You know you have a toddler in the house when...

[EffiePerine]

Your bathtub contains 5 shampoo and shower gel bottles, a red truck and a mug

You lose you mobile and find it in the middle of the laundry basket

No matter how often you clear up, the floor is covered with toys, clothes and mangled pieces of food

This thread is really making me laugh!

I would add:

When you think you've jammed the cat's head in the kitchen door because you have forgotten the newfangled door jamb on top of the door.

When you are resorting to buying a wall-mounted telly because you have given up cleaning the screen at floor-level.

When you have to search every toybox when the phone rings and they are permanently on 'lock'.

Your MIL gets stuck on the stircase because she cannot open the safety gate ().

Oh, on the subject of bogies...my sister's DS1 (age 2) kept handing mummy bogies which she took and absently thanked him (as usual) before catching him picking said 'bogies' off DS2s head (age 4 weeks) - 'twas actually cradele-cap. DS2 slept through...

Oh, and when your house is full of fresh fruit and veg but it's all 'for the baby' and your diet is rushed and crap!

When you drink during the week even though you have promised yourself you won't.

When you can carry a child/full washing basket and toy car down stairs (AND open the stair gate) all at once.

There are mysterious piles of gravel all around the garden (even on the swing)

DP doesn't even sound worried when we forget to lock the patio doors at night "because a burglar would never make it through all the safety gates"

"When you drink during the week even though you have promised yourself you won't."

This is the very first clue that you no longer have a baby and have entered toddlerdom.

I'm just leaving myself - he goes to school soon and I'm off to rehab.

All your shoes consist of one wet, one dry as half of them have been posted through the cat flap on a rainy day

when youget to the endof the day and you are not only physically exhausted but your brain has turned to mush and is pouring out of your ears!

Your walls are covered in crayon/pencil/pen/all of the above!

You break your nails on a regular basis trying to open the cupboards - and forget again, after 2 years, that they have safety catches on.

You cannot find your blackberry in your handbag at work, because ds has taken it out again to "do his e-mails"(thankfully it has a password lock on it...or the boss would really wonder).

You can't really contemplate life without wipes even though no on in the house is in nappies any more.

your fridge magnets are all under the fridge.

you cant find any paper to put in the printer cos the whole pack has been used in 5 mins on one painting episode, and each page has one multicoloured blobby brushstroke on it....

You go from laughing to crying and back to laughing again in the space of 5mins. And you have no idea what a blackberry is, unless pureed. [embarrassed]

you have felt pen on your walls!!

snap cantsleepwontsleep!

When you cant get up and down the stairs without opening gates, toys are stuck down the toilet whenever you turn you back, the house is constantly noisey, the dog hides under the kitchen table and you cant put the hoover round without having to pick up a ton of toys beforehand.

You no longer shriek 'what the HELL...' when stepping on something just shrug resignedly and remove playmobile/raisin/slug from your sock and carry on with what you were doing.

youcan't find anything because thewy tidied up, being helpful

when you can't find your car keys, you look in the bin [sceptical]

sorry

There are apples in the fruitbowl with bites taken out of them.

There are lumps of cheese in the fridge with bites taken out of them.

If you can see the carpet, you think the house is tidy.

There is always laundry of some description lying around the house.

Oh yes the laundry

You keep having to throw out the entire contents of your freezer because your toddler was sneakily looking for ice-pops and didn't close the door properly.

you cant see another vehicle whilst with (or without) said toddler without saying 'brum brum'

You prefer the living room strewn with toys, because clearing up reveals the array of unsightly stains (I have my own child AND our predecessors' two-year-old to thank for those, time for new floor covering of some description I think).