When is good to start nursery?

[BabyLlamaZen]

Does anyone know when children truly benefit from nursery? I understand some children go younger than others due to childcare and they will do well, but is there an age where it actually is better for them as opposed to just as good as being at home?

I have a 1 year old and my family are nearby for when I do the odd bit of work from home. We go for walks locally and play at home a lot. He seems fine but sometimes I worry he is bored, particularly with the lack of toddler classes. When I talk to my friends who have theirs in nursery, I wonder if he is missing out. Any thoughts?

[Timeturnerplease]

As a teacher, when I used to teach lower down in the school I always found that those who had had a decent chunk of time in childcare setting were much better at independent learning, decision making etc.

However, as a full time working parent settling DD into nursery at 7mo was horrendous. It might have been that she was only one day a week and at grandparents the rest of the time, or it might have been separation anxiety early, but she didn’t really take to it until about 18 months.

It’s probably individual to each child’s personality.

[UnbeatenMum]

I think 3 is supposed to be the age where they could be missing out developmentally by not going (although if they're getting plenty of time to play with other children in other contexts then that would be fine)

Personally I sent mine to preschool at 2.4 and 2.2, just two mornings a week until they were 3 when they went up to four mornings. DD1 took a few weeks to settle but DD2 loved it straight away. I just felt like it was what we all needed at the time.

[mooncakes]

@Timeturnerplease

As a teacher, when I used to teach lower down in the school I always found that those who had had a decent chunk of time in childcare setting were much better at independent learning, decision making etc.

However, as a full time working parent settling DD into nursery at 7mo was horrendous. It might have been that she was only one day a week and at grandparents the rest of the time, or it might have been separation anxiety early, but she didn’t really take to it until about 18 months.

It’s probably individual to each child’s personality.

One day a week is really hard. Lots of childcare providers won't accept one day a week because it is so hard for children to settle.

[user1471523870]

@ShinyGreenElephant

It really depends on the child. I've just started sending my 2yo for 2.5hr sessions twice a week, mainly just because her baby classes are on and off so much and I want her to have consistent time with other kids. I would have thought just turned 2 was a bad age for it but actually shes settled straight in without a single tear or complaint. She's still breastfeeding and has never been away from me for more than 3 hrs, including with her dad, so I was very anxious, but actually she's found it so easy and just runs in shouting TRAAAA. I do think there are benefits to it at any age, but I wouldnt use any childcare before 1 unless I had to - more for my sake than theirs!

@ShinyGreenElephant Could you share why you wouldn't use childcare under 1? I am genuinely interested. It's not the first time I hear it. Normally the undertone is 'you are a bad bad mum if you do it', but yours looks like a much more neutral and balanced approach and I would like to know what the reasons are.

I sent mine in younger than that and I returned to my full time job. I could technically take a full year but for several reasons I didn't want to.
Looking back, I can only see the benefits of having sent him in so young and I don't think I or he missed out on anything.
My other half and I have no family in this country and both work full time in demanding jobs. Ours is super tiny nursery and we found the stuff absolutely fantastic, so caring and lovely. They really worked with us to make the whole experience great. It was so reassuring to have professionals following all the steps of my baby's developments and giving me advice I would never have got otherwise. The baby (and us to be honest!) developed a strong bond with his key person.
He was getting nutritious and varied food, he got stimulated in appropriate ways, he learned to share and find his way with people other than his parents. We learned so much as well as the staff was obviously experienced in weaning, developing his fine/gross motor skills and much more.

[ShinyGreenElephant]

@user1471523870 I'm just too clingy! I hate being away from my kids, if they were the same back I'd do something about my anxiety but they're both very independent so I just get on with it. I definitely think there are more benefits to babies being with their parents most of the time when they're young but there are benefits to nursery too, so my aversion is 99% based on my feelings rather than any genuine concern

[Ricepops]

A lot of people seem to fear sending their child to nursery, but it's nothing to fear. And if you have the choice of whether to send them or not then it isn't complicated - try it and if they like it keep sending them, if not take them out.

FWIW, both mine started around 11 months, 3 days per week for the eldest, 2 days per week for the youngest. The youngest is now 3 and started doing 4 days this autumn and will soon go up to 5 days due to having no family to help out anymore. It helps that she loves it, and we deliberately have her at a nursery within walking distance to make drop offs and pick ups as easy as possible.

