Taking nephew back to his mum an hour early - WIBU?

[fifteenmillionmerits]

DSIS and me had agreed I'd come and take her DC out for the day last weekend. Nephew (DN) is 6 and a half, sweet little boy eager to please, but always bouncing off the walls with energy and can sometimes be very demanding; if he wants something when his parents are busy or unable to provide it, he often starts whinging and sulking. They manage well enough at home, going out is occasionally difficult as DN has a short attention span and runs off/or grabs things from shelves as the mood takes him.

However, me and him get on quite well, and as DSIS wanted to get some work done from home she suggested I take him out (her DP had already gone out to his monthly walking group early that morning). DN had been well behaved recently, so I took him to the local beach, got chips later on and bought him a small chocolate bar on the way back.

On journey home I'd promised my DP I'd get in some bread and milk, but this was derailed by DN - when he found a pair of my old binoculars in my coat pocket and tried to look through the car window at everything going past. At first he found it hilarious and I warned him to stop it in case he started feeling unwell. He ignored me and was sick all down his front less than 2 minutes later. After pulling into the motorway services to clean him up, I told him that we weren't going to stop at shop because he'd been sick. He then spent the next half-hour whining and kicking the back of my seat violently.

I was annoyed because we'd had such a good day out up until the vomiting incident but I'd told him to stop fiddling with the binoculars and he hadn't listened, lesson learned there then...When I knocked on DSIS's door, she was surprised to see us back an hour earlier than intended and asked why but once I explained she just looked weary and took him inside.

WIBU to take back DN early for misbehaving?

I think you did the right thing although giving an excited child chocolate etc before a long and potentially warm car journey was not wise. Did you offer to go in once home, so you could watch him while she finished working, or just leave them to it?

The problem isn't taking him home early, it's the lack of childcare your dsis has. She needs to sort some formal childcare out, it's unfair to expect a 6 year old to entertain themselves for presumably large stretches of time while she works.

I wfh and am also doing a degree. It's very difficult to work while ds (7) is at home unless I plug him into a screen and even then I probably only get an hour or so at a time.

I think you have been great taking him out. I can't believe people think you were being unfair.

Yanbu to take him home as covered in sick, not because of his behaviour (sulky and wanting his own way are very common at 6).

To help my sister I would have asked her if she wanted me to stay until work finished or asked for a fresh t-shirt to take him out again. I doubt sister was annoyed at you though, probably stressed about getting work done with him there.

It doesn’t sound like the sister cared very much in the first place so I’m not sure it necessitated a thread.

YANBU but I think maybe you should have warned her? He does sound quite hard work. It's nice you took him out.

her DP had already gone out to his monthly walking group early that morning

Was her DP not around to help? It sounds like DP managed to get some down time. Hopefully DSIS gets that too.

After pulling into the motorway services to clean him up, I told him that we weren't going to stop at shop because he'd been sick. He then spent the next half-hour whining and kicking the back of my seat violently.

His kicking of the seat would have been the final straw for me too and I’d have dropped him off and he’d be clearly told why.

He needs to understand that he only gets to have nice long days out with Aunty F when his behaviour is ok. Poor behaviour curtails the fun instantly.

Keeping him longer just to give your DSis more time to finish her tasks will not reinforce the lesson that his behaviour choices have immediate consequences.

I wouldn't be surprised at all if my sister turned up early with my kid or kids if they had been sick and a handful. If my child had been sick in paid childcare or school they would be sent home. You took him out, it was only an hour early back. Not a big deal and certainly not in the wrong.

@ManicPixie

It doesn’t sound like the sister cared very much in the first place so I’m not sure it necessitated a thread.

I agree. I might have looked slightly weary if someone had bought my child back early because they were sick and I was working, but only in a 'ah, sod's law!' way. I'd be mortified if that person then started a thread about it where everyone criticised me for being so entitled and expecting free childcare because I didn't look delighted that my child was playing up and had been sick!

