Pettiest parenting pet peeves?

[Tucancrossing]

What's the pettiest thing that annoys you about other parents? Something that you know is so pathetic to care about but it really grinds your gears?

Mine is probably when people say they're doing 'a bit of traditional weaning and a bit of baby led weaning' - you can't half do BLW... traditional weaning is purees AND finger foods, BLW is your child ALWAYS feeding themselves regular food.

So petty, I wish I could let go of it, but I internally eye roll every time.

@MrsW150917 I am performing an experiment (on children, nevertheless) as it so happens that we don't do much screen (not religiously but for many reasons we have computers but no Tv for example).

I have two, one is 19m one is 2m. The older cares nothing for any screen at the moment, my DH tried to get him interested in Donald Duck (don't ask, we are 80s kids and I hate peppa the pig or anything new [read 2000+]) but all the kid was interested in was the opening credits with the music, and my DH has to play that on repeat. Go figure.

When we do go out with the kids, we entertain them for now and it does work (but not sure how we would manage with other people added to the game, and if they would not be annoyed at me showing the baby the same frog in the same book millionth time over and over...).

Pet peeves luckily I have not many, as I do not have any friends with kids and playground mums are mostly the same "don't climb/touch/lick/roll/take..." - I mean what's the point of having a closed gated playground if all you do is run after Alfie Noel Gustaf the Third asking him to not lick the rail. Surely the point of the gates is so you can sit down, observe the mischief and get two minutes of rest scrolling down your FB posts looking at kittens!

@Pl242

I was born end of August. I was always the youngest or second youngest.
and also amongst the brightest.
mum felt quite justified in her decision to not hold me back a year when I won competitions and had great end of year results😉

Oh and another. And I don’t think anyone has mentioned it.

sleep when the baby sleeps

Oh how I would have loved to! There was a horrible period with both of mine from about 6 weeks to 6 months when during the day they would only sleep in a sling whilst I was walking. And obviously they were waking a lot in the night too. Both BF and bottle refusers, so nights down to me. I was so tired and felt on the verge of violence when anyone said the above to me.

@Mammyloveswine

Because I have two boys I must have another and "try for a girl".

I'm happy with my two lovely little total mammas boys, they are so loving!

I would've loved a girl..I love my boys..I do not want any more children, I'm blessed to have these two little humans love me and call me mammy!

The worst are people who have one of each who are extra smug! "I'm so lucky.." and look at you with pity with your own children of the same sex..

Applies to mothers of girls too... one of my friends has had "your poor husband never getting a son" 🙄

Yes! I have three girls and I LOVE having all the same sex. I would have loved whatever combination I got, but having three the same is awesome. Plus they are all totally different personalities anyway so it's not like I got three identical children who like doing all the same things.

Parents who can't possibly stay in the house for a while day with their children. They have to go out for a walk. I hate walking lol I find it really boring especially on my own with a baby. I only do it if I have to walk somewhere. My SIL was like it as soon as my nephew was born, and they suffered during lockdown when he couldn't go out every day!
I knew my hate for walking would benefit me one day haha
I don't mind it so much now my kids are a bit older and they're interested in things as we're going around

That was meant to say a *whole day lol

The 'my kid is more athletic than yours'. Fine. But he's not.

Omg will it just stop

Also the perpetually late parent, both at morning and night for the school bell. Especially when she calls me asking me to 'just watch zach'.

This is a woman who doesn't work, and AFAIA, has no other commitments.

@MrsW150917
I agree with your stance on tech and I can assure you it is perfectly possible to raise children without resorting to a screen every day. I have 3 DC, the eldest is 6. They have around an hour a week of screen time since the beginning of the year, even less before that. However, even I used my phone to keep them entertained in pubs - they just wouldn't sit still and the only thing that was more interesting than running around was watching videos on my phone. I'll bet other people were judging me, thinking I sat them in front of a device the whole time.
I think this is an important lesson with all things parenting: you often only see a short interaction between parents and their DC - that doesn't mean you know what they're usually like. So hold back with the judgement

@Heartofglass12345

Parents who can't possibly stay in the house for a while day with their children. They have to go out for a walk. I hate walking lol I find it really boring especially on my own with a baby. I only do it if I have to walk somewhere. My SIL was like it as soon as my nephew was born, and they suffered during lockdown when he couldn't go out every day! I knew my hate for walking would benefit me one day haha I don't mind it so much now my kids are a bit older and they're interested in things as we're going around

@Heartofglass12345

thanks for posting that.
I thought I was the only person who wouldn't go for walks with a baby because it's mind numbingly boring!

you made me feel better

I have to admit that mine is parents who are massively anti all tech. Sorry. It's 2021 and this is the world our children live in. If they don't get taught how to use and interact with technology from a young age, they're not only going to get left behind but also are fare more likely to fall for the dangers. We teach children while they're still in the pram to be careful when crossing the road etc, we need the same level of basic safety instruction on tech from day 1.