In terms of when is ideal to start, I would say mine were happy until 2/2.5, but no benefit vs being at home. However, after that age I started to see them both blossom at nursery, which was providing experiences that they didn't get at home (socialisation etc).

[Fandajji]

I was a sahm for my eldest but my youngest 2 went from 2yo and 1yo and I would have to say that it depends on the child and home life.

Ds1 had my full attention and I had the time and energy to be his teacher, entertainer and friend. When I separated with my partner I started work and the youngest 2 didn't have that version of me and benefit hugely from nursery! I love them as dearly as the eldest but they don't get the same energy and attention.

Ds2 wouldn't have been ready any younger than 2yo and still struggles with change and leaving me at 5 yo. Ds3 is a sociable little ball of energy and would have walked straight into nursery from the womb given the option!

[Snowpaw]

I introduced some sessions in nursery when mine was 15 months, this was for my own mental health primarily! She started having four hour sessions twice a week, so eight hours total each week. I used the time she was there to go to the gym or for a long walk, or do the food shopping / food prep, catch up on housework or sometimes just to have a bath and read a book quietly. I feel like having those breaks made me so much more able to cope and I was much happier and calmer during the rest of the week, which I think she will have benefitted from!

She settled quite quickly and there were no major problems. Eight hours a week was a good balance - it gave her lots of stimulation, interaction and experiences but she still had plenty of time at home with me and Dad. For us it was a good balance.

[Cutesbabasmummy]

My DS started at 9 months as I had to return to work. He did 2 full days a week (successive days) my mum had him 2 days and I had the Fridays off. It really came into its own when he was about 2 and started making friends. He is now almost 6 and two if his best friends at school are from nursery and two girls outside are also from nursery. Do what's right for your family x

[tubbycustardtummyache]

I think it depends a lot on the child. My youngest went from 7 months then again after lockdown. Never even a backward glance, the only tears were when she had to come hone. Having said that she’s very extrovert and I think would have settled easily at any age
My eldest took much longer to settle. We put her in from 2 which was a complete nightmare separation wise. She eventually loved it but I think she would have taken time to settle at any age.
Both have got so much out of nursery and I think it was particularly good for preparing my eldest socially for school. My youngest definitely needed the social stimulation and constant messy play!

[soughsigh]

The right time is what works for your family and your DC. Mine has always been sociable, went in 4 days after I finished maternity leave at 13 months and settled well. He's 2 now and still enjoys going.

[harrietm1987]

They start benefiting from the social side at 2-3 ish, which is the age when they are developmentally able to play with their peers as opposed to playing alongside them. That’s not to say they get nothing out of it before then or that it’s in any way damaging to send them, more that if they don’t go from
that age they might be missing out. This is partly why the government funds preschool places for all 3 year olds but only for 2 year olds from certain backgrounds.

[1940s]

I've got a 2.5 year old, they are very forward with their speech and have been for a while. They eat well, have a nice routine and so I think now is the perfect time for them to start nursery. I'm glad I didn't have to send them when they couldn't construct complex sentences.

[ZooKeeper19]

@ShinyGreenElephant that was so nice to read that there are more parents who feel clingy, not just the kids! I'm that too. I tried at 9m then 10m and gave up and got a nanny for a few hours a day. He loves it and I get to work.

I think one thing that is overlooked is that the parents also need time off. Working or not I feel I became a better parent when I've had a break. I have more patience and things are less onerous.

[ioniq]

DD started nursery at 2 years 1 month, which was a little earlier than ideal I think. She was due to start at 2.5 years but I brought it forward during lockdown, because all her other opportunities for social interaction and play had stopped. She loves nursery though, she settled without any tears despite a reduced settling in regime.

When DD was a year old I was attending toddler classes or stay and play sessions with her every day, which kept her busy and provided the opportunity to observe other babies, but she wasn't ready to interact with them at that stage. So I don't think she missed out from not starting nursery earlier, and I enjoyed taking her out. But under the current circumstances, if there aren't many places for toddlers to go at the moment in your area, I would consider starting a couple of short days in nursery. We're under Tier 2 London right now and there are loads of activities on for toddlers, but I know some places are more restricted and lots of toddlers are just bored at home right now.

