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Parenting

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4 month sleep regression

100 replies

bleachblondemom · 12/04/2021 20:18

We’ve been going through the four-month sleep regression for the last few weeks and it’s just getting worse. Daytime naps are completely out the window. If he falls asleep in my arms he won’t let me put him down in his cot. If he’s in the pram he just wants to be constantly moved. I used to walk him for an hour then bring him home and he would stay asleep in the pram for another hour or two. But now he wakes up as soon as we get home. His sleep cycle was 45 mins but now it’s more like 30-40. The slightest noise or wrong movement will wake him up. He still sleeps through the night but it is taking us so long to get him down to sleep in the first place. It takes at least an hour if not longer because he will keep waking up when we put him down. I then spend the rest of the evening shivering downstairs because I can’t put the heating on because the boiler making noises will wake him up. No matter how early or late we put him to bed he has gone back to waking up between 6 am and 6:30 am whereas before it was more like between 7 am and 7:30 am. So he’s losing an hours sleep and not making up for it in the day and giving himself a longer day. I feel like I spend all day battling to get him to sleep. I don’t shower or brush my teeth or get anything done in the house. By the afternoon he is overtired and miserable but still won’t go back to sleep. I feel so trapped, I’ve spent pretty much all day crying today. I feel like I hate looking after him right now, nothing I do is good enough for him, and I feel bad that he has to see me upset. I don’t know what to do and I’m feeling so down about it right now.

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SchmooobyDoo · 14/04/2021 15:35

Bloody hell... I always feel I know nothing about babies when I read things like this. And I have one! Honestly, things they learn now will last forever? I hope not...
My son’s almost 10 months old & I’ve never thought about his sleep much. He takes short naps during the day, wakes for feeds during the night. Liked staying in bed in the morning when he was small. Liked being in bed with us, or in sling during the day. He naps in the pram or the carrier now. Didn’t fancy his crib much, from day one, and isn’t really into his cot now.
He does a mixture of cot & co-sleeping. I’ve never tried to get him to sleep, except at night he has a general bed time. Yeah, there’s crying but he’s content most of the time.
I don’t understand fighting for naps, trying for sleep at allocates times, waking babies up or not allowing naps near bedtime...
Everyone does it differently, I suppose. I’ve never considered sleep regression, it’s just all sleep / baby stages to me. I could be doing it totally wrong! But, it does sound stressful being so organized about it all. Anyway, interesting to read other’s experiences, OP.

SchmooobyDoo · 14/04/2021 15:37

But, I do get what you’re saying never getting a break from baby! I never get to put my guy down. It’s tough! Long naps would be lovely 😴

Aliceandthemarchhare · 14/04/2021 16:21

I don’t think I’m organised about my ds’s sleep but schmooby as much as I hate people saying ‘with respect’ I am saying it now because im not trying to be rude or contentious or difficult but if you don’t have to think about your baby’s naps that’s a luxury.

My 4 month old wakes once or twice at night as a rule, so that’s fine, but the day can be difficult. Yesterday as you might have seen he had less than an hour in the whole day, that’s from 630 in the morning to 730 at night (normally he goes in his crib at 9ish but he was understandably exhausted!)

That was a one off bad day but there’s no way I could do that every day. Unfair on him and it would mean I had a very overtired baby.

So it’s not about being organised. But you wouldn’t shrug off a baby’s hunger and say ‘oh well, maybe he’s hungry and crying, never mind!’ You’d feed him. But sleep is just as essential to young babies.

I do think in general it’s good to be relaxed about it and fit the babies into your day as much as possible, but I do have to help ds a bit otherwise he’d never sleep.

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Sls668 · 14/04/2021 16:27

Do you really need him to sleep longer than one cycle? My baby at 4 months had 4 30 minute naps a day, it just meant we had more time to do stuff through the day! She’s 5 months now and has 3 naps a day which means the day has a bit much structure to it, usually one of her naps is just over an hour, one is 30 mins, one is 45 mins (well that seems to be the pattern)

Aliceandthemarchhare · 14/04/2021 16:28

That’s generally about what mine has sls, sometimes a bit more, sometimes a bit -lot- less

Sls668 · 14/04/2021 16:42

@Aliceandthemarchhare yep, it’s rare we get more but sometimes it’s much less! We’ve had days of 3 20 minute naps but the phase passes! Last night I got a solid 4 hour stint instead of the 45 minutes I was getting at a time for the past 6 weeks! Feels like something to celebrate! 😂

Wobblybobblyboo · 14/04/2021 16:49

My DS is 4 months tomorrow and things are very similar. - I feel your pain. I think being on my own is awful because it makes me obsess about his sleep all day - do you have anyone you can meet for a walk? Even if your baby wakes up and grizzles you might feel a bit better.

