Do you play with your kids?

[Peachyplumm]

I'm not pregnant but OH and I are trying to learn and research more about kids so we can properly decide if we are ready. We are in a long term relationship, financially stable, etc, and we feel we are emotionally ready but just wanted to learn more about day to day life with a young child (0-5 years).

Obviously babies have their own sets of challenges and obligations but generally they sleep. One of the things I hadn't thought too much about was what it is like when they become 2 and start being very curious about things and want to play.

What do stay-at-home-mums do with their toddlers all day? Do you play with your kids or just supervise them while doing something else? I'm not totally sure on the whole screen time thing yet, but if I were to minimize that then, again, I wonder how I would entertain my toddler?

I am also asking because while obviously I like the idea of interacting with my kids and having play 'times' with them, I am not sure if I could bare to do it all day or constantly. Is this an expectation? Are we obliged to do things like pretend play if we don't want to?

Obviously I understand that raising a kid is about thinking about what's best for them, but I just wanted to have a really honest look at it and to see if there's space for me to also just be me (as an adult who may not want to play very much).

Honest responses please? Thanks so much :)

aside from that, yes, you need to play with your child, and not from two, from much earlier.

Yes, you need to start playing with them from about three months I’d say - that’s when your baby will start becoming interested in interacting with basic toys. Don’t listen to the many posters on MN who say that all a baby needs is to watch you doing stuff until they’re about 8 months - that is rubbish! Mine loved his baby gym from about 12 weeks onwards and would have been bored to tears watching me do the hoovering.

@newmum234 no you don't need to start playing with them. You need to interact with then sure, but no huge need to play with them. It depends on the child. I find they get more needy when they're 2 and over and want you to play all the time. It's fine to play with them some 8f the time, but they can also join in with your every day activities. My almost 3 Yr old loves to help put shopping away, fold clothes and put then away, make dinner etc. He really is a delight and I enjoy the interaction I have with him when doing these things. I do a bit of playing, but find most of it boring. We go to oark, swimming etc. But I don't think there's a requirement to okay with then all the time. I don't really play with my 9 month old much, he likes to explore different stuff on his own. But of course I'm interacting with him throughout the day.

I’m fine thank you, nursery is too expensive so I cannot work untill he is three? I’ve worked for years if my partner died and I needed to claim benefits to tide me
over I’m not ashamed of that , it’s not everyone coming to my rescue? It’s what they are there for. You seem to have some stuck up views regarding benefits. Some of woman don’t even have a partner or work - not all pregnancy’s are planned god knows what opinion you have of them. We’re all just trying our best. Not everyone believes in marriage.

@Stepintochristmas

@hf2345 but you’d potentially still be missing out on £8200 if your partner suddenly died. Now I know, that on the event of then dying and the grief etc it may seem ridiculous. But if you have to pay for funeral costs etc and look after your child on your own it could help. Thiso happened to my friend. Her partner died very suddenly and because she wasn’t even in a civil partnership she couldn’t get this money. She was with her partner for over ten years, had a two year old and everyone (all the authorities)refused to acknowledge that she was any relation to him. Even though she had a child with him, she had no legal evidence to show he was her partner. For the cost of 70 quid or whatever it is well worth getting a civil partnership. I’ve been with my partner over 20 years and I will be trying to sort this soon. I know you feel like people are unecessarily questioning your lifestyle choices. But rather than being defensive please consider what they are trying to tell you.

www.gov.uk/bereavement-support-payment/what-youll-get

My 2 year old is an independant little thing. It's very rarely that he demands you play with him. He'll bring you a book, that we look at for 20 seconds before he's toddled off to something better. We sit down with him a lot to watch him play but I don't think he gives two hoots. He does loved to be chased though, so there's that!

I expect the independence will change as he gets older. Or maybe it won't?

@Ohalrightthen
“^^ Two identical couples - both have kids, both joint own the house, in both cases the woman gives up work to raise the kids and the husband keeps working. Both couples split up.

Couple A is married. When the divorce settlement is final, the wife gets 65% of the equity of the home, and a good chunk of her husband's pension and savings. She struggles to get a job because she's been out of work for so long, but the higher chunk of equity plus savings mean that she's able to retrain and get back to work within a year or so.

Couple B is not married. The woman gets 50% of the house and nothing else. She struggles to get a job because she's been out of work for such a long time, she isn't able to get a mortgage because she isn't working, and so her chunk of the equity is quickly eaten up by rent. She struggles massively for the next 10 years while her ex sits very comfortably with the savings and pension he built up while she wasn't working.”^^

I’m sorry but in scenario A how are these scenarios so wildly different in terms of owning a property/renting?
Mum B can also use a portion of the equity she receives from the property sale to retrain (not like she will be spending it all immediately on rent or a house deposit)? Mum A will also unlikely to get a mortgage whilst she is retraining...
All that married woman benefits from is any of her husbands savings (which in reality for “Mrs” SAHM are probably in a joint account and potentially she is frittering day to day anyway) and his pension. Oh, and not having to pay for a solicitor.
Unmarried SAHM may also have her own savings?
Dad in both scenarios still has an obligation to support his kids.

It’s 2020 and it’s possible for women to build their own wealth, whatever stage of their career - I hope that I’m not reliant on an ex’s pension to get me through...

Please also be mindful that becoming a SAHM isn’t always a choice, sometimes it’s just not an option to keep working and redundancy during/after maternity leave is very common. Also, in reality, it doesn’t have to be long term? Just a few years in a 30-40 year career.

You will be playing all day way before 2 and they do not just sleep before that. You'll be playing all day from 4 months old! It's relentless

@honeybun7979 no it doesn’t have to be like that at all!

No, but I'm a childminder so they grew up with other kids to play with. Same as me because my mum was a childminder.
When we are alone, I give them attention and sometimes help them draw etc, but playing games no, apart from the odd game of hide and seek, especially if we go to a rental property on holiday. Even their dad joins in.