And iPads in classrooms is brilliant. It doesn't mean they can't and won't use pens and paper but it allows for much more freedom and equality - the child who doesn't write as well/as fast is more likely to be able to keep up, work can be distributed and stored more easily etc. I think iPads in the classroom is a wonderful development.

@whoshoulditalkto you might not (and I'm sure many others don't) but I've seen a lot of people playing every trick in the book to try and force their babies to eat puree. I was with a mum yesterday who was trying to sneak in more mouthfuls, scraping up what he spat out and trying to push it back in his mouth, doing 'here comes the aeroplane' and other games, saying 'only a few more spoons, please open your mouth' etc. etc. All the while my child (same age) is sat there eating his sandwiches and fruit quietly by himself. She then spoke to me at length about how I'm so lucky I have a baby who loves food and how can she get him to eat more? I would spit out pureed carrot as well to be fair.

@MsMarch - I have to admit that mine is parents who are massively anti all tech. Sorry. It's 2021 and this is the world our children live in. If they don't get taught how to use and interact with technology from a young age, they're not only going to get left behind but also are fare more likely to fall for the dangers. We teach children while they're still in the pram to be careful when crossing the road etc, we need the same level of basic safety instruction on tech from day 1.

Except most parents don't actually teach them. They just let them at it. There are no benefits from screen time to young children. There are obvious advantages to parents (e.g. letting you get on with things etc) so at least be honest about why you are using screens (yes, I know, lots of parents are honest about it but many come out with crap about how good it is for them).

This notion that screen use is essential to kids who will work using technology is also nonsense in a lot of instances. Sure, if they're programming or using complex applications but playing games and using social media is not much help in most careers.

I act as tech consultant to my parents. I also act as tech consultant to me kids (teens and early 20's) for school and university projects. I see many students coming into university (I'm an academic) with poor technology skills. They are able to use social media, okay games etc but very little useful.

[quote Tucancrossing]@whoshoulditalkto you might not (and I'm sure many others don't) but I've seen a lot of people playing every trick in the book to try and force their babies to eat puree. I was with a mum yesterday who was trying to sneak in more mouthfuls, scraping up what he spat out and trying to push it back in his mouth, doing 'here comes the aeroplane' and other games, saying 'only a few more spoons, please open your mouth' etc. etc. All the while my child (same age) is sat there eating his sandwiches and fruit quietly by himself. She then spoke to me at length about how I'm so lucky I have a baby who loves food and how can she get him to eat more? I would spit out pureed carrot as well to be fair.[/quote]
Eye roll. Now you just sound really smug.

I also act as tech consultant to me kids (teens and early 20's) for school and university projects. I see many students coming into university (I'm an academic) with poor technology skills. They are able to use social media, okay games etc but very little useful.

I would agree with you that tech without accompanying lessons is pointless (obviously with the exception that sometimes, as you say, we all do it for a break), and you do raise a good point that lots of people are not thinking about this. And your comment above ENRAGES me because I think a parent who allows this for their child (and schools that don't prioritise teaching this stuff) are doing their DC a massive disservice. I have met some of these young people who can barely use email and I find it incredibly frustrating. We spent YEARS being taught how to write formal letters at school, it's not clear to me why how to use email is not prioritised in the same way today.

So I would argue the solution is not to have less tech, but to ensure that our children are learning about it correctly. DS is learning to type and to use basic programmes like Zoom/Word Perfect - he's 10. When we use his PC for work/google classroom etc I'm starting to teach him as we go.

DD, who is clearly more of a technical mind, is starting to learn to use much more advanced apps and programmes already (she's 6).

I'd argue that what DD is doing is not necessary, but the basics we're forcing DS to learn should be standard for all children. Similarly, we've been teaching them about "appropriate" content and attempting to instil in them the understanding that what's on the internet/you tube is not necessarily true and how to question/analyse this pretty much from day 1.