I would have been weary too. You think you’re doing her a favour but you take the kid out, feed him full of rubbish food, put him in a situation where he’s likely to be car sick (probably reading rather than binoculars) then return him early, covered in vomit, and upset because his day was cut short. Yeah, thanks so much.

This is why I don’t bother accepting ‘favours’ from people and would have either demanded DP miss his walking group or hire professional care. Kind intention but it doesn’t work.

You don’t sound like you like your nephew. Not because you took him home early but because the way you speak about him. He’s a child.

I would have been weary too. You think you’re doing her a favour but you take the kid out, feed him full of rubbish food, put him in a situation where he’s likely to be car sick (probably reading rather than binoculars) then return him early, covered in vomit, and upset because his day was cut short. Yeah, thanks so much.

All very true. I also sincerely doubt it was the binoculars that made him sick

I don't get the binoculars bit.

But if my Child had been sick and was poorly I would want him hone rather than sitting in his sick in a car

Bloody hell. You were doing your sister a favour. Unpaid. It's a shame he was sick. But you were still looking after nephew unpaid. YANBU.

Look if it had been half the day I would understand but it was an hour earlier than planned whatever the reason for him being sick I completely agree he shouldn't have to walk around stinking of sick and you made the right choice. You were doing a favour and if she knows what his behaviour is like then she should understand things don't always work out how we plan them.

@LloydColeandtheCoconuts

Bloody hell. You were doing your sister a favour. Unpaid. It's a shame he was sick. But you were still looking after nephew unpaid. YANBU.

Not sure why unpaid needs to be mentioned so much

Only said it twice but ok

Can’t believe so many people are saying you should have packed a change of clothes for a 6yr old, and changed him, and kept on providing childcare. If the parents did a better job maybe they’d have more people willing to mind the kid, who wants to spend all day with a hyper, disobedient, sulking whiner?

I am a bit confused. You asked are you unreasonable taking him back early because he misbehaved (yes you are) but are you unreasonable taking him back because he vomited on himself (no you weren't). I don't get how a) he got the binoculars out of your pocket b) you didn't take them off him.

Reading in cars is well known to cause sickness...especially after chips & chocolate. A little kindness to DN wouldn't go amiss, I expect he picks up on your dislike of him.

I’m not sure why payment would ever be mentioned in respect of people looking after nieces/nephews.

He then spent the next half-hour whining and kicking the back of my seat violently
This is not the conduct of a well behaved child!
I think that probably your sister is struggling with him and you've only just got a small taste of her daily life.
I'm shocked that none of this was addressed on the arrival home.
I get she thought she'd got an hour more, but more shocked by the lack of addressing his conduct.

@WhoDidAndWhy

I would have been weary too. You think you’re doing her a favour but you take the kid out, feed him full of rubbish food, put him in a situation where he’s likely to be car sick (probably reading rather than binoculars) then return him early, covered in vomit, and upset because his day was cut short. Yeah, thanks so much.

This is why I don’t bother accepting ‘favours’ from people and would have either demanded DP miss his walking group or hire professional care. Kind intention but it doesn’t work.

Where did the op suggest she'd ever done this?

What a leap!

@fifteenmillionmerits

Anordinarymum - Yes, she works from home. She finds it hard to get things done with DN around sometimes though as he gets bored and tends to pester her for attention.

She would probably find it easier to work if her husband didnt go off on walks on days when she is working and having her son under her feet.

YANBU

Personally I wouldn't have given chocolate (on top of chips) before a hot car journey, would have pulled over at the first opportunity and absolutely told him off for kicking the back of the seat- that's so not on, and gone into sisters house for a cuppa and clean up DN properly and made him watch a bit of TV/play rather than bother his mum while she finished work.

Grabbing things off shelves in shops is not a well behaved 6yo, and the running off is a bit concerning, at that age. (I had a runner, and my DC were by no means angelic) so I can see why your DSis didn't look to thrilled to have him home while she was still working. Neither of you was BU.