4 month sleep regression

[bleachblondemom]

We’ve been going through the four-month sleep regression for the last few weeks and it’s just getting worse. Daytime naps are completely out the window. If he falls asleep in my arms he won’t let me put him down in his cot. If he’s in the pram he just wants to be constantly moved. I used to walk him for an hour then bring him home and he would stay asleep in the pram for another hour or two. But now he wakes up as soon as we get home. His sleep cycle was 45 mins but now it’s more like 30-40. The slightest noise or wrong movement will wake him up. He still sleeps through the night but it is taking us so long to get him down to sleep in the first place. It takes at least an hour if not longer because he will keep waking up when we put him down. I then spend the rest of the evening shivering downstairs because I can’t put the heating on because the boiler making noises will wake him up. No matter how early or late we put him to bed he has gone back to waking up between 6 am and 6:30 am whereas before it was more like between 7 am and 7:30 am. So he’s losing an hours sleep and not making up for it in the day and giving himself a longer day. I feel like I spend all day battling to get him to sleep. I don’t shower or brush my teeth or get anything done in the house. By the afternoon he is overtired and miserable but still won’t go back to sleep. I feel so trapped, I’ve spent pretty much all day crying today. I feel like I hate looking after him right now, nothing I do is good enough for him, and I feel bad that he has to see me upset. I don’t know what to do and I’m feeling so down about it right now.

I feel like I can’t be any help because my 5 month old has been in the ‘4 month’ regression for around 6 weeks. Sometimes she wakes up every 45 minutes all night long so maybe just be happy with sleeping through the night!
On the plus side, now she is 5 months, her day time naps are slowly improving. We used to have 4 naps that were around 30 minutes. She’s now moved to 3 naps a day, we still do get a lot of 30 minute naps but we usually get at least one 45 minute nap and day and every now and then we get an hour and a half! Unfortunately I think it’s just a ‘stick it out’ situation
I don’t fight her for naps. I try for 10 minutes, if it doesn’t work out, we do something else and try again 15/30 minutes later!

@Sls668 thank you, I do keep telling myself that if it doesn’t work I’ll just stop and try again later. But I can tell he’s tired so it’s really hard to stop as I just want to help him sleep :( and apparantly everything they learn to do during this regression is permanent?? So I feel like I need to teach him now to get to sleep.

Also I know you didn’t mean it like this but I feel like as soon as I say ‘he sleeps through the night’ people are like why are you complaining then and they don’t take me seriously. But it’s no good him sleeping through the night and not getting any good quality sleep for the 13-14 hours he’s awake! And getting him down to sleep has become so much more stressful.

My daughter is two now but I remember this time well, it was definitely the hardest period and I felt a lot like you. It does pass though, please try not to despair and remember that it’s just a phase.

Maybe read up a little on the 4 month sleep regression as that really helped me to understand what was going on. From what I remember the change is that they move into ‘sleep cycles’ (vs. newborns who just stay in deep sleep state) and when they get to the light sleep phase they find it hard to go back to sleep. As adults we have the same sleep cycles and ‘wake up’ frequently through the night but have learnt how to get back to sleep quickly so it doesn’t even register. They just need to learn that skill.

The fact that he’s sleeping through the night says that he’s somewhat learned how to do that, so that’s one good thing.

If you don’t want him to nap on you, you might need to work on helping him to fall asleep not on you so that he doesn’t wake up when you try to put him down. Maybe try popping him in the cot with a firm hand on his chest/stroke his head until he falls as asleep, once he’s gotten used to that you might be able to move to just putting him down.

I also found white noise really helpful around this time as it stopped her from waking at every noise during naps.

Whilst I have also read things that make me worry anything baby learns now is permanent, you have to ask yourself, do you know any 18 year olds that need rocking to sleep? Or 30 year olds that still breastfeed so that they can sleep more than 45 minutes at a time? I’m pretty sure your answer is no!
It’s all a phase and will pass, just do what you can to get through it so that you feel human enough to enjoy baby!
Have you got any classes booked in or mum friends you can hang out with to keep you busy? I think, with lockdown, it’s given us a lot more time to become obsessed with sleep!

To be honest, I think waking up at around 6-630 is pretty standard. Mine always wakes up then (unfortunately!)

Night and day are as different as night and day for my nearly four month old. I don’t worry about naps in the day much if he’s sleeping well at night - mine wakes once usually. I’d just let him nap on you to be honest. Mine always does. He will sleep in his Purflo but he doesn’t tend to sleep long then.

Can you talk us through a typical day - I’m just wondering about the shower and how you don’t have time with that?

