Am I expecting too much?

[stephens12]

So basically, just want to know if I'm expecting too much.

My ds is 10mo and has never been babysat by anybody so I can relax. My mum has looked after him twice for a couple of hours but that was for me to clean the house and the other time for me to pack the house to move.

My partner works 7 days a week most weeks so I basically do it all on my own. I'm at a point where I'd just LOVE nothing more than for my mum to offer to take care of him, even for a couple of hours just so I can sit down for a bit. Or so me and my partner could actually spend some time together.

She sees him regularly with me there, but just never on their own.

Am I expecting too much from her? Or do kids grandparents usually babysit regularly?

Thanks 😊

My partner works 7 days a week most weeks so I basically do it all on my own. I'm at a point where I'd just LOVE nothing more than for my mum to offer to take care of him

It's your partner who's failing you. Not your mum.

Gosh that sounds really hard! When does your partner ever get chance to spend time with your baby?!

I agree with the PP, it's on him to step back from work a bit, not your mum to step up really, although she might be willing to help a bit more if you ask her.

For comparison, my husband does the last thing at night feed AND the 2am feed most nights because I am up at 5.30am everyday. You are BOTH responsible for raising your baby!

@Oenanthe

My partner works 7 days a week most weeks so I basically do it all on my own. I'm at a point where I'd just LOVE nothing more than for my mum to offer to take care of him

It's your partner who's failing you. Not your mum.

Agree with this. He's really letting you both down.

Have you asked your mum to babysit?

Have you asked your mum and she said no? Or are you waiting for her to offer? It's not something you can expect really but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be nice.

Why is your partner working 7 days a week?
On the surface no, I don’t think yabu however, maybe she thinks your dp should be pulling his weight,

Thanks for your replies everyone,

My partner hasn't always and won't always work 7 days a week. It's just at the moment 😊 he has a very busy job and obviously needs must. He's a great dad and every spare minute he has he devotes to me and our son. He's also just started paying us a membership for a gym with a crèche so I can have an hour on my own.

Work will calm down again, just atm some help from my mum would be great. I don't really even feel like I can ask her properly, but I hint ALL the time!

I don't get this at all.
I don't get why you don't just ask your mum. She might be on here staying a post aibu that my daughter hasn't asked me to look after my grandchild. I haven't asked her but I hint.

I also don't get in what way your partner is being a great dad. He's never there. That needs to change. Needs must sure but your needs must too. His kids probably barely knows who he is. Would he know how to look after them?

Sorry if this sounds harsh it's not said that way in my head.

Just ask her, no pointing in hinting.

point... Sorry

I think your expectations are a little high, he’s only 10 months and she’s looked after him twice. As people said your husband needs to give you that break- as for couple time, you have a very young baby, you don’t get the adult time like before until they get a solid earlier bed time

No I'm sorry but a 7 day working week is utterly ridiculous. What does he do exactly?

I think it’s a bit unfair to immediately assume it’s a neglectful husband!

But I would just ask OP.

Just ask your mum. Some grandparents are happy to babysit others are not.

If your mum can't do it look for a childminder who would perhaps be able to do a few hours a week.

Really appreciate all the responses.. most people are just jumping straight in assuming my fiancée is horrendous. He's really not. I did say that in my comment! He isn't doing this out of choice, and would much rather be home with our son. I knew he had an extremely busy jobs prior to deciding to have children with him. This really wasn't a post to have my partner slagged off 😂 I just wanted to know if I could expect anymore from my mum!

Your dh needs to reduce his days to six, needs must won't seem like a good idea when you eventually burn out.

Ask your mother directly if she feels comfortable to care for your baby for a few hours alone, if she says no then find a babysitter you trust.

And no, you should never ever 'expect' anything from others.

It is not your mother's job to care for your child! It is yours and your dh, anything else is a bonus.

If she can, and is happy to do so - great, but to expect her to do it smacks of entitlement.

Expectations are the root of disappointment..

You chose to have a child. It would be nice to have more support but doesn't always happen. It will get easier in a few years.

If you want your mum to babysit, ask her. Stop hinting, that’s no way to communicate your needs.

No one has saps he's horrendous or slagged him off.

The answer to your question should you expect more from your mum. No. Your shouldn't EXPECT more. You can ask nicely though and I expect she'll be happy to help.

I still think working 7 days a week when you have a young child and your partner needs a break is not on. It's not the 50s.

Well you're going to get a range of responses from mums who looked after babies all the time to those like in my family where both sets of grandparents were not that confident with a baby and didn't want to be left with them.

I think you'd be wrong to expect this of your mum but no harm asking.

If your DH didn't work every hour under the sun, you wouldn't need to ask your mum. So that's your response. Not slagging your partner off, it is fact.

As for your mum, if you have never actually asked her outright to babysit, then YABU. Also, wait for the Covid police to tell you she can't do it cos of restrictions right now anyway.

My partner hasn't always and won't always work 7 days a week. It's just at the moment 😊 he has a very busy job and obviously needs must. He's a great dad and every spare minute he has he devotes to me and our son. He's also just started paying us a membership for a gym with

Ha hope that puts the "blame the father" brigade back on their places

Anyway - some grandparents just aren't comfortable looking after a young child on their own - my mum would but my dad definitely wouldn't, my PIL also would never (and have never offered)

Stop hinting and ask directly, in a way that allows her to say no if she wants. You can’t expect her to mind read, and she may even be worried about stepping on your toes/you thinking she’s interfering.

Just message her saying eg “how would you feel about having x for a couple of hours so dp and I can have a meal together?”

I find it really irritating that people say oh just tell the dad to reduce his hours - maybe the OP is a STAHM and his is the only income they rely on, she's said it's temporary ffs