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Original poster

DD father keeps calling her by a different name.

93 replies

Cresida · 17/03/2021 00:44

My child's father keeps calling her something other than what her actual name is.

He disappeared when I was in my first trimester. Despite me contacting him in regards to trying to clarify how much involvement he wanted he didn't respond.
Reluctantly he came to the birth.
He was great at first but then had an issue with the name I'd chosen for our daughter. He said he wanted it to be a different name (the name is a Muslim name, which he ISNT but I'm a Christian. He's actually not religious)
I said we can double barrel and he can add a middle name and he refuted that idea. He basically said "over my dead body". He's now told people that's our daughters name and when he dragged me to do a dna test (because I didn't agree to change the name) he wrote her details down as the name he'd chosen and his surname.
We are now discussing visitation and he keeps calling our daughter but that name. Am I right to be annoyed? I feel that because he has a family member who is a solicitor specializing in family law, he may try and take this to court. He recently started emailing all messages after he WhatsApp's them.. clearly creating an evidence trail

OP posts:
TDMN · 17/03/2021 00:51

He will have zero legal recourse if the name he is calling her is different to the one she was registered as?

Magnificentmug12 · 17/03/2021 00:53

The name on her birth certificate is her name.

She can be called by other names too. But her name is her name.

I have a friend who is Jason (not using real names as that’s identifiable, just given a example) and his dad calls him that however his mum calls him JD.

He introduces himself to people as Jason.

My dad alsways calls my daughter Katie (again not a real name) when her name is Kate.

I think it’s fine, as she grows older she will know what her name is and can introduce herself as she pleases, however legal documents need to be in her correct name.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/03/2021 01:09

Is his objection that you picked a Muslim name when neither of you are Muslim so he's picked a "western" name to use instead?

I can't see how he can force you to change it, nor you force him to call her her name. I think you just let him carry on, always use her given name in communication and as she grows up just tell her it's Daddy's nickname for her.

Interested in this thread?

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1st trimester Families General parenting General pregnancy
WisnaeMe · 17/03/2021 01:21

I wouldn't be discussing visitation with anyone who refuses to use a childs legal and correct name, let him take you to court 🌺

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/03/2021 01:34

He is digging himself a big hole if he is trying to state her legal name on documents when her BC says differently. Sounds like this has bog all to do with her actual name but everything to do with control. He didnt want to know so you named and registered her, and then he realised that he has no rights.

I would stop with the discussions on visitation. Say that in light of his refusal to engage with you, you would prefer this to be decided by a judge.

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/03/2021 01:35

@SleepingStandingUp I think that the name he chose is a muslim name, not the childs legal name chosen by the OP.

WisnaeMe · 17/03/2021 03:26

OP please don't let him intimidate you with the relative who is a Family Lawyer, his relative could be in trouble if they use intimidation to harass you. Keep everything you are sent, emailed, texted, whatever, and keep a record of dates times events etc, so that if need be you can refer back to this information.

Start looking for a good lawyer. Flowers

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 17/03/2021 06:10

Wait, he took you to do a DNA test because of the name thing? Thats a bit ridiculous if thats correct.

Dont worry about the family member either. From experience, you need to look reasonable with the kids best interests at heart. Hes already off to a bad start if he refuses to call the child by her name....

SleepingStandingUp · 17/03/2021 07:14

[quote PyongyangKipperbang]@SleepingStandingUp I think that the name he chose is a muslim name, not the childs legal name chosen by the OP.[/quote]
Yes sorry, poor reading comprehension on my part

BusyLizzie61 · 17/03/2021 07:40

As a Muslim, if find it quite provocative for you as a non Muslim to purposely have picked an Islamic name for your child, when you're Christian and against the wishes of the father. It sounds incredibly confusing for the child as they grow up, if they're constantly recognised as a being a faith follower they're not!

Unless by Islamic name you mean something along the lines of say Jasmine that is indeed Islamic but also common place in other cultures.

If it went to court, he would not be told that he couldn't call the child that name, it would probably be added to the child's bc if he pushed this.