To those saying they just got on with things when their babies didn't nap - fine - but mine becomes grizzly and cries when over tired, won't feed because he is overtired and bedtime becomes really really difficult - all babies are different.

Mine will only go to sleep in the buggy (and then he pretty much always wakes after 30 mins) in the carrier if you rock him for ages with the hairdryer on (great when he is actually asleep but soul destroying as you do it) and sometimes falls asleep when feeding if exhausted. It's HARD WORK. Reading loads of this advice has been really helpful.

I hope you're ok - I'm not sure going to the GP would help but maybe booking some classes and meeting people might if you can do that.

bleachblondemom · 14/04/2021 17:00

@Sls668 he does need to learn to link his sleep cycles, and id like to help him. But it used to be always 45 mins and now a lot of the time it’s about 30 mins. I don’t feel like that’s enough for him for every nap, because he wakes up still tired and crying. so of course I want to help him sleep longer!

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bleachblondemom · 14/04/2021 17:02

@Aliceandthemarchhare @SchmooobyDoo I can’t just leave him to his own devices, like Alice said, he’d never sleep, I have to help him. I’m sure he’d fall asleep eventually after crying himself to exhaustion- not exactly the state I want him to get himself in to!

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bleachblondemom · 14/04/2021 17:04

@Wobblybobblyboo exactly, someone else who understands! When DS gets overtired and he’s hungry too he’s crying too much with tiredness to take his bottle, but then he can’t sleep cos he’s hungry... so I have to spend so much time calming him down before he realises his bottle is right there in front of him.

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bleachblondemom · 14/04/2021 17:07

@Wobblybobblyboo and I hope you’re ok too, thank you for sharing x

I’m not dismissing what anyone else is saying, it’s comforting to know that your babies are also having short naps and it’s not the end of the world! But some babies are probably fine with that and others aren’t.

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SchmooobyDoo · 14/04/2021 18:26

God, no luxury here! No, I didn’t mean that my baby was easy at all... It was very tough at that age. And he’s still not a great sleeper now. Wakes in the night a good bit, when he’s in his cot. Only closeness to me will get him into a deep sleep 😴
I was more saying that’s how I am, and perhaps I should have been more organized / concerned about it. I don’t have a good sleeper now, due to lack of sleep-training etc... But, I’m saying that I took the naps he could get, as otherwise I would have found it stressful. Different strokes!
The analogy pp made about feeding is a good one. I’m equally relaxed / lax about weaning / eating, and often feel I should be more ordered with that too!

SchmooobyDoo · 14/04/2021 18:29

bbmom, yeah my little fella is okay with short naps. But probably could have done with more when he was small...

Aliceandthemarchhare · 14/04/2021 18:35

Again not being contentious but I don’t think you do get it.

If your baby was crying in hunger, would you say ‘I am relaxed about this. It doesn’t matter if he eats now or not. I need to go out so he can wait.’

I’m guessing the answer is no, you’d feed him.

I am very relaxed about naps and food but not if my baby is distressed.

SchmooobyDoo · 14/04/2021 18:39

My baby did get get overtired. My baby did get distressed. I get it, Alice.

Aliceandthemarchhare · 14/04/2021 18:51

And you smiled and ignored it? Okay.

bleachblondemom · 14/04/2021 18:53

Well I rocked him in the pram in the living room cos I couldn’t be arsed to go for a walk 😂 and he slept for an hour and a half! I rocked him for about an hour then left him for the rest of the time and he was fine. And he would’ve gone longer but same as yesterday, I had to wake him up so it wasn’t too close to bed time (I want him in bed at 8 tonight rather than 9). So it looks like the pram is the way to go forward, with the occasional contact nap. And I’ll TRY him in his crib whenever I’ve got the mental energy for it 😆

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Wobblybobblyboo · 14/04/2021 19:15

Yay! I also think there are massive positives to them not just sleeping in the cot - it means you are not tied to the house if you want to get out and about (although I appreciate doing all naps out in the pram would be massively hard work).

