OH sulking over DD being heavy footed with new sofa

[thestarvingcaterpillar]

Me & OH have recently moved in together, all is going ok (mostly) he's definetly a lot tidier than I am and a bit of a stickler for treating belongings with respect, I'm well on board with this but don't expect my kids to be on edge in their own home. My sofa needed replacing & I saw a perfect one on fb it wasn't very expensive & it turns out that we've got a bargain! My DD13 loves it it has the extending bit so you can stretch your legs out on one of the seats & is very cosy HOWEVER to get on & off it she keeps stepping on & off it or will flop onto it.OH is not happy about this at all & keeps telling her off, I've asked her to try not to do this but she keeps forgetting. He keeps huffing & puffing at her and I just wish we'd never bought the bloody sofa!!

I can see both sides. I can't abide big kids standing on furniture...at 13 she's old enough to know not to do that. But if you've never pulled her up about such behaviour then it's going to be very hard for her to stop. I do get that you think "It's just a sofa" because I'm very like you...about some things. But newer things...you do need to stop her behaviour in my opinion. It's laziness.

I know,I think it's because we've gone from such an unloved old battered sofa that she (wrongly) was never pulled up on when she walked on to now every time she puts a foot wrong she gets jumped on, I'm so on edge now I feel like putting it outside!!

It would annoy me someone standing on the sofa. If you look after your stuff, it lasts longer.

I'd say he needs to back off and let you parent. It will create tension between dd and him otherwise.

I'd also say to your DD that you would like her to stop climbing on the sofa because you paid money for it (make sure she knows it is coming from you for your own reasons not him so there is no resentment there).

Well yes i might get annoyed with stamping on nd off a new sofa. I do anyway with my battered sofa. I am in DH camp.

At 13 she is old enough to get on and off a sofa without standing or walking on it.
I understand what you mean though when the kids were toddlers all our furniture and carpets were old so we were pretty relaxed about things. I do sometime miss not caring now we have nice new stuff. It’s harder to relax especially as DH is a lot more anal about it than I am.

I am in total agreement with your partner. Your daughter needs to treat things with respect. She is old enough to know better, and it's your job to ensure she does. She's 13, not 3.

If she keeps stepping on the but that's extends and lifts to rest your legs on she will likely break it. So I get why he's huffing about that....

I think your OH needs to back off a bit. You bought the sofa so it's not like it's one of his treasured possessions, and it's so important that he gets off to a good start in building a good relationship with your DC. Surely he can see the bigger picture here?

Tell her she can’t sit on it until she is more respectful. She’s thirteen not four.

She’s 13. Old enough to not behave like a child.

I can't picture what you mean? Why would you step onto a sofa?!

But she's 13, old enough not to listen and not do it.
She just needs to "try" harder

I get upset at my DSD not treating things that me and DH have spent money on with respect; potentially im a bit over the top with it but if nothing is said then how will she learn to be careful with it. I think you and your DP need to agree how to address it so that you’re not in conflict and so that your DD sees a consistent message rather than you both reacting differently

Grey I assume OP means that because the extending part is already extended, the DD is standing on it to reach the sitting section. OP why is the extending part always out? I think the way to stop this behaviour is to put the extending part back once someone gets up.

She needs to stop doing it. It sounds very annoying!

Did you both pay for the sofa?

He’s got enough on adjusting to life with you and your DD, especially if he doesn’t have his own DC, and he’s probably sucking up plenty of things that are bugging him but this is worth him repeating. Just get her to stop it or don’t let her have the extended bit out.

If she’s usually capable of following simple instructions and wouldn’t want either of you damaging her property, are you sure she’s not doing it on purpose to show him who’s boss?

@FortunesFave @Greysparkles half of the sofa is one big extended sofa cushion so you sit with your legs up, I do agree with all posters that say she needs to try harder not to step on it & I have reminder her about it LOTS!! His sulking about it is not helping matters at all!

@FortunesFave

Grey I assume OP means that because the extending part is already extended, the DD is standing on it to reach the sitting section. OP why is the extending part always out? I think the way to stop this behaviour is to put the extending part back once someone gets up.

Quite often they're 'fixed' like another section or just a long seating place and I assume this is what the OP means.

Really disrespectful behaviour by your DD. I'd be embarrassed if she thought that was normal and acceptable. It's a shit attitude.

When looking after belongings, there's a difference between an accident (like a spillage) and ignorant lack of care.

In our home, I expect all family members to treat anything that my money has paid for, respectfully. After all, I don't work to just throw my money out of the window.

I suspect your DP is starting to think it was a bit of a mistake.

So what’s the consequence when she does step on it?
Sounds like you think he’s unfair and he thinks she’s a disrespectful madam. This won’t end well. How on earth are you going to live together??

[quote thestarvingcaterpillar]**@FortunesFave* @Greysparkles* half of the sofa is one big extended sofa cushion so you sit with your legs up, I do agree with all posters that say she needs to try harder not to step on it & I have reminder her about it LOTS!! His sulking about it is not helping matters at all![/quote]
If you actually want her to stop, I think 'reminding her to try harder not to stand on it' is a bit 'lame'. Tell her firmly NOT to stand on the furniture. She's 13, plenty old enough to 'remember'.

One of my friends daughters does it, she's 15, but built like a whippet and is pretty graceful, she'll step up into their huge arm chair then sit down (she just elegantly 'folds' herself up, she's like a cat.

Her Mum doesn't mind and on their huge arm chair I can kind of see why it's the easiest way, but it wouldn't be happening in my furniture! (It's never been an issue, she sits in mine like a normal person & I've never said anything).

I think the thing is, YOU need to decide if YOU care or not, because I expect DD thinks you really don't, so is feeling she is being made to do it because of DP - that's not going to do their relationship any good.

I think it's hard to make things work if you start living together in the home of the children, rather than in a new place for everyone.

His sulking about it is not helping matters at all!

I don't think he's sulking, I think he's fucking fed up with her lack of respect, behaving like a 3 year old, and you doing next to nothing about it.

How do we know what his sulking consists of?

On this occasion I’m with him

She’s not forgetting. She’s being disrespectful. I’m with your partner on this one

Buy your daughter a bean bag. I’m with your partner, she’s is 13 not 3 and knows exactly what’s she’s doing - pushing all your buttons to see what happens. Push back!