BusyLizzie61 · 17/03/2021 07:42

[quote PyongyangKipperbang]@SleepingStandingUp I think that the name he chose is a muslim name, not the childs legal name chosen by the OP.[/quote]
If that is the case, is @Cresida sure he has not converted?

DinosaurDiana · 17/03/2021 07:44

Does she have his surname ?

OverTheRainbow88 · 17/03/2021 07:47

@BusyLizzie61

I understood OP to mean that the babies dad chose a Muslim name not the OP

Okbussitout · 17/03/2021 07:51

[quote OverTheRainbow88]@BusyLizzie61

I understood OP to mean that the babies dad chose a Muslim name not the OP[/quote]
Yes me too

sashh · 17/03/2021 08:34

As a Muslim, if find it quite provocative for you as a non Muslim to purposely have picked an Islamic name for your child, when you're Christian and against the wishes of the father.

Why?

Lots of 'Muslim' names are common across the Abrahamic faiths, Adam, Daniel, Dahila, Maria...

SleepingStandingUp · 17/03/2021 08:37

@sashh

As a Muslim, if find it quite provocative for you as a non Muslim to purposely have picked an Islamic name for your child, when you're Christian and against the wishes of the father.

Why?

Lots of 'Muslim' names are common across the Abrahamic faiths, Adam, Daniel, Dahila, Maria...

You might want to keep reading the post you quoted. It tells you why - It sounds incredibly confusing for the child as they grow up, if they're constantly recognised as a being a faith follower they're not!

It also addresses your Adam, Daniel point Unless by Islamic name you mean something along the lines of say Jasmine that is indeed Islamic but also common place in other cultures.

Original poster
Cresida · 17/03/2021 08:53

@BusyLizzie61

As a Muslim, if find it quite provocative for you as a non Muslim to purposely have picked an Islamic name for your child, when you're Christian and against the wishes of the father. It sounds incredibly confusing for the child as they grow up, if they're constantly recognised as a being a faith follower they're not!

Unless by Islamic name you mean something along the lines of say Jasmine that is indeed Islamic but also common place in other cultures.

If it went to court, he would not be told that he couldn't call the child that name, it would probably be added to the child's bc if he pushed this.

No you didn't understand what I wrote. Maybe I wasn't clear. The name I've chosen isn't. The name he has chosen is Islamic. The name I've chosen is of English origin.
OP posts:
Original poster
Cresida · 17/03/2021 08:54

@BusyLizzie61
I know he hasn't converted. His mum is Muslim though and the name happens to be the main character of his favourite film 🙃

OP posts:
Original poster
Cresida · 17/03/2021 08:55

@DinosaurDiana

Does she have his surname ?
No. As he hasn't been around I gave him the option of the double barrel surname and he said "over my dead body". He literally wants it to be all his name choice and completely remove me from the name
OP posts:
Original poster
Cresida · 17/03/2021 08:56

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Wait, he took you to do a DNA test because of the name thing? Thats a bit ridiculous if thats correct.

Dont worry about the family member either. From experience, you need to look reasonable with the kids best interests at heart. Hes already off to a bad start if he refuses to call the child by her name....

Literally because I won't agree to use the name he wants. He's been threatening me etc ever since. Really creepy messages non stop.
OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 17/03/2021 09:03

Stop engaging with him. Tell him her registered name is x it’s fine to use a diminutive or a pet name but a different name entirely will confuse the poor child.

Can you trust him with your DD? Wills he be safe with him will he return her to you safely?

I’d be more worried about the contact to be honest as he sounds unhinged.

Muslim names can be anything from old testament names to flowers, so I would ignore that aspect.

JollyGreenGiantess · 17/03/2021 09:08

Is he on the birth certificate?

JollyGreenGiantess · 17/03/2021 09:08

And take screenshots of the messages for your own lawyer

BluebellsGreenbells · 17/03/2021 09:12

What happened with her birth certificate? Did he attend? Or did you go alone?

Twisique · 17/03/2021 10:04

Keep everything, print it out and put it in a folder in date order. Ask him to stop harassing you. When he continues ask the police for help and advice.

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