DD father keeps calling her by a different name.

[Cresida]

My child's father keeps calling her something other than what her actual name is.

He disappeared when I was in my first trimester. Despite me contacting him in regards to trying to clarify how much involvement he wanted he didn't respond.
Reluctantly he came to the birth.
He was great at first but then had an issue with the name I'd chosen for our daughter. He said he wanted it to be a different name (the name is a Muslim name, which he ISNT but I'm a Christian. He's actually not religious)
I said we can double barrel and he can add a middle name and he refuted that idea. He basically said "over my dead body". He's now told people that's our daughters name and when he dragged me to do a dna test (because I didn't agree to change the name) he wrote her details down as the name he'd chosen and his surname.
We are now discussing visitation and he keeps calling our daughter but that name. Am I right to be annoyed? I feel that because he has a family member who is a solicitor specializing in family law, he may try and take this to court. He recently started emailing all messages after he WhatsApp's them.. clearly creating an evidence trail

"given that she chose to enter a relationship with a man of this heritage and them procreate?"

It is so dreary t read tale after tale of people choosing to reproduce in these crappy or non-existent relationships. Then the kids end up damaged in the tug of war and the rest of society pays the price for yet another generation.

Feel sad for the baby. What a great start in life for her.

• If his mum is Muslim, then I'd have said that there's a Hugh likelihood that whether or not he's practicing by your standards, that he views himself as also being of the same faith, in terms of his identity. Given this update, you're most definitely unreasonable a d I really cannot see that a court wouldn't require this to be added to the bc if he requested this.*

That’s nice that he identifies as a Muslim, but it’s tough I’m afraid. By the sounds of it he hasn’t been around for this child, does not currently have parental responsibility and is threatening her mother, who is her sole carer. He is paying a minimal amount towards her upbringing. So because this man has a Muslim heritage, op has to change the name of her child? I don’t think so. It’s unfair to class the op as unreasonable without noticing the things he is doing wrong. Op don’t allow him to see the child while he is threatening and intimidating you, your child will be better off without him at the moment. If he decides so act like a normal person then you can reconsider at that point.

@Dddccc

Come on this is just petty between you both sounds like it was your wants and wishes for everything and you didn't give a shit you were just trying to get one over him, thing is if you don't work together its only going to hurt one person in the end and that is your child, he has equal rights and yes he can go to court and get added to the birth certificate he can also request a name change but that is up to the court to decide who is being unreasonable, you could have easy put the Muslim name as her first name and your name as the middle and yes could have been the out way around to double barrel names are crap

Why would I agree to call my child a name I don't like at the request of someone who wasn't around during pregnancy, has only seen our child once since birth and has paid a total of £98 in Maintenence since her birth? And to not want that I'm petty???

@WisnaeMe
Exactly 😒😒

@BluebellsGreenbells

I’d love to know how the mother of a newborn baby raising the child alone ever ‘gets one up’ on the father? Just how?

Right... so silly. As if that's where my focus is right now.

@PerveenMistry

"given that she chose to enter a relationship with a man of this heritage and them procreate?"

It is so dreary t read tale after tale of people choosing to reproduce in these crappy or non-existent relationships. Then the kids end up damaged in the tug of war and the rest of society pays the price for yet another generation.

Feel sad for the baby. What a great start in life for her.

Sorry I didn't choose abortion. Next time ay

Just block him.

He buggered off when you were pregnant, isn't on the birth certificate and doesn't make much of a financial contribution.

Let him take you to court if he wants access. He sounds abusive and controlling.

@MissBPotter

* If his mum is Muslim, then I'd have said that there's a Hugh likelihood that whether or not he's practicing by your standards, that he views himself as also being of the same faith, in terms of his identity. Given this update, you're most definitely unreasonable a d I really cannot see that a court wouldn't require this to be added to the bc if he requested this.*

That’s nice that he identifies as a Muslim, but it’s tough I’m afraid. By the sounds of it he hasn’t been around for this child, does not currently have parental responsibility and is threatening her mother, who is her sole carer. He is paying a minimal amount towards her upbringing. So because this man has a Muslim heritage, op has to change the name of her child? I don’t think so. It’s unfair to class the op as unreasonable without noticing the things he is doing wrong. Op don’t allow him to see the child while he is threatening and intimidating you, your child will be better off without him at the moment. If he decides so act like a normal person then you can reconsider at that point.

