Grandparent names--who decides?

[morethangrand]

Who has final say in what grandparents are called, parents or grandparents? (Granted, it's often the child who dictates the final name!)

I was surprised to see a thread on Gransnet that suggested it should be the parents' choice. I'm 100% behind parents having full control over all decisions that affect their children, but have always assumed grandparents should get to decide what they want to be called.

What do parents think--and if you think it's the parents' call, can you explain why?

Full disclosure: I run a website with resources for grandparents, so this issue is one I need to understand better so I can give realistic advice!

The grandparents chose, but it got a bit twisted when DD started talking so we have:

Granny and Grampy (MIL and her husband, who are the most involved),

Nana Jane and Grandad Bob (my parents, my mum wanted Nanan but Nana stuck), and

Grandpa Jeff (DH's dad, sometimes known as 'grandpa who?'), and Sue (his wife, who has met DD once).

Great grandparents also, Granny Kate for MILs mum, Nana Vera and Grandpa Jim for Grampy's parents.

My Mum and Dad chose theirs.
MIL and Fil wanted to stick with what other grandchildren call them (which in MILs case is a mispronounced version of Granma by her first Grandchild).
To be honest I don't like it, but we have gone with it.
Interestingly newest Grandchild has a completely different name for her, sort of wish we had done the same...

our lovely DIL and DS asked us to choose, so we did. Both chose different names, and they have been respected for both DGS's. I can't imagine them telling us what to be called - that seems really weird. So, I vote for grandparents choose.

BTW my DH took forever (months of the first pregnancy) to come up with what he wanted - but in the end, he got there, and is happy with his name. Bonus - both are really easy to say, so early gift of hearing them said.

We let each of the Grandparents decide but we know them and know they wouldn't choose anything particularly weird or bizarre.

So I'd say this Grandparents with parents having veto rights.

I let grandparents decide as I wasn't bothered. That was until dd started coming home from my mums calling my mum "mummy". Apparently my mum had been teaching dd that she was her mummy not me. This coming from the same woman who told me I was just the vessel for her grandchild

Grandparents of course. It's their name and they have a relationship with their grandchildren that is separate to the parents.

Definitely the grandparents, no question whatsoever.

ds was grandchild number 10 on my side of the family and number 3 on the other, so it was lucky that the two grandmothers had already selected different grandparent names and we didn't have to flip a coin for who had to choose a new one (they have the same first name as well, for extra confusion). I would say this is grandparent's choice but with parents as a tie breaker.

Grandparents chose on the whole. I asked my mum to be Nana as I was very close to my own Nana and wanted that name to continue.

Mine all chose their own names so we ended up with two Grampas. The oldest couldn’t say it and called them Ba which then became Ba Red Car and Ba Black Car to tell the difference. My mother wanted to be Nana Lou for some strange reason (her name isn’t anything like Louise although it starts with an L) but that was quickly binned off once she realised MIL was just Granny.

Grandparents unless it’s irritatingly idiotic. I’m not referring to them as Mimi and Booboo or whatever but any normal name is fine.

@Clickbait

I would have said grandparents can choose what they want to be called. Until I read this thread, and saw that one grandmother wanted to be called Mama! That would have been a No!

In my area grandmas are often called Mamma with a long final 'a' (mammar).

@Safin

Grandparents choice within reason. I hate mil and pils choice with a passion but ignore - I find it naff but it’s what DH called his grandmother so I just go with it.

In my family we have Nana's and when my time comes (eldest is 13 so I hope its a long way off) I want to be Nana. My dh hates it and refers to me as gran when we talk about our future grandchildren which I find annoying!

My mum and mil chose their own name and they are different. In theory my dad and fil would have both used grandad but my dad stopped talking to us and my ds came up with his own name and it stuck.

Parents decide. And the Grandparents cannot dictate what the other Grandparents are called!

@CaptainMyCaptain same here. My mum is "mammar" to our daughter and it's very common where I'm from :)

I grew up with both Grans getting gran or grandma and I never knew who was meant without asking so I wanted different names for my kids grandparents.

MIL wasn't best pleased that my parents were already Grandma and Grandad from my niece so I wanted them to have different.

She went with Granny and Grandpa in the end but I think she's still bitter. We don't see them as much and I end up slipping up and saying Grandma and Grandad all the time (tired mam brain), and it was my idea!

But DD has chosen a name for them which helps the confusion Granny and Grandpa with the house with no upstairs and my parents have become Grandma and Grandad up the road.

Grandparents ....although I told her paternal granny to choose something else because she basically chose a word that sounded exactly like 'mummy'

Grandparents choose with parents having veto rights. MIL is Gran and FIL grandpa which was easy. My parents were a pain in the bum when it came to deciding. DF chose Grumpy (he was, it was perfect!). DM liked nan or nana but DF vetoed it because he said it sounded too much like hired help (nanny). DM came up with a list of half a dozen others, which we disagreed on for various reasons. In the end she went with mamdee, which is a twist on the Welsh mamgu, but using their surname which starts with D.

I asked, generally in my family the fathers mum was 'nana' and mothers mum 'grandma' but both grandfathers were 'grandad'. My dads mum was my 'nana' and his paternal grandmother was 'nana surname' then my mums mum was 'grandma' and her mum 'gran'.

My own dc only have my mum and grandma and they are 'grandma' and 'gran', for a brief period my mum was 'dis' because my eldest refused to say 'grandma', my toddler shouts 'gah gah' at her now. For the brief period DHs parents were in our lives they were 'nana' and 'grandad'.

I think it's nice to ask what grandparents want to be known as, doesn't mean they'll get exactly what they want (ive seen posts on MN where MILs wanted to be called mum and that would be a hard no from me!). Some will need to compromise if the parents want different names or something to differentiate between sets of GPs but I wouldn't want to stick anyone with a name they hate if they'll be called it for the rest of their lives.

DM chose her name. She always said what she wanted to be called, and DD was her first grandchild so that was fine.

MIL already had hers because DD was her second grandchild. It's slightly different pronunciation but the same idea (like Nanan/Nanna).

DSF and FIL were both going to be "Grandad [Name]" but DD couldn't say that and at about 18mo came up with "Dandan", which has stuck. Both she and DS can say Grandad now, but they'll be "Dandan [Name]" for life!

My mother wanted to use the French word for grandmother. She has no connection to France. She still couldn’t spell it when the baby arrived so I just started calling her nan.

We let our parents pick what they wanted to be called. Although my partner did veto his mums initial choice as frankly it was silly

Both grandmothers refused to be called granny and grandma and insist on nanny which I really hate especially as there are now two, so they are nanny first name and neither have what I would consider grandmother names think Julie and Christine. My grandmother/DSs great grandmother is Grandma to him as she is to me. Grandfathers are grandpa and pops

I'm a grandmother and I was asked what I'd like. I liked "grandma" because that's what I called my dear grandmother and the term was lovely to me.

My husband isn't the father of my children so we asked my daughter what she'd like him to be called ( wanting to be diplomatic). She said, well if you are grandma , he is grandad . And so he is.

My parents and ILs decided for themselves. My mum wanted to be Nanny and my MIL wanted to be Grandma which has made life easier.