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Original poster

Anyone else wondering whether or not to have another one?

30 replies

fishnchips · 20/11/2007 21:59

I have two DC (2 and 5)and some days they are as much as I can handle! Other days I feel broody and feel like I'm not ready to say goodbye to pregnancy and babies. My 2 yr old still doesn't sleep through the night and is loud, stubborn and determined (and gorgeous!). My 5 yr old was a good sleeper, placid and easy. If I could be certain of getting another one like my 5 yr old I'd defintely consider having number three... But then my 2 yr kicks off and I think I must be bonkers to even consider adding a baby into the mix. Anyone got any tips on making the decision?

OP posts:

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anchovies · 20/11/2007 22:07

Honestly you could exactly be me! I wish someone would tell me how to make my mind up, mine are 4 and 2 and it's sounds like they have the same personalities as yours. My sister is currently pg with her first and am hoping that she will help me make my mind up and it is as simple as handing the baby back and feeling either utter relief or that I could quite fancy another one. Am hoping someone has some thoughts for you though!

Mung · 20/11/2007 22:13

Yes another one here. A friend of mine 'knows' that she doesn't want any more and I quizzed her about how she knew and she said that she 'just knew'. Well, I, like you fishnchips, feel that I have 2 too many already most of the time, BUT a huge part of me wants another. All the practical things like; bedrooms, car size, cost also point to sticking with 2 BUT I still pester DH. I also wonder what impact a third would have if it had special needs.

My 2 are still really small and I know it would be such hard work with a third.

I have no tips, just empathy and I hope someone can come along and give some good advice.

My DH is quite against it for all the practical reasons I stated, but I'd love a good argument to convince him its a good idea aswell as me, not just 'I want one'.

inthegutter · 20/11/2007 22:19

We hummed and ha's about having no 3 but then nature took its own course and I ended up pg with no 3 very quickly after no 2! I would say go for it! There's something lovely about having 3(can't explain why, just that two somehow seemed a bit conventional to me!). The fact that you're wondering about it shows that deep down you haven't decided to stop at two. And having watched friends of mine have two dcs and then a l-o-n-g gap before going for no 3, I'd also recommend you go for it SOONER rather than later. It IS hard work, no denying it, but once you get through the early weeks, your children will be wonderful company for eachother and you'll be able to do the 'baby and toddler' phase and then move onto the child and then teenage (yikes!) phases without having massive age gaps and children having very different wants and needs. My children are now at the teen stage, and I have a few friends who have teenagers and then a much younger child and tbh it can be quite restricting. they don't have the freedom of being able to pop out without finding babysitters, or go on a holiday/day out which suits the whole family.So I'd say go for it soon and you won't regret it! Good luck!

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Original poster

fishnchips · 20/11/2007 22:24

Thanks for the replies. You have both hit the nail on the head! I also have friends who just 'know' they don't want any more children. All the practical reasons are against having a third but...in ten, twenty, years time I don't want to regret not having had another one. (DD is crying, gotta go. See? Why would I want to be getting up to two children every night??!)

OP posts:

LadyVictoriaOfCakeThe2nd · 20/11/2007 22:26

gigglewitch · 20/11/2007 22:27

hehe! IMO, if you're asking then you want one
I was like that after number two, i loved my two boys to bits, but ohhhhh.... i loved babies too! I am the youngest of three and i liked that.
Though now i do know i've finished with baby-producing. family complete.

gigglewitch · 20/11/2007 22:28

P.S. yes we did have a third and she is just as gorgeous as her brothers

Original poster

fishnchips · 21/11/2007 10:23

Thanks for the replies! You are right, gigglewitch, I am asking because deep down I want another one. I just don't know if I'm up to it!Our house isn't really big enough, we'd need a new car, we don't have any money as it is, my career is just taking off... And i really worry that I might become a crazy, stressed shouting monster(like I already am on a bad day!)In my dreams of course I am a serene, calm earth momma!! I am kind of hoping that nature will take its course, like inthegutter, and the decision will be made. I take your point about age gaps too. A friend of mine has a 6 and 8 yr old and has just had number 3. That kind of age gap might be hard when it comes to finding family activities/holidays that please everyone. But then, I definitely don't feel 'family complete'...

OP posts:

ange8179 · 21/11/2007 12:25

Hi all,

My dd is nearly 2 and my son is 9. I'm at the stage where I'm thinking do I want one more? I keep saying no because of practicalities (bedrooms, already having one of each, work, money etc) but just can't commit to the no decision. I think I would regret not having another... but do wonder whether I'd cope with three, specially as dd gets more independent each day.

Decisions, decisions... why can't fate take over and make it for us

MrsBond · 21/11/2007 12:50

Hello - I am another one with this exact dilema! I swing from being sure I want no.3 to thinking life would be easier with 2.

All the practical reasons say stick with 2 and I don't relish the idea of another pregnancy.... BUT I love babies and the idea of never having more is so sad I also love the idea of a big family - especially as they get older

The other issue is that my DD & DS (4 and 2) get on very well and I wonder how the dynamic of their relationship would change. I also have a friend who was a 'middle' child and he has very strong views (all negative) about having 3 children.

I'd be interested to hear what other people think about 'middle child syndrome' ????

gladders · 21/11/2007 12:56

Snap! I always felt I would have 3 children, but my ds is still not sleeping consistently (at 3.3 ) - my dd is much better at sleeping but has become quite a pushy little character (not unlike her Mum ) so...... another one right now would be a lot of work (plus bedroom/car/school fee issues. But then I saw the tiny baby on Eastenders last night and the urge is still there.
No solution - practical answer is no more, but I don't want to be forever wondering what the third one would have looked like either??!!