Technology is not the problem. it's the attitude that it can't be taught, it can't be used correctly etc that is the problem.

So I would argue the solution is not to have less tech, but to ensure that our children are learning about it correctly. DS is learning to type and to use basic programmes like Zoom/Word Perfect - he's 10. When we use his PC for work/google classroom etc I'm starting to teach him as we go.

I 100% agree with you on that but unfortunately most parents are not doing this. The problem seems to be that many parents (and teachers) seem to assume that simply exposing children to technology is enough and that they will learn by osmosis. Most children won't, in the same way that most children won't learn to read if you just give them access to books without reading to them or helping them learn.

I think there are situations where screen-time really is a very useful tool for getting through life with small children.

Long plane journeys, for example... I know everyone says read and do colouring-in but there's a limit to the amount of times those sitting next to you want to hear the Very Hungry Caterpillar or return dropped crayons. Plugging your child into an ipad with headphones and unlimited Hey Duggee or Peppa is really doing everyone a kindness.

Meals out is a more difficult one. When DH and I eat out with our almost 4 year old, we usually pick family-friendly cafes and restaurants where the food comes quickly and there's often a playground. If there isn't a playground, we don't usually stay for more than an hour and the promise of pudding is usually enough to keep our DC sitting nicely at the table and chatting to us. However, 4 is a very different age from a one year-old or 2 year-old. DC would have managed about 15 minutes at that age! Also, if you're meeting friends for lunch, they tend to want a leisurely lunch and a chance to chat rather than quicking grabbing some food and then going. If you're constantly entertaining small children by talking and reading to them, you can't really have a proper catch-up with your friends. We usually took a few toys and encouraged DC to chat to our friends for the first half hour of the meal while waiting for food to come, and then let him have screens after the food while we had a peaceful chat with our friends. Worked well enough for us.

@OchonAgusOchonOh

So I would argue the solution is not to have less tech, but to ensure that our children are learning about it correctly. DS is learning to type and to use basic programmes like Zoom/Word Perfect - he's 10. When we use his PC for work/google classroom etc I'm starting to teach him as we go.

I 100% agree with you on that but unfortunately most parents are not doing this. The problem seems to be that many parents (and teachers) seem to assume that simply exposing children to technology is enough and that they will learn by osmosis. Most children won't, in the same way that most children won't learn to read if you just give them access to books without reading to them or helping them learn.

We could probably do a whole thread on this, but yes, I think this does happen. or the school thinks they can cover some issue once in Year 2 and that's it, it's done for life now.

But it's still really really important that this mindset is changed. During lockdown, a mum of one of DS' friends didn't want her kid using FaceTime etc, so suggested Skype. I said sure, no problem. We created a Skype account linked to my Microsoft account for DS, loaded it on his iPad etc etc. She couldn't even bloody get Skype to work on his and in the end she threw her arms up and the boys just didn't communicate with each other. Mind boggling to me.

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba haha that's ok!
I'm glad to have finally met someone else who feels the same

remembered another, don't know if it's been mentioned.

I really hate seeing small kids walking on the road side of the pavement, with no adult between them and the road.
even worse if they are not holding the hand of the adult.
if the child tripped and fell onto the road...why would anyone risk that?

I don't like to see little girls dressed in too-mature clothes.
I noticed a lot of the girls clothes now are like crop tops and hot pants but even more surprising is they start from age 4-5yrs in some shops!!

Meh. I fed my 1st finger food but he needed help with things like yogurt as he couldn’t do a spoon so I would spoon feed him sometimes. Was I BLW or tradition weaning? 😂

You can in fact spoon feed while also giving your child finger foods to eat so surely that’s half and half 🤔

@Tucancrossing, my pet peeve is parents who need to define themselves with labels such as baby led feeding, cloth diapering, co-sleeping etc. I just like to call it parenting, I'm not into departmentalising and categorizing parenting styles but very much for each to their own. Also, judgy superior parents irritate me, you know the ones, the ones who secretly roll their eyes at you and think they're better than you. Unless someone has a safeguarding concern regarding how I am raising my child, I'd ask they kindly mind their own business criticism and unsolicited advice is not welcome.

@Scottsy100

You can in fact spoon feed while also giving your child finger foods to eat so surely that’s half and half 🤔

Indeed - this it's the way that the terminology divides and polarises - and personally I never came accross anyone who "force-fed" their baby with a spoon - why would they?