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Original poster

How do you know you're "done" with having children?

95 replies

hunkermunker · 12/10/2007 20:16

Not sure I am. Sometimes I am, sometimes I'd have two more. Or three more.

If you're "through" with all that, how do you know? Do you ever get broody and want a newborn to sniff again? [mad as frogs]

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lilospell · 14/10/2007 19:16

Not sure... think you just "know", same as when you know you are ready for DC1/DC2 whatever. My DH wanted a vasectomy as soon as DC2 was born, I said no, on basis that I might want another child. Got to certain point when I knew I really wouldn't want another child (my age/DH's age being key factors) So he had the op. Get broody every time I hold a new born, but know with DS being 14, DD being 10 and DH and I well and truly passed it that I just need to accept feeling broody without doing anything about it. (Can't now anyway!)

spookykitty · 14/10/2007 19:18

Hunker - I want them close together if I get pregnant this month (cross everything for me) DD1 will be just 4 DD2 2 1/2 thats a big enough gap don't want two close together then wait a few years and do all the baby stuff again. Plus no3 might feel left out.

3 is my limit though bad pregnancy and SPD plus 3 is all I feel I could give enough quality time too and stay sane IYSWIM

minesalargeone · 14/10/2007 19:29

Reading all this is making me remember all the things I MISS about having a baby in the house...their lovely smell when they're newborns, their lovely smell after a bath, their first smile, first tooth, first everythings.....yes I did enjoy it and was lucky to have it happen to me twice but then again I'm just getting my life back - one at school the other at playgroup and its nice to have some 'me' time again after almost 9yrs of being a Mum......

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FlossALump · 14/10/2007 19:40

after delivering 10.5lb dd i said never again. Now i say i'll see in several years! new babies are luuuurrverly!

sorry hunker that probably doesn't help - but you do make a lovely mummy!

happyathome · 14/10/2007 20:31

again thanks for all the insights.
still can't get rid of baby stuff and know that i might be happy if i get a BFP this month,so maybe i'll accept it now....don't think i am done!!
addicted to this thread,so more posts would be wonderful!keep 'em coming

minesalargeone · 14/10/2007 20:35

I knew I was done with pregnancy and babies when my first baby was a 9lb 5oz monster and took 3 inductions, a ventouse delivery and stitches inside and out and my second baby was an 8lb 6oz elephant which took 4 very painful days of labour, me screaming my way down the hallway to the delivery suite with my trousers around my ankles and being rushed into theatre to have emergency stitching done again and a blood transfusion afterwards.....ouch!

PetitFilou1 · 14/10/2007 20:50

happyathome ditto about not being able to get rid of the baby stuff. However, when my dh said ok then lets go for no3 last month, I strangely got cold feet and still haven't decided. I don't feel done but I may accept that it would be the best thing for me to be done with my two lovely dcs.

happyathome · 15/10/2007 10:41

ohhhh!,it's a tough one petite isn't it.Did you read the others on this thread and also 'disagree' to the points,like me.?
example:'done'mums say they hold a newborn and are glad to give it back...i know i would want to take it home and care for it
'done' mums say they are not nostalgic about baby days anymore and can easily look to the future....i still long to do some of the baby stuff again and i feel sad in a way that DD is growing up fast and she no longer needs me as much e.t.c.
I got cold feet about trying sometimes,like you,and if someone i'd told said "hows it going the TTC?",i told them i'd changed my mind and lost heart in it.Read my own posts and thought "was that me going on about babies?".Usually it happened after a series of illnesses within the family and broken nights or slight blips in the marraige,so i guess it put me off and
filled me with fear again.
Anyway,not had cold feet for 2 cycles,but things have been smooth and i fear another rough patch leaving me saying WHAT HAVE I DONE ?!!,if i do get pregnant.
Think i've got to the stage where i'm just sick of it swimming round my head,it won't leave me alone and i only feel a sense of calm when i'm TTC,like i'm letting nature get on with it.Think it's about focusing on what we could gain from another that has pushed me on(if i dwelled on the negatives it would be NO WAY!).I also felt upset about a negative test last month,so my heart must really want one.There are months where i do my best to look foward and just accept us three,thinking it would be easier all round to just forget it,but it comes back to haunt me and i fear the consequences of ignoring the little voice and it getting to the day i physically can't have more...would it really
sting then??!
Maybe,you know your'e done,when your'e LOVE CUP IS FULL and OVERFLOWING??!!.
Don't think i've filled mine enough yet
mines-OUCH!!,poor you.I had stiches,ventouse and tranfusion and mine was only 6 lb 10.wonder how much post-birth anaemia really affects how you can cope?-i gave up to breastfeeding and wonder whether the anaemia+3 days of no sleep+stitches made
me less willing to go through anymore 'effort/pain'.Did you manage feeding?
if you want to tell me,then it would give me hope that if that happened to me again then i might try harder thinking,mines managed it!
THANKYOU

happyathome · 15/10/2007 11:22

just thought also,that someone else said that they felt they were still 100% mum.I feel like that.I have no interest whatsoever in anything else other than mothering.Not bothered about 'other interests'.Maybe my life will go back to having other focuses one day(like it used to!),but for now,
maybe my mothering is NOT DONE.

