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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

My boyfriend doesn't help with our baby or the housework

87 replies

Kaayyyx · 01/06/2021 09:36

I have a beautiful 7 month old son and I'm so happy but my boyfriend doesn't help with him at all. My boyfriend works everyday, he leaves at about 5am but is back home by 9am sometimes earlier whereas mine is seven days a week. 24/7. It's like pulling teeth to get him to watch our 7-month-old for half an hour so I can take a shower or just get a breather. He won't change a nappy unless he only does a wee, even then I have to argue with him to do it. He has only changed a nappy maybe 3-4 times since our son has been born, same with his bottles I have to argue with him to give him a bottle so I can tidy the house or make the dinner etc and then he gives me a hard time about it. The same goes for even giving the baby attention. I can't get him to clean, cook, or help with the laundry either. I'm exhausted and I never have time for myself. He has only ever bought him 2 babygrows, myself and my family have bought everything. He also won't take him out for a day out or anything. We have never done anything as a family of 3. Everything just upsets me. What can I do?

OP posts:

CassandraTrotter · 01/06/2021 10:06

Leave immediately. Grammarley is also a knob.

Motnight · 01/06/2021 10:07

You can have a family life without this man. You and your baby are a family 😊

gamerchick · 01/06/2021 10:07

But he's not being a father though OP. Your child's just a baby now but at some point will notice his dad doesn't give a toss.

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Mumoblue · 01/06/2021 10:07

Wow- can’t believe he said that! What a cock!!

Your son will learn all the wrong lessons from this man, you’re probably both better off rid of him, sad as that may be.

Right now he knows he’s got you trapped because you want your son to have a dad. Don’t stick around and be miserable for the sake of your son, 1 happy parent is better than 1 miserable parent and 1 useless parent.

ZenNudist · 01/06/2021 10:10

Leave and then you will only have one baby to look after!

Original poster

Kaayyyx · 01/06/2021 10:11

Thanks ladies, I am going to leave him. I just don't know how to start the conversation.

OP posts:

Babynames2 · 01/06/2021 10:13

32!! I thought you were going to say 20. He’s a lazy arse OP. I was going to say give him an ultimatum of sort yourself out or leave, but after reading this he said it’s because I cancelled all that out because I decided to have a baby I would be telling him to leave, ASAP.

He treats you badly and obviously has no respect for you. Doesn’t sound like he cares for his child much either. Your son will pick up on this as he gets older and it won’t be a nice family environment for him.

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 01/06/2021 10:14

If it's your house and he has no claim on it, great. You can just chuck him out.

Every mum I know who has ditched a useless partner who is functionally another kid has said being without them is better.

If he leaves he will walk out of his son's life

Lovely. So apparently his baby son is useful for one thing: manipulating you so he can cocklodge off you. I don't imagine he's bringing in a lot of money working only a few hours a day.

Queenoftheashes · 01/06/2021 10:15

Urgh! Excellent decision. Just bag up his stuff and leave it outside when he next goes to work. Change locks. Note on door “you can fuck off”.

RubyGoat · 01/06/2021 10:16

Assuming he's not got any financial interest in your house - get proof of his earnings for the last few months/a copy of his last P60 /whatever you can find. Assume if he only works a 4 hour day he's paid quite a decent hourly rate? Make sure you aren't financially linked.

Then tell him to sling his hook. You'd be better off without this knob in your life. Your DS definitely will, he doesn't need this waste of oxygen as a role model in his life.

imsanehonest · 01/06/2021 10:16

I'd be making plans to leave tbh.

Yes you'll be doing it all yourself - but you are anyway, only this time you won't have a lead weight around your neck and will be much happier.

readingismycardio · 01/06/2021 10:18

well done for your decision, OP!

RubyGoat · 01/06/2021 10:18

You can start the conversation by changing the locks & packing his shit up while he's out. Go to bed early, get up when he does & do it real fast. Bin bags. Book a locksmith. Do you have any family nearby, or good friends that can help, & provide moral support if necessary?

TSBelliot · 01/06/2021 10:19

Can you get some friends or family members round. Tell him it’s over and that he is leaving. Help him pack and he can go wherever he wants to.

What a turd. You can have a brilliant family life but it can’t be with him

RaeRaeMama · 01/06/2021 10:20

What's the point of him being there then?

Honestly he sounds like a crap father. I would get rid of him. He isn't a member of your family unit, that is you and your baby... he's just there making a mess and upsetting you.

trevthecat · 01/06/2021 10:22

Be strong and put you and your baby first. If he has nothing to do with the baby once you leave, that is not your fault. That is his fault.

TheHoneyBadger · 01/06/2021 10:23

No, disgusting attitude, horrible thing to say about walking out on ds's life, not worth even entertaining continuing this relationship.

I don't think you really need a conversation - has he got somewhere to go? If so I would pack up his stuff and text him at work saying I've packed your stuff and will put it outside the front door for you to collect - you have clearly checked out emotionally and mentally so you need to be gone.

hellcatspangle · 01/06/2021 10:23

You don't need to leave him though. Pack all his crap in bin bags and leave them outside next time he's at work and get the locks changed.

Thisisus909 · 01/06/2021 10:27

This relationship is over. He is treating you appallingly. You know that. You’ll give your son a happier family life as a single mum.

Chelyanne · 01/06/2021 10:30

You have a shirty bf, either put up with it or get rid.

Either way you need to learn how to get everything done solo. I'm a forces wife so my husband is not here most of the time and when he is often needs reminding it's not a holiday for him. I do everything for 5 kids (soon to be 6) and a dog. Yes it can be draining having no help but you adapt and get it all done.

imsanehonest · 01/06/2021 10:30

Just read your updates OP. You've made the right decision.

I too 'held on' for the want of a family life. But honestly - no father is better than one who doesn't give a toss. I split from exH 7 years ago and am thankful every day that I did - protecting my DCs from an emotionally neglectful/abusive father. Youngest DCs don't even remember us being together, thank god, and the weekly visits then went to fortnightly (his choice) and he now hasn't seen them since Feb 2020.

For your partner to actually threaten to have nothing to do with your DS if he leaves is absolutely disgusting. If I were you I'd bide my time until tomorrow and pack his bags whilst he's at work.

Chelyanne · 01/06/2021 10:30

Damn you auto correct. Shitty not shirty

FatCatThinCat · 01/06/2021 10:35

You're holding on for a family life that will never happen and you son will grow up learning that this is how relationships are. Kick him to the kerb for both your sakes.

Rainbowqueeen · 01/06/2021 10:37

Good decision Op
Remember your son won’t know any different if you pull the pin now and you get to create a stable loving home for him.

I would see if someone else can take DS for an afternoon and sit your STBX down and just tell him it’s not working for you, you would like him to leave now and he can come to collect his stuff in a few days. Have a friend who knows what is happening bliss by and your phone set to speed dial that person.

Have a locksmith booked to change the locks later that day
The next day put in a cms claim.
Then go on to live your best life.

CustardSquirrel · 01/06/2021 10:47

If you think he will not go willingly can you have some family members there when you tell him ?

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