What is wrong with our kids these days?

[2021ismyyear]

So I live near a town that has a recent alarming number of teenage suicides. Mostly girls but there have been boys too. There seems to be a huge mental health crisis brewing. More and more are needing professional help. Schools are at a loss what to do. Parents are angry.

Parents are blaming social media, the schools, the teachers, the government.

One parent said that they had to remove their kids phone as there is peer pressure on social media with regards to suicide, becoming lgbtq, and going on anti depressants.

It’s just exploded here. Young people have lost it! I remember a few in my year with mental health issues (eating disorders, those that were abused etc) but it seems every teen has an issue at the moment. So severe in cases, that they are killing themselves.

What is this all about? How can we stop this?

I knew people would poo-poo it because nobody wants to admit they’re a detriment to their kids 🤷‍♀️

And we've have had some successes with the environment. Our town has a number of nature reserves on what was "waste" land when I was a child and yes, ozone layer, lead free petrol, the smog has gone, reducing acid rain. It's not only today's young people concerned about the environment, although I wish they would stop their middle class parents and their log burners

Let me guess: they're not resilient enough, too woke, and not like our ancestors who were ever so stoic and just got on with it? That's the standard MN answer.

Being serious though, self-harm isn't new. I did it as a teenager and I still do occasionally, and I'm in my mid-thirties now. One girl in my year cut herself so badly she looked like a zebra. I don't remember anyone in my year committing suicide but there were some very unhappy kids, including one girl who had a drink problem. Looking back, I wonder if it was because she was from a religious background and she was struggling with her sexuality.

Social media creates an unrealistic unachievable perfect world. It punishes those who don't adhere to the morality of its perfect world (again often unachievable). It has images of people which aren't real.

At the same time it makes people incredibly inward looking and encourages people to compare themselves with ourselves.

If you are on social media, you aren't out actually 'living life' you are either editing a version of your life or looking at others lives rather than getting the fuck on and doing thing with it.

It creates a 'narcistic world' where everyone is the central character, as if in a movie and empathy and tolerance goes out the window because its all about competitive stuff.

Its invasive and deliberately designed to be addictive so you never get a mental break from it and can't switch off.

The internet becomes the real world - except its not. Fantasy is confused with reality and expectation aren't moderated or measured.

If you aren't a massive star with zillions of followers you are a social failure. Never mind the quality and value of the real life friends you have even if they are small in number.

The value system is so fucked up.

I am so glad I'm a xennial (the cusp of gen x and gen y) and was one of the first people taking up the technology. I experienced and understood the pitfalls of it long before others. I find it interesting how those social media pioneers kept the kids off it.

I think there's an awful lot of parents who really don't understand it nor see the problems it can cause.

Its a comfort blanket for issues but can become the catalyst for making them more extreme and more pronounced because social media tends to push things to the extreme.

Everyone needs a label to validate them. No one can just 'be' or 'because' anymore.

Social media has a lot to answer for. The internet forums which promote self harming, suicide methods, transgender ideas, Instagram and Facebook with their photos of perfectly happy, beautiful people.
There is increasing pressure to shine academically, and go to university, even though many children are not suitable for this route.
There is an absence of sensible apprenticeships, where children can stop academic lessons at fourteen or fifteen, in favour of learning to become electricians, plumbers, hairdressers, caterers, beauticians etc.
The decline in two parent families has also contributed. In the past, it was uncommon for a couple to split up but now it's commonplace.
The reasons are complex, but society as a whole needs radical change, and unfortunately I can't see it happening any time soon.

Excellent post, RedToothBrush

@m0therofdragons

Dd is 13 and a disproportionate number of her class mates are either trans or non binary. They are desperate to label themselves as anything other than the norm and anyone who isn’t lgbtq is seen as anti - you don’t seem to be allowed to be straight and identify as your birth sex without it being assumed you’re the enemy. Dd talks openly with me but I imagine dc who don’t could feel alienated in the current world of teens.

This 100%

@TheTuesdayPringle

Suicide is catching... when there is one, there is likely to be another - and another. Which is why there are strict regulations about what can and can not be reported.

But let's face it, it has been a completely terrible year for a great many people, and being a teenager is already very challenging. Life during the pandemic has upped the ante beyond bearable for many, and it must be terribly difficult on top of normal teen anxieties and hormonal changes to also have to cope with restrictions of lockdown. The teenage years are all about gaining independence so to have that snatched away is very cruel. Most of us have found it hard but I do think that it must be extremely lonely and painful for young people who already have so little agency.

