Do you play with your kids?

[Peachyplumm]

I'm not pregnant but OH and I are trying to learn and research more about kids so we can properly decide if we are ready. We are in a long term relationship, financially stable, etc, and we feel we are emotionally ready but just wanted to learn more about day to day life with a young child (0-5 years).

Obviously babies have their own sets of challenges and obligations but generally they sleep. One of the things I hadn't thought too much about was what it is like when they become 2 and start being very curious about things and want to play.

What do stay-at-home-mums do with their toddlers all day? Do you play with your kids or just supervise them while doing something else? I'm not totally sure on the whole screen time thing yet, but if I were to minimize that then, again, I wonder how I would entertain my toddler?

I am also asking because while obviously I like the idea of interacting with my kids and having play 'times' with them, I am not sure if I could bare to do it all day or constantly. Is this an expectation? Are we obliged to do things like pretend play if we don't want to?

Obviously I understand that raising a kid is about thinking about what's best for them, but I just wanted to have a really honest look at it and to see if there's space for me to also just be me (as an adult who may not want to play very much).

Honest responses please? Thanks so much :)

@Stepintochristmas

I don’t think I’m daft. I don’t see how I’d get financially shafted ? we rent a house and if we split up he would leave and still pay for his child... I’m sure there would be benefits I could claim to tide me over untill my child started funded nursery and then I would work. Not everyone is loaded and owns there own house and has savings maybe that’s what you mean.

@hf2345 only you know if you’ll be ok financially if you were to split. I’d hope you can see why it’s generally good advice for unmarried women to be careful if they chose not to work. You may have bigger concerns if you have no savings, no pension and are renting. But you may not - again, only you know your financial situation.

[quote hf2345]@Stepintochristmas

I don’t think I’m daft. I don’t see how I’d get financially shafted ? we rent a house and if we split up he would leave and still pay for his child... I’m sure there would be benefits I could claim to tide me over untill my child started funded nursery and then I would work. Not everyone is loaded and owns there own house and has savings maybe that’s what you mean.[/quote]
If you've given up work, you will struggle to get back in at your previous level/salary and will most likely end up earning less than you were before you had kids.

Whereas your partner has been able to progress his career and earning potential while you raised his children.

@KittenCalledBob

I think that if you want to be a SAHM then you do "sign up to" playing with your child when they want you to. Not always - it's also important for them to learn that sometimes you have to do other things - but several times a day. If you can't bear the idea of pretend play then you may not be cut out to be a SAHM. I don't mean that in a nasty way at all! Being a SAHM isn't for everyone and there's no shame in that.

Also I agree with pp - don't become a SAHM if you're not married. Either go back to work (and split childcare costs evenly) or get married.

What? I fucking hate pretend play but I was a very good SAHM, I interacted loads, we did messy play, colouring, jigsaws, endless board games and walks to the swings.

But I never did ‘pretend’ play as it bored the arse off me and I’m rubbish at it.

@Stepintochristmas

I really wish this stuff was taught at schools. So many people (especially women) getting themselves into very risky financial situations.

Do NOT have children with someone who is not financially invested in the arrangement. Women take career breaks, miss out on savings and pensions during that time, lose out on career progression, often return to work part time and in more junior roles that fit around childcare ... and then do it all again when they have subsequent children. Years and years of lost financial independence and earning potential.

And this is why you need to be married. You need a legal share of every penny your husband has made, saved and contributed to a pension during that time because you have taken a MASSIVE financial gamble to leave the workforce and raise his children.

And when you try to tell these women that they've put themselves and their children in a very vulnerable situation, they get super fucking pissy. It drives me insane. It's not hard to find out the benefits of marriage, there isn't some huge secrecy plot!

No you're not obliged to and I think that it's best they learn to do stuff on their own. But my toddler pesters me quite a bit and I try and do different stuff with him like go swimming, park, for walks etc. Toddlers are hard work, more so than babies I think. But who told you that babies sleep?! 😂

I don't play with my nearly 2 year old as he is too busy doing other things such as climbing, breaking things and generally being destructive. I try to play with him but his attention span is for about 30 seconds. The only play we get done is probably colouring as he loves to do colouring and that's about maximum 5 minutes restrained in his high chair before he starts throwing all his colouring pencils everywhere.

