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Original poster

Hit my toddler. Sitting here in tears.

90 replies

Tenderandtired30 · 03/03/2021 19:24

I feel like the worst mum in the world right now and so very ashamed.

I'm a single mum to 2.5 twins. They are wonderful, happy children but are currently going through a stage of near constant twisting, tantrums every five minutes etc. I know it's their age etc. etc. but it's really starting to wear me down. Recently I've been aware of turning into shouty mum who isin't handling things well and it's just not who I want to be.

Today was extra stressful. One tantrum/complaint after another. I'm feeling really run down at the moment (just gotten over shingles) and just felt so tired. I decided to take them out for a walk to get some fresh air. They got into pushchair and DD started trying to pull DD2 hat off while hitting him. I asked her to stop three times and she did'nt. I just absolutely saw red and hit her on head (not hard) while taking DD2 hat off her. She started crying and I just felt to terrible. I apologised and she stopped crying after a few minutes.

I don't agree with hitting children at all and now the guilt is crippling me. I need advice to make sure it NEVER happens againSad

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PrincessesRUs · 03/03/2021 19:27

Take a deep breath - you said sorry to her - give her a big kiss and cuddle tonight and start tomorrow afresh!

PrincessesRUs · 03/03/2021 19:29

Plus hats off to you doing this alone (it's hard enough with a real hand in husband). If I was you, I'd think about your day to day schedule and be really strict about break time/bedtime so that you get some downtime too. No problem with having half an hour of tv or something after lunch and get them into the habit of knowing that's mummy's quiet time.

Desmondo2016 · 03/03/2021 19:31

When you say you hit her on the head I am more concerned to be honest and as an ex child protection investigator that description would raise more flags than if you had said you tapped her hand or her bottom..

However I'm also a mum and know how challenging they can be at that age so put it out of your mind and you'll probably be able to draw on how bad its made you feel next time you feel the red mist rising. Give her a hug, she'll have forgotten already.

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Original poster
Tenderandtired30 · 03/03/2021 19:35

@PrincessesRUs Thank you. I just honestly feel so awful about it.

@Desmondo2016 I hear you. I can't believe what I did. I feel it's a symptom of how much everything is getting on top of me. I feel like I'm running on empty but all I get from everyone is that I'm doing a great job. I don't feel I am at allSad

OP posts:
Carolina24 · 03/03/2021 19:36

Oh OP, I can only imagine how absolutely awful you must feel.

I would try to minimise opportunities to get into that situation in the first place, and if you really are at the end of your wick then step away and count to ten.

Original poster
Tenderandtired30 · 03/03/2021 19:37

I can't really talk to my parents as they are from the generation that thought it was okay to hit children.

OP posts:
maddy68 · 03/03/2021 19:39

You're not a bad mum , you recognise that this shouldn't have happened.
Talk to yourself as if you were advising a friend. Eg. How could you have handled it differently? How will you recognise you are losing control next time? What will you do next time?

Etc etc.

Boboparadise · 03/03/2021 19:39

Parenthood is the pits sometimes eh. I've had some hairy moments over the years with my DS...never mind them tag teaming you. Previous post gave good device in moving away for a breather next time

DareIask · 03/03/2021 19:41

I think almost all parents have incidents they'd rather hadn't happened if they were honest.

Put it behind you.

Donotgogentle · 03/03/2021 19:42

Well I smacked DS1 when he was 3 and I am anti-smacking so I understand the guilt.

I never did it again but I did learn to distract, distract, distract when they get into being a pain like that.

Also to find my own pause button when they’re really winding me up, sometimes just stepping back for 30 seconds is enough to calm myself down.

imalmostthere · 03/03/2021 19:42

I think the shock of what you did will stop you doing it again to be honest. She's ok, you've done no lasting damage. If you ever feel you may do something similar, remember how awful you felt today. If it becomes regular anger, then see your gp for help. Times are bloody hard at the moment, it's no surprise you're at your limit.

Original poster
Tenderandtired30 · 03/03/2021 19:44

If I move away for a breather they follow me...

I honestly try. Wake up every day aiming to have a calm, measured day but at the moment it just goes tits up.

