If you have a shift working DP & 2+kids

[CrashBandicoot21]

I'm trying to savour each experience so if and when the time comes to consider a second child I /we make the right choice.

I've got a newborn and would love a second in maybe 3 yrs time... BUT... I'm worried about how I'd cope mostly during the evenings/nights when DP is working and I've got a 3 yr old and newborn to get to bed on my own.

How is it done? What were your experiences? Right now I can't imagine it!!! Just one is enough, but I do deep down want another.

My Dh works very long hours and so isn’t around for bedtimes. Personally if I was you I would wait a couple of years so the eldest was a bit more self sufficient

I had 3 years between mine, & made heavy use of audiobooks for the 3 year old.

@Dizzywizz unfortunately biological time is not on my side... 3yrs would be pushing the clock😢

I should add we have no family where we live.

My DH worked nights (12 hour shifts) for 16 years basically 4 on 5 off 5 on 4 off .... so woking into most weekends.

I used to describe myself as a single mum with a lodger! (One that paid really well!!)

DH worked shifts when DCs were younger. I have 3.5 years between them. It was hard when he was on lates but you just get used to it. Although in our case it meant the kids often didn't want him to put them to bed when he was off as I was the one half way through a story. That did annoy both of us (for different reasons).

Babies sleep a lot so for first few months I just had baby with me whilst doing story etc. Now mine are 7,4 &1 and I do dinner, bath, pyjamas then let older ones read or play quietly whilst putting youngest to bed. Once he's asleep I read to middle one then eldest.

Part of having siblings is understanding that sometimes your needs are not #1 and it isn't always smooth sailing but it's a valuable lesson!
When there are two parents here they get a better service and they understand that 😂

Following as DH works nights for a week every 3 weeks and I'll have a 22 month old and newborn

Also with your first child everything is a decision and you don't really know yourself as a parent yet (at least that was my experience!) But with subsequent children you don't have that period of being unsure, should we bath the baby? Are they hungry? Tired? They just slot into family life a bit more!

I'm not sure I even considered it and don't remember it ever being an issue.

DH was a policeman so always on some sort of strange shift pattern, either out at bedtime 2-10, out at waking 6-2 or out all night 10-6.

I have 23 months between mine. You just manage. Shared bath time, really good bedtime routines including a story. It just happened.

I had mine really really close together so bedtime could be done at the same time.

It's easy once your in the swing of it!

*you're

My DH works shifts and honestly from about aged 3 it got so much easier, he was 4 when DD came a long... I was apprehensive at first as DH had to work nights on night 3 or her being here 🤣🤣🤣 but DS went to sleep first and there after.
Once DD was mobile and I couldn’t leave her to do Ds bedtime she would go to sleep first and DS would help me.

Once you’ve a routine sorted it’s fine.. to the point bedtimes were easier when he was at work hahaha

I had 3 under 3, DH is police, works shifts and 4 weekends in 6. I was also police and went back to shifts when youngest was 9 months. It wasn’t something we took into account, we wanted 3 children and just got on with it. Looking back it was hard work and weekends could be lonely, but I don’t regret it. I no longer work shifts but DH does and that’s hot easier as the kids have hit older

Got not hot!!

My husband worked long hours and travelled a lot when mine were babies. I have a very small age gap and I actually think it was easier because you do everything for them at the same time and they are easier to entertain.

Oh wow thanks everyone, it's making me feel like it's not a pipe dream now!
My newborn is quite demanding (naturally I know 😂) but evenings are spent bouncing on the birthing ball to get her to sleep and she won't be put down until 20 mins of holding tight, restraining her from all the wiggles and involuntary movements that wake her up oh and also regular gentle brushing of forehead and eyes when they open randomly as they she fights going to sleep!!! So my hands are full 24/7....I know a second will not have this luxury...

My husband used to be out of the house at 7am and usually only popped in to say hello briefly before working until about 10pm, Monday to Friday. Then he moved jobs and was away for three or four nights a week.
I managed the house and did nearly all childcare during the week. I had a housekeeper who had the children if I was working sometimes, but I did mornings and evenings.

It came down to good planning and a good routine. The children understood the rules and expectations.
Homework was done before supper on the day it was set.
Bedtime was a non-negotiable after they reached nine months.
Food was served at mealtimes and there was what there was.
We had sufficient uniforms for nursery and school to avoid panic if there was a spillage.
Napping was done wherever and whenever they could. Usually in drive back from nursery or in pushchair. They only got put in a cot or bed at bedtime. If they fell asleep on the floor, I left them there.
Baths were communal affairs.

@LemonRoses. Yep you're right it requires a tight and well organised ship xxx

@LemonRoses in fact I've screenshot your golden advice❤️❤️❤️

My DP works nights so wasn’t here at bedtime when my two were babies. I also had no support network to call on for help.
It’s tough.
Newborn would want to feed (BF’d) all evening when DD 2yrs needed her bath etc. I also remember getting really frustrated with DD when I would be trying to get the newborn to sleep and she would be making noise or wanting me, and expecting her to wait. I look back now and realise that she was still a baby herself and feel so guilty!

I found it got easier at the four month mark and before you know it they are playing together and are the best of friends. So although it was tough at times I would still do it the same way if I had to all over again. It’s a good age gap, and what’s the alternative?

The flip side is that DH would be up and around in the afternoons which meant we only needed nursery in the mornings and DD got to spend a lot of time with her Dad. He still does all the after school pick ups and takes them in the mornings when he hasn’t been on nights, so he gets more time with them than he would if working 9-5.

@OlivesTree yes that's what I whisper to my DD, that she's so lucky to have Daddy around a lot due to the shift patterns, I rarely saw my own father who was 9-5, but he also worked away a lot of the time mon-fri xx

You take the good with the bad. DD had the loveliest evenings when she was a newborn, long baths, baby massage, breastfed to sleep to classical music… (PFB!)
DS’s evenings were spent hanging from my boob while I bathed his sister!
But he had an amazing older sibling to rite on him and entertain him as he got older.
Now we barely need any summer holiday childcare as it’s easier to share between me & DH because of his shifts.

To rite on him??? Dote.

2 years between my 2 and my DH was rarely around for mornings or bedtime as works 12 hour shifts!

I had 2 year old in a fab routine so that when the baby came along he slotted right into a similar routine! I put the baby bath in the big bath and bathed both at the same time. Then fed the baby whilst toddler watched CBeebies. Put baby down then read toddler story and he then went to bed. Obv took a few months and the first few months were survival but by the time I was back to work after 6 months the routine was solid! (As a teacher I need time on an evening to work).