What is wrong with our kids these days?

[2021ismyyear]

So I live near a town that has a recent alarming number of teenage suicides. Mostly girls but there have been boys too. There seems to be a huge mental health crisis brewing. More and more are needing professional help. Schools are at a loss what to do. Parents are angry.

Parents are blaming social media, the schools, the teachers, the government.

One parent said that they had to remove their kids phone as there is peer pressure on social media with regards to suicide, becoming lgbtq, and going on anti depressants.

It’s just exploded here. Young people have lost it! I remember a few in my year with mental health issues (eating disorders, those that were abused etc) but it seems every teen has an issue at the moment. So severe in cases, that they are killing themselves.

What is this all about? How can we stop this?

@CaveMum

It’s dangerous to try and blame suicide on a single factor, it’s far more complicated than that.

That being said, there is an awful lot of pressure on teenagers to simultaneously conform (to fit in with their peers) and stand out. Different moments in time have seen teenagers use different ways of achieving this - punk, new romantic, goth, rave, etc. Eating disorders were the big “thing” with teenage girls when I was a teen (mid 90s) and I do think that social contagion is a thing - and yes I think part of the explosion in the number of teens (particularly girls) identifying as non-binary or transgender is in part down to this.

This feels, unfortunately, accurate. Self harm was the way it manifested when I was a teenager in the late 90s and there was undoubtedly a social contagion element to it.

I think social media. I got bullied at school and back then SM was only in its infancy so when I was home I was away from it all. It would have been unbearable for me if people from school had been able to seep into my home life like they can now via instagram, tick tok etc. It must be exhausting. I'd hate to be a teen today.

It's possible that highly processed foods are also an issue. I know that I was often low and depressed before cutting them out and now my mood is much better and more even. There was a BBC documentary recently that looked into the effects of these foods on our children.

A quick look on the Samaritans website says suicide rates in women under 25 increased by 93% between 2012 and 2019. That is a huge increase. There must be some researched theories about the cause of that somewhere.

@birdling

It's possible that highly processed foods are also an issue. I know that I was often low and depressed before cutting them out and now my mood is much better and more even. There was a BBC documentary recently that looked into the effects of these foods on our children.

I totally agree that children, like everyone, need to have a good diet, get regular exercise and have a bedtime/wake up routine as part of maintaining optimal health. It isn't as interesting as getting a diagnosis or staying on instagram until the early hours but it bloody works, it's just really hard to get your teens to believe it or follow it. Looking back it does seem as though life was a lot simpler before the internet and the proliferation of junk food, even if that makes me sound about 90.

Some things I've learnt after my own child's suicide attempt last year. There's absolutely no mental health support for children. 2 suicide attempts and serious self harm and she's just finally received complex CBT 17 months later. As there was no way of accessing mental health support for her I grabbed at any help I could from mental health charities and support groups.

First thing I learnt about us,is I'm part of the problem. Us parents Shield our kids from too much, over protect. In my case because she's ASD and has serious health problems so I've wrapped her in cotton wool. If there was a problem I'd be straight in trying to make it better, she then didn't learn how to cope with her own normal anxiety and it began to overwhelm her as she got older and naturally problems and situations became bigger. I had to learn to let her feel anxiety so she'd eventually understand that it passes, and I helped her learn techniques to help it too.

Most interesting thing came from my daughter herself. We'd taken internet access away when she became unwell as we found her accessing self harm sites, encouraging her and showing ways to hide cuts etc. In that time we saw a massive improvement in her mental health. Later she'd say to me that the internet is where she was trying to find out who she was. My older children found themselves by having real life friends, activities and adventures. Lockdown especially forced children to turn to the internet for interaction and support while us parents tried desperately to work from home in a lot of cases.

Children these days seem desperate for an identity. They have to be so open with their sexuality from an early age. And let's be honest who do they have to look up to now. Especially on the internet. Girls think they have to look a certain way and boys behave a certain way. It's so messed up it saddens me.

This generation is taking everything too seriously and is more than ever critical of any seemingly action that they deem not meeting their politically correct stand. Then using social media to point the finger.

It's not just kids. FB is full of warriors on the hunt for possible victims to name and shame.

Add this to the increasing low resilience, self-confidence and assurance and you get very scared, confused and lost kids.

It's so ironic that there's never been so much awareness on bullying yet there's never been so much overt bullying by expecting and demanding everyone to convert to one way of thinking.

The best think I did was to raise my kids to be independent, confident in who they are as a person and never let themselves be judged by trends and those who follow them. They've never struggled to make friends and never had friendship issues because they were friends who accepted each other for who they were, not their political and social standings.

When I was a teenager 30 years ago self harming was cool with the popular kids. Then it was called a chicken scratch - basically you scratched yourself on your hand/arm till it bled. Or you made a big thing of skipping a meal to be skinnier. Back then though you just had your group of mates to impress, it was never going to make you famous or get you followers and you didn't have people from all over the world egging you on and being more and more extreme themselves.

I think while there are always going to be other factors involved, it has all become so extreme due to access to the internet.

@TwitchyLittleFerret sorry, I should have said at least she's taking to you though. Often when we see children who are unhappy like that they don't feel able to tell either parent for fear of being disloyal.

The trouble with filling in the blanks with gut feelings is that we are inclined to insert something which gives either the illusion of control, the sense that this could be easily fixable or to confirm a long held suspicion about choices we don't agree with.

