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Original poster

what do you think of people that have their lo's christened when they are not reallt religous?

146 replies

pregnantbabyelephant · 21/11/2007 19:35

good excuse for a party ? nice to introduce the baby to the extended family ?
better to have a naming service? has anyone actually done this ?

better saved for those that do go to church on a regular basis ?
or ok for those that dont go to church but are just belivers?

is it something people do to please the older people in the families like the gp's?

OP posts:
BroccoliSpears · 21/11/2007 19:47

I think it's hypocritical. It makes me very cross actually.

I understand there's no similar service or event if you don't have a christening - naming ceremonies are not yet widely accepted or understood as an alternative (I'm sure they will be eventually).

I desperately wanted to have some sort of party or event or something to mark the arrival of dd into the family. But... I'm not religious so it would have been hypocritical and rather crass of me to stand in church and say a load of stuff I don't believe, just to have the champagney, cakey bit afterwards. Particularly when I'd be doing it in front of people who do believe it all. It's not disrespectful to God (who doesn't exist) or to the church (who I have no time for at all) but it is to the family and friends who do believe in it all, and who value it highly.

Apart from anything else, it makes church and religion the norm. It makes babies Christian by default. Very strange.

A naming ceremony is a much better option if you're not religious. (Not an option for me, btw, as my family would not have travelled for "just" a naming ceremony. Now a Christening, that would be different...)

fireflyfairy2 · 21/11/2007 19:47

I'm a Catholic.

Dh is not.

We got married in a Catholic church, promising to baptise any children we were blessed with, into the Catholic faith.

So we did.

I am Catholic, our children are Catholic. They go to a Catholic school, are taught the Catholic ethos, I take them to mass.

I personally wouldn't have gotten then christened if I wasn't going to uphold any faith, nor would I have done it to please members of my family.

Actually, around here it would be very hard to persuade a priest to baptise/christen a baby if he didn't see any proof of your faith. But then I'm in a small Irish village & it would be obvious to the priest who does & doesn't attend mass.

brimfull · 21/11/2007 19:47

I think it is essentially hypocritical .

Very much for people concerned with appearances and wanting lots of gifts.

I am very cynical despite being a godmother to an utterly hypocritical friend's dd.

I think best saved for those it actually means something to.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting Philosophy & religion
Desiderata · 21/11/2007 19:49

Some of the responses on here are hardly Christian!

I am not particularly religious, but the Church of England is my faith. I was baptized into it, and I see no hypocrisy in my child being baptized into as well. I put 20 bums on seats on a cold, November morning and put £50.00 into the church coffers.

I'm also a bit of a traditionalist.

"Get some principals, you idiots" .."

Was that a bit uncalled for, jenny?

Slubberdegullion · 21/11/2007 19:53

I'm pretty breesy about how people interact with the church, but I do have some issues with people who in ordinary circumstances say 'I do not believe in God, Christianity is a load of old cobblers etc' having their children Christened.

Part of the service is an admission of faith.

"I turn to Christ" is an extremely powerful and important statement if you are a Christian. It is probably the most important phrase I have ever said in my life.

If you can say those words out loud, in front of all your family and friends and not mean it...well it just doesn't sit that well with me.

However I'm with Marina when I think the Church should be welcoming to all. I keep my unease and s to myself. I love Christenings anyway, they always make me well up a bit.

LuckySalem · 21/11/2007 19:54

Me and DP have had this conversation. We want a "big party" when the baby arrives but are not in the least bit religious. I mean to the point where both of us don't believe in it in the slightest so we both said we'd never do it in a church. Gonna have a party somewhere else instead.
Same with when we get married. Gonna get married on a hill or something. Or a castle.

I don't really think either way on whether being religious should stop you going to church etc. My friend had her christening in a church and I was godmother and if i'm being honest I felt terrible being there cos they were asking me if I renounced evil and things like that and although I don't believe I said yes (cos you have to) and I felt horrid lying in church. Was a strange feeling.

Slubberdegullion · 21/11/2007 19:54

sorry that should have been the Church
(capital C slubber)

CarGirl · 21/11/2007 19:55

christenings aren't biblical anyway

Peachy · 21/11/2007 19:56

LuckySalem- have you looked at the Humanist ceremonies? they can be very nice without being religious.

kerala · 21/11/2007 19:56

We wanted to avoid the cringeworthy spectacle of people making vows they were not going to keep.

