When is good to start nursery?

[BabyLlamaZen]

Does anyone know when children truly benefit from nursery? I understand some children go younger than others due to childcare and they will do well, but is there an age where it actually is better for them as opposed to just as good as being at home?

I have a 1 year old and my family are nearby for when I do the odd bit of work from home. We go for walks locally and play at home a lot. He seems fine but sometimes I worry he is bored, particularly with the lack of toddler classes. When I talk to my friends who have theirs in nursery, I wonder if he is missing out. Any thoughts?

[onedayinthefuture]

@Ohalrightthen outstanding ofsted and friends recommendations I went in definitely not picking a shit nursery. I just think so many parents are desperate for nursery to work out so they can get back to work but deep down know it's not right. I will say it again, they are not natural environments for such young babies and children. They are day care plain and simple, nothing more.

[Pipandmum]

Who knows? My first went at 5 months as I worked. Seemed to enjoy it and did benefit from being with other kids.
My second started going full days two days a week at one year. I wasn't working then but it gave me a break. My first was going three days. It was a done deal - they were young enough that it was just part of their lives.
It meant the transition to school was a non issue and it's never to early to learn the rules of the playground! Plus it kept me sane.

[Bloodylegoeverywhere]

How about a childminder or nanny instead depending on finances. Some people love day care for their children.
I worked in nurseries for over 8 years, no matter how lovely the nursery and staff are, some children find it too much being there.
Work out what you want, a large room, lots of children and a large garden for outdoor space for a ambler amount of money.
Childminder has a home environment with other children and the child goes out within their bubbles.
Nannies are a luxury form of childcare but the child gets to grow up in their home environment, then they can socialise with other nannies, carers, childminders, guardians etc.

My two went to pre school at 2 years and 9 months roughly, they loved it. I wanted them at home with me and we socialised lots. But we didn't have covid and lockdown.

Have a look at some nurseries and see if you want to leave your child there.

[Starlightstarbright1]

I haven't read all replies.

We are in different times. Very few parent toddler groups, soft plays closed, swimming closed some places so lots of activities you would normally do so lots of normal social interaction, watching others is missing.

Personally if my child didn't need childcare i would wait till at leadt Easter due to risk of needing to self isolate.

As a childminder the children do develop bonds . My one year old will ask for the 2 year old if they arrive first. They watch Try and copy, learn the don't get to have every toy they want, do different activities, every new experience is a chance to learn something new.

Do a minimum of 2 days if you put them in childcare, they don't spend then 1st session relearning how things work.

[Letsallscreamatthesistene]

@onedayinthefuture are you letting your bad experience of nursery entirely colour your views? You cant have a bad experience and then say 'all nurseries are bad'. Its the same as eating one bad apple and concluding 'all apples are disgusting'.

My son is 8 months and goes 3 days a week. He smiles when we drop him off in the morning. He loves it. I wouldnt judge if its right for everyone based on this, though. My son is a very sociable child and it suits him. On the flip side, my neighbours 2.5 year old didnt suit nursery at all. They tried her when she was about 18 months and she didnt settle at all. Shes 2.5 now and her parents have had to very carefully pick a small pre-school thats in a homely setting. She settled eventually but it took a while.


I think its more about finding the right childcare setting for your child, rather than the correct age.

[EssentialHummus]

It’s about what’s right for you and your family, however infuriating that sounds. DD was at home with me until 1 - the only childcare was another mum staying with her for a few hours each week so I could run errands. Then a nanny share from 1 for one day each week. From 2 she did two mornings a week at a small nursery plus the nanny share day, and this year we’ve increased that a bit, at 3. I think I’d do the same again with another DC.

I agree with a PP about this time being exceptional. I’m a great parent with playdates, swimming lessons, rhyme time, soft play, church halls etc. Currently it’s bloody difficult.

One thing I was surprised by - it’s often said on here and elsewhere that children only socialise with their peers from three and I now really think that’s nonsense. By 18 months , 2 years at the latest, DD was asking after particular friends, going up to them for hugs, remembering who liked playing with what etc.

[1940s]

@onedayinthefuture

My biggest regret was sending my 1 year old to nursery but I had to while I worked part time. They might have outstanding reports and be so convenient in that they are open all year round but it's NOT a natural environment for such a young child. I was unhappy with how distraught he was at leaving me, the nappy rash, the agency staff (who the hell are these people), the list goes on. In the end I found a lovely childminder, socialisation with a few other kids and a home environment.

A one year old is a baby. If you don't need the childcare, I'd wait until little one is around 2.5 when they can start preschool as few mornings a week.

I agree with you. I think sending a child less than 2.5 should be an absolute necessity. Younger children should be with parents IMO

[Parker231]

Many careers won’t wait until your DC’s are 2+ and not everyone wants to be a SAHP. We all have different lives and all want the best for our DC’s whether that be childcare from 6 months, 18 months, three years or none.

My DT’s needed nursery to learn English as English is their third language and it isn’t spoken at home.

[Ohalrightthen]

@1940s so people who want to work are what, bad parents?