Oh my god, I'm you! Only my situation is slowly getting worse I feel, due to teething!
About six weeks ago my good napper started waking every 45 minutes, I spend most of the day trying to get him back to sleep as when he gets overtired he's hysterical! Every now and again we will get an hour-two hour nap but I have no reasonable explanation why and can't replicate it! I was crying most days as because of our dogs I can't snuggle him to sleep downstairs so I have to sit alone in his dark room! The one saving grace I had was he was sleeping well for 12 hours on a night with one wake up for a feed which started getting later and later and I felt like sleeping through was on the horizon!
However the last 5 days or so he's started waking for a earlier feed like 9-11pm and is really unsettled most of the night, last night I was up 11-1:30 with him, then again at 2:30 then again at 5:20 and I can hear him struggling again now, he's got the signs of teething (red cheeks, chewing etc) but after 6 weeks of bad sleep i need a break! Partner is currently on sleeping tablets for illness so he's not an option I'm so down and tired, I'm at my wits ends! Please tel me someone has had an experience like this and it's ends soon!

My baby is so similar OP. He sleeps through the night but wakes for the day at 5am, and his naps are always so hard. He literally wouldn’t nap ever if it were up to him, and it takes so much input to get him to sleep. Then he’s grotty and tired!

I have found one of the few things that helps is doing a mini version of his bedtime routine at bao time. So I make the room cool and dark, do a nappy change, put on his sleepsuit and feed him. He will then usually nap in my arms for an hour and a half (with a couple of wake ups where he can be soothed back to sleep). It’s not ideal and I still don’t know how I will get him napping in his cot, but it’s much better than the 25 minute cat naps I was getting before.

Good luck! It’s a tough stage hopefully we will both be through it soon.

They change so much in the first year that you just have to roll with it - you probably won't get many more 2/3 hour naps now until he's down to 2 (or 1) naps. I think my eldest made up sleep regressions - at 4 mo, he barely napped and was up 5-8 times a night. I wish I'd just let him get on with it instead of trying to fix it all the time and making myself feel like shit and a failure. Ironically, I now spend all time keeping him awake in the day or else he won't sleep at night.

DD is around the same age as yours and is down to cat naps (yesterday was 2 X 30m, 1 X 45 m and 1 X 15 m) - there's a sweet spot to get her in a cot, I miss it more often than I get it so she does sleep on me a fair bit. With a 3yo around she doesn't get the luxury of a nap in a dark room or being pushed for hours so we just have to get on with it. Practically I find it easier to change my routine than hers - I shower before bed instead of in the morning, I have somewhere to put her in pretty much every room so I can get on with things while I chat or sing to her.

He hasn’t slept since 11. He has his jabs at 2. So I’ve been trying to get him to sleep for the last hour and now there’s no point because we will need to leave soon. So he’s going to be tired and miserable and then have jabs on top of that. He’s just crying now cos he’s tired but nothing I’m doing is good enough for him to go to sleep.

OP I really wouldn’t worry about it, he’ll probably pass out after his jabs! Assuming his jabs are done and he falls asleep straight after, he’ll be asleep by 2.30 - that’s only 3.5 hours after 11. That’s really not that bad!

well he’s cried himself to sleep in his pram (I didn’t intend to leave him to do that, I just needed to sit down for 5 mins before I went back to deal with him). So I’ve rang the docs and rebooked his jabs for Thursday. Hopefully will go more to plan then. It’s just so frustrating when he’s like this :( I try not to let it get to me but I can’t help it, because I’m desperate to help him and it’s like he won’t let me.

@Sls668 I know I’m sure he would’ve been alright, if he hadn’t fell asleep id have just too him to the appointment but now he is asleep I can’t bring myself to wake him, I don’t want to try and teach him to fall asleep but then wake him up, he’ll be confused!

Oh and thank you everyone for your comments and advice. I was so upset about it all yesterday :( feel a bit better today. I really want to start teaching him to fall asleep in his cot and not on me. The fact that he’s just fell asleep alone in his pram has given me some hope! I didn’t mean to leave him crying but within 5 mins he was asleep. It’s almost like me ‘trying’ to get him to sleep makes it worse.

Well he woke up crying after 25 minutes, didn’t even get a full cycle out of him. I’ve just spent 40 minutes stood in silence rocking him in his pram and he didn’t even sleep properly, every few mins he’d stir or whinge or open his eyes. I just don’t know why he’s doing this to himself 😢 he’s obviously so tired but just won’t go back to sleep properly no matter what I do. Oh and he’s just awake now so that was a complete waste of time.

Hope you’re ok, OP. My DS is over 9 months now but I remember the 4 month sleep regression was the worst. He would wake up several times every night and one of the wake ups (usually around 2.30am) would last for over 2hrs with him wide awake and wanting to play. DH was back at work and we always do a share each of night wakings but the 2hr one always seemed to be when I got up with him! After 3 weeks of it I was so exhausted and ended up in tears every night trying to get him back to sleep. He started to become difficult to settle for daytime naps too.
A few things that helped:
If your DP is around in the evening, shower and wash your hair then and sort out clothes etc for the next day.
If pushing the baby in a pram helps to get him off for a nap then try doing that indoors, or take him out walking until he’s asleep and then either transfer to the cot or take the pram out to the garden and sit with a book or something to get a bit of time for yourself. I really struggle to get DS off for naps too and this is generally how I always do it now.
Remember it won’t last forever and will definitely get better. He is still very little.

