4 month sleep regression

[bleachblondemom]

We’ve been going through the four-month sleep regression for the last few weeks and it’s just getting worse. Daytime naps are completely out the window. If he falls asleep in my arms he won’t let me put him down in his cot. If he’s in the pram he just wants to be constantly moved. I used to walk him for an hour then bring him home and he would stay asleep in the pram for another hour or two. But now he wakes up as soon as we get home. His sleep cycle was 45 mins but now it’s more like 30-40. The slightest noise or wrong movement will wake him up. He still sleeps through the night but it is taking us so long to get him down to sleep in the first place. It takes at least an hour if not longer because he will keep waking up when we put him down. I then spend the rest of the evening shivering downstairs because I can’t put the heating on because the boiler making noises will wake him up. No matter how early or late we put him to bed he has gone back to waking up between 6 am and 6:30 am whereas before it was more like between 7 am and 7:30 am. So he’s losing an hours sleep and not making up for it in the day and giving himself a longer day. I feel like I spend all day battling to get him to sleep. I don’t shower or brush my teeth or get anything done in the house. By the afternoon he is overtired and miserable but still won’t go back to sleep. I feel so trapped, I’ve spent pretty much all day crying today. I feel like I hate looking after him right now, nothing I do is good enough for him, and I feel bad that he has to see me upset. I don’t know what to do and I’m feeling so down about it right now.

@bleachblondemom I’m also totally with you on the Google about needing X amount of hours. My little boy has never met the quota. On really bad days he would have like 11 hours 🤯

@Wobblybobblyboo same here, I am a control freak! It is so hard to just ‘go with the flow’. I like to ‘fix’ problems not just cope with them and hope they pass. I am learning to be flexible though, I will get there.

@KCN2020 Thank you and good luck to you too! Sorry you are going through this dreaded time as well but it helps so much to know I’m not alone and it’s not just my child, I hope that helps you too.

I have tried to be more relaxed today and it has helped, even when he really struggled with that afternoon nap I just had to get on with it and try again a little bit later. And he survived 😂

@bleachblondemom you are Definitley not alone and it does help me realise that it’s normal for them not to be sleeping all the time! Lockdown has definitely contributed to my obsession with naps too, my husband says just relax he’ll sleep when he’s tired ....😂

Also well done on the cot naps you do accomplish! 👏🏻

@KCN2020 thank you! I think there’s been about 4 in the last 2 weeks... little wins lol

I have been in exactly the same situation as you! 4 month regression was end of December and all of January just as we went into lockdown 3 :-( sleep at night was ok but naps were a shit show AND she was horrible in the day without a good nap. ‘Good’ for her was at least one nap over an hour, the others were 30 mins

People had exactly the same attitude to me as you have experienced, I was pretty stressed about naps - my
Mum said ‘I’ve never known a baby not to fall asleep on their play mat/floor/sofa not sure why you need to go to so much effort to make her sleep’ I exploded!

Anyway to try and help you it did end and from five/six months old she has three naps a day 9-10am 12.30 to 2pm and then a little 4.30/4.45 to 5pm and bed at 7pm - and the naps from six months (apart from the last) are in the cot when I need them to be! I NEVER thought we would get here

Things I did which people will prob think I am mental for - wake her at 7am so that set our day start, first nap in the cot as that was the easiest to sort (white noise, dark and sleeping bag) lunch time sleep in the pram walking for 2 hours, for 6 weeks I did this (car if it was wet) so she would get into that pattern for sleep and then the last nap was on me and is still almost impossible to have in the cot if the earlier naps have been cot naps.

It was tough and my husband questioned my sanity (in a nice way!!!) at times as I was obsessed but we got there and she is such a happy girl for it now. It does go wrong sometimes but that’s babies and knowing that 90% of the time it’s good is enough for me.

Good luck

Hi OP
My baby is 9 months old so we’re a little bit ahead of you but I thought I’d share a few things that helped me back in the dark days of the 4 month regression (and November lockdown so I had waaaay to much time on my hands to obsess over it).
We really struggled with day and night sleep so I feel your pain.

1. How much your child sleeps is not a measure of your success / failure as a parent. You can be a great mum AND have a child that hates naps. It’s not your fault. I definitely felt much better when I stopped measuring naps against how long they “should” sleep for and judging myself if we didn’t meet the target.
2. If you have to try for longer than 15 minutes to get them to go to sleep take a break (even if it’s only a 10 min break) go to a different room / go in the garden in you have one and then come back. The change of scenery really seemed to help my DD
3. I found Lyndsey Hookways book really helpful “let’s talk about your new family’s sleep” it helped me adjust my mindset which was probably the thing that helped most of all! There are some practical tips in there too but my main take away was reframing how I viewed sleep and I felt so much happier after.

I totally understand how miserable it is to be with a tired baby all day but it will get better, small consolation when you’re in the thick of it I know but it’s true. I promise it won’t be like this forever!

