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Parenting

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Original poster

8 year old lied again about wet bedtime pants

94 replies

twentypasttwelve · 02/12/2020 07:54

Hello everyone

My 8 year old son isn't always dry at night yet (we have tried everything and even brought him to a specialist which I've put on hold due to Covid). I've started several threads about it and had great advice but that's not what this post is about.

Whilst he is around 75% dry, he does have regular night time wetting. We agreed that if he is wet, he will get a shower in the morning, for hygiene reasons. If he's dry, he will get a bath in the evening instead.

He HATES getting a morning shower.

A few times he's lied and told me he was dry when he wasn't. The first time, I ignored it and let him off. Second time I told him I knew he'd lied, and made him get a shower. Third time I told him I didn't like being lied to, and that if he did it again there would be consequences.

He's done it again this morning.

Now, I realise he hates showers, and I realise he may be embarrassed about it. I'm stumped as to how I tackle this... I told him there would be consequences but I didn't think about WHAT consequences. Its too late for him to shower now as it would make us late for school.

He's such a great kid, never lies about anything else, hardly ever puts a foot wrong. So I'm not great at doling out consequences. I need a little guidance!

WWYD??

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SunshineOutdoors · 02/12/2020 07:56

Would you have time for a shallow bath in the morning instead? Or ask him which way he’d prefer to get clean?

Ironingontheceiling · 02/12/2020 07:57

Just let him have a bath. E

SunshineOutdoors · 02/12/2020 07:57

I think the consequences could be quite natural i.e. you might smell of wee at school?

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8 year olds Families General parenting

AlbusSeverusMalfoy · 02/12/2020 07:59

Does he really need a shower in the morning if he's wet. Maybe just a flannel, soap, wash area and dry. Rather then making him get in the shower.

Clymene · 02/12/2020 07:59

You know why he's lying - because you're punishing him for wetting the bed. It's not his fault, he can't help it.

At 8, you can contact the school nursing team and get advice and support. They were really helpful to us - really worth talking to them.

Rainbowb · 02/12/2020 08:00

He feels embarrassed and ashamed and the shower represents failure to stay dry. He loes because of that not because he’s naughty so stop with the punishment and consequences. Make shower time fun - take a toy in to wash, a water pistol, whatever, just don’t make it about shame and he will be more inclined to do it and may even end up moving on to having morning showers as routine rather than nighttime baths. Be gentle, he just needs love and help.

sashh · 02/12/2020 08:00

Morning bath.

Does he need a shower, surely waist down shower / wash is enough if he has had a bath the night before.

Rainbowb · 02/12/2020 08:01

Lies not loes!

awwkkwwaard · 02/12/2020 08:01

@SunshineOutdoors

I think the consequences could be quite natural i.e. you might smell of wee at school?

^This - he WILL smell at school and kids can be brutal - there was a child at my primary who (with hindsight) was neglected and the kids named him pee wee, and that name stuck all through both schools.

Original poster

twentypasttwelve · 02/12/2020 08:03

Our bath taps are broken atm and it's taken an age for our landlord to fix them properly so we have to manually fill the bath (we have evening bath and all 4 of us use the water sometimes) so morning time bath isn't an option. I suppose I could let him flannel himself down. I had hoped that making him get a shower, which he hates, would somehow trigger him to get up for a wee in the night. I know that sounds nuts.

I'd really hate for him to be known as the boy who smells of wee at school

OP posts:

ProfessorInkling · 02/12/2020 08:04

Can he use pull ups at night?

Clymene · 02/12/2020 08:05

He won't smell of wee at school. My child was in nighttime nappies until he was 8.

Children who smell of wee are going in without a change of clothes, they are neglected, not bed wetters. He can have a wash,

jessstan1 · 02/12/2020 08:07

@Ironingontheceiling

Just let him have a bath. E

Yes, why not?

Mine always had a bath in the morning before school or at any time really; he'd use the shower to rinse off afterwards but loved baths - and he didn't have enuresis.