And given that the bad news has been relentless, they can be forgiven for imagining there is no point in continuing or simply not being able to bear it any longer.

I'm not sure there is any point in trying to direct blame at anyone or thing, we all play a part in each other's wellbeing and clearly we need to do better for our children and young adults.

^ This

Frankly social media is a disaster.

I was just reading about Twitter mobs going after people who have been judged by them to be guilty of something. Plus the echo chambers - people stoking each other up or validating bad choices.

Then there’s the “you’re nothing if you’re not a victim” of something. Even the BBC homepage has a “young victim of the day” on the bar halfway down. They trawl the country looking for some young person on their experience of lockdown whilst identifying as a blue whale. “Fitting in” gains no attention and attention is all.

And anyone would get depressed looking at others’ amazing friends/stuff/holidays etc etc. These instagrammers exist to make their followers feel bad in comparison. In some cases, very bad indeed.

@Ravenspeckingontheroof

And being anxious is NORMAL. Every other person I meet has ‘anxiety’. Anxiety is part of living and we need to stop medicalising it. Sure there are some people who have crippling anxiety but being anxious about a drs visit, your children, paying bills, elderly parents is NORMAL.

That’s not having anxiety though, it’s Ben anxious. There’s a massive difference between being anxious about exams - normal, and having anxiety where you can’t get out of bed/shower/sleep etc. I’d say I’m quite an anxious person, but I don’t have ‘anxiety’. I’ve seen my DCs struggle with anxiety, it’s totally different.

So what are the countries who have the same access to social media platforms but don't see the same rises in teen suicides doing differently? Because I agree with just about everything you said about the effects of social media but I think we must be lacking some protective behaviours/ lifestyle factors which is mitigating in other countries.

I suspect it’s unlimited screen time, social media, not enough time outdoors and too much time being introspective on phones and devices sitting on the internet all the live long day.

Covid, lockdowns and the modern exam schedule don’t help, but resilient children wouldn’t be too badly affected to such a degree.

My own teenager has been going through a mental health crisis for the last few months and there are several catalysts at play. One is: the woeful mental health services (adults and children). The waiting lists for therapy and counselling are long. Last couple of years people on social media and “celebrities” and all that, campaigns etc have been actively encouraging us all to talk about our feelings and that’s all great. Mostly. The problem is some of us have very serious issues that need to be taken care of by mental health professionals and there aren’t enough of them to go around. And they don’t have time. So we’ve opened this Pandora’s box of pain and darkness and there’s no one available who can actually help us in any meaningful way. My child spoke to 3 different CAMHs workers, an A+E doctor, 3 different GPs and me in about 6 weeks. Each time having to go over what they had previously told everyone else. And no one can/will help except to add their name to the 6 month waiting list for therapy.

That’s my take on it anyway. It’s not these individuals faults either- even the annoying ones. The whole system needs a massive injection of money and staff. It was under funded under a Labour government but it’s so bad now it’s frightening.

@KevinTheGoat

Let me guess: they're not resilient enough, too woke, and not like our ancestors who were ever so stoic and just got on with it? That's the standard MN answer.

Being serious though, self-harm isn't new. I did it as a teenager and I still do occasionally, and I'm in my mid-thirties now. One girl in my year cut herself so badly she looked like a zebra. I don't remember anyone in my year committing suicide but there were some very unhappy kids, including one girl who had a drink problem. Looking back, I wonder if it was because she was from a religious background and she was struggling with her sexuality.

Actually I think the issue is that social media is an amplifier. It turns up the volume on things and tends to mean you end up in echo chambers which 'support' you rather than the real world which offers alternative options, view points and explanations. Thus things become more extreme and affect more people than previously.

You end up with purity spirals and competitive performance to demonstrate you belong to the group and are 'authentic'. It leds you down a path where it becomes increasingly difficult to admit if you've made a mistake and break free off (as you can feel very isolated, betrayed etc etc)

And it can physically change the patterns of our brains too by not encouraging critical thought.

@2021ismyyear

Some interesting points being raised. I come from a family with divorced parents. Although my dad had little to do with me.