I think you worry too much about his sleeping

He sleeps through at night. During the day don’t worry about him sleeping on you or not sleeping long enough. Some days they sleep more than others: same as us.

This is my personal experience but while I know no longer than two hours awake is recommended at this age that is an overview and your baby might be different. Mine is more two and a half, so if he wakes from his nap at 11 next nap time is probably going to be around half one - it’s something to bear in mind.

Today my ds woke at half six, slept at half nine (!) woke at 10, slept at 1250 for ten minutes in the car and then finally fell asleep in the sling about fifteen minutes ago. It’s hard when you know they need sleep and won’t but I honestly believe the best thing to do is just to go about your day as normal.

@Sls668

Whilst I have also read things that make me worry anything baby learns now is permanent, you have to ask yourself, do you know any 18 year olds that need rocking to sleep? Or 30 year olds that still breastfeed so that they can sleep more than 45 minutes at a time? I’m pretty sure your answer is no! It’s all a phase and will pass, just do what you can to get through it so that you feel human enough to enjoy baby! Have you got any classes booked in or mum friends you can hang out with to keep you busy? I think, with lockdown, it’s given us a lot more time to become obsessed with sleep!

This is great advice.

I longed for a blood crutch when everyone would keep saying don’t do this/that/the other because it’ll be a crutch and he won’t sleep without it.

Yeah fucking right, every other day he needed something different to get him to sleep.

I have no advice other than it ends eventually.

Thanks guys you are making me feel a bit better. It’s just so hard because everything I do all day revolves around him being awake and asleep, and anything I do for me (eating, getting dressed, anything around the house) has to be done at a certain time so that when he’s ready to sleep I can give him my undivided attention to get him to sleep and keep him asleep. I know that’s what parenthood is about but I wish I could get something back from it, like a decent bit of time once a day where he doesn’t need something from me. He’s not old enough to really ‘show’ me anything back so I feel like I’m doing all this for this little human who doesn’t appreciate it :( even though I’m sure he does but it’s hard to see that when I’m trying to help him and he’s not cooperating.

like a decent bit of time once a day where he doesn’t need something from me.

Oh god this resonates with me today 😬 DC is cutting 2 massive front teeth and has had a cold/cough for a month so is just whining all.. the.. time.. happy or sad whatever the weather, unless I’m stood up with him on my hip he’s fuming.

The good news is though you’re on the cusp of smiles/laughs/bit of interaction so honesty some heart warming ‘awwww’s’ are just around the corner

Oh bless you...please try not to get too worked up. In a year's time this will seem like an age ago - that's no consolation for now I know :( My DD who's now 1 year old, wouldn't sleep anywhere but on me or my partner for the first four months (not even in her pram), after that she'd only sleep in her cot between 0400am and 0600am (nope, I have no idea either!), and she woke up about 5 times at night until 6 months when we introduced controlled crying. Since then, we are blessed to have such a wonderful self-settling sleeper/napper. The best advice I can offer, is to try and introduce some kind of routine before naps/sleeps for eg, change nappy, put in sleepsuit, place in cot, and try to darken the room as much as possible for naps/night sleeps...like you can't see your hand in front of your face kinda dark, and try some white noise. Other than that, he's only little, and it may just be a case of riding this one through until he's 6 months, when you can start sleep training. In terms of 'sleep regression' - I think they say they have a 6 months regression, an 8 month sleep regression, a 12 months sleep regression, a regression because of the regression ....you get my point. Don't focus on these 'regressions' too much otherwise you'll send yourself la la.

It is so hard but I think that’s honestly where letting them slot in is best. I mean, don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t wake ds up if he fell asleep on me (unless it was a toilet emergency) but if he’s cranky I just put him in his bouncy chair while I shower and it’s fine. I know lots of people advise not to worry about showering etc but personally I would feel a bit yucky if I didn’t! (No judgement if you don’t by the way!)

I’d honestly just go about your day as normal

Thank you again for the kind comments. We do have a bedtime routine- we have a dark room with white noise and he has a swaddle sleeping bag which he loves, I do try to recreate this in the day but it doesn’t really work. At the moment he won’t let me put him down in his cot for a sleep so there’s not much point in this routine if he doesn’t end up in the cot. Which is why I’ve been rocking him in the pram downstairs instead. He is so lovely when he’s awake and in a good mood, he is always chatting and smiling. I adore him, I just wish he’d have some time-out. I’m going to take him out in the pram for an hour soon, it’s a complete 50/50 chance now whether he will stay asleep once we get home or wake straight up.
But yes you are all right when you say I need to not fret too much and just ride it out, believe me I’m trying!

@Aliceandthemarchhare the amount of times I’ve had to go to the loo with DS attached to me 😂 I’m a pro at it now

If it makes you feel better, my baby has been awake since three in the afternoon

Tonight will be fun ... !