What is wrong with our kids these days?

[2021ismyyear]

So I live near a town that has a recent alarming number of teenage suicides. Mostly girls but there have been boys too. There seems to be a huge mental health crisis brewing. More and more are needing professional help. Schools are at a loss what to do. Parents are angry.

Parents are blaming social media, the schools, the teachers, the government.

One parent said that they had to remove their kids phone as there is peer pressure on social media with regards to suicide, becoming lgbtq, and going on anti depressants.

It’s just exploded here. Young people have lost it! I remember a few in my year with mental health issues (eating disorders, those that were abused etc) but it seems every teen has an issue at the moment. So severe in cases, that they are killing themselves.

What is this all about? How can we stop this?

@autogroup yes, I'm glad of that. Generally she's able to talk to me about anything. She had a panic attack during an exam last week, her school's peer mentor called me and we had a good chat. She told me she opened up easily, so I'm very glad she feels she's got people she can speak to and trust at least.

Social isolation.
‘Social’ media should actually be re named anti social media. As it takes away the real, true connection of being with someone. We are human. That is what we need.
The endless lockdowns have an enormous amount to answer for. We should not be locking up our children and teenagers. The impact is devastating

@ChairOnToast I did an online parent support course that camhs were running in my area. It was called understanding your child's anxiety. I'm sure some camhs have similar courses online and I know there's one smaller condensed version on YouTube.

Examples from us is our daughters very shy and gets anxious talking to new people. So I find I'm talking for her. Or letting her avoid social situations, sorting things in school etc just really basic small things that made her a little anxious like any child, I was literally shielding her from it all and dealing with everything for her. So she didn't learn her own natural coping techniques or problem solving of her own. Resulted in her shutting herself away and unable to cope with the smaller issues in life. I had to take a step back and let her feel her anxiety but reassure her through it. She'd been at home for 12 weeks refusing to leave the house at that point. Then slowly expose her to leaving the house a little further and further everyday. She'd get shaky and upset and use coping techniques like finger breathing or talking to distract from the situations. I'd get her to rate her anxiety from 1to10 when we first left, and then again while we were out, then once back home and it helped her realise that although it's horrible at first it soon passes. And the more she left the house the easier it got. It then progressed onto other areas of her life, she began visiting family again, restarted school. And it was hard seeing her struggle crying, anxiety attacks etc and I did just want to hide her away and keep her safe. But I was actually damaging her.

She's back in full time school now (was out for 15 months). She's still anxious and struggles with lots of things but tiny steps for her are really helping. This weekend she went into town on the bus with me and asked for her own fare from the driver. That to her is massive

I think it's a complete myth that a hard life builds reliance. Resilience comes from confidence and that is built through absolute security. A secure loving background that reinforces your value daily. Yes, of course, children need to be allowed to experience disappointment and setbacks but they also need to know we have their back and that they always have someone to turn to. This is why the care system can never succeed, because no matter how well intended individuals are or even however good the quality of the care js, it can never provide that kind of security, the care givers are (almost) always transient.

@Mousetown

Peer pressure to become LGBTQ?

A full third of a year 9 class I teach are now LGBTQ. Mostly trans, although none have cut their hair or stopped wearing skirts etc.. they were all wandering round wearing full size rainbow flags a couple of weeks ago, although they seemed to get bored of that after a few days

There's always been a lot of teen distress. It's worse now I think from SM as it engenders fear and hopelessness - but the worse thing about the internet for those who are suicidal is that it gives the young people careful instructions about how to succeed in an attempt and encouragement to do so. In my youth there were a number of attempts among people I knew but they were mostly overdoses and they did not take enough tablets to do major harm, now things are different.

@AutoGroup

Is the LGBT+ thing a class thing, we're in a very working class, even lower working class deprived area and I'm not seeing that among my DC's friends or the teens I work with. "Gay" is still used as an insult here

Maybe that’s why? There will be LGBTQ kids in working class communities. They are just not coming out because the kids around them are using gay as an insult.

Yes, I understand that Mousetown, but it's not my experience that our teens feel pressure to declare themselves LGBT+

@AutoGroup

Yes, I understand that Mousetown, but it's not my experience that our teens feel pressure to declare themselves LGBT+

I'm reading 'irreversible damage' which is all about the transgender craze. The author shows evidence to suggest this craze is mainly affecting middle to upper class kids, especially those that are very accepting of LGBT views.

Should say 'especially those kids that have parents that are accepting of LGB views'

Eating disorders were very much an upper middle and middle class phenomenon, they are now becoming more evenly distributed throughout society. It makes you wonder whether having more expectations placed on you, and more opportunities, is always a good thing.

Thetuesdaypringle, but every generation has these things to deal with - for ours it was the ever present threat of nuclear war, the cold war , Aids, Chernobyl, IRA bombs. For my parents it was WW2, Suez, Bay of Pigs. For my nephews it was Port Arthur, Gulf War, drugs. My niece was born a month after 9/11. Nothing is new.

There is a lack of resilience among some young people, possibly due to lack of boundaries and being raised in a child centred society. I certainly wouldn't advocate a return to children being 'seen and not heard' but they are centred from birth and here is nowhere to go as they grow older. They expect to continue to be the centre of everything and the bubble bursts when they reach adulthood.

pps are right in that there is social contagion made so much worse by social media.

