DD father keeps calling her by a different name.

[Cresida]

My child's father keeps calling her something other than what her actual name is.

He disappeared when I was in my first trimester. Despite me contacting him in regards to trying to clarify how much involvement he wanted he didn't respond.
Reluctantly he came to the birth.
He was great at first but then had an issue with the name I'd chosen for our daughter. He said he wanted it to be a different name (the name is a Muslim name, which he ISNT but I'm a Christian. He's actually not religious)
I said we can double barrel and he can add a middle name and he refuted that idea. He basically said "over my dead body". He's now told people that's our daughters name and when he dragged me to do a dna test (because I didn't agree to change the name) he wrote her details down as the name he'd chosen and his surname.
We are now discussing visitation and he keeps calling our daughter but that name. Am I right to be annoyed? I feel that because he has a family member who is a solicitor specializing in family law, he may try and take this to court. He recently started emailing all messages after he WhatsApp's them.. clearly creating an evidence trail

@BusyLizzie61

As a Muslim, if find it quite provocative for you as a non Muslim to purposely have picked an Islamic name for your child, when you're Christian and against the wishes of the father. It sounds incredibly confusing for the child as they grow up, if they're constantly recognised as a being a faith follower they're not!

Unless by Islamic name you mean something along the lines of say Jasmine that is indeed Islamic but also common place in other cultures.

If it went to court, he would not be told that he couldn't call the child that name, it would probably be added to the child's bc if he pushed this.

Don't be silly, name's don't belong to anyone or any religion. You can call your kids any name you want to FFS. This man has zero chance of having the name changed from what OP has told us.

surely let him waste his time and money on legal advice for ChildwithHusbandGivenName and then when it comes down to it there is no ChildwithHusbandGivenName so he will have achieved nothing

@frazzledasarock

Stop engaging with him. Tell him her registered name is x it’s fine to use a diminutive or a pet name but a different name entirely will confuse the poor child.

Can you trust him with your DD? Wills he be safe with him will he return her to you safely?

I’d be more worried about the contact to be honest as he sounds unhinged.

Muslim names can be anything from old testament names to flowers, so I would ignore that aspect.

I don't want him to have contact at all to be honest.

@JollyGreenGiantess

Is he on the birth certificate?

No. I have a feeling he will fight that too

@BluebellsGreenbells

What happened with her birth certificate? Did he attend? Or did you go alone?

We were supposed to go together but when he started acting crazy I rebooked the appointment for a different day and went alone

He's calling her a name that is not her name?
I would stop contact. That is emotionally abusive. Let him take you to court and explain his behaviour to a judge.

Well done for doing the right thing for your child! I think you sound sensible and self aware enough to know you've made the right choices for your child.

If he buggered off, he doesn't get to dictate to you about names, birth certificate or anything else. Does he pay maintenance?

he is not on the birth certificate, so he has zero rights.

OP be strong, he's trying to bully you, keep a record of everything yes 🌺

@MazekeenSmith

He's calling her a name that is not her name? I would stop contact. That is emotionally abusive. Let him take you to court and explain his behaviour to a judge.

It's not abusive ffs.

He sounds like an utter ass and i pity he child on many levels but if her name is Mary and her sperm donor calls her by the pet name Mahira, she'll not be warped for life.

I don't know the legal implications of him not being on the birth certificate but being confirmed as the father by a DNA test.

I wouldn't have consented to the DNA test myself under these circumstances.

He doesn't have parental rights if he isn't on the birth certificate but I don't know if he can get them via a court order.

It's not abusive ffs.

He sounds like an utter ass and i pity he child on many levels but if her name is Mary and her sperm donor calls her by the pet name Mahira, she'll not be warped for life

Actually it is. He is attempting to force a new identify on her which is confusing and distressing and entirely about adult wishes and point scoring. It's not about a pet name at all.

Actually it is. He is attempting to force a new identify on her which is confusing and distressing and entirely about adult wishes and point scoring. It's not about a pet name at all.

I agree, it would be confusing for a child.