Probably because society lies to children on a scale never seen before. Conjuring up a world where you can have what you want when you want without putting any hard work or effort in and not taking responsibility for finding a way when things don't go their way. Parents that don't parent and treat kids like princes and princesses who can never do any wrong.
It must be terrifying at 15 to start to realize that society, parents, peers, teachers have all lied, nothing is handed to you on a plate, you're not that special and it's one long slog of work and bills.

Unfettered access to the Internet - God knows what some kids are watching - plus lockdown and uncertainties over future must play a significant role, judging by my admittedly small sample of DC’s teen friends. And the current LGDSXYZ+ alphabet soup of indoctrination.

vivainsomnia
This generation is taking everything too seriously and is more than ever critical of any seemingly action that they deem not meeting their politically correct stand. Then using social media to point the finger.

See I think that's exactly the sort of attitude that hurts our young people. It is so dismissive, and I don't think it is fair or anywhere near true.

Young people today have experiences that most of us never had to endure... they are acutely aware of the climate crisis, they have been witness to countless terror attacks (there's no shielding them when it's blasted on huge screens everywhere) and they are living through the greatest health crisis in a century. I think they are entitled to feel unnerved.

I'm in NZ and a lot of young people here have experienced devastating earthquakes, a massacre and now the pandemic - all before reaching age 20. It is no wonder if they are feeling demoralised. All while the adults around them are grappling to manage too.

@elliejjtiny

I wish I knew the answer to this. My 13 year old attempted suicide this year. Camhs said it happens a lot and discharged him after 1 meeting and a phone call.

@elliejjtiny that has really shocked me. I am so sorry you and your child got such rubbish support. MH services on NHS suck. I hope you both come through it and thrive.

@vivainsomnia

This generation is taking everything too seriously and is more than ever critical of any seemingly action that they deem not meeting their politically correct stand. Then using social media to point the finger.

It's not just kids. FB is full of warriors on the hunt for possible victims to name and shame.

Add this to the increasing low resilience, self-confidence and assurance and you get very scared, confused and lost kids.

It's so ironic that there's never been so much awareness on bullying yet there's never been so much overt bullying by expecting and demanding everyone to convert to one way of thinking.

The best think I did was to raise my kids to be independent, confident in who they are as a person and never let themselves be judged by trends and those who follow them. They've never struggled to make friends and never had friendship issues because they were friends who accepted each other for who they were, not their political and social standings.

Every teenage generation has done it though, within the parameters of what was available at the time. The teenage 60s parents with were no doubt in the same position but in a smaller scale, technicolour has just accelerated it all. I don't mean suicide I mean underage sex, drugs, contraception etc.

DD1 started self-harming earlier this year when home schooling was happening.

DD2 is school refusing and is being treated for anxiety/school phobia.

There are no "parental conflict" or other issues at home. they have no had any mental health problems before, or very minor stuff. I'd say it's because we are in the middle of a major pandemic. No other reason.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-9693787/Its-just-sex-theres-no-kissing-thats-intimate-Boys-tell-alarming-stories.html

Please excuse the DM link, but I think that the access that young people have to porn now is incredibly destructive. We hand our children smart phones with access to all the porn in the world at the touch of a button.
The article above is terrifying. I don't know what the answer is.

I'm in NZ and a lot of young people here have experienced devastating earthquakes, a massacre and now the pandemic - all before reaching age 20. It is no wonder if they are feeling demoralised. All while the adults around them are grappling to manage too.

What happened to the sky high teen suicide rates in NZ? They were already right up there long before the Christchurch earthquake. Has there been any improvement or did any interventions make a difference?

I agree the internet is a huge part of the problem

But schools feed use of it by asking for class groups to be set up on Facebook etc.

And if you have a parent who is obsessed by the internet, what hope is there? One of my friends has just progressed from constant bikini shots of herself, that she shows to friends, to posting them on Insta. Her kids are toddlers and she finds it funny that they can use a smartphone.

Another friend has posted a picture of herself crying while reading a poem.

I know this because they texted asking me to look! I am on Insta to look at cats and home decor. Bikini friend is headed for OnlyFans I think. Crying poem friend wants attention. She struggles with working at home even more than I do.

They are decent people, honestly. But if you raise your DC to think all that attention seeking and drama is normal, it will affect them.

@Mousetown

Peer pressure to become LGBTQ?

That exists, so no need for the face.

There is a genuine problem with social media and my friend and I were talking about it and the amount of porn teens are watching must be impacting them.

I have two teens and one of their friends has attempted suicide and both of mine have anxiety and depression.

The comments about pressure to be LGBTQ are not homophobic...that's a real thing.

I cant work out the reasoning behind it but it's common in my DD's school across year groups.

I am the last person to be homophobic. My DD is in fact a lesbian...but she genuinely is...and I have many gay friends. But there's an odd 'fashion' about being LGBTQ...it's as if it's the new punk.

Children of the 70s and 80s lived with the IRA. Terrorism isn't new.

Social media clearly has a huge part to play. But I also think lack of resilience and labelling everything is a problem. Normal everyday nerves on things like exams, interviews etc are now being labelled as anxiety and seen as a huge problem rather than normal human emotions that you can deal with. I think we need to try and teach children that normal emotions involve ups and downs but that doesn’t mean you necessarily have a mental health issue. Sometimes it seems like saying you have a mental health issue is an easy way to get out of dealing with things. And that’s not good for anyone, especially those who do have serious mental health problems and can’t get the support they need.