Sorry forgot to say night sleep did go a bit off for three weeks in the middle of the regression! But not too bad, maybe 2/3 wake ups a night

Also for some unknown reason my little girl needs to have a 30 second to 6 minute cry when going down for a nap - it’s not a real cry more like a wind down whine! I hated this and didn’t get it until my friend who had a sleep consultant mentioned it, it does make sense as she won’t wind down at all pre nap unless it’s in the car. I was really concerned with cortisol levels rising but when I really listened I could tell the ‘real’ cries to the wind down ones so I just sat on the floor of her room until I was confident which was which!

@Ftmbabyfun ah thank you! So good to read that my situation isn’t unusual. Well done for getting through it! Exactly I feel like some people just don’t get it :( yes his nighttime sleep is great and I’m lucky in that respect, but whilst your baby is going down for lovely naps several times a day mine isn’t!! Thank you for sharing your experience and giving me some hope, really appreciate it x

@SamanthaVimes thank you that is really nice to hear. I will try not to think of it in terms of sleep he ‘should’ be having and just appreciate the sleep he actually wants. And that is really good advice about having a break. Sometimes I feel like when I try too hard it just makes it worse!

Lyndsey Hookway also has an Instagram page which is really helpful. I’ve never read her book but her insta does feature a lot of letting go of all these sleep harsh myths.
Personally, I’m not a massive believer in parents being able to ‘teach’ baby things when it comes to sleep, I think they’ll just do them when they’re developmentally ready and just keep trying every now and then eg for MONTHS my baby would need so much rocking and shushing to get to sleep, it was exhausting! It’d take 15 minutes and every time I thought she’d gone off and sit down her eyes would ping open and we’d have to start again! Then a couple of weeks ago, I was at a baby shower and had been out most of the day, it was about 3pm and she had napped about 30 mins all day. She was sat on me moaning but I was talking so just cuddled her and started patting her bum, she went straight off. That’s now how she has 95% of her naps, she goes off within minutes. That never would’ve happened a month ago! So long story short, I’m just a believer in it’ll happen when they’re ready and in the meantime, you just have to survive it!

@Sls668 I am torn between totally agreeing with you but also feeling like I do need to ‘teach’ or ‘help’ just because I can see how much DS needs helps staying asleep for a decent amount of time. But at the same time I totally get what you are saying and of course their sleep will get better eventually regardless. I guess it depends on the kind of person you are- chilled and happy to go with the flow, or more routine-led and eager to problem-solve. I am torn between the two 😂

@bleachblondemom yes I’m far too laid back (lazy) to worry. There have been times I’ve fought ‘right, that’s it, I’m going to get strict now’ and then I’ve just been stressed and she hasn’t slept any better so that just made me decide to go back to going with the flow! One thing I have found, if your baby is a cat sleeper (mine has taken 4 months to become one!), if I’m driving at the 30-35 minute mark, she’ll stir but stay asleep. Once I get past that little blip, she’ll then stay asleep to maybe 1 hour 30 mins which is a miracle for us! Sometimes if I’m driving home and she’s asleep, I’ll drive the long way home or go through a drive through for a hot drink, push her past that 30 minute wake and then I can enjoy my hot drink and stare aimlessly at my phone for an extra blissful 45 mins!

Sorry that should say car sleeper!

@Sls668 I’m in the same camp as you r.e not believing in “teaching” sleep. When the 4 month regression first hit I drove myself crazy trying to “fix” sleep but once I just embraced the cat naps and realised we’d have lots of short naps rather than a couple of long ones life got so much better.

I think it’s a bit like walking... you can’t teach them until they’re ready to do it anyway!

@Sls668 yeah that’s why I walk him for an hour, to make sure he’s well over his 45 minute mark before we go home and I stop moving the pram. Used to work every time now it’s hit and miss. Sometimes he’ll stay asleep for an hour or two after, sometimes he’ll wake up straight away. Driving would work but he doesn’t stay asleep in the car seat for very long once he’s in the house, and transferring him to cot/pram wakes him up.

This is all reassuring to read as I am going mad. For the last 4/5 weeks my son has fought going to sleep & will not stay asleep!

Naps - he will only sleep in my arms when at home or in the car seat/pushchair when out but getting his to sleep at home is a battle. Rocking & swaying for sometimes 30-40 minutes. When I have decided to put him down he wakes immediately 😭

Nighttime - he has started SCREAMING & fussing to the point where he can't even settle to feed & this can last anywhere from 45 minutes to two hours. Then his sleep usually goes ...

Sleep for 30-60 minutes.
Wake for rocking or dummy back to sleep.
Sleep for 2 hours.
Then wake every 45-60 minutes until morning.

He is also EBF & will only settle int he early hours with boob.

I am going mad & just cannot see an end. Every now & then he will have a "good night" where he wakes every two hours & then it goes back to a total disaster.

He also has bad reflux so I have to hold him upright after every feed for 20 minutes. So I'm really not sleeping at all.

Daytime - he is so whiney & needs constant entertaining or he will just cry.

Some days I feel like he's purposely trying to kill me with sleep deprivation.