Your poor little lad will outgrow this. I've known several kids who wet at night for many years and eventually stopped. It's a bit of a pain, especially for him, but not the end of the world. Obviously you need to be sure there is nothing wrong with him but there usually isn't.

It really is best not to make too much of an issue of it but I agree he must keep himself clean.

Lucked · 02/12/2020 08:10

Bed wetting up to 8 is not abnormal, the nhs won’t take referrals before this age so he is only a marginal outlier at this time and he is mostly dry so getting there. It is to do with production of a hormone.

Don’t punish him. Let him have a wash down.

CherryPavlova · 02/12/2020 08:11

I suspect it’s the association of showering as punishment for incontinence. Reframe showers.
Stop all night time baths for everyone as bath is broken. Everyone has a morning shower. No more shame or mention that it’s because he’s wet.

Original poster

twentypasttwelve · 02/12/2020 08:12

I don't see it as a punishment to get a shower in the morning. It's for hygiene reasons and to stop him smelling of wee and being bullied. We've spoken about it together at length and he agreed on it. I've told him it's nothing to be ashamed of, and that they wouldn't make bedtime pants in his size if it wasn't a common thing. I am always kind about it and would never ever make him feel shameful. But now he's lying to me after I asked him not to.

We have a basketball hoop thing in the shower to make it fun, and once he's in he actually enjoys it and takes an age to come out. It's just getting him in there that's the issue. He just wants to get a game in before school.

I have spoken to and seen the school nurse and have had a couple of meetings with the selpecialist, who recommended these drugs, I can't remember the name now. I'm not keen on giving him meds so just wanted to see how it goes while all this Covid stuff is going on

OP posts:

Original poster

twentypasttwelve · 02/12/2020 08:13

@CherryPavlova

I suspect it’s the association of showering as punishment for incontinence. Reframe showers. Stop all night time baths for everyone as bath is broken. Everyone has a morning shower. No more shame or mention that it’s because he’s wet.

Good idea, showers for all in the morning.

OP posts:

Bagelsandbrie · 02/12/2020 08:13

So you were hoping by making him do something he hates it would stop him wetting himself? It doesn’t work like that and can actually make a child more anxious which can make them wet even more (much like the old days when they used to make child wear their wet sheets to school - horrible!)

I would get some wet wipes. Let him wipe himself down. Don’t make any issue of it whatsoever.

ProfessorInkling · 02/12/2020 08:15

You don’t see it as a punishment but that doesn’t mean he agrees. You could make it easier for him right now by giving him pull ups, or the option of them at least?

I like @CherryPavlova’s post actually. Reframe showers. Bath is broken and out of use. And chase your landlord, that’s crap (I sympathise, but the squeaky wheel gets the oil).

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 02/12/2020 08:18

I had hoped that making him get a shower, which he hates, would somehow trigger him to get up for a wee in the night. I know that sounds nuts

You have to remove any suspicion in your mind that he can help this. And remove ANY suggestion of ‘consequences’ in your own mind. For him, it’s a punishment because he hates the shower.

You have to be 100% re-assuring to him. Give him a pack of wipes and tell him to give himself a good wipe over.

And hopefully you can get specialist help soon.

He won’t smell of wee unless his clothes are wet with wee and not washed.

Didiusfalco · 02/12/2020 08:18

I don’t think he will smell that bad. Get him to have a wash and then coax him into the shower in the evening when it’s less of a connection with the wetting incident. Sympathy btw we have a similar problem.

KaptainKaveman · 02/12/2020 08:20

He just wants to get a game in before school.

Do you mean some sort of computer game? I would make this conditional on having the shower first. An incentive.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 02/12/2020 08:20

Let him take the meds!

Original poster

twentypasttwelve · 02/12/2020 08:22

Now I feel like a terrible mum

OP posts:

midnightstar66 · 02/12/2020 08:23

I'd shower him and let him be late for school. That could be the consequence. Most loss don't like that. I don't think showering is a punishment, it's necessary in this situation. I don't think a waist down wash will help as kids wriggle in the night and the smell can get everywhere. I think of it was me I'd use pull ups to save the cleaning and smelly mattress though .

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