[quote Cresida]@BusyLizzie61
I know he hasn't converted. His mum is Muslim though and the name happens to be the main character of his favourite film 🙃[/quote]
If his mum is Muslim, then I'd have said that there's a Hugh likelihood that whether or not he's practicing by your standards, that he views himself as also being of the same faith, in terms of his identity.
Given this update, you're most definitely unreasonable a d I really cannot see that a court wouldn't require this to be added to the bc if he requested this.
Islamic heritage is very a part of your child's identity and it could appear as though you wish to deny this...

@Usagi12
Don't be silly, name's don't belong to anyone or any religion.
Really?
So you're telling me that you don't, on the whole, recognise that a person with the name Singh is a Sikh? Mohammed is Muslim? Pritti or Prasad is Hindu?

Yes some people do use names from other faiths and cultures, but they're a minority when it's a name that is very intrinsic to the faith.

@Cresida
I don't want him to have contact at all to be honest.
That's YOUR issue and not about what is best for your child.

@Yebanksandbraes

I don't know the legal implications of him not being on the birth certificate but being confirmed as the father by a DNA test.

I wouldn't have consented to the DNA test myself under these circumstances.

He doesn't have parental rights if he isn't on the birth certificate but I don't know if he can get them via a court order.

If he went to court he'd 99.9%get added to the bc. Including adding additional name if the magistrate felt it appropriate. To not get PR the father would be in an absolute minority who don't get awarded, think along the lines of extreme criminals who are a risk to all children, regardless of safeguards put in place.

Given it's a name that is a significant part of the child's heritage, how on earth could the mother could the mother have any reasonable argument against this, given that she chose to enter a relationship with a man of this heritage and them procreate?

@MazekeenSmith
He is attempting to force a new identify on her which is confusing and distressing and entirely about adult wishes and point scoring. It's not about a pet name at all.
Plenty of children have no names, or use middle or indeed entirely different names. Plenty have different names that they use in different circles.
You're clutching at straws with this argument.

The father may not be a father of the year contender, but the op's dislike for him has no bearing.

@MazekeenSmith

He's calling her a name that is not her name? I would stop contact. That is emotionally abusive. Let him take you to court and explain his behaviour to a judge.

This is exactly how I feel

@StylishMummy

Well done for doing the right thing for your child! I think you sound sensible and self aware enough to know you've made the right choices for your child.

If he buggered off, he doesn't get to dictate to you about names, birth certificate or anything else. Does he pay maintenance?

Thank you. I'm hoping he does. It was so peaceful when he buggered off the first time. He pays £98 a month 🙃🙃

@PerveenMistry
He doesn't call her by a pet name. It's a completely different name. I won't put the actual names but my daughters name is something like Lily. The name he's chosen is something like Rahdika

He's a bully, let him go to Court 🙄

Come on this is just petty between you both sounds like it was your wants and wishes for everything and you didn't give a shit you were just trying to get one over him, thing is if you don't work together its only going to hurt one person in the end and that is your child, he has equal rights and yes he can go to court and get added to the birth certificate he can also request a name change but that is up to the court to decide who is being unreasonable, you could have easy put the Muslim name as her first name and your name as the middle and yes could have been the out way around to double barrel names are crap

I've been through court with my abusive Ex when my DD was a toddler.

ExH was on bc so that wasn't contested. But we were asked about names by cafcass. My solicitor told that the legal name of a child can be altered or changed if someone holding PR or who is proven to be a parent via DNA test doesn't agree with the given name. Usually it's the middle or surname changed though.

Thankfully both me and ExH chose 1 each of DDs names and agreed on it when she was born so her name was kept, but just to warn you it can and does happen. One of DDs friends has 2 bcs as the mother registered one name and then dad (who she wasn't with) wanted a different name so the courts changed and added the dads name as the middle name. The little girl is known by both names at school.

Come on this is just petty between you both sounds like it was your wants and wishes for everything and you didn't give a shit you were just trying to get one over him

classic example of a poster having not read anything OP has written

I’d love to know how the mother of a newborn baby raising the child alone ever ‘gets one up’ on the father? Just how?