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Original poster

When is good to start nursery?

140 replies

BabyLlamaZen · 12/12/2020 18:40

Does anyone know when children truly benefit from nursery? I understand some children go younger than others due to childcare and they will do well, but is there an age where it actually is better for them as opposed to just as good as being at home?

I have a 1 year old and my family are nearby for when I do the odd bit of work from home. We go for walks locally and play at home a lot. He seems fine but sometimes I worry he is bored, particularly with the lack of toddler classes. When I talk to my friends who have theirs in nursery, I wonder if he is missing out. Any thoughts?

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1940s · 15/12/2020 16:48

@Lelophants

Some people are very closed minded here. Surely you can look at both views and think hmm what I did was fine but it's ok to think another option might also be ok or even better for a different child?
I can't see how being in nursery from 6 months old can be better for the child than being with the parent? Sometimes circumstance force the hand of the parents but it's never 'better' for the child than being at home with parent unless the parent is completely incapable of parenting.
Parker231 · 15/12/2020 17:15

Some parents want or need to work. Funded childcare is a relatively recent option. When DT’s were born 21 years ago, maternity leave was normally six months and I was at the start of my career so returned to work after that six months. If you wanted to keep your foot on the career path there wasn’t an option to stay off longer.

Fatas · 15/12/2020 17:43

@mooncakes @ohalrightthen actually attachment to a single caregiver starts at 7 months, before it’s indiscriminate. At 10 months they have the ability to form multiple attachments, so I guess nursery workers (if fairly constant) would contact as well as grandparents etc.

I would say, as pp poster did that they would probably benefit from around 2.5-3. My almost 3 year old would definitely benefit hugely from nursery and I noticed it from about 2.5. Unfortunately, he has to wait until we’ll past his 3rd b day to get his free 15 hours. 😢By then he will be 3 years and 3.5 months and will be more than ready.

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Fatas · 15/12/2020 17:43

Count, not contact

FizzingWhizzbee123 · 16/12/2020 14:00

Mine went at 14 months old and really enjoyed it, however it was primarily for childcare reasons. A SAH mum friend asked if I thought her child was missing out by not going to nursery and I said no.

However by the time he hit 2 yrs old, I did feel he was really gaining something educationally and socially got nursery. Obviously many kids who don’t go at that age are still happy, sociable and flourish, but that was the age I felt I started to see a benefit for DS.

peasoup8 · 16/12/2020 15:46

I can't see how being in nursery from 6 months old can be better for the child than being with the parent?

It can’t possibly be better for a six month old baby to be in nursery rather than with the parent. Some parents have no choice though and that’s not their fault.

1940s · 16/12/2020 15:58

@peasoup8

I can't see how being in nursery from 6 months old can be better for the child than being with the parent?

It can’t possibly be better for a six month old baby to be in nursery rather than with the parent. Some parents have no choice though and that’s not their fault.

No it's not their fault, but there seems to be some people who do this through wanting to and not necessity and I think that's wrong
Parker231 · 16/12/2020 18:55

How do you classify a necessity? Everyone I know returned to full time work as their careers weren’t going to wait for them to have a delayed return to work and they used a nursery. It’s normal not unusual.

riotlady · 16/12/2020 20:09

DD attended from 9 months and was absolutely fine (I cried on the first day and she didn’t!) but I would say she didn’t really get big benefits from it that she didn’t get at home til she was 18 months+ Then I think the socialisation and the creative activities were really good for her

peasoup8 · 16/12/2020 20:41

No it's not their fault, but there seems to be some people who do this through wanting to and not necessity and I think that's wrong

@1940s it’s probably an unpopular opinion but personally I agree with you.

How do you classify a necessity? Everyone I know returned to full time work as their careers weren’t going to wait for them to have a delayed return to work and they used a nursery.

@Parker231 I would classify the situation you describe above as a necessity.

Ohalrightthen · 17/12/2020 07:46

@Parker231

How do you classify a necessity? Everyone I know returned to full time work as their careers weren’t going to wait for them to have a delayed return to work and they used a nursery. It’s normal not unusual.
I literally do not know a single SAHM. No one in my NCT group gave up work, no one in my office has quit to have a baby, and none of my friends gave up work either. Everyone's babies were in nursery from between 6-12 months, or with a nanny or a childminder or a relative.

It wasn't a necessity for me to go back to work (though we would have needed to sell our house, downsize and get a smaller mortgage to survive on my husband's salary alone) but i absolutely love my job, and leaving work would have meant that i struggled to get back into it again later, and my earning potential wouldn't have recovered. Does that count as a necessity @1940s or am i a bad parent?