[Ohalrightthen]

[quote onedayinthefuture]@Ohalrightthen outstanding ofsted and friends recommendations I went in definitely not picking a shit nursery. I just think so many parents are desperate for nursery to work out so they can get back to work but deep down know it's not right. I will say it again, they are not natural environments for such young babies and children. They are day care plain and simple, nothing more.[/quote]
I think youre projecting your bad experience and massively over-generalising. If you choose the right nursery for your child they can be very caring, welcoming, nurturing places. Its just about getting the choice right. OFSTED and other people can't tell you whether a place will work for your child, you have to make that call yourself.

[crazychemist]

It really depends on your child. When my maternity leave ended, I didn’t feel my DD was ready. Many others her age that we knew were starting and seemed to enjoy it, but my DD was still very shy. We were lucky that my work were very flexible so I returned only 2 days a week and my mum was able to look after DD in our home for those days. The following year, DD was ready and attended nursery 3 days a week. She really enjoyed it, but in all honesty the days were a bit long for her - work committememts meant she was frequently there till nearly 6pm and she was exhausted. We made some changes and the following year she went to a preschool and for shorter hours and that has been perfect for us. She enjoys the social side and has got definite friends that she misses when she doesn’t go. So for our family, the real advantages of it came from about age 3. But I think many are ready younger. Wait and see how your child develops.

[justfreedes]

If feesible I personally wouldn't send mine until 2ish, and even then only for 1-2 days per week.

Mine went from 9 months and it felt like too young, it was 100% because I had to work and not because I thought it would benefit her.

She's now 3 and I feel 2 days is a good amount for education, social skills and development. She's going up to 3 days from January and I'm worried that will be too much.

[1940s]

[quote Ohalrightthen]@1940s so people who want to work are what, bad parents?[/quote]
If I imagine a parent putting a 6 month old into full time nursery from 7.30-6.30pm because they 'want to' not because they have to - then yes I think that person is a bad parent.

[Ohalrightthen]

@1940s username checks out.

[Almostslimjim]

Mine both went at 12 months and have been fine.

HOWEVER:

Almost all of the research on child development (the peer reviewed stuff, no the mummy bogs type stuff). Say children develop best when with their primary carer giver (usually the mother) until age 2. Not just avoiding nursery, but any prolonged (4 hours plus) away from the primary care giver. Term primary care giver is used interchangeably with primary attachment figure depending on the writer, though some academics do discern a difference.

[Parker231]

Why are you a bad parent for continuing with a career which in the majority of cases involves full time work.
All my friends and colleagues have done the same and no harm has come to our DC’s - in fact the opposite. My DC’s developed positive social skills at an early age, make friends at nursery (which at 21 they still have), are lovely adults and have both graduated with 1st from Uni.

[Lelophants]

@Parker231

Why are you a bad parent for continuing with a career which in the majority of cases involves full time work.
All my friends and colleagues have done the same and no harm has come to our DC’s - in fact the opposite. My DC’s developed positive social skills at an early age, make friends at nursery (which at 21 they still have), are lovely adults and have both graduated with 1st from Uni.

The question isn't childcare versus not. It's whether to choose nursery over other childcare providers I think.

[1940s]

[quote Ohalrightthen]@1940s username checks out.[/quote]
Lolz

[1940s]

@Almostslimjim

Mine both went at 12 months and have been fine.

HOWEVER:

Almost all of the research on child development (the peer reviewed stuff, no the mummy bogs type stuff). Say children develop best when with their primary carer giver (usually the mother) until age 2. Not just avoiding nursery, but any prolonged (4 hours plus) away from the primary care giver. Term primary care giver is used interchangeably with primary attachment figure depending on the writer, though some academics do discern a difference.

This is what people want to avoid looking into. Why out your children through nursery from a very young age if they don't have to

[Parker231]

There are good and bad nurseries, nannies and childminders - choose a good one and your DC’s will be happy as will you.

[Lelophants]

Some people are very closed minded here. Surely you can look at both views and think hmm what I did was fine but it's ok to think another option might also be ok or even better for a different child?

[Almostslimjim]

This is what people want to avoid looking into. Why out your children through nursery from a very young age if they don't have to

Because what is best for the child, isn't always what is best for the family, or the carer.

I went back to work because I wanted to, and my mental health needed me to. Our family finances did not need me to. Returning to work (and therefore using nursery) was best for all of us.

[Almostslimjim]

The question isn't childcare versus not. It's whether to choose nursery over other childcare providers I think.

The evidence generally advises against being away from primary care giver, who they are with (as long as safe) is virtually immaterial (and this controversially includes the father (if not primary care giver).

In 'the real world' obviously some kids will do better in different settings though.

[GroundAlmonds]

@mooncakes

If you don't need it to work, then 2.5/3 years.

A good nursery won't damage an under 2 though.

This was the near-consensus in child development terms, in the 60s onwards when having a SAHP was more widely affordable. Attachment theory and all that. Google Bowlby.

[Thephantom]

The government offer funding to some children from the age of 2 and to all from the age of three. I suppose there is some kind of reasoning behind this, so I will say either 2 or 3. I started sending my dc to preschool since 2 years 8 months. They absolutely love it and settled in straight away. The school only took in children from when they were 2 yrs and 4 months at their September intake, if not we would have sent dc to preschool before as an only child. However, I did take dc to quite a few baby and toddler groups every week since they were about 6 months until lockdown in March.