His mum doesn't seem to practice as I've never seen her in a headscarf and she drinks alcohol. He was brought up as a Christian and if anything would identify with that.

@PerveenMistry

"given that she chose to enter a relationship with a man of this heritage and them procreate?"

It is so dreary t read tale after tale of people choosing to reproduce in these crappy or non-existent relationships. Then the kids end up damaged in the tug of war and the rest of society pays the price for yet another generation.

Feel sad for the baby. What a great start in life for her.

And he isn't a Muslim. His mum recently converted. He was brought up a Christian but doesn't believe in either

OP, he can’t legally change her name because even if he does get parental responsibility both parents would have to agree to a name change and you don’t.

Unfortunately he could apply to the court to get Parental Responsibility because he has the DNA test to demo that he is the father. And generally the court will rule in favour of access.

It is a shame you pursued him to attend the birth after he abandoned city in pregnancy, and then pursued him for involvement. It’s a case of ‘be careful what you wish for’.

Make sure you know what you actually want for your Dd, and act determinedly in her interests.

I cant help wondering how much of this is to do with his mother. I have known of several dead beat dads who have no interest in the pregnancy or the baby, right up until his mother smells a grandchild and suddenly he wants to be involved. The reality of course being that he picks the kid up for visitation and promptly drops it off with his mother and fucks off out.

I am thinking of one in particular who was a regular at one of my pubs. He didnt want to know when girlfriend announced her PG. Dumped her, deined it was his etc. Then his mother found out and suddenly he did get invoved, but still managed to spend all of "his" weekends with the child in the pub. And boy did he make himself out to be father of the fucking year because of it, despite many of us suspecting that he couldnt have picked the kid out of a line up. We had a laugh that she could have handed over a different child and he wouldnt know until his mother told him!

@RainingBatsAndFrogs

OP, he can’t legally change her name because even if he does get parental responsibility both parents would have to agree to a name change and you don’t.

Unfortunately he could apply to the court to get Parental Responsibility because he has the DNA test to demo that he is the father. And generally the court will rule in favour of access.

It is a shame you pursued him to attend the birth after he abandoned city in pregnancy, and then pursued him for involvement. It’s a case of ‘be careful what you wish for’.

Make sure you know what you actually want for your Dd, and act determinedly in her interests.

So true. I genuinely wish I hadn't.

@Cresida
Why would I agree to call my child a name I don't like at the request of someone who wasn't around during pregnancy, has only seen our child once since birth and has paid a total of £98 in Maintenence since her birth?
And to not want that I'm petty???

Well you wanted him involved, you pushed for it. That means coparenting which means compromises. Including over names.
Yes you had the right to not include him on the bc. He now has the right to be added and have PR. He also has the right to request changes to the child's names on the bc, be that adding his surname and this additional name. And this can be ordered. You would be in contempt in not facilitating if he went this route and was successful.

The fact he wasn't around during the pregnancy is irrelevant and you really need to start to detract what is you pissed off with him as a partner. He had no obligation as a non partner to have been around. As a parent he has responsibilities to the child. Separate the 2 roles. He owes you nothing. His child he does!

The maintenance is again a different issue. That's easily managed by you going to the cms and letting them deal with him.

For you everything is all rolled into one. But they're really not now beyond your emotional response and sadly moving forward in these situations and as coparents does require you to stand back and respond without emotion for the best interests of your child, which should be the focus.

How old is the child?

What rules/restrictions have you put into place regarding contact?

Yes you had the right to not include him on the bc. He now has the right to be added and have PR. He also has the right to request changes to the child's names on the bc, be that adding his surname and this additional name. And this can be ordered. You would be in contempt in not facilitating if he went this route and was successful.

Adding the father to the BC is not the same as changing the name. They are completely different issues. There is no material benefit to the child in changing her name. A judge would be highly unlikely to entertain this application let alone order it.

You're quite assumptive in a lot of what you have said. I understand that I haven't given all the information because I've given what's necessary.
However with people like you, clearly more info is needed so you understand rather than making harsh judgements.
He wasn't around during pregnancy. Something I initiated because he put me in great danger. I won't go into detail about how but it was his behaviour after the fact that made me initiate that and he was happy to stay away. I then felt like it could have been a lapse in judgement and that shouldn't affect what could have been a good relationship with his daughter. However since being back he has done nothing but verbally abuse me and my family. Very rarely messaging about DD. Normally messaging or calling to hurl abuse and threaten me.

