Grandparent names--who decides?

[morethangrand]

Who has final say in what grandparents are called, parents or grandparents? (Granted, it's often the child who dictates the final name!)

I was surprised to see a thread on Gransnet that suggested it should be the parents' choice. I'm 100% behind parents having full control over all decisions that affect their children, but have always assumed grandparents should get to decide what they want to be called.

What do parents think--and if you think it's the parents' call, can you explain why?

Full disclosure: I run a website with resources for grandparents, so this issue is one I need to understand better so I can give realistic advice!

Grandparents should choose, as they're the ones who will have to hear it for the rest of their lives.

In my family my maternal grandparents are Nan and Pa, my parents are Nannie and Grandpa, my partner's mother is Grandma, BIL's father is Papa (which feels weird to me as my paternal grandfather was Papa), and other BIL's mother is Grandma. (And yes I've joked before that if the BIL's father married either if the Grandmas then a set of cousins would have the exact same two sets of grandparents...)

We let our mums decide what they wanted to be called, and whatever they wanted was fine - assuming it wasn't ridiculous.

I do know someone who's dad is a bit controlling and he was freaked out about becoming a grandfather. He was very outspoken about the fact he didn't like that his mid 30s, married, well grown up daughter was having sex so he refused to be called grandpa or grandad. He insisted upon 'Coach'. I don't know what they actually call him now as they are, as you can imagine, mostly LC for a variety of reasons.

Some grandparents are weird and would choose 'mummy' if you let them

I would agree with Grandparent's decision - Parental veto. We asked ours what they wanted.

My GPs were Nanny and Grandad and Grandma and Granda. Nanny and Grandma still living when their GGCs came along so Nanny became Nana Con. Grandma stayed.

DCs GPs are Nanny and Grandad and Grumps and Gigi after DM decided she was too young to be Grandma!

Grand parents picked. Though as mine were second and third grandchildren on both sides it was already decided.

We have Granny X and Grandy Z and Gran and Grandad.

I had a Mamar, Grandad and Granny A and Grandad B. DH had a Granny and a Gran.

It’s likely taken out of the parents hands ans dictated by the grandparents, older grandchildren or your own child.

I also had a little nanna who was a great grandma when I was tiny. I don’t remember her though.

Child chose! She called my mum a random word, and after much googling it means grandmother in another language!

I tried to get her to call my mum abuela but she was having none of it.

My grandmother was "too young to be a grandmother" at 56 so I had to call her by the short version of her name. The person I called grandma was my mother's stepmother. I'm granny.

DM is Grandma but pronounced more as Grom-mar in our accent
DF is Grandad
DMIL is Nanna
DFIL is Grandad
DMIL's DH is Grandad John

We asked our parents and step parents what they wanted to be called. It seems quite odd to me to dictate that. I'm sure they may change as the DC grow up but we started with names they had chosen to call them something in front of our DC.

Kids made the names up. Before that they were granny and grandpa surname if I was talking about them.

We now have granny and grumpa 😂

My DC is the oldest on my side but the youngest on DH’s side, so the in laws already had established names of Nannie & Grandad. I’m not a fan of Nannie, but that’s her name! My parents chose Grandma & Grandad, so it’s only confusing if DC talks about Grandad. When I was a child, both sets were Grandma & Grandad, so like some other PP’s we used to refer to them as Grandma/Grandad PlaceTheyLive, and they are still referred to as that even though both sets have actually moved towns and we are all grown up 😂

Both sides are called Nanny with their first names added to differentiate although DS calls them Nan to their face as they are hardly often here together. Same with Grandads - it's Grandad Jim and Grandad Pete for example.

My mum hates Granny but MIL wasn't bothered although her other GC call her Nanny Sarah etc so DS just does the same.

I think I'll call myself Nan. DS already addresses me as Nan in relation to his cats - he considers himself their dad so apparently I'm the Nan!!

My grandmother was "too young to be a grandmother" One of mine said that so she was Nana.

The other was 'grandma' until she had a great grand child who gave her the name, "gran gran" which has a lovely linguistic touch.

In the family there was another who was known by her first name.

I do think it helps if the other parent is not British / from an English speaking country because then you can use Nona or whatever.

Well... if it's not ridiculous then the grandparents can choose. My dad is simply grandad. My mum I always called nanna "name" to my eldest but as she took her a couple of days a week when I worked she changed it to nanny "name" and that's what they call her, the "name" added in as they had my nanna around a lot too. My husbands mum and step dad wanted to be called grandy and gramps, spent little time with our kids as they were always causing us hassle in the early years and they're lucky if the get referred to as grandparents at all, same with his dad tbh as he's a crap dad/grandad. They usually say dads mum, dads dad or described them to us "you know who I mean?" kind of deal.

Our first DC wasn't the first grandchild on one side, so we went with what the existing grandchildren called them. On the other side, we asked the grandparents what they wanted and we were happy with their suggestions. Not sure what we'd have done if not - discuss alternatives everyone was happy with I guess. Those names were then used by my siblings' children which came after. I think it's good to have all grandchildren calling their joint grandparents the same thing?

My MIL suggested "other mommy" last weekend... I said "grandma is fine"

@BookFiend4Life that’s nuts! Obviously within reason would apply here. She sounds unhinged lol!

When I had my DD we asked grandparents what they wanted to be called (out of all the different names for Grandparents.........'Other Mommy'? I hope your face, if not your words, told MIL to FOTTFSOFAWYGTFOSM @BookFiend4Life)

I think grandparents choose unless they want the same name then one would have to compromise. Ours was easy luckily, as my mum wanted to be Grandma (like her mum was to me) and my DH's mum was already nana to her other GC on her DH's side. My DC have a grandma, nana, 3x granddad's, granda, and nana-nana. (All are grandparents or great-grandparents)

I'm 35 weeks pregnant and this is being discussed at the mo.... I was happy for the grandparents to all decide what they wanted to be called... Until MIL said she wants to be called Mimi😳 so now we've got to have the awkward convo where we say that is not happening in any way shape or form. Why does she want to be so bloody different?!

@Baker0104

I'm 35 weeks pregnant and this is being discussed at the mo.... I was happy for the grandparents to all decide what they wanted to be called... Until MIL said she wants to be called Mimi😳 so now we've got to have the awkward convo where we say that is not happening in any way shape or form. Why does she want to be so bloody different?!

😅😅 there’s always got to be one @Baker0104 🙈 Wind her up and tell her she’s “Grandmother” from now on lol

Grandparents should choose in consultation with the parents. DH and I both chose names that were used by our own favorite grandparent. There were both a bit unusual so it didn't conflict with the other grandparents.

By the time we had kids PILs were already known as Grandad & Grandma to their existing grandchildren.

I'm Hungarian, so we went with Hungarian words for my parents "Mama & Papa" , which I discussed with them and they were happy about (shortened from Nagymama & Nagypapa, "Nagy" meaning big, but in this case the translation for "Grand") but when DS1 started talking he called me mama at first so we changed to "Nagyi" for my mum (it's like "Grand-y", not really Gran or Granny).

I will not be known as Nan, Nana, Gran or Granny. they all sound awful to me. in fact I I decided a long time ago that I will not respond to those, they can just call me on my first name instead if nothing else works.
If a grandchild picks a name I might be ok with that, but I will not be called anything I don't like.

Because it's the best combo of English & Hungarian I'd really like us to be called Grandmama & Grandpapa.
In Hungary we also use first name plus mama/papa, so my grandparents were something like Katie Mama, Stevie Papa, Lily Mama & Andy Papa.

we shall see.

@Baker0104

what's wrong with Mimi? genuine question, it sounds nice to me