Hassled · 15/10/2007 11:26

I am well and truly "done" - but before DC4 (now aged 5) I thought I would spend my whole life being broody. Now I see newborn babies and am just glad they're not mine IFSWIM. BUT having had DC1 when I was pretty young (he's 20 now), I can look forward to grandmotherhood and I think that will be fantastic.

sKerryMum · 15/10/2007 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OrmIrian · 15/10/2007 11:37

happyathome - I'm one of those who are done with babies etc. But I would never say that I don't get nostalgic for the early days. It's special and I will always look back on it fondly. Toddler years perhaps even more so

But I've drawn a line now and that's OK.

ToadieG1 · 15/10/2007 11:40

I'd love more but agreed to dh having the snip months ago as he really was done. I gave all my baby stuff away after my 2nd but went on to have a 3rd.

LadySnotAlot · 15/10/2007 11:44

I know I'm done because after two horrid pregnancies and 2 equally horrid c-sections later I'd rather gnaw my own leg off than get pregnant again!!!!

I love my children very much BTW!

Blossomhill · 15/10/2007 11:47

I know because the thought of going back to prams, sleepless nights, nappies, toddler groups etc etc feels me with fear.

minesalargeone · 15/10/2007 11:47

happyathome...I didn't cope very well at all after my first child - the 9lb 5oz monster - I bled non-stop and couldn't sit my backside down comfortably for weeks afterwards - I tried breastfeeding but because she was so heavy and permanently hungry plus I was in so much pain down below I gave up and put her straight onto a bottle.

Believe it or not I was worse afterwards with my second baby - the 8lb 6oz one - she tore me so badly that I had to be rushed through to theatre to be stitched up and I've never been the same since down there! IE tampons are a no-no and as for sex, well...not good

I can remember standing up for the first time after I had my 2nd baby and the blood gushing out like a river - the hospital were pretty useless and sent me home saying just keep your feet up...what with a baby and a kiddie at school? Anyway my GP sent me back in because I was becoming very low and my iron level was half what it should've been. Whilst in hospital they discovered some of the sac was still inside and I had to be knocked out to have it removed and put on anti-biotics to clear up the infection it had kindly left me with. It was whilst I was in that I read my hospital notes and discovered that the hospital had written I'd had two haemorrages whilst in the maternity ward....so why on earth send me home? Oh yea, I forgot, they were struggling big time due to shortage of beds and midwives....oh another story.

So all in all that's why I'm 'done' with babies. I would not put myself, my dh or my kids through me having another baby. It wouldn't be fair on them and it certainly would be kind to my old, worn, permanently knackered body!

minesalargeone · 15/10/2007 11:49

oh and can't do it all over again anyway because after the 2nd I sold everything to do with babies on Ebay and couldn't possibly afford to buy it all again

mrsmarvel · 15/10/2007 11:53

If I had started earlier, I would have had 4. I have two now, and do have regrets that I didn't start earlier. I don't feel I'm done, I do still feel disappointment rather than relief when I have periods but I'm 43 and can't take any more risks. So I'm done, but I do feel forced into it rather than it happenng naturally. And I don't feel broody when I see other peoples' babies because I won't let myself.

God that sounds really sad now I look at it!

minesalargeone · 15/10/2007 11:58

I think that unless you make that absolute 100% decision that you don't want any more babies you'll always wonder what it'll be like to have another one etc etc.

I made my mind up whilst pregnant with my second - it was uncomfortable and so hard to be a Mum and be pregnant at the same time - a new scenario for me - first pregnancy I could sit and do nothing all day - second pregnancy I had school runs and all the other duties Mums have to do.

I don't have any regrets but once I'd made that decision that 2 was enough for me I've never looked back - I love to look at babies, have cuddles etc etc but glad its not me getting up during the night, feeding, changing, winding etc etc.

If I were to have another baby I'd have to move house, buy a bigger car, buy all the baby bits again, tell my dh to get a better paid job and increase our overdraft!

AnAngelWithin · 15/10/2007 12:01

i am broody as hell at the moment, and i have got 4. I sat sobbing to DH last night, and asked him if he was sad that we will never be going out to pick a pram/baby stuff for our own children. He said 'who said we aren't having any more?!'

MellowMa · 15/10/2007 12:05

Message withdrawn

sKerryMum · 15/10/2007 12:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTittleMouse · 15/10/2007 12:39

Just had friends announce that they're expecting another. A huge welling up of joy for them, followed by a little pang of envy and disappointment it's not us.
So we're not done.

minesalargeone · 15/10/2007 12:54

yes that's when you know when your 'done' or 'not done'.....when you get that sudden pang of disappointment its not YOU that's pregnant....I've not had that pang for a long long time...........! phew

PetitFilou1 · 15/10/2007 13:10

OrmIrian
Just out of interest how many children do you have and how many did you originally want? I am beginning to realise what people mean when they say 'it goes so fast'. Ds goes to school next year and dd is already two, I am sad I may not go through this stage, when they are so funny and sweet (rose tinted glasses alert), again.

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