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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

My boyfriend doesn't help with our baby or the housework

87 replies

Kaayyyx · 01/06/2021 09:36

I have a beautiful 7 month old son and I'm so happy but my boyfriend doesn't help with him at all. My boyfriend works everyday, he leaves at about 5am but is back home by 9am sometimes earlier whereas mine is seven days a week. 24/7. It's like pulling teeth to get him to watch our 7-month-old for half an hour so I can take a shower or just get a breather. He won't change a nappy unless he only does a wee, even then I have to argue with him to do it. He has only changed a nappy maybe 3-4 times since our son has been born, same with his bottles I have to argue with him to give him a bottle so I can tidy the house or make the dinner etc and then he gives me a hard time about it. The same goes for even giving the baby attention. I can't get him to clean, cook, or help with the laundry either. I'm exhausted and I never have time for myself. He has only ever bought him 2 babygrows, myself and my family have bought everything. He also won't take him out for a day out or anything. We have never done anything as a family of 3. Everything just upsets me. What can I do?

OP posts:

Sporranrummager · 01/06/2021 09:39

Oh dear @Kaayyyx that sounds really tough and is not sustainable. Do you mind me asking how old you both are?

Branleuse · 01/06/2021 09:43

Thats pretty useless. Are you going to tell him to shape up or ship out?

Checkingout811 · 01/06/2021 09:45

You can tell him to leave! What is this man bringing to yours or your sons life?

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BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 01/06/2021 09:47

Well, now you know: he's a lazy deadbeat.

There's only one thing to do, really, and that's to start planning your exit. You can't live like this.

RubyGoat · 01/06/2021 09:47

Are you expecting to return to work after your maternity leave has finished? What will you do with the baby then, who will look after him?

TBH it doesn't sound like your BF adds a lot to your welfare or happiness.

Original poster

Kaayyyx · 01/06/2021 09:47

I'm 26 and he is 32.

OP posts:

Barbie222 · 01/06/2021 09:49

@BuffySummersReportingforSanity

Well, now you know: he's a lazy deadbeat.

There's only one thing to do, really, and that's to start planning your exit. You can't live like this.

I'm afraid this is the truth. You'll be doing it all anyway, but if you leave you won't have to accommodate him as well, so it's easier.

Checkingout811 · 01/06/2021 09:51

I assumed you were both around 20 or younger tbh OP.
I would leave and don’t rely on him.

RubyGoat · 01/06/2021 09:51

Does he expect you to cook, clean etc for him too? With a 4 hour work day does he at least pull his weight in other ways around the house?

Aprilwasverywet · 01/06/2021 09:52

Ask him how he sees his relationship being when ds is olderile 5 /10 /15...... My exh told me he would be taking ds for his first pint.. I tried to explain he needed to invest time in him. He didn't. When we divorced ds was 7 and never saw him.. They had no relationship at all.

Original poster

Kaayyyx · 01/06/2021 09:55

Yes. He expects me to do everything for him. He doesn't do anything, soon as he walks through the door from work he lays on the couch playing his game. It's honestly like I have a baby and a kid.

OP posts:

FijiCavanaugh · 01/06/2021 09:56

What do you actually get out of this relationship apart from more work and grief from the person you are waiting on?

Gmmllw · 01/06/2021 09:57

I'm sorry OP that is heart breaking. I understand right now it might seem that it's at least better that he's still around, but you need to think about your child's future. I suggest you read about the impact that uninvolved/indifferent parenting can have on your son's development. The emotional neglect of doing nothing can be as bad as deliberate neglect.

Original poster

Kaayyyx · 01/06/2021 09:59

Honestly. Nothing. I know I should leave him but I have always wanted that family life, I guess I'm just putting up with it in hope I get that but I won't.

OP posts:

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 01/06/2021 09:59

Is the place you live in in his name or yours? This is no way to go on.

Getawriggleon · 01/06/2021 10:00

Just leave, life is too short for shit men.

Original poster

Kaayyyx · 01/06/2021 10:01

That is true. I guess I'm holding on for something that's never going to happen. A family life. He said if he leaves he will walk out his son's life too (which is SO wrong) so I guess I'm just staying with him so my son has his father.

OP posts:

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 01/06/2021 10:02

What was he like before your son came along?

Original poster

Kaayyyx · 01/06/2021 10:02

Mine. It's my house

OP posts:

CassandraTrotter · 01/06/2021 10:04

32! Fucking hell! There is no improving this. Throw him out and get straight on the phone to the child maintenance service. And do not agree to him paying directly. He has already shown you he won't.

RubyGoat · 01/06/2021 10:05

I'd stop doing anything for him. At all.
Who is named on the tenancy / mortgage?
What about the bills?
Do you have a joint bank account?
Do you have any family or friends locally that you can trust to start storing some things for you? Passport, birth certificates, copy of his payslips etc so you can prove his earnings for Child Support purposes. You could go for walks & easily take things like that in a bag, it sounds like he wouldn't even notice. But do it before he starts to get suspicious & hide things.

I'd contact Women's Aid, the CAB, or similar, & do a benefits check to see what benefits you may be entitled to if you/he left.

RubyGoat · 01/06/2021 10:05

Is he named on the mortgage or any bills?

CassandraTrotter · 01/06/2021 10:06

@Kaayyyx

You wouldn't want that utter wanker near your child anyway, surely? But he has to pay. Phone cms now actually. And the council to get council tax reduced. As when he gets home he can have immediately.

smartiecake · 01/06/2021 10:06

Jesus! Get rid!!!
You can have a lively and family, you and your son. He brings nothing and will let your son down like he is letting you down. He doesn't sound like he wants a family life. Your house claim it back for you and get rid of that loser

Original poster

Kaayyyx · 01/06/2021 10:06

Amazing. He use to give me attention/affection all the time, everyday. Now he gives me none and he said it's because 'I cancelled all that out because I decided to have a baby' his exact words.

OP posts:

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