When is good to start nursery?

[BabyLlamaZen]

Does anyone know when children truly benefit from nursery? I understand some children go younger than others due to childcare and they will do well, but is there an age where it actually is better for them as opposed to just as good as being at home?

I have a 1 year old and my family are nearby for when I do the odd bit of work from home. We go for walks locally and play at home a lot. He seems fine but sometimes I worry he is bored, particularly with the lack of toddler classes. When I talk to my friends who have theirs in nursery, I wonder if he is missing out. Any thoughts?

I started both of my DC at 1 year old, and they settled in very well, so that's been my experience.

@crazychemist that makes sense - thanks for explaining.

@peasoup8

It wasn't a necessity for me to go back to work (though we would have needed to sell our house, downsize and get a smaller mortgage to survive on my husband's salary alone)

Personally I would regard going back to work as a necessity if not going back would mean you’d have to sell your home.

What I personally wouldn’t understand is a mother who can afford to be at home with their baby (and/or is on maternity leave) but still puts them into nursery when they’re less than a year old. But I don’t suppose there are many people who do that - the vast majority are mums who need to go back to work, which as I say is totally understandable.

But we had the option when buying a house (while i was) to get a mortgage we could afford on one salary, so that i could give up work, but we decided to go for a nicer house with a bigger mortgage and me keeping my job. Does that make us bad parents?

@fatas from what I remember of that study (don’t have time to properly check now) there was a difference that persisted until the end of reception, but then the children start to perform poorly again and the gap reappears. I’d consider it worth it that it’s temporarily narrowed as you are solving one problem, even if we haven’t got a solution for the later underperformance problem.

(Referring to the first one, havent seen the second one before)

But we had the option when buying a house (while i was) to get a mortgage we could afford on one salary, so that i could give up work, but we decided to go for a nicer house with a bigger mortgage and me keeping my job. Does that make us bad parents?

@Ohalrightthen Personally if I was faced with that choice I’d go for the smaller mortgage to spend more time at home with my kids. But we’re all different.

@peasoup8

But we had the option when buying a house (while i was) to get a mortgage we could afford on one salary, so that i could give up work, but we decided to go for a nicer house with a bigger mortgage and me keeping my job. Does that make us bad parents?

@Ohalrightthen Personally if I was faced with that choice I’d go for the smaller mortgage to spend more time at home with my kids. But we’re all different.

And what if i just enjoy my job?

@Ohalrightthen read my last comment again and you’ll find your answer. Why are you looking for strangers on the internet to validate your choices? If you’re happy with your life and it works for you and your family then that’s all that matters!

@Ohalrightthen if you put your child into full time nursery at 6 months old then yes in my opinion it makes you a bad parent. How old was child?

[quote 1940s]@Ohalrightthen if you put your child into full time nursery at 6 months old then yes in my opinion it makes you a bad parent. How old was child?[/quote]
8, nearly 9m.

@1940s I’m not sure that is what this thread is about. It asks when is a good time to go. So by all means it may not be the best time to go. How is it necessary to denigrate all parents that make this choice?

[quote peasoup8]@Ohalrightthen read my last comment again and you’ll find your answer. Why are you looking for strangers on the internet to validate your choices? If you’re happy with your life and it works for you and your family then that’s all that matters![/quote]
Oh, i don't need you to validate my choices. I'm very happy with my choices. I'm just wondering what the boundaries of uour judgements are.

Oh, i don't need you to validate my choices. I'm very happy with my choices.

Glad to hear it. I’ve already explained what I think in previous posts. You do you!

My DT’s went to full time nursery when they were six months. Same age as the DC’s of friends, colleagues and relatives. I don’t know anyone who didn’t return to full time work.
DT’s are now 21 so I have the benefit of time knowing that our parenting decisions were the right ones. Happy, healthy and successful DT’s. Proud parents so yes I know we aren’t bad parents.

[quote Fatas]@1940s I’m not sure that is what this thread is about. It asks when is a good time to go. So by all means it may not be the best time to go. How is it necessary to denigrate all parents that make this choice?[/quote]
It was @Ohalrightthen that asked so I stated my opinion. The thread is when is best, within that I've stated my opinion that I think it's wrong to send a 6 month old to full time nursery if it's not absolutely necessary. I've shifted things personally to return to work from approx 2.5 years old as I couldn't have it on my conscience to send a very small baby to full time nursery. I knew that wasn't in my child's best interest

Maybe not, but that doesn’t make anyone a bad parent I don’t think. Plenty of those who went to nursery at 6 months grow up to be well adjusted adults, I’m sure there’s people who went to nursery at three who did not.

@Fatas

Maybe not, but that doesn’t make anyone a bad parent I don’t think. Plenty of those who went to nursery at 6 months grow up to be well adjusted adults, I’m sure there’s people who went to nursery at three who did not.

But it isn't necessarily relevant to say a 3 year old who waited for nursery didn't turn out to be well adjusted. As a parent you have numerous choices to make to reduce risk and to put the physical and emotional health of your child in optimum position. Putting a 6 month old in full time nursery should be an absolute last resort out of desperation, not just because they have a job they enjoy. Anyone who has a decent career can absolutely afford to take a few more months out to prioritise their child for a small amount of time.

Such long maternity leaves are quite a recent change. When I had DT’s I think the statutory maternity leave was 18 weeks. I was considered lucky to get six months. I don’t think many employers offered that. If you didn’t return to work after that you had to give up your job. My DSil in the US was back at work (she is a dentist) much earlier as the US has much lesser maternity provisions.

A bit sad that this thread has resulted in women telling each other they are bad mothers. This is so sad!! There is clearly a lot of insecurity here and it's really not black and white.

It’s actually been politer than many threads on this subject used to be, believe it or not.

Ha. This is just Mumsnet all over! On another thread there’s many people advocating pulling people out of houses kicking and screaming in a bid to halt corona. Apparently had the right idea and corona has completely disappeared there. Yes, because of course you would believe everything the Chinese media said 🙄. Sorry I won’t derail the thread again 🤭

It’s something I never get about Mn - why would another poster think someone is a bad parent for using a professional nursery as a childcare setting for their six month old when it’s normal practice. It’s the same for criticising those of us who used formula when it gives babies an excellent start in life.

It seems to be a Mn thing as I’ve never come across it in rl.

why would another poster think someone is a bad parent for using a professional nursery as a childcare setting for their six month old when it’s normal practice.

I don’t think it is normal practice to put a six month old in nursery is it? A lot of people wouldn’t be able to afford it for one thing.

@peasoup8 - as I poster earlier - everyone I know who had DC’s at a similar time to me did as we all returned to full time work when our maternity leave ended. I don’t know any SAHM’s and we don’t have part timers at work.

I don't know any of who put a 6 month old on full time nursery - London based. Huge majority of friends put them in from 12-18 months when mat leave ended. It's not 'normal' in the UK to put them in at 6 months