You say he owes me nothing but that's wrong. As a man, when you have a child, whether or not you are with the mother you owe each other cooperation and respect for the sake of the child.
In regards to the name, (these are not the actual names) on legal documents he's been writing her name as Jasminda Margaret Powell when her actual name is Lily Rose Smith. I offered him the option of Lily Jasminda Smith-Powell. I had no issue with him including names to begin with but as I said, when I suggested that his reply was "over my dead body" because he wants to come up with the name completely by himself.

@MazekeenSmith

Yes you had the right to not include him on the bc. He now has the right to be added and have PR. He also has the right to request changes to the child's names on the bc, be that adding his surname and this additional name. And this can be ordered. You would be in contempt in not facilitating if he went this route and was successful.

Adding the father to the BC is not the same as changing the name. They are completely different issues. There is no material benefit to the child in changing her name. A judge would be highly unlikely to entertain this application let alone order it.

It happened to my DDs friend, dad had nothing to do with the pregnancy didn't see the child for the first year of her life but went to court and got the name legally changed it was one hearing. He was also awarded PR and put on the BC at the same hearing. He had to go separately for contact.

I'm going to say that was a peculiarly old fashioned judge who made that decision as it's really not usual

@Cresida

You're quite assumptive in a lot of what you have said. I understand that I haven't given all the information because I've given what's necessary. However with people like you, clearly more info is needed so you understand rather than making harsh judgements. He wasn't around during pregnancy. Something I initiated because he put me in great danger. I won't go into detail about how but it was his behaviour after the fact that made me initiate that and he was happy to stay away. I then felt like it could have been a lapse in judgement and that shouldn't affect what could have been a good relationship with his daughter. However since being back he has done nothing but verbally abuse me and my family. Very rarely messaging about DD. Normally messaging or calling to hurl abuse and threaten me.

You say he owes me nothing but that's wrong. As a man, when you have a child, whether or not you are with the mother you owe each other cooperation and respect for the sake of the child.
In regards to the name, (these are not the actual names) on legal documents he's been writing her name as Jasminda Margaret Powell when her actual name is Lily Rose Smith. I offered him the option of Lily Jasminda Smith-Powell. I had no issue with him including names to begin with but as I said, when I suggested that his reply was "over my dead body" because he wants to come up with the name completely by himself.

How did you get embroiled with such a loser in the first place?

Why is he filling out legal documents on her behalf? To what do they pertain.

Frankly the name games are the least of your worries here. I'd put my energy into making a living and moving away from this abusive asshole. It's a pity you ever told him of the pregnancy

[quote BusyLizzie61]@Usagi12
Don't be silly, name's don't belong to anyone or any religion.
Really?
So you're telling me that you don't, on the whole, recognise that a person with the name Singh is a Sikh? Mohammed is Muslim? Pritti or Prasad is Hindu?

Yes some people do use names from other faiths and cultures, but they're a minority when it's a name that is very intrinsic to the faith.[/quote]
Honestly, no, I've no idea what religion most names 'belong' to.

What legal documents is he writing her name on? Because if he isn't using her legal name then the documents aren't relevant to your child.

It is highly unlikely that a court would order her name to be changed in the say so of a man to whom you are not married and do not live with, and if you object.

Don’t worry @Usagi12 - neither do other people on this thread given they’ve quoted Adam and Daniel as Islamic names. Given that Judaism predates Islam by a few thousand years it may come as a surprise to Adam (of Adam and Eve fame) that is was in fact Muslim

OP you have had some good advice and some really terrible advice on this thread. I would stop responding to him and if you can get some legal advice. Despite some posters telling you they are 99% sure what a court would do, they really aren’t.

Adam and Daniel are Muslim names, Old Testament names are Muslim names.

OP I would stop engaging with this man, but if he takes you to court ensure you have a very good solicitor, as a general rule it’s almost impossible to have a child’s name changed once it’s on the birth certificate.

No @frazzledasarock - Old Testament names are Jewish names, they may have been adopted as Christian names and then Muslim names but they are Jewish. Not that it matters anymore.

You’re misunderstanding what constitutes a Muslim name.