I also think the multiple multiple vaccines given to kids in the west does their long term mental health any good either.

@Roonerspismed

I also think the multiple multiple vaccines given to kids in the west does their long term mental health any good either.

What.

I think it’s a whole society not understanding the importance of a secure attachment between an infant and their main care giver.
It’s a societal norm now for both parents to work and leave their young with adults who may or not be capable of attuning to their needs.
This causes anxiety and some level of trauma in the child.
It’s a sign of capitalism destroying our children. Not to mention the conservatives severely underfunding all mental health services.it’s a diseased system through and through.

@Chiffandbip

I think it’s a whole society not understanding the importance of a secure attachment between an infant and their main care giver. It’s a societal norm now for both parents to work and leave their young with adults who may or not be capable of attuning to their needs. This causes anxiety and some level of trauma in the child. It’s a sign of capitalism destroying our children. Not to mention the conservatives severely underfunding all mental health services.it’s a diseased system through and through.

Really? There was actually a very short window in time where full time stay at home mothers were the norm and even then it was only a middle class thing. The upper classes never looked after their own children and poor women always worked.

Agree with those saying it is due to damaged microbiomes. It's all these other things mentioned too, causing stress, but ultimately the changing/damaged micro biomes cannot deal with stress and causes anxiety, depression, adhd, autism, obesity, etc and many other ailments. Anxiety and depression are actually physical ailments.

@PiersPlowman

"Climate change is the huge fucking monster looming on the horizon."

They've been saying that since the '70s.

Yes, and it’s much worse now because we’ve done almost nothing about it. FFS, clicking in this thread I didn’t think I’d have to wade through head in the sand climate-change denial.

I'm staggered that only one poster has mentioned inequality. For the middle/upper classes, the relentless competition, pressure for grades, school and uni rankings, need for contacts to get a leg up, the need to buy the 'right' products and services, debts - it's all over Mumsnet every day. Continual comparison. (This is purpose of the much blamed social media of course - keeps you looking at adverts - consume at all costs!)

For everyone else, being looked down on forever. Poverty and struggle to get by.

Nothing erodes health quite like it. Look up a book called The Spirit Level - how inequality harms all of us.

@Summerhillsquare

I'm staggered that only one poster has mentioned inequality. For the middle/upper classes, the relentless competition, pressure for grades, school and uni rankings, need for contacts to get a leg up, the need to buy the 'right' products and services, debts - it's all over Mumsnet every day. Continual comparison. (This is purpose of the much blamed social media of course - keeps you looking at adverts - consume at all costs!)

For everyone else, being looked down on forever. Poverty and struggle to get by.

Nothing erodes health quite like it. Look up a book called The Spirit Level - how inequality harms all of us.

Certainly I think living in the shadow of an economic crash, austerity and a housing crisis (not to mention 5 years of brexit in which over 50s basically told young people to go fuck themselves) haven’t helped. If you’re a young person in this country there’s not a whole lot to be optimistic about.

@wheresmymojo

I feel like these conversations always miss the very genuine trauma that many, many young people go through.

Perhaps it easier to blame TV / video games / social media / drugs (delete as appropriate to the generation)?

Having spent time in a psychiatric hospitals as an inpatient the one thing suicidal people and addicts have in common is trauma.

We know that a lot of children are sexually abused (I forget the figures, is it 1 in 10?)

We know that even more children witness domestic violence.

Then you add in those that lose a parent during childhood.

Those abandoned by at least one parent during childhood.

Those with other traumatic circumstances like neglect (physical or emotional), chaotic/addicted or alcoholic parents, gay children with homophobic parents, etc

I think if we actually did a survey of trauma those lucky enough not to have had as much would be shocked at how common it is.

When we think of our own DC we assume these can't/don't apply or we would know. But in reality parents often know very little about their children once in teenage years.

My DM would have sworn she knew everything about me but she knew very little in reality.

We also don't think of these things when we think of teenagers at our DC's schools but of course they absolutely do.

This with bells on. I was very mentally unwell as a teen, self harming, eating disorder, suicidal thoughts etc. I remember getting stitched up in A and E once and the nurse asking me if it was "boy trouble". No, it was trauma from witnessing domestic abuse, and being raped. Most other girls my age I met who had serious mental health problems, especially eating disorders, had been raped or abused in some way. It's staggeringly common.

@GoWalkabout

Kids need routine, rules, interests, a stable care giver, sleep, exercise and a good diet more than they need mental health support. I speak as someone who makes my living as a mental health professional.

It's scary that you believe that and work in mental health!

@PiersPlowman

"I don't think that's at all true, certainly not as a child growing up in the UK in the 80s. I can remember the AIDS epidemic and those tombstone adverts exhorting you not to die of ignorance, "

We also grew up with IRA bombings and the threat of nuclear war. I wonder how the young 'uns would handle that!

I've lived through both and the past decade has been much more challenging. The fact that you can dismiss what a series of catastrophic earthquakes and a massacre did to the entire population of a small city is revealing of your lack of emotional intelligence.

Sometimes it is good to listen when people tell you their experiences rather than shout over the top that you know better how it is for them. You don't. And this is especially true for our young people. Just a quick scroll through this thread is very telling about the dismsissiveness they are subjected to.