I find when I speak to other people with babies, because there is so much variation and I seem to have one at the tricky end of the sleep spectrum you tend to compare and wonder what's wrong. DS is so so alert and interested in things - I have to remind myself that in itself this is probably positive - he just doesn't want to sleep if there is anything else to be doing or looking at! Fingers crossed for a good bedtime for you and night's sleep.

My DS actually napped ok today but nights are another matter entirely...

Wobblybobblyboo · 14/04/2021 19:17

Also, do your have anyone in real life who is very supportive to talk to, and who gets babies? My DM always makes me feel better because she basically repeats the same nice things - well done, you are doing very well, he seems happy, babies are hard work. Rinse and repeat!

bleachblondemom · 14/04/2021 19:22

@Wobblybobblyboo yes I have thought that in the past when I’ve been unsure what to do. If I teach him to sleep in the crib, does that mean he will need total darkness and silence for all naps? But if I don’t teach him, will he never nap in the crib? It’s so hard deciding the best thing to do.
Googling doesn’t help as so many articles are like babies this age need X amount of sleep in 24 hours including X amount of naps, and I’m like... my DS doesn’t do that every day, am I doing something wrong? Or is there something wrong with him?
And in my whole life I have NEVER heard anyone talk about problems with baby daytime sleep. Everyone goes on about night sleep- how to put them to bed, how many times they wake, what age they sleep through the night etc. I have never heard anyone talking about daytime naps?? So I had no idea just gettin a baby to nap would be so hard! Even from older women I know like my mom or MIL, I still feel like they don’t understand. Did babies 30 years ago just nap perfectly?
Oh my DS is the same, midwives have always commented on how alert he is right from when he was born. I always say he can’t sleep cos he’s got FOMO 😂

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bleachblondemom · 14/04/2021 19:23

@Wobblybobblyboo yeah my mom is great and super impressed that DS sleeps through the night but I feel like she doesn’t underhand the day time nap thing, like she never hard a problem with us 3 kids napping in the day.

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FTEngineerM · 14/04/2021 19:28

Did babies 30 years ago just nap perfectly?

If you ask my mother, yes apparently. Which is a load of shite because when she looked after my DC not long ago she refused to put him down for a nap all day because what do I know she’s had 2DC🙄 then took him to the park and even strangers were commenting how tired he looked but she still wouldn’t let him sleep. Just kept rattling toys and singing in his face. He was literally crying his eyes out when he got back and had a ‘help me’ look on his face.

Last time I saw/spoke to her 😬.

I keep telling myself that it’s better to have an interested baby than a potato, I can hear him jumping around and bashing the doors upstairs now and DP took him up with a bottle for bed 15 minutes ago 🙊

bleachblondemom · 14/04/2021 19:55

@FTEngineerM oh dear that’s not good :( I know parenting advice has changed greatly since our parents had us but some of them are so out of touch. Luckily my mom listens to me when she has DS and she happily walks him for hours to get him to have a good nap, bless her. But she’s happy cos she knows she only has to do it for one day, I can’t do that every single day 😂

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KCN2020 · 14/04/2021 19:58

@bleachblondemom I could have wrote this post myself! My boy is 4 months this week and has been doing 4 x 30 min cat naps for a couple of weeks. Nighttime’s haven’t been too bad, but the wake ups are starting to creep back in.
On random days we will get a solid 2-3 hour lunch time nap. Every day is soooo different and I obsess a little over it, but my only advice would be that they change so much so quickly, what he is doing right now won’t be what he is doing in a few days time.
Good luck tonight ☺️🤞🏻

Wobblybobblyboo · 14/04/2021 20:11

I think people just forget maybe what it was actually like? Or they happened to have good sleepers? I'm laughing @FTEngineerM but your poor DC!

In terms of people talking about baby sleep, I can say that before I had DS I'm not sure I'd ever really had a detailed conversation with anyone about anything baby related. I think what makes the napping thing hard for me is basically I'm a planner and I love routine, and if you just have to fall in with your baby and they do something different every day it can feel frustrating.... This is a massive adjustment for me and one of the toughest aspects of having a baby.

Well done to everyone coping through the 4 month regression - something else I had never heard of until I had a baby!