Positive WFH with baby stories?

[WeeScottishWife]

I'd love to hear some positive experiences of working from home while also looking after a baby!

I'm starting back at work next month after finishing maternity leave. It's going to be mostly home based now, and my job is pretty flexible on which hours I work, so long as everything gets done. It's also the sort of job where I can do a lot from my phone, or away from a screen entirely. Husband & I have talked about having a nanny come in part time (he'll also be WFH, but is a lot more tied to the desk & 9-5 hours) but to begin with I think I want to try just looking after the baby myself.

I expect there are lots of people who'll think I'm mad, and I can think of plenty of reasons myself NOT to do it, but I'd be really interested to hear from parents who have done it & it worked for you :D

You can't give your full attention to a baby and your work at the same time. You might be able to work around naps or after baby is in bed but you won't be able to work 9-5hrs with a baby.

Is it the sort of job where your employer lets you do this?!

I sometimes get a bit of work done while my toddler naps or send a v quick email from my phone. But only on my days off work.

Most companies do not allow this. A friend’s DH was given a warning because she popped to the shop leaving the kids with him, and it became apparent during a work call that he had the kids alone.

I also think it is confusing for your baby. When you are “on duty” you won’t be able to meet their needs in the same way. If they are in childcare or you have a nanny, then someone else will care for them.

I'm not sure it's about being mad (though it's definitely a lot to take on). I would think the point would be more than an employer wouldn't be happy about it, if they know.

Speaking as a mum to a toddler and 6 month old, but also the managing director of a business.

Are you self-employed?
Any employer will expect you to have childcare arranged.
How much spare time do you have now without your child - he’s asleep, for example - where you can fit in your work? Is that enough time?
Your child will sleep less as he gets older. What will you do then?

Well good luck to you

BUT I am afraid had to work two out of three lockdowns with my DS. He was 15 months when lockdown 1 began and it nearly broke me and my employer gave me lots of leeway with parental leave, use of annual leave, flexible hours and days. When lockdown 3 was announced in January and I thought I was in for the same again I cried (I have never been so grateful for childcare bubbles!)
I know lots of other women with the same story to tell and nobody who wants to have to do it again.

I’ve done it thanks to lockdown closures and then isolations, and I’ve just ended up unfocused and stressed. I’d pay twice the going rate for my one year old to be in childcare (and it’s already £72 per day) than at home whilst I am working. A nanny wouldn’t work for me as a nanny is primarily based at home and I think wouldn’t want that (and I know nannies prefer it for parents to be away from the house as well).

You can’t look after a baby properly and work at the same time. How old is your little one? As they get older naps become less frequent.

Like ChillyB, I worked with a toddler at home during lockdowns (14 months at the beginning of the first lockdown) and it is impossible. It broke me, I still don't feel I've recovered.

You can't give your focus to either your baby or your work, you'll feel guilty you're doing nothing properly, and everyone will suffer. Especially you.

I have a flexible employer regarding the actual hours worked like yours and used this to my advantage when WFH with my baby.
I dont have time now, but will send you a message later to let you know how I managed everything if thats to message you?

*if thats ok

Unless your employer has specifically stated you can do this, it's not fair on them or your colleagues as you won't be able to focus fully on work or deliver the volume of work you would need to. You might get away with it in the early days when your baby is a newborn and sleeps a lot but it will be absolutely impossible as they get older. For your sanity, get proper childcare.

Childcare exists for a reason, no body likes the cost and I think it's cheeky to think you are different and can find a way around it at the expense of your colleagues.

You can't possibly work at the same level with a small child there. Obviously during locks downs this has happened but that wasn't a choice for most and was due to closures.

My workplace certainly wouldn't allow this

Most workplaces don't allow you to be a baby minder during working hours.

Well, how many hours are you expected to work, what kind of work is it and what is your motivation for doing this (ie is money particularly tight, not sure about local childcare provision etc)?

I worked 2-4 hours a day from when DD was a week old around her, until 1.5ish when we got a nanny share. But - my work was totally flexible and remote, I was effectively self employed so could turn work down if I liked, and DD was a reliable napper. So I wouldn’t say you’re mad off the bat but I think the circumstances have to be right.