TheGoddessBlossom · 21/11/2007 14:33

oh god this is also me.

Really shouldn't - can't cope with the two I've got, so much so that I am going back to work part time to escape them. But still want another, even got a name for him...

Really can't - all issues mentioned here, bedrooms, money, cars, DH totally anti. But still want another, want a bigger family.

Really mustn't - have two healthy boys, what if it has special needs, what if it's a girl (DH doesn't want a daughter). But know I would love it whatever, and still want another.

Would you ever be on your death bed saying wish I hadn't had such a big family? No.

Want another.

clapton · 21/11/2007 14:36

OMG this could be me!

Mistymoo · 21/11/2007 14:52

I'm the same. A lot of my friends are just popping just now, my SIL is next with her first and it makes me really broody. I have a ds(7) and dd(4) and think that if I had another ds then there would be a huge age difference between 2 dss and obviously no guarentees that I would have another dd. I also enjoy the little bit of free time I have when dd is at nursery.

If I did have another it would be expensive as we'd have to buy all the baby stuff again as I gave it all away. I know that there would be some room sharing but I did with my sis and I survived .

I also know that I had a very bad day with PMS yesterday and I was a horrible mum - do I want to inflict that on another one?

So like everyone on this thread I'm confused. My dh isn't though he says no and so that's that.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 21/11/2007 14:55

Have finished wondering and bribing DH.
Will be trying in January for no.3.

Mistymoo · 21/11/2007 14:57

OOOOOh I hope it all goes well LotF. Will be watching out for your announcement.

moopymoo · 21/11/2007 15:01

oh good luck LotF. this is my dilemma as well. I think I have to make sure that I want another person in this family, not another baby because, as we all know they are babies for about, oh three and a half minutes...my dh mainly says no then once in a while says oh it would be nice. my sis is due with her 1st next week so i will play with that one for a while. and give it back

cbcb · 21/11/2007 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spidermama · 21/11/2007 15:10

I have four aged 9, 7, 5 and 2.5 so am up to my eyeballs in children and even though life is a struggle every day I still get broody and start wondering if I could manage to fit in just one more.

My point is, the broodiness seems to know no bounds. It's not rational and is a bottomless pit.

You can be wreckless and get pregnant again and enjoy a big gang. Kids are so fantastic and the greatest gift you can give them is another sibling.

Or you can listen to your rational brain and consolidate. There's much to be said for this option.

Mung · 21/11/2007 15:43

Good luck Ladyoftheflowers...what were the bribes by the way? We may need some on this thread as it seems that there are a lot of women who want another, but have very practical husbands .

Has any of this helped you fishnchips?

sparklesandwine · 21/11/2007 16:07

spidermama i feel just like you i have 4 (9,5,3 and 18mo) but sometimes have an amazing broody feeling and could manage to fit in another one (couldn't metion this to dp though or he would jump on me as he wants more ) but i 'know' at the moment i'm happy with the 4 maybe in 2 or 3 years i may change my mind though!

fishnchips i appreciate your dilema its a hard decision to make, but if you want another baby then you will have one the and they do just fit 'into the mix' because well they have too! good luck

McDreamy · 21/11/2007 16:12

Could be me too! In fact we have been trying for a few months - nothing has happened yet andwhen A arrives I have a mixed bag of feelings - disappointment commbined with relief! Very biazarre!

MrsPuddleduck · 21/11/2007 16:27

We are going for number 3 in the New Year.

We also worry that we don't have enough space (even though we have a four bedroom house and a Zafira ).

The cost thing is whar really worries DH (who also got broody over the baby on Eastenders last night!). He says we may have to put three through university, buy three cars when they're 17 etc etc.

I am a holiday addict and my main worry is that it will cost us a fortune as whilst most places are geared up to having 2 adults and 2 children in a room/accommodation are we going to have to pay through the nose with 3.

However, there is absolutely no stopping us. I definitely want another baby.

I feel better having read Inthegutters comments about not leaving a gap. At one point we thought about leaving 4 years between DS2 and a third on the basis that the other two would be at school and it would be easier etc.

Am worried about middle child syndrome though.

PetitFilou1 · 21/11/2007 17:00

I was on here all the time wondering the same thing. Finally after talking about it non stop for about three months I had my coil taken out and am now trying. My career was/is also taking off but I have to follow my dh and we are moving away from my current job anyway so it is now or never. (Have dd 2 and a bit and ds nearly 4 btw) I am still not sure it will be the right decision but sometimes you have to just shut your eyes and jump don't you.

inthegutter · 21/11/2007 18:25

willmouse - I wouldn't worry about the so-called middle child syndrome. Your children will have their own personalities which will ultimately be more significant than position in the family. We too worry a bit looking ahead to university costs etc - but hell, they can always get a loan. As for cars when they're 17 - hmmm, we certainly won't be buying them! I think your point about holidays is a valid one - that's the only time we've felt we've lost out because of things being geared towards the nice neat 2 adult 2 child family. And DEFINITELY go for number 3 sooner rather than later. i have several friends who waited til number 2 was in school on the grounds that it would be easier. It probably was to begin with, but a few years down the line, 4 or 5 years can seem like quite a big gap - eg if you have a 12 and 10 year old and a 5 year old, the 5 year old is going to need quite different levels of supervision etc. I popped my 3 out in fairly quick succession, and loved the baby and child phase but was also able to get 'my life' back and my career back on track fairly quickly too.

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