4 month sleep regression

[bleachblondemom]

We’ve been going through the four-month sleep regression for the last few weeks and it’s just getting worse. Daytime naps are completely out the window. If he falls asleep in my arms he won’t let me put him down in his cot. If he’s in the pram he just wants to be constantly moved. I used to walk him for an hour then bring him home and he would stay asleep in the pram for another hour or two. But now he wakes up as soon as we get home. His sleep cycle was 45 mins but now it’s more like 30-40. The slightest noise or wrong movement will wake him up. He still sleeps through the night but it is taking us so long to get him down to sleep in the first place. It takes at least an hour if not longer because he will keep waking up when we put him down. I then spend the rest of the evening shivering downstairs because I can’t put the heating on because the boiler making noises will wake him up. No matter how early or late we put him to bed he has gone back to waking up between 6 am and 6:30 am whereas before it was more like between 7 am and 7:30 am. So he’s losing an hours sleep and not making up for it in the day and giving himself a longer day. I feel like I spend all day battling to get him to sleep. I don’t shower or brush my teeth or get anything done in the house. By the afternoon he is overtired and miserable but still won’t go back to sleep. I feel so trapped, I’ve spent pretty much all day crying today. I feel like I hate looking after him right now, nothing I do is good enough for him, and I feel bad that he has to see me upset. I don’t know what to do and I’m feeling so down about it right now.

[quote bleachblondemom]@Aliceandthemarchhare the amount of times I’ve had to go to the loo with DS attached to me 😂 I’m a pro at it now[/quote]
lol honestly, the things we go through as mums is crazy! it sounds like you're doing an amazing job @bleachblondemom. You may not feel like your getting any thanks for it now, but when your son gets bigger, and looks up at you and gives you the biggest smile, a big cuddle, and a big kiss...that's when you say it's all been worth it , and it will be. Look after yourself

@CarpeDiem2021 thank you that’s lovely

Well we got back from our walk after an hour... and he stayed asleep! I can’t believe it. I had to wake him up after an extra hour and 15 mins so he didn’t ruin bedtime, but he was still asleep. But every day is different, not guaranteed he’ll do the same tomorrow.

Aww! Long may it continue!

@Aliceandthemarchhare thank you, hope you have a good night with your LO

4 month sleep regression yet sleeping through....! Jesus you’re lucky, count your blessings I say

@OverTheRainbow88 exactly what I meant when I said no one will take me seriously. I’m sorry but I really don’t want to hear that. Just because it could be worse doesn’t mean I’m not struggling. So if that’s all you’ve got to say then please don’t comment further.

How are things?

I think what people don’t always understand is that grumpy babies who don’t sleep well in the day can be difficult to ‘enjoy.’ They are overtired, whingey, fretful and clingy (but also don’t cuddle nicely into you, they squirm and writhe.)

Well rested babies enjoy kicking on the playmat, books, toys, music and so on. Tired babies just get stressed by it.

I think maybe you need to speak to your GP as you sound very anxious and stressed. I’ve honestly never ever heard of someone changing a vaccination appointment because a baby has fallen asleep for a nap. That’s a totally wasted appointment that someone else would have wanted.

Rainbow forgive me asking, but how old are your DC(s) - this is relevant, I promise!

@Aliceandthemarchhare

2&4

I’m not gonna teach my baby to get himself to sleep and then abruptly wake him up 5 minutes later and take him to be poked with needles when he will already be tired and upset. That is totally counter productive. The nurse was 100% ok with me changing his appointment to two days later, so I’m not really bothered by how unnecessary you think it is.
If every woman who stressed about her baby’s wellbeing went to the gp there would be a wait time of about ten years. It’s not unreasonable for me to be worried about his troubled daytime sleeping.
Please can you take your judgment somewhere else, you are not being helpful.

@Aliceandthemarchhare I’m alright today thank you, and DS seems ok too. I’m going to TRY a nap in the cot soon but if it doesn’t work he can sleep on me, I’m not gonna push him round the kitchen in his pram cos he doesn’t seem to like that anymore (he liked it for about a week 🙈)

[quote OverTheRainbow88]@Aliceandthemarchhare

2&4[/quote]
Before lockdown, then. And I promise I don’t mean that rudely. But you don’t know, you can’t know, what being pregnant, giving birth and having a newborn in this has been like. Just like I don’t know what it’s like to have preschoolers which I am sure is just as challenging but I wouldn’t tell someone to go to their GP because they were stressed with their toddlers.

Fwiw I’d have changed the appointment too.

