You know you have a toddler in the house when...

[EffiePerine]

Your bathtub contains 5 shampoo and shower gel bottles, a red truck and a mug

You lose you mobile and find it in the middle of the laundry basket

No matter how often you clear up, the floor is covered with toys, clothes and mangled pieces of food

Nah, twas the same when it was just me and DH

LOL

when you keep sticking to a patch of kitchen floor, despite having mopped it 4 times, as your DD has dropped a jar of honey on the floor,

shoes never stay in one place

you have to check the washing machine before you fill it and switch it off at the plug all the time it is not in use

you look perpetually harried!

After you have tidied up, you still can't see the floor
(and nor do you care anymore)

You can't find the remote control / pair of socks / whatever, because some little helper has kindly put it away in the fridge.

Oh, and you learn to cook with one foot jammed under the fridge door (and spend your spare time looking for fridge locks that STAY ON)

There are cardboard boxes and empty loo rolls shoved on a shelf (and anywhere else you can fit them) waiting for the next 'making moment'

The word "no" comes from a little mouth at least every 20 minutes.

and the word 'No' comes from your mouth all the time!

the sofa cushions are never on the sofa!

Your sofa has hand marks all over it in a rainbow of colours:
Red - Tomato
Cream - Cheese
Brown - HP sauce and gravy
Orange - Carrot & swede
Thank goodness for leather

Your bath has empty loo rolls and door wedges in it.

You unload your washing and find a mangled straw amongst it (must have been through the washer AND dryer !)

You can find only 1 of any pair of shoes or socks (the other is either in the toy box, in the wardrobe, under the sofa, in the washer etc ....)

You find yourself at work singing the tune to big cook little cook !!!!!!!

And my toddler is only 15 months, will carry on reading this thread to see what else to expect !

you don't bother to shut the bathroom door any more regardless vf your intended activity therein because you know someone will be along to join you any moment

you find yourself saying digger, helicoptor etc every time you see one on the telly

The play-doh trodden into your carpet has become a design feature!

You are constantly providing food and all suggestions as to what he can eat next are poo-pooed!

Your lounge has become house of plastic full of gawdy toys and crap off the front of cbeebies magazine!

loo roll is always unravelled (sp?) and in a pile on the floor

your windows have sticky finger prints everywhere - even up high!

your laptop/pc is no longer private - he always wants to 'help'

whenever someone phones you need to phone them back because LO is screaming/shouting or just doing something wrong

you cannot turn your back for a second (today in doctors DS managed to get thru 2 electronic doors before i fled after him!)

your car resembles a play room

i really could go on!

Glad to hear someone else has got an Andrex puppy at home too Nip !!

you don't bother to shut the BEDROOM door anymore because you know someone will wake up the minute to start any activity therein!

All your ornaments are either away or above head height thus making your lounge naked from the floor up to about 6ft.

Your TV always has hand prints on it, no matter how many times you wipe it, and you only spot them when the sun shines through your constantly smeared patio windows.

you find biscuit crumbs and toy cars down the back of your sofa cushions

you find socks, vests, pj's down the back of your sofa cushions and wonder what exactly your kids wear on a daily basis as most of their wardrobe must be down there.

sohappyicouldcry - yes he is often found with loo roll wrapped around him and following him from the bathroom... but his latest trick is here

You can never find you mobile phone because (of course) it has been posted through the cat flap.

You know the Numberjacks dvd off by heart, including the bonus episodes.

Dinner is made with a small person hanging on your trouser leg shouting "NO" to every suggestion made for possible choices.

The bath currently holds 2 shmpoo bottles, a shoe horn, the tv remote control and the cat (hiding after being forcibly shoved through the catflap after the phone)

Your car resembles a biscuit making factory after a minor explosion

Your makeup routine is honed to 3 minutes - no matter where you are going.

You can't find the remote because it's in the Thomas suitcase!

i no longer have a toddler in the house. the youngest is 4. all of these apply to me.

Your neighbour informs you he almost called the police as he thought you were murdering your eldest toddler in the night!
(Night-terrors)

you find small plastic animals in your shoes

today's favourite meal will be "disgusting" tomorrow

you are helpfully brought 'bogeys' all day long

You can't find any of your phones or any remote controls and you have to be a safe cracker to get in to your own kitchen cupboards.

all your door key-holes are full of plastic money and curtain hooks

and you can't sneak into the kitchen to grab some fortifying chocolate or a biscuit, or even unwrap a dishwasher tablet, without a small person coming running in shouting "chocolate' at the top of their voice because they've heard rustling

When trying to eject a video tape you find 8, yes 8, DVDs shoved into the slot.

When you cannot find you car keys and have spent 3 hours looking for them, of course late at night when trying to lock up the house, why not try your toddlers sisters Barbie suitcase? This will save you from having a furious argument with DH about the lost keys and you won't need to ring a locksmith for a quote either. Of course the suitcase is stored right at the back of the wardrobe but you never will find out why they were in there.