Oblomov20 · 17/12/2020 07:50

2

Many of my younger friends have put their dd in at 2. Isn't that when you get the first free hours? Then more at 3?
The child is ready to do play dough and paint, and all the other activities, plus the mixing, learning to share etc, at 2 and really enjoyed it.

Oblomov20 · 17/12/2020 07:52

That's just my view. Above. Of the ideal. If you don't work.

Both my ds's went 2 days a week from aged 1. My maternity leave ended after a year, and I worked 3 days. So what I actually did probably isn't the norm.

peasoup8 · 17/12/2020 09:54

It wasn't a necessity for me to go back to work (though we would have needed to sell our house, downsize and get a smaller mortgage to survive on my husband's salary alone)

Personally I would regard going back to work as a necessity if not going back would mean you’d have to sell your home.

What I personally wouldn’t understand is a mother who can afford to be at home with their baby (and/or is on maternity leave) but still puts them into nursery when they’re less than a year old. But I don’t suppose there are many people who do that - the vast majority are mums who need to go back to work, which as I say is totally understandable.

Fatas · 17/12/2020 10:55

No you only get paid nursery from 2 if you are on benefits and don’t work. Makes no ducking sense to me. We are managing on one wage and only get free nursery place from 3 years and 3 months and my partner will be looking after both of them at home (the other is 9 months).

It makes me mad that if you work you get less

peasoup8 · 17/12/2020 11:04

No you only get paid nursery from 2 if you are on benefits and don’t work. Makes no ducking sense to me.

What’s the point in that? Confused

Original poster
BabyLlamaZen · 17/12/2020 11:11

Wow there are a lot of interesting replies here! I see it is a very divisive topic.

I didnt personally feel ready to put ds in nursery before turning 1 (I am aware a lot of people don't feel ready and have to because of going back to work and I know those kids are perfectly fine btw!!) but I didnt need to and because he's never taken a bottle, has been very clingy in general with lockdown and I'm trying to avoid covid, there was literally no reason why it would work for me to do it earlier.

Having looked at some of the research (and listening to people) I think I will start him around 2. I see there are some benefits from then onwards. Also babies are very different and I think looking into it now probably wouldn't be great for his separation anxiety.

Again, not saying it's worse to put him in now, but the benefits don't seem substantial enough for our situation now I've looked into it.

Also those saying how much better their kids are from going in early, that's great! But I also feel like these kids often have career driven high achieving parents anyway as that's why they're in nursery. So maybe that could also be why they do so well whilst being in nursery? Not because of nursery helping them in any way? Food for thought.

Dh and I had the complete opposite as babies btw. One of us in full time nursery at 6 months, the other at home with mum until 3.5. We are both very similar quite well adjusted people who were still anxious kids. 🤣 And our siblings are the opposite of us. So go figure.

OP posts:
Parker231 · 17/12/2020 11:14

The free hours for 2 years olds are for families on certain benefits who couldn’t afford a nursery place but it enabled these children to receive the same opportunities as other children.

EssentialHummus · 17/12/2020 11:17

pea it's been shown to benefit children and minimise the attainment gap. I mean, there are other reasons why some two year olds get funding, but that's part of it.

ReeseWitherfork · 17/12/2020 11:39

Being given arts and crafts they've done at nursery is always great - not because you have something new to hang on the wall - rather because it's great knowing they got to play around with paints and you didn't have to clean it off the table and the walls and the dog.

ChristmasTreeOhChristmasTreeOh · 17/12/2020 11:43

I can only advise on my situation. Daughter started nursery just before she turned 1, as I was going back to work. She does 3 short days a week. She loves it! Her speech is amazing for her age (18 months). I wouldn't change a thing.

crazychemist · 17/12/2020 12:40

@peasoup8 the idea behind the free hours for 2 year olds is a bit depressing.... children of parents who are on benefits were statistically likely to start school behind their peers. It was thought that perhaps parents on benefits were sometimes not providing the same sorts of activities that other parents did e.g. perhaps they couldn’t afford arts and crafts stuff, or had a disability meaning they struggled to get their child to educational activities etc. So it was thought that by encouraging them to have time at nursery, that might “fix” the attainment gap. Apparently it does narrow it, which is why the scheme has continued. The activities provided free at children’s centres (currently suspended) were also designed with the idea of trying to reduce the gap.

crazychemist · 17/12/2020 12:41

@ReeseWitherfork love it Grin that’s how I feel about messy play

Fatas · 17/12/2020 13:42

@crazychemist apparently it doesn’t narrow it according to this study.

www.nuffieldfoundation.org/project/the-impact-of-nursery-attendance-on-childrens-outcomes

Any benefits are short term only.