I almost think we are all talking about mental health too much. It’s all talk and no action. It’s spread all over tv, every celeb is on about it BUT actual access to CBT for example is poor. Actual support when you’ve had something terrible happen is very very poor. We are almost raising awareness of it all and dare I say it, creating a fad, but without offering ACTUAL support when really needed.

I completely agree. The relentless positivity movement has pathologised normal, healthy downbeat emotions such as sadness, disappointment, regret, loss, loneliness, rejection and scooped them up into 'depression' that needs to be treated. But there's no treatment available.

It's exacerbating a complex situation for teens already unsteadied by their lousy treatment during lockdown, alongside perpetual 24/7 SM access to bullying and perfectionism and rabbit-holes of despair, lack of interaction, lack of healthy risk-taking and autonomy/responsibility.

Then they dwell with fair reason on future problems such as climate change, job insecurity and rocketing prices for very basic necessities such as a roof over their heads.

@PiersPlowman

"Climate change is the huge fucking monster looming on the horizon."

They've been saying that since the '70s.

It’s still true unfortunately.

@FourTeaFallOut

So what are the countries who have the same access to social media platforms but don't see the same rises in teen suicides doing differently? Because I agree with just about everything you said about the effects of social media but I think we must be lacking some protective behaviours/ lifestyle factors which is mitigating in other countries.

The OECD data suggests UK is doing rather better than most and is towards the bottom end for teen suicide.

www.oecd.org/els/family/CO_4_4_Teenage-Suicide.pdf

Too high, but there aren't many countries doing a lot better than we are.

There was a beautiful, bubbly and cheeky young girl in our town with a great loving family, great GCSE's, bf and loads of friends. She had everything to live for but she had an eating disorder and depression and although her parents and those close to her tried to help her she took her own life. No one can understand it. Mental health can effect anyone.

A lot of it is poor nutrition and a damaged microbiome.

(dated 2018) "Over the past 15 years, the UK rate of suicide among 15-24 year olds has gradually fallen, but rose again in 2018 – although this be partly due to a change in coronial standards rather than a true rise. Between 1992 and 2017, the UK rate of suicide per 100,000 young people aged 15-24, decreased from 10.7 to 7.3, but rose to 9.1 in 2018 – a total of 714 registered deaths." ... "Since 2009/10, there has been a sharp increase in the total number of referrals Childline counsellors have made to external agencies where there have been suicidal concerns"
stateofchildhealth.rcpch.ac.uk/evidence/mental-health/suicide/

The suicide rate is roughly the same (slightly lower) since 1992 but the number of referrals has risen, which suggests to me that people are becoming more aware of the risks and/or there are better services, or people are more likely to report it.

Obviously Covid could make a difference in the last couple of years.
"COVID-19 related factors were reported by CDOPs to have contributed to the likely suicide in 12 (48%) of the 25 cases identified during lockdown. The reported COVID-19 role varied; restrictions to education and other activities, disruption to care and support services, tensions at home and isolation were all listed" www.ncmd.info/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/REF253-2020-NCMD-Summary-Report-on-Child-Suicide-July-2020.pdf

This is going to be controversial but for my young teen having anxiety, depression or suicidal thoughts is almost a status symbol. Where being depressed used to be somewhat taboo (not good) it seems to have now gone the other way and swung into teen popular culture where everyone and his wife has anxiety or is depressed.
Self harm is also shockingly seen as cool. One of my DD friends described her scars as badges of honour ffs.

Well that is reassuring, thanks Ravenmum and Autogroup.

@Roonerspismed

“ A lot of it is poor nutrition and a damaged microbiome.”

A vegan diet is known to lack certain vitamins and especially essential amino acids and omega 3 fats. Has there been a trend to avoid eating meat and dairy?

I prefer to think of this in terms of the things that stop people going to the edge. My best friend at school took her own life.

things that help people hold it together. A decent home (not being under threat of eviction) ....famlies that manage to hold finances together and that is difficult under covid.

G.C.S.E year was always going to be difficult and stressful but this one has been off the wall stressful with covid and home schooliing and the covid schools in school out hokey cokey.

Yes, CAMHS waiting lists six months or more here at least for those who need it.

Head of Ofsted was on womans hour this morning speaking abou thow to approach bullying and harrassment in schools. She had a few useful things to say, it is worth a listen...

Not sure about living in two different households. Often works out better for kids that staying in unhappy home.

It's lockdown. What do you expect to happen when you take away everything that makes life worth living. A friend of a friends child hanged himself due to lockdown