Just think if you are not christian and you want a celebration of a new baby you just need abit of imagination, there is so much else you can do in place of trooping along to a draughty church. In the end we an extended family garden party when dd 6 weeks old so everyone could meet her. Some people did little speeches and dh read a poem. And we drank alot of champagne and ate cake.

Slubberdegullion · 21/11/2007 19:57

I've been to a Humanist ceremony. It was great. Very moving and happy occasion.

LuckySalem · 21/11/2007 19:58

Humanist? Will look into that. Thanks.

ballbaby · 21/11/2007 19:58

I got my children Christened for school. We go to mass about 1 in 3 Sundays. Our vicar said in one of his sermons that people tend to come to mass first, then if they come enough start to beleive. I don't beleive in God (yet!) but i beleive in the Christian way of life. Maybe he's got a point though.

Peachy · 21/11/2007 19:58

Humanists- theyc an provide a celebrant an areally special occasion. My Mum plans on having a humanist funeral as she is totally atheistic, and I support that choice.

ballbaby · 21/11/2007 19:59

sp...sp ....sorry

NorthernLurker · 21/11/2007 20:02

My church isn't draughty

LuckySalem · 21/11/2007 20:03

Peachy - Cheers hun, had a quick glance and that looks like something that would work for us, Esp the "mentors" part.

flowerybeanbag · 21/11/2007 20:03

I have been thinking some more about this.

I am not religious, don't plan to get DS christened as I said (although I was, out of convention more than anything I think), and didn't get married in a church, and I do think it's hypocritical to do either of those things if you don't believe.

But I went to a friend's wedding recently, she is Catholic. I fully expected to be bored, but I was very moved by the service. Somehow it seems more significant and more important than registry office weddings. I am finding it hard to explain.

I stick to my opinion about church weddings and christenings not being appropriate for those who don't believe in God, but after attending that wedding I am a bit and hoping I can manage to make whatever we do for DS even a bit as moving as it was.

Hekate · 21/11/2007 20:03

I think that some people who are not religious have their child baptised because it's seen as the thing to do - without them really sitting down and thinking what baptism is and what it means - that it is about religion and making a promise to God.

In the same way as some people who are not religious get married in a church, or arrange a funeral in one.

There are certain events that people associate with church not as a religious event, but more as an attitude of That's What You Do, without really recognising it as religion or seeing the hypocracy in a non-religious person making promises to God, or delivering a loved one to God, etc etc - if you see what I mean.

EmsMum · 21/11/2007 20:05

This was the issue that finally 'outed' me as an atheist to my family - I didn't want to tell them I'd lost my faith because I knew that it would deeply upset them. But out of the blue mum phoned up and asked if we would be having DD christened and I said 'er no' and she asked why, I had no way of sparing her the truth that I didn't believe in any of it any more. Having residual respect for the way I'd been brought up there was no way I could go through with a service, for me it would have been totally hypocritical. and DH was vehemently anti.

I wish I'd known about humanist naming celebrations at the time

Peachy · 21/11/2007 20:06

It depends on your community as well- here is a small community and the Church is still very much the focal point of that, so I could understand why someone (not an Atheist, but an Agnostic perhaps) would want to make that a feature of a big occasion in their life

NorthernLurker · 21/11/2007 20:09

flowerybeanbag - that's lovely about your friend's wedding and I think sums up why as a christian I am not at all offended by non-beleivers bringing their children for baptism - because that way you get to hear what I believe is the greatest truth in the world, the most liberating and wonderful thing - that Jesus died for us. And in hearing that maybe it will stick with you and be something you want for youself. Or maybe not - I know most of the people on this thread are going to run a mile (or get very very cross) now but anyway.

kerala · 21/11/2007 20:09

And in my experience churches are always draughty! My grandfather was a minister so went alot as a child. Draughts draughts draughts. Glad yours is cosy tho NL

purpleflower · 21/11/2007 20:10

I had my DS baptised although I always said that I didn't believe in God. The vicar actually knew my feelings. My DP is religious although he doesn't go to church so I did it for him. At the end of the baptism preperation I walked out with doubts about my disbelief. I still can't 100% say what I do or don't believe but I am getting married in church in April and I don't feel a hypocrite. My Mum is buried at the church so I feel closer to her. I couldn't get married anywhere else.

NorthernLurker · 21/11/2007 20:10

we have carpets and coffee too