to put ds 5 into care.

[stressedanddown]

nc due to how sensitive this post is.
i have 4dc My first two dd are well behaved my youngest ds 2. my third ds 5 has severe asd. We planned on having 2 dc but because our first two were well behaved angels we decided to try for a 3rd and i found out at 16ish wks i was pregnant with dc4 which for me is too late for an abortion .
Today alone my ds 5 has
spat in my face numerous of times
punched me so hard my nose bled
bit me numerous of times
peeled more wallpaper off
throw a bottle of wine in Tesco
pushed his brother over while in highchair
ripped his sisters hair out then started chewing it.
kicked at dog while outside.
We have had worse days then this before and i just cant do it any more. i have gained weight as at night when they have gone to bed im so tried i just order just eats etc my hair is a mess. my other kids are living in fear of violence.
im a shell of myself
please be gentle im pretty vulnerable today

We already have a disability social worker

No judgment it sounds like hell. Do you get any respite?

You need to access as much support as possible. Is he at school? Can you access any respite care? What strategies are you using/school using/doctors advising?

The third child is 5? The child you can't handle?

How old are the others?

I have no experience with this and I can't offer practical advice, I am sure others will.

I wanted to say I am so sorry for everything you are dealing with. Life can be very difficult with children and it sounds as though you have alot more to cope with than most. Sending you support and

That's a lot to deal with, you have to be fair to yourself and your other children too

Is he at school yet? Is at specialist school?

You need to speak to social work. You need way more support than you are getting and respite. Maybe care is an option but there might be other things to try first before taking that step.

Sounds really tough for you all.

Is he in school? Do you get any respite from him at all?

No judgement at all from me - it sounds hellish

You sound in a desperate situation. I don't think AIBU is the best place to post for non-judgemental help, I suggest you click 'report' on your post and ask HQ to move it to somewhere in the Special needs section, or even to Chat or Parenting.

Can you phone your social worker tomorrow and tell them you can't cope, you're at breaking point?

I have been were you are. Its unbelievably hard. Have you got any support? Is your ds medicated?

Yanbu. Sounds as though you can't care for this child and keep your other children safe, or at least not unless their father gives up work so there can be 2 adults around at all times.

Just because I have no idea how you have coped this long.

I've got no word but

Speak to your SW, see if they can offer respite or a family worker. I found educating myself has really helped me cope with ds.

No judgement. It may well be the best for all of you. Only you can make the decision.

I can't imagine how tough that is. Everyone has a breaking point and you obviously aren't getting the support needed.

YANBU for thinking of care as an option but I hope someone more knowledgeable will come along with advice and interventions to try before it would get to that stage.

It makes me think of the oxygen mask analogy - how can you look after DS (and your other children) if you feel like this. for you.

Op, if you consider all behaviour is communication, what is your ds trying to communicate?

Are u on any Sen groups?, support? Is he at school? Have EHCP? What support is in place for ds? What does he need?

He is your ds, but all kids need care and support also. You made choices around having kids/sex/ birth control, and it does sound hard work but what is in place to help as you move forwards?

Do you get respite and does it help?

Is he verbal? Does he have support for managing behaviours?

What are u hoping from your post?

You obviously can put your child in care, but that has long term damage for you, him and all your kids.

No easy answer, but you are not alone!

I was thinking (judge judge judge) until I read your post. This sounds so hard.

I hope you will try and be as kind to yourself as possible! That is so hard and having other children to think of only makes it harder.

Please ensure you are as kind to yourself - as you can possibly be, accessing all support there possibly is!

Online support groups, physical respite. Book a hair cut. Anything to make life feel more manageable xx

There is no way to tell from your posts how many other things you have tried. If he is not already at a specialist education provision is try that first. And also consider residential schooling before “putting him in care”. This is obviously very very hard but there is really no sense from your post of what measures you have already taken.

So sorry you are going through this. It sounds so hard for you, your ds and your other children.

This sounds like hell to me too, absolutely no judgement. Can you be very honest with your social worker about how you're feeling? There must be more they can do to help you. Is his df supportive? Do you have grandparents locally?

💐 it sounds so hard, no judgement. I hope others better placed to help can offer advice.

I'd worry he'll bounce around different care homes never feel secure again and get lost in the system.
His life would be much harder.
I get it I've had these thoughts with DS he is 6 now and much better at regulation, there is times I want to shout he reacts badly.
Can you apply for respite.

What I’m saying is that at 5 I’d have thought that there would not yet have been time to have explored all other education settings. So I would do that first with the help of your SW before deciding on care.