It really is the pits sometimes @Boboparadise the guilt and feelings you're not good enough are horrendous sometimesSad

OP posts:
TheOtherMaryBerry · 03/03/2021 19:44

Please don't feel too bad, please. It's really really hard this, especially at a time like this and we all make mistakes. The fact that you're so upset says it all, you're not a bad mother, you've just had a really bad day. You've said sorry so just lots of hugs and try to forgive yourself. Next time you feel like it's getting out of control just shut your eyes for a second (if you can!!) take a deep breath and just let yourself have a second to calm down.

katienana · 03/03/2021 19:46

I think from what you've said you hit her on the head because she was in the buggy and that was the part of her you were closest to.
It's not your finest moment op but you've acknowledged it and take it as an opportunity to move on and try to find some strategies to prevent it happening again. So addressing the behaviour of your twins, keeping calm yourself, and making sure you get a break somehow.

MustStopSnacking28 · 03/03/2021 19:46

I only have one DS (2) and also my husband is here and I still find myself losing my temper so often at the moment. I am also a shouty mum. I think lockdown stress and I am sure the general stress of twins on your own is more than most people could handle. There is some good advice above, try deep breaths as I have found that they help me a bit! I also have found that talking in a very measured and calm way, even if I am raging, actually makes me feel a bit calmer and also seems to stop DS a bit more quickly from being an arsehole toddler Grin good luck and you must be a good mum because you know it shouldn’t have happened and I am sure it won’t again Flowers

altlife · 03/03/2021 19:46

You are not a bad mother. A bad mother would not feel any guilt.

You have learned your limit, and the next time you feel yourself teaching it you will find a way to distract the kids / take a step back before raising a hand again.

Don't feel guilty. It happens. Learn from it. You are doing your best. And she will have forgotten about it by now xx

Bluntness100 · 03/03/2021 19:47

Is there anyone who can look after them for a few hours and give you a break?

I think when you get to thr stage you become violent to them and can’t control it, then it’s best to look for support. Is their father on the scene, can he take them for a night? Your parents? A sibling or friend? Are you bubbled with anyone?

altlife · 03/03/2021 19:47

Reaching it*

Seriously79 · 03/03/2021 19:51

Ahhh love! We've all been there (lots wouldn't admit it though) I've tapped DD on the legs when she's been naughty, she 20 months and hated myself for it.

A little tap is a world away from 'beating' a child. Cut yourself some slack, have an early night, tomorrow is a new day x

Original poster
Tenderandtired30 · 03/03/2021 19:54

The pandemic definitely doesn't help. Pre lockdown I would have acknowledged we were all getting on each others nerves and taken us out. At the minute they are sick of going on the same walks...

@Bluntness100 I'm bubbled with my parents. They take them over night but tbh it doesn't really help much with my exhaustion levels. I've never felt tiredness like the last few years. Their father left a year ago and doesn't see them...

OP posts:
Eekay · 03/03/2021 19:55

I think, as PP said, that all of us can remember a parenting incident that we're ashamed of.
You're under immense pressure. I was a single mother for a period and I was at breaking point more than once. And mine didn't include twins!
It honestly will be less frantic and relentless in time, although that's not much comfort now, I realise.
Draw a line under it.
You sound like a loving mum who's utterly exhausted. Whatever you can do to cut corners, do it. They test your sanity, little buggers.

Marlena1 · 03/03/2021 19:56

I've been there, so tough. Look you're doing your best (on your own too). I have huge support with mine and when I hear of mothers being driven to the edge I have a horrible pang of "what if I didn't have help" cos I find it hard enough with help.

Stovetopespresso · 03/03/2021 20:09

you poor thing op! give yourself a break, think of strategies if you feel youself losing it again like walking away etc although this is hard when theyre dangling out the pushchair. Twins must be a whole pile of work. agree it's not something many wpuld admit to but probably not uncommon.

tomorrow is another day and you're doing great, look after yourself tonight, have a nice bath or something xx

Solasum · 03/03/2021 20:13

Do the twins go to nursery OP? If not, maybe it is time they did, so you get some childfree time.

Stovetopespresso · 03/03/2021 20:13

can you ask your parents to have them for a couple of hours in the daytime one day?
also, they will be totally different kids in 6 months, I know it doesn't seem like it but this particular stage will end.

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