@Aliceandthemarchhare

If a good friend sounded as anxious and stressed as OP over minor things I would be encouraging them to seek help/advice from their GP regardless of the age of their children and even if they didn’t have child.

Being so overwhelmed about naps is quite concerning and I wasn’t being unkind suggesting getting medical help. Could be a sign of PND or PNA; which with the right help and very treatable.

But you aren’t posting as a good friend. You’re posting when you’ve been told it’s not helpful, that it’s causing upset. You’re posting to attack the OP not help her with her baby’s daytime naps.

@OverTheRainbow88 I used to be frustrated when DC was 4months ish, like the OP, when I heard things like ‘don’t be so anxious about it’ or ‘just get on with your day it’ll be fine’ because it really wasn’t fine. He’d cry, whine, be grumpy constantly all day.

Now my DC is older 10m and I understand, now he is actually fine if he doesn’t nap. Now we can just get on with our day and he doesn’t whine or cry.

So if you had a baby that was like that the whole way through then I can see from that point of view why that would be the response.

When you’re living in that moment with nothing but a miserable baby, you want to help them, that includes helping get/keep them asleep.

I do agree with Alice a little too, just my own experience of course but my DC hasn’t ever ‘napped whilst on a day out’ because we’ve never been on a day out. He hasn’t ever learnt to sleep in the pram whilst we eat lunch or on the way back from the beach in the car. His naps for his whole life so far have taken place mostly in a dimly lit quiet bedroom, lockdown has changed things for many. He can’t sleep if we’re out and that’s something we’re learning now that lockdown is easing.

I consider myself a calm person, kind snd caring. Mostly

But having to go through a three day labour almost entirely alone, then recover from an emergency section in hospital alone, then home to find boris locked the country up again when little ds was only a couple of weeks old and spending a cold, dark, January with a new baby: sleepless nights and breastfeeding struggles and non mappers all have to be dealt with alone.

The thing is I was on bleachblondes last thread. Our babies are the same age so I ‘remember’ her (sorry BB I’m not stalking you!) and I just don’t know why people think they are being helpful by sniping and pecking about seeing GPS. It’s not athletes foot, you can’t just get a prescription and get it sorted. One of the best things you can do is talk safely about feelings somewhere safe and you can’t do that with people just shutting you down with ‘see your GP’ when you try.

Sorry if that sounds arsey I don’t mean it to! But it’s true.

@Aliceandthemarchhare @FTEngineerM thank you I really appreciate what you are both saying, and it’s helpful that you both seem to understand where I’m coming from. Lockdown has changed my pregnancy, birth and newborn experience from what it would have been. I had an emcs too and spent a lot of time alone in hospital without DS as he was in neo natal. It took me days to convince them to let DH come back to stay with me in my room, for the sake of both our mental health’s.

I really didn’t want to get into a debate about stress and anxiety, I just wanted to talk about the 4 month sleep regression and not feel totally alone going through it.

Anyway DS fed to sleep in my arms then his eyes flew open as soon as I put him down. Now he’s wide awake! But not crying... So while he still seems happy I’m gonna leave him be until I catch him yawing or rubbing his eyes again.

Glad they’re happier today [grin

*

Well I got him to sleep in his crib, but he did less than 30 mins. Then woke up crying. So I’ve spent another half an hour trying to resettle him just for him to lie there with his eyes half open the whole time. And now he’s awake again and whinging cos he’s tired. He always does that. We’ve been up in my room for 2 hours now and only got just under 30 mins proper sleep out of him in all that time :/

Would getting out help - walk in the pram or sling?

Well done on a cot nap for a start I have yet to successfully achieve a cot nap.

Sleep consultant advised us that if they’ve had a little bit of sleep and then wake up, don’t try resettling for more than 10/15 minutes just move on and start the wake window again. Something about their cortisol levels dropping enough so that their sleep drive has gone for a little whilst so you literally can’t win that sleep battle.

@FTEngineerM that makes sense, and you are right, I just couldn’t help myself thinking ‘maybe this time it will work’. But it’s taking so much time for no result so I will just follow that advice in future. But yes getting him to actually go to sleep in his crib in the first place was a win!

@Aliceandthemarchhare yes he does sleep in his pram but I have to walk him for at least an hour to get him past his first sleep cycle otherwise he will wake up after about 45 mins. So I don’t mind doing that once a day but it’s too knackering to do more than that. I usually leave the pram nap for his last nap of the day so that he’s not overtired and full of cortisol at bed time. I’m gonna take him out at about 4 I think.