When mine went through a regression my friend said something to me that helped my mindset - try to enforce 'calm time' and 'active time' rather than sleep time and awake time, and then whether they sleep during calm time or not is up to them. It didn't make DD sleep any more during that phase but it did stop me going insane with guilt. So rather than trying to force the sleep, put them somewhere comfortable and safe and just do calm things, dim lights, boring story in a soothing voice, or gentle light show type things on the ceiling etc.

My LB is exactly the same atm. White noise does help once he does go off to sleep but he keeps fighting it even then. He'll wake up crying and I have to rock and shush him back to sleep quickly or he's awake again for hours! He still sleeps well at night thankfully!

No housework getting done here either. I've decided to go with the flow and live in a hovel for the time being.

Hi don't mind if I jump on? I think Iv hit this 4 month regression stage 😩

He use to sleep pretty well at night going to bed at 7/7.30pm after his bedtime routine sleep through till 1, bottle and change then back to sleep till 5/6 where I'd normally get up for the day now I'm lucky as he still goes to bed pretty well and sleeps till 11/12 but after then it's every hour waking to be settled back to sleep (usually I stroke his hand or face, play white noise and give him his dummy back) but around 4am he's wide awake just chatting away in his crib for an hour or so and either by himself or with my help will go back to sleep till 6

Daytime naps are gone though 😓 all this past week Iv spent hours trying to get my little boy to sleep either on me (which is what would normally be the case) in the pram, car but Iv noticed he will now only drop off if I give him some milk only an ounce and he's gone but even that's only for 25/30 mins before he's back up again

I'm in tears most of the day as it make me feel awful as I know he's so tired - I use huckleberry to go off his awake windows but it's like he has totally forgot how to sleep

@bleachblondemom @Wobblybobblyboo @dancingqueen03 @ELLIELOUEFF @Numnumcookie @Ftmbabyfun @KCN2020 I know this is old but reading with interest to see how you are all getting on with sleep now? We are in the middle of the 4 month sleep regression with my DS1 at the moment and your experiences all ring so true - fighting day naps/ difficulty settling and very regular night wakes. Tbh lost count how many times we were up last night it’s Such a blur Really struggling to enjoy this time of year on so little sleep. Please tell me it gets better!

It did get better eventually but not for about 8 weeks for us & it only ended as we had to sleep train.

Also bad news from me is that he is now 1 in a few days & has never slept through the night & still only naps 2x 30 mins a day. But I know my little one is not one for sleep & probably not the norm!

Last night as we are staying away he was up 3 times. Usually at home it’s once or twice.

Hi, I've name changed but still here @coopekid, my DS is now 12 months. We did some sleep training too when we hit six months - this was for the night time sleep not naps and was to try and get him into his cot and to fall asleep by himself. It was 3 difficult days with lots of crying then he slept through the night and continued to do so with one wake for a feed.. The daytime sleep sort of got better naturally when we did this. He dropped to two naps and started falling asleep much more easily and staying asleep longer in the buggy and for a couple of months I just did all his naps in there - summer so good for walks! Gradually then we managed to get him napping in his cot for the afternoon nap and then that lengthened a lot and he's just dropped his morning one - this was a game changer and he now is sleeping 12 hours at night generally without waking and has a 2 hour nap in the cot in the afternoon. This does make life a bit rigid though as we need to be at home.

Should say that after the first sleep training he slept really well at night for about 2 months then we had some teeth and several minor illnesses and ended up with multiple night wakes again - he'd gone off food in the day so wanted more milk at night and was also needing us to settle him again rather than settling himself. So we had 6 weeks of really bad night sleep. We waited until no illnesses and then did some more sleep training about a month ago. Only really took one night that time then basically he got the hang of putting himself back to sleep again. He does sometimes still cry a bit when you put him down but it's for about 30 secs then off he goes to sleep. So I guess it has been a process.

The one thing I would say is that advice from people who haven't sleep trained to me always tended to be that it just gets better naturally eventually. This was never really the case with my baby - if we followed his cues I would still be feeding him all night and he'd eat nothing during the day and be tired all the time. He is such a happy baby now because he is well rested and I don't regret what we chose to do. Even people like my MIL who has had a lot of children and looked after many more commented on how difficult it was to get him to sleep in the day time, so I think take all advice with a pinch of salt unless it's from someone who has had a crap sleeper.

Wish you the best over the next couple of months - I did NOT enjoy 4-6 months just because I spent most nights awake and days desperately trying to get him to sleep. It's sooooo much easier now.

Next challenge for us will be dropping the nighttime and lunchtime bottle to feed to sleep.

Also sorry - walking has helped because I think he's exhausted now! Not helpful as you're not there yet but DS does seem to need tiring out. I've also dropped to one nap earlier than others might partly because he seemed to want to and I thought it was affecting his night sleep but also he only ever does one nap at nursery (he's been there since 8 months and they did try to get him down for a morning nap but never with any success) - this means he has the same routine every day now which again I think, helps. We do white noise, dark room, sleeping bag etc for daytime nap but at 4 months DS would only nap either on me in a dark room or in the baby carrier with the hairdryer on. Bleak days....