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Original poster

How do you know you're "done" with having children?

95 replies

hunkermunker · 12/10/2007 20:16

Not sure I am. Sometimes I am, sometimes I'd have two more. Or three more.

If you're "through" with all that, how do you know? Do you ever get broody and want a newborn to sniff again? [mad as frogs]

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

foxinsocks · 12/10/2007 20:18

when you feel relief (and happiness!) as your friends tell you they are pregnant again (relief that they are pregnant and you aren't)

dooneygirl · 12/10/2007 20:23

We thought we were done when we had DS, but then decided to have DD. We KNEW we were done after her. DH had vasectomy, and didn't feel one bit bad about it (neither did he), and like FIS, when friends are pregnant, my 1st thought is good for them and my 2nd is I'm so glad it isn't me. It was just a very different, 100% resolute feeling the 2nd time around on both of our parts.

OrmIrian · 12/10/2007 20:23

When you look at them and realise, in my case for the first time, that actually you like them as older children as much as babies and you are looking forward to them growing up. That happened to me with my eldest recently. It was a kind of epiphany - I started to imagine all the wonderful stuff that was going to happen to him, and instead of frightening me and making me sad, I rejoiced in it. Having pre-school children was what defined me for a long while but now that my youngest is at school (and I cried about that for a loooong time) I have begun to see things clearly. Babies are totally absorbing, but I'm just beginning to realise, teenagers and adults are too. But differently.

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southeastastra · 12/10/2007 20:25

when you realise that you don't have enough money, even if you wanted to (in my case anyway)

ScaryScaryNight · 12/10/2007 20:28

When you chuck out ALL maternity clothes, and sell all your baby gear on eBay, and start giving away stuff at random, happy in the knowledge that you shall never ever have to go through pregnancy again, and start looking to the future what to do together as a family past baby years. (such as tenting in Syria, mountain biking in the Atlas - NO, I wont do that with a baby, I am not that brave)

ShinyHappyPurpleSeveredHeads · 12/10/2007 20:28

When you pick up someone's newborn, enjoy the lovely feeling of holding a lovely baby, and then feel happy to give it back thinking "oh thank God I don't have to look after this one.."

Or, specifically in my case, when the last one you had was a surprise and actually turns out to be more trouble than 4 kids!

And.. also specifically in my case, when you find out you are going to be a nanny in 7 months time!

97PercentGingerbread · 12/10/2007 20:30

When the fog starts to lift on the postnatal ward and the first thing you do is ring and book dh in for a vasectomy.

Mercy · 12/10/2007 20:31

When you've just spent 36 hours monitoring temperatures, scraping up vomit from the carpet, carrying them to the toilet because they are too weak to walk etc. Both children that is.

I still get a bit broody but am happy to see and hold other babies.

(I did a thread not long ago about being rather tearful at the sight of a tiny baby who had just had its imms and the lovely interaction between mum and baby)

Oh, and not forgetting the early stages of hte menopause. That really puts a dampner on things.

Mercy · 12/10/2007 20:33

Shiny - do you mean you are going to be a grandmother?!

foxinsocks · 12/10/2007 20:34

ooh Shiny, if you still have my email, could you email me! Otherwise, I'll cat you.

corblimeycharlie · 12/10/2007 20:35

When you hear a newborn cry and your first thought is "thank God he/she isn't mine".
I have been watching Bringing Up Baby and have been shuddering at the thought of returning to night feeds and nappies.

ShinyHappyPurpleSeveredHeads · 12/10/2007 20:38

Mercy.. yes.. well step nanny, tis the same thing really! She has been my step DD since she was seven (She's 21 one now. I'm coping much better than prospective grandmotherhood than the proud Grandfather is! He's pleased for her.. and worried.. and scared.. and shocked... bless!)

Fox, I had a new puter in Feb so don't have it anymore. So I'm CATting you.. now.

ShinyHappyPurpleSeveredHeads · 12/10/2007 20:38

(21! Not 21 one! )

happyathome · 13/10/2007 20:42

thanks everybody.This thread has been helpful to me.I wondered the same question.
I'm TTC #2 and iv'e thought the opposite to nearly all of the 'signs' of being 'done',meaning i musn't be done with having more yet!!!.
did slightly shudder too,at the night thing and sleep deprivation on Bringing up Baby and
yes,feel very un-broody when tired looking after my ill DD....does anybody else agree,but still manage to see past all of this and still feel broody like i am at the moment.Can you have mixed feelings,but still know you are not done?Maybe,i'm mixing up
broodiness with fears of coping...i'm assuming they're seperate,or is my slight shudders a red warning light that i should
stick with the family i have?!
would love more opinions to help me feel less confused!

fawkeoff · 13/10/2007 20:44

I knew when i wasn't jealous looking at a pregnant woman, but was smiling thinking to myself "if only she knew....".

udderleyfoxy · 13/10/2007 20:55

I've just had number 4 and I'm really, really hoping I get that "completely done" feeling soon.

Surfermum · 13/10/2007 21:00

For me it was feeling able to get rid of dd's baby clothes and clobber. And having my friend's baby for a night and day and realising that I didn't want to go back to that stage when they're reliant on you for everything.

expatinscotland · 13/10/2007 21:04

When your last child starts hitting milestones and you feel a huge sense of relief rather than nostalgia or twinges of sadness.

When you can give stuff they outgrow to charity.

When you have a pregnancy scare and there's nothing 'oh, what a lovely surprise' about it.

When you see pregnant women and think, 'Better her than me.'

When you see newborn babies and they're cute, but you're glad they're someone else's.

I have two and as the younger one approaches two years of age we feel very, very done.

tiredemma · 13/10/2007 21:05

when you wake up feeling refreshed after a full nights sleep.....

...not ravaged from a waking baby who appears to dislike sleep

cheeset · 13/10/2007 21:11

When you look forward to a nice drive in the countryside with you oh
When you fancy a nice kip in the afternoon watching a black and white movie
When you are glad the kids can get there own breakfast in the morning
When you can go out in the evening with your oh and not have to get the dc into bed before the babysitter arrives
When you tell the dc that if they carry on like this, they can go and live with their nanny(sounds horrible, have said it once, I'm a bad, bad mummy)

jalopy · 13/10/2007 21:15

I agree with OrmIrian. I'm really enjoying my children now that they are older. I just feel that I have left the baby stage behind.

dinny · 13/10/2007 21:17

Ooh, Hunker, I am broody atm - want to get our move over with and have another two! honest!

just have to get my waist back first, else tis a slippery slope to matronhood.

cheeset · 13/10/2007 21:28

Hey tiredemma, just looked at your profile, I like going to festivals too!

Sorry, shouldnt hijack the thread!

FranSanDisco · 13/10/2007 21:40

I really was done. I gave everything away or threw it in the skip when we had the house renovated. I returned to work and college and our last summer holiday was fab as the children are getting more and more independent. I'd even nagged dh to consider a vasectomy. Then the damn hormones started up and I'm broody again. I look enviously at pregnant woman and sleeping babys make me ache for another. DH thinks I'm a fruit loop but it's not MY FAULT.

olala · 13/10/2007 21:58

is it possible that maybe unless you feel you are totally done, that you shouldn't do anything too drastic?

Mostly I feel like we;re done, we have 3 dcs. But every so often I get the most overwhelming pang of ' i MUST have another baby'

DH is not keen but not ruled it out.

So we're in limbo, youngest is 2 and I don't want much bigger gap than that. SO I think if we don't go for it soon, i'm going to get DH 'done' and that'll be that!

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