Hi I’m currently really unsure of the defecit or tdee, my daily tdee comes up as 1900 but with the Fitbit daily report I’m burning 3600 calories daily and eating 2300 daily so burn a lot daily but no luck losing weight and stuck, I jog on the spot to get my heart rate up for a few hours daily but still nothing, I’m 9stone and 5ft 4 age 39, any help would be appreciated????

@ohalrightthen you don't need to get married, you can have a civil partnership and be afforded the same rights. After 22 years I think I will do this. My friends long term partner died and she was well and truly shafted in terms of getting his pension and the bereavement benefit and funeral costs that married/civil partners receive.

It doesn't have to be marriage thougg, I'm just saying

Personally I love the baby stage, I could happily sit for hours singing nursery rhymes and shaking toys at them. Hated the toddler years though, they want to play but have tiny attention spans, get frustrated and have tantrums!

After the age of about 3 I found it fun again. I'm still not keen on pretend play, but I like board games, crafts, baking, playing outside etc.

Also I think I spend a lot of time interacting with them even when I'm not directly involved in their games if that makes sense?

Pre covid it was easy, but now I'm responsible for a lot more at home entertainment!

[quote Fatas]@ohalrightthen you don't need to get married, you can have a civil partnership and be afforded the same rights. After 22 years I think I will do this. My friends long term partner died and she was well and truly shafted in terms of getting his pension and the bereavement benefit and funeral costs that married/civil partners receive.

It doesn't have to be marriage thougg, I'm just saying[/quote]
This is true, but as it's only been an option in this country for the past 11 months, i think we can be forgiven for not flagging it. It's just marriage by another name, so in this circumstance I'd say it comes under the header.

@ohalrightthen I've avoided marriage for personal reasons for over 20 yrs, civil partnership is a much better option for me. But women do not always get shafted from not bring married. All my savings is in my name as is my mortgage.

[quote Fatas]@ohalrightthen I've avoided marriage for personal reasons for over 20 yrs, civil partnership is a much better option for me. But women do not always get shafted from not bring married. All my savings is in my name as is my mortgage.[/quote]
No, women don't always get shafted by not getting married. BUT women who give up work without the protection of marriage or civil partnership are taking an unnecessary risk, for themselves and their children.

I like it better with the term civil partnership 😉need to crack on and get mine sorted to protect both him and me!

@Stepintochristmas

I sleep at night just fine thanks. No I don’t have any savings I try an put money away for my child that’s it. And no we will never be able to afford to buy a house. Yes I fell pregnant an gave up my job out of choice as it was too dangerous. My child is loved and has everything they need that is more important than money. I don’t need to get married an I never want too. I think there’s a bit of a divide on here...we’re not all high flying career women with rich husbands. Some of us just get by and will never have the luxury of buying a house.

I work in ababy room play includes, cornflour play. (water and cornflour.)
Playing with pots and spons. Wooden instruments, wooden blocks, rattles, boxes. I took time out to be sahm and then went part time. Not every one can be a sahm but then when you look at prices of childcare not everyone can work either. (I chose childminder route they are cheaper and I prefered the home atmosphere.)

@hf2345 I really don’t like commenting on people’s financial situations, especially when I barely know any of the details. But if you have no savings, don’t work so no pension, and will never own a house... you may have some serious financial issues later in life. I’m not urging you to get a rich husband or a high flying career, but I urge you to make sure you have a plan.

@ReeseWitherfork

My house is rented through housing association so I can stay here for as many year as I want too. There are people in worse financial situations than me.

@hf2345 I’m sorry, you don’t owe me an explanation. I’m sure you do have a plan.

OP - in the nicest possible way, I really wouldn’t over analyse things too much. If you want kids and you’re at the right stage in your life (which it sounds like you are) then just get on with it!

@hf2345 to be fair all the more reason to get a civil partnership. As you will not get the bereavements payment or help towards funeral if your partner suddenly dies and vice versa. That's what made me change my mind, my friends partner suddenly died and she was royally screwed