanction. High energy & bouncing off walls is one thing...focused aggressive/bad behaviour, & dangerous at that when you are driving, is not on. And maybe bring a change of clothes just to have...just in case. You'll both feel so.good if you can have a good afternoon out from start to finish!

imaginethemdragons · 17/07/2021 08:25

Ahh no don’t take him home early.
Just Chuck it in the fuck it bucket and crack on with your lovely day.
Honestly, all this is to be truthful is “other people’s kids syndrome”. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, no drama, perfectly understandable and nothing to do with him being badly behaved (just a big standard normal 6 year old) or your supervision capabilities, it’s widely recognised!!!! Other people’s kids are bloody painful!!

You are a fab auntie for taking him out for the day, I’d love you to be my sister offering to do this for me.
Just chalk it up to a bump in the road, it’s testament to your good relationship with the fella if he feels comfortable enough to be a horror for half an hour with you.

LittleBearPad · 17/07/2021 08:26

Equally the weariness wasn’t likely directed at you. He doesn’t sound naughty - just relentless and that’s very tiring.

WTFisNext · 17/07/2021 08:27

Personally if I was doing someone a favour like that then I'd see it through until they had finished work so I'd have turned up with vomit covered child and said I'll just clean him up and we'll be back when you've finished.

Not because of expectation from the person you're doing a favour, but just because I know little things like that can make a big difference if someone is struggling.

Although in your sister's shoes I'd be beyond pissed off if my husband sauntered off on a ramble knowing I needed to work with a bundle of energy in the form of a child was being left behind for me to deal with! I wouldn't be pissed of with you for trying to help and coming back early.

Howshouldibehave · 17/07/2021 08:28

DSIS wanted to get some work done from home she suggested I take him out

It’s nice of you to agree to do as she told you-plenty of others wouldn’t have done!

How long did she ‘suggest’ you had him for?! How long did you end up having him for?

hedgehogger1 · 17/07/2021 08:28

So what happened when you did take him back?

Marmite27 · 17/07/2021 08:29

@Anordinarymum

In that case you were not being fair I am afraid to say.

Not being fair, seriously?!

It’s not OP’s child. If he was misbehaving and covered in vomit I 100% would absolutely have taken him back to his mother an hour early.

I’d expect any one who had my child to return them in similar circumstances.

Ultimately he’s not OP’s responsibility, that lies with the parents wether someone has kindly offered to mind him or not.

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