Hit my toddler. Sitting here in tears.

[Tenderandtired30]

I feel like the worst mum in the world right now and so very ashamed.

I'm a single mum to 2.5 twins. They are wonderful, happy children but are currently going through a stage of near constant twisting, tantrums every five minutes etc. I know it's their age etc. etc. but it's really starting to wear me down. Recently I've been aware of turning into shouty mum who isin't handling things well and it's just not who I want to be.

Today was extra stressful. One tantrum/complaint after another. I'm feeling really run down at the moment (just gotten over shingles) and just felt so tired. I decided to take them out for a walk to get some fresh air. They got into pushchair and DD started trying to pull DD2 hat off while hitting him. I asked her to stop three times and she did'nt. I just absolutely saw red and hit her on head (not hard) while taking DD2 hat off her. She started crying and I just felt to terrible. I apologised and she stopped crying after a few minutes.

I don't agree with hitting children at all and now the guilt is crippling me. I need advice to make sure it NEVER happens again

And just fuck off all those who would judge. It's so easy and so wrong to get on a MN thread and rip into someone who is on here in pain.

@Kittykat93 - I just wonder why you have targeted me on this post, when plenty of others, along with me and OP have admitted to this.

You may not of smacked/tapped/ hit your child, and your clearly a much better parent than all of us, but you are a bully, attacking people from your keyboard when they are clearly down and struggling.

I won't be engaging with you again.

[quote Seriously79]@Kittykat93 - I just wonder why you have targeted me on this post, when plenty of others, along with me and OP have admitted to this.

You may not of smacked/tapped/ hit your child, and your clearly a much better parent than all of us, but you are a bully, attacking people from your keyboard when they are clearly down and struggling.

I won't be engaging with you again.[/quote]
Pretty hilarious someone who hits a 20 month old baby calling me a bully ! I didn't have a go at the OP, shes had a one off incident which shes very remorseful for. You on the other hand talk about smacking little kids like its fine, that's why I 'targeted' you.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing and looking back you would have done things differently. You are under exceptional stress and hopefully with lockdown easing your children will be able to go back to nursery which will help a little. Can you speak to your parents and see if they can help out a little more? If you were my daughter I would want to know if you were struggling. Please be kind to yourself you have acknowledged it wasn’t right and that is the most important thing. 💐

@joystir59 I'm going to take them to my parents for lunch. Although at the minute they still tend to mainly want me!

@pilates I think about asking for more help, but I honestly don't know if I would be being reasonable to do so? They already help quite a lot and they are no spring chickens!

I feel so jealous of women who are seperated and actually have ex's they can trust with their DC. The fact that my DC don't have the dad they deserve is so painful. I worry I am failing them all the time

Do you have any close friends with young children you can arrange to go for a walk with, get a rake away coffee and have a good catch up/offload with? That's allowed.

Or take a flask out with you if funds are tight.

Getting out of the house for a bit seems to help most feelings shift.

Hope you have a good lunch with your mum and dad today OP

You aren't failing them. You are doing your very best in such difficult times, coming to terms with breaking up with their dad, covid restrictions, two toddlers at the same time! It's a lot. And you love them and care about them with all your heart.

They will keep on growing up, they will go to nursery soon, then school, things will get easier.

I wonder if you could pay someone to have them for a bit, it sounds like you really need to prioritise some time away. Things are relentless with twins, especially with no support around at the moment or do you have a friend that you could do a bit of reciprocal childcare with? I didn’t feel like I ever had time to order my thoughts like I was on a treadmill, I would definitely only tidy every 2-3 days as you’re on a hiding to nothing there! Spend a week thinking about eating well, go to bed as early as possible look after your twins and everything else will wait.

OP I have done much worse than that!
When DS was about 2, I was pregnant, not sleeping well, hormonal. He bit me a couple of times, I did all of the get down to his level explain that it's not nice, it hurts etc etc. One day he's was standing Infront of me showing me something, and bit me on the thigh, I didn't even think about it, I bit him on the arm and said I told you it hurts and now you know. He did cry for a bit (as did I), then I calmly told him again how it was wrong. Upside is, he never bit anyone again. I still feel guilty 18years later.

So

You're in lockdown
Mother to 2.5yo TWINS
Abandoned by arsehole absent ex (how fucking DARE he?!)
Doing a college course
Working
Nursery is closed
Recovering from shingles
Going through early menopause

Seriously any ONE of those things is stressful in itself and you're doing ALL of them at once.

You're not abusive or a bad mother, you're understandably at the edge of what you can cope with.

It's incredibly hard just now, my DD is nearly 3 and is so full on and there's only one of her. I'm a shouty mum at the moment and it's a hard, horrible way to be.

I don't have much advice except try to do the bare minimum for survival at the moment to get through these tough months.

@Kittykat93

I think I might be the only person in here who wont lay in to you.. i thought what you said was pretty reasonable.

The double standards on some of these threads astound me. I don't think I've ever read a thread where a man has hit one of the children and the near-universal response has been 'leave' 'get out immediately' 'phone the police' 'this is the first sign of a wife murderer' etc etc. From one extreme to the other.

There are people above who've literally said "it's fine" - head in the sand much?

It's not fine, it's a sign that you are under more pressure / stress than you can handle at the moment, and God knows there are enough reasons for that even without having two toddlers to look after single handed.

You need a break, and you need support, you might be bubbled up with a friend or relative at the moment, what it sounds like is you need to be in a support bubble with either a person you know, or even a professional like a nanny to give you a genuine helping hand.