I think the only way you’ll do it is by working during nap time and evenings not when the baby is awake

How many hours a week?

I work about 10 hours a week without childcare by doing work in the evenings and during my children's nap times. We do however have a childcare bubble with my parents who have my baby for 3 hours on a set day each week so that I can have Zoom meetings and phone calls on that day.

Full time or anything that requires you to be in meetings or on the phone at set times I think it's unrealistic

Oooh you’ll get flamed here for asking this OP! But I did it, and it was fine. Only one day a week mind and to be honest now my little boy is 3 he needs way too much of my attention to make it work. But with a baby it was fairly easy. Good luck!

You're completely mad to think you can do this OP.

It's bad enough wfh with a 9yr and 11yr old and they're pretty self sufficient.

Looking after a baby is exhausting enough without throwing work into the mix!

It’s things like...when would the meals get cooked, when would the food shopping get done, when would the clothes get washed / put away etc that I would think about. Fair enough you can work when baby naps but for me, that was the time I’d be getting the dinner prepped or running around getting chores done. I would fall behind on life so quickly if I worked every time the baby slept. Also when would you get time for yourself. I would imagine it could all become too much very quickly. Something would give. And it wouldn’t be the care you gave your baby, it would be at your employer’s expense.

I tried, for my KIT days.

My employer knew and there was an understanding that it would be project work only, I wouldn't be able to attend external meetings and I would work my hours when I could rather than within standard work hours. I tracked all my hours using Toggl and that's what I was paid for.

It didn't work and was hugely unfair on my DD. I ended up resentful when her nap wasn't as along as usual or if I needed to reply to an email and she was misbehaving. People at work didn't think it was fair, because it affected them if something was urgent and I wasn't around, and they didn't know when I'd be back.

My work werent hugely impressed but as I was helping them out while on maternity (and nursery's were closed) they accepted it. If I'd come back from maternity and not put my DD in nursery I'd have been out the door faster than I could have walked through it.

I think you’ll struggle if you have no childcare help all day.
I used to work from home 2 days a week when I had my first child. On those days I would take DD to a local childminder in the morning and collect at lunchtime so I had 3 solid hours to work in the morning. Then she would have a nap for a couple of hours in the afternoon. A family friend who did a bit of nannying and cleaning used to arrive in the afternoons at 3pm and stay til 5.30 to make sure I had enough time to work in the afternoon. She also used to make tea so when she left at 5.30 my baby had eaten.

That meant I had approx 7 hours of child free work time yet only paid for 5.5 hours of childcare (which included the house cleaning). This worked well for a couple of years until my DD went to nursery 4 days a week when she turned 3.

No way would I have coped if I had tried to do it without childcare. Even though my first DC had a 2hr afternoon nap like clockwork. The arrangement would have not worked so well if I’d had an erratic napper.

I’d be concerned you would end up working in the evenings/weekend to catch up your work.

If you only have to work, say 2-3 hours a day, yes, you can probably manage it by doing 1 hour during baby's nap and 2 hours in the evening, say, 8-10pm after you finish bed and bath time. It's not a particularly nice way to live though because it means you have no downtime ever.

The easiest way is to use a nursery or childminder. Have your baby out of the house so you can devote yourself to focussed work time, make the most of that childcare, and then spend your time with your baby actually with your baby. Even when I was self-employed and technically no one would have shouted at me if I'd had my child home with me without childcare, it wasn't something I would have wanted to do if I had other options. I wanted my children to have my full attention when in my care. I didn't want them to grow up with a parent who was on their phone or a computer ignoring them instead of interacting with them. Obviously, no everyone financially has that option. But if you can afford a nanny, you have the funds to make sure your child has a devoted caregiver who can interact with them and support their development rather than shoving them in front of a tv and ignoring them to make a deadline.

I think if anything the past year has taught us all - those of us who have been working and caring for children throughout - that we can't do both and do a decent job. My kids have suffered massively as had my professional life. It's stressful and definitely not anything I'd choose if I had other options.

When I returned to work from MAT leave, I vividly recall feeling as though I wasn't giving my best to either work or baby. And that was with baby in full time childcare.

I can imagine it'd be 100 times worse if I was trying to juggle work and baby without dedicated childcare.

I honestly don't think it's a workable idea that will help your stress levels.