Am I expecting too much?

[stephens12]

So basically, just want to know if I'm expecting too much.

My ds is 10mo and has never been babysat by anybody so I can relax. My mum has looked after him twice for a couple of hours but that was for me to clean the house and the other time for me to pack the house to move.

My partner works 7 days a week most weeks so I basically do it all on my own. I'm at a point where I'd just LOVE nothing more than for my mum to offer to take care of him, even for a couple of hours just so I can sit down for a bit. Or so me and my partner could actually spend some time together.

She sees him regularly with me there, but just never on their own.

Am I expecting too much from her? Or do kids grandparents usually babysit regularly?

Thanks 😊

Thanks everyone for the supportive comments regarding my partner.

I'm not a young, controlled, abused, abandoned mum who needs all your negative comments. I'm in a very happy relationship where we both understand things sometimes can't be helped. I have an amazing partner who works himself into the ground to provide for us and keep his business going well. I'm proud of him everyday and as is he of me.

Thanks so much for all your concerns though 🙄

@stephens12

Thanks everyone for the supportive comments regarding my partner.

I'm not a young, controlled, abused, abandoned mum who needs all your negative comments. I'm in a very happy relationship where we both understand things sometimes can't be helped. I have an amazing partner who works himself into the ground to provide for us and keep his business going well. I'm proud of him everyday and as is he of me.

Thanks so much for all your concerns though 🙄

Good for you! X

You need to ensure you are not left financially vulnerable, if you are not working to care for your child and remain unmarried. When are you getting married?
You need to protect yourself.

He is working 7 days a week, you are doing all of the heavy lifting at home and if he walks out/leaves you, you will be left without any claim to joint income/house and the longer you are out of work, the harder it will be to find a decent income revenue.

Your predicament is far more fragile than childcare and quality time for your baby with your dp.

If you were truly financially equal you would not be saying he has given you the gift of gym membership, you would simply set it up yourself with your joint account and tell him about your plan.

You are wholly reliant on him for everything. The fact you are proud of him every day is irrelevant, he is the one holding all of the cards, and you are in a vulnerable position. Unless you are getting married in the next few months, I would be getting a job with childcare paid by both of you, so you have some security.

@beachsidecafe I'm currently building my own business which is progressing really well and soon will be generating enough income for me to have my own sturdy wage (which my partner has funded). So yes I'm a SAHM but there's a lot more to it than that, but of course nobody knows my situation everyone's just presuming it's really dangerous and worrying.

@beachsidecafe you fool 😂 even if something horrendous was to happen between me and my partner and my business hadn't picked up enough, I have savings etc to fall back on from working before my son. Thanks so much for your concern. But honestly I'm fine. 😊

Have you got friends with similar age babies to do swaps with?

@ivfgottwins thank you for being on my side this whole time!! I'm in shock with the responses to be honest 😂 no part of it was supposed to come across in the way it's being made out!

I wouldn’t dream of taking on a gym membership without talking to OH first and I am married and we have a joint account and I work FT when not on maternity leave

Newsflash. Not everyone does things the same as you.

I think most of ivfs posts are nonsense but the fact is the OP didn’t post saying or indicating she was unhappy with her relationship.

Sometimes people have to work.

@stephens12

No problem! I fall foul of the man hating harpies of MN quite a lot because I tend to err on giving the chap in the relationship the benefit of the doubt (I'm not a man by the way! And by no means do I have a perfect relationship with my DH but it does irritate me that a good man who goes out to work for his family is labelled financially abusive and still not doing enough!)

You should pay for a nursery a couple of days a week rather than expecting your mum up look after your dc.

@blueandcream exactly! Thank you! I think it's rude to do that. It's very expensive per month with the package I have gone for, and if my partner took one out for himself without speaking to me first I wouldn't be impressed.

Everyone's making out that he's in charge, but he's the one who runs everything past me before he does it! I just take myself off for a little coffee and a shop and he never has a bad thing to say 😂

@blueandcream

I think most of ivfs posts are nonsense but the fact is the OP didn’t post saying or indicating she was unhappy with her relationship.

Sometimes people have to work.

I don't see what's nonsense about them......OP has said time and time again her partner goes out to work to provide and is a good man and yet she is forced to justify that he is not some financially abusive monster

I am actually beginning to feel very sorry for your mum.

@ivfgottwins @blueandcream I do agree, I'm not sure what's nonsense about the comments! I just think ivf has been lovely and supportive 😊

@beachsidecafe please tell me why you're feeling sorry for my mum? 😂

Do share why beachside

Has the OP served time in prison, demanded thousands of pounds in help for debt, insisted on moving back in with her mum for the foreseeable?

I feel like my parents are very hands on and helpful but I don’t think they ever looked after my DC on their own until I went back to work, it wasn’t really necessary before that.

I think it is pretty obvious why!! I don't need to spell it out, entitled and rude and expectant, and largely clueless when it comes to financial vulnerability. Disaster waiting to happen. Someone that can not be reasoned with is never ever a good quality.

You do you op. You were just looking for people to agree your mum should be stepping up and doing more, you have been given the opposite advice and are not kicking against it because it doesn't suit you.

I feel deeply sorry for your mum, and hope she has her excuses ready.

You need to ask outright. Hinting is annoying and easy to ignore.

Or you could pay fo a couple of days of nursery or other childcare so you can have a break. There are options.

** now

Would you consider paying for childcare? Then you don’t just have to use the time for exercise- you can do what you want. Maybe even work on your business a bit. Or go for a walk. Read a book. Get some headspace.

It’s not remotely obvious.

She wants her mum to help and have the baby for a couple of hours to give her some ‘me’ time.

There is no hint that if the mum says sorry I don’t feel I can do that that the OP will sever all ties or anything.

I genuinely feel like I’m reading a different thread to the rest of you although the 😂 and the stupid posts by ivf are jarring I agree.

@beachsidecafe I mean, that's a very sweeping judgement to make from what you think you know about me. But each to their own. I don't have the time or energy to respond to what you're saying, in reality I'll just let you get on with your obviously very sad life.