[GrumpyHoonMain]

@BabyLlamaZen

Does anyone know when children truly benefit from nursery? I understand some children go younger than others due to childcare and they will do well, but is there an age where it actually is better for them as opposed to just as good as being at home?

I have a 1 year old and my family are nearby for when I do the odd bit of work from home. We go for walks locally and play at home a lot. He seems fine but sometimes I worry he is bored, particularly with the lack of toddler classes. When I talk to my friends who have theirs in nursery, I wonder if he is missing out. Any thoughts?

DS had a real social and emotional benefit at 10 months but I imagine it’s because of Lockdown. He became a much happier and less anxious baby after socialising with the adults and kids there

[Lelophants]

I've just found this:

www.rainbowsmiles.co.uk/section.php/48/1/when-should-babies-start-nursery

[harrietm1987]

[quote Lelophants]I've just found this:

www.rainbowsmiles.co.uk/section.php/48/1/when-should-babies-start-nursery[/quote]
It’s on a nursery website so hardly unbiased!

[onedayinthefuture]

My biggest regret was sending my 1 year old to nursery but I had to while I worked part time. They might have outstanding reports and be so convenient in that they are open all year round but it's NOT a natural environment for such a young child. I was unhappy with how distraught he was at leaving me, the nappy rash, the agency staff (who the hell are these people), the list goes on. In the end I found a lovely childminder, socialisation with a few other kids and a home environment.

A one year old is a baby. If you don't need the childcare, I'd wait until little one is around 2.5 when they can start preschool as few mornings a week.

[peasoup8]

Totally agree with @onedayinthefuture.

[Lelophants]

@harrietm1987 yea but it is real research and it does say nursery isn't necessarily the best thing for young babies.

[mynameiscalypso]

@onedayinthefuture

My biggest regret was sending my 1 year old to nursery but I had to while I worked part time. They might have outstanding reports and be so convenient in that they are open all year round but it's NOT a natural environment for such a young child. I was unhappy with how distraught he was at leaving me, the nappy rash, the agency staff (who the hell are these people), the list goes on. In the end I found a lovely childminder, socialisation with a few other kids and a home environment.

A one year old is a baby. If you don't need the childcare, I'd wait until little one is around 2.5 when they can start preschool as few mornings a week.

With respect, it sounds like you had a crap nursery. DS' nursery is nothing like that - the staff are consistent and have been there for years, they ring me up if they find a patch of nappy rash (no idea why...), he loves it there and has a blast.

[Ohalrightthen]

@onedayinthefuture

My biggest regret was sending my 1 year old to nursery but I had to while I worked part time. They might have outstanding reports and be so convenient in that they are open all year round but it's NOT a natural environment for such a young child. I was unhappy with how distraught he was at leaving me, the nappy rash, the agency staff (who the hell are these people), the list goes on. In the end I found a lovely childminder, socialisation with a few other kids and a home environment.

A one year old is a baby. If you don't need the childcare, I'd wait until little one is around 2.5 when they can start preschool as few mornings a week.

...sounds like you picked a shit nursery tbh, i sent my DD at 10m and have literally not one single negative thing to say about the place.

[Parker231]

Like everywhere, there are good, average and bad. We visited several nurseries and decided on the one which was near home and DH’s work (I can be anywhere whereas DH is only in one place so easier for drop off and collecting), the staff were well qualified and enthusiastic about their work, there was plenty of outside space (rare in a central London nursery), the staff turnover was low and the children looked happy. DT’s went full time from six months ago. For us it was the right decision. Although DT’s are now 21we are still in touch with the nursery staff, two who became our babysitters.

[Woohoowoowoo]

I have experience of both. With my first child, I worked full time when he was a baby so he was in full time childcare from six months old. When my second child was born, I worked part time so we didn't need childcare for him.

Where we live, 15 hours funded childcare is provided from two years old. Apparently research shows this is the optimum age for them starting. I'd say from 2 upwards, is a good age for them to get something out of it, through socialising and having different activities to do.

FWIW, my eldest loved being in childcare. My youngest hated it when he went to nursery for his